Pete comes back from the kitchen and hands Mel a beer. I accept one as well. Ian declines. I wonder if it's because he's on pain medication. After the week I've had, I probably could use something stronger, but this will do for now.
"It's not like that. We're not … I mean we didn't … Saturday. I know this is weird … Trisha …" I make little to no sense and am basically spitting out random words.
"So you two really grew up together?" Pete slides into the armchair, and Mel quickly perches on the armrest. They're cute together. I'm fairly certain they hooked up last Saturday. Man, it wasn't even a full week ago.
What a week.
"We were literally born together. Within a few hours of each other. You could say we've been sleeping together since day one," Ian supplies, winking at me.
I laugh. It's not totally true, since Ian and Evan were whisked away to the NICU due to their prematurity and Evan's complications. Rainne and I were in the regular nursery.
Mel leans forward. "So, you can give us the dish on what Ian was like before he shoved that stick up his ass."
"I do not have a stick up my ass. I'm simply focused," he scoffs.
"That's what she said," Pete chimes in, slapping Mel's knee.
"Not anymore, if you ask Trish," Beth adds.
I bite my lip to stop from laughing at Ian's expense. I feel like I should defend him, but it's also nice to see Ian be the butt of the joke for once. On the other hand, no one really knows how to respond to that and the room grows uncomfortable quiet.
Ian finally mutters, "Well, Beth, you certainly know how to kill a mood."
"At least I'm just killing moods and not patients. Today was a close one." Beth launches into a story from work, and I only half follow, not sure of the medical jargon or implications. It's easy to see with this crew that they're all intense, smart, and deeply passionate about what they do. It's nice to be around people who are out to make a change in the world, rather than waiting for someone to swoop in and rescue them.
And for once, being in a group doesn't bother me. Not with Ian by my side. I wonder if I can be an honorary Scrub Squad member?
"So, Rio. We need your help." Mel's voice pulls me back into the conversation.
"What's up?"
"We need dirt. Like good stuff. Ian's so focused on his work. So intense. We need some ammo to use against him. He can't be so saintly as to just want to save people because of his brother."
I glance over at Ian, who has a fairly smug look on his face. "Well, I've always referred to him as Mr. Perfect, if that tells you anything. He's been honing this image for quite a while."
Beth reclines a little further in her chair, resting her drink on her stomach. "But you've got to have something. The more embarrassing the better."
Looking at Ian out of the corner of my eye, I smirk a bit. "Like how he almost failed high school chemistry?"
"We knew that. He said you helped him last week. That doesn't count." Pete chimes in. "We need something really good."
I turn my head a bit and see Ian's face pale slightly. He starts shaking his head, his eyes pleading with me. I smile sweetly. "You see, the thing is, for every embarrassing, walking-around-in-his-mom's-bras stories I know about Ian, he knows one about me."
That gives them enough to start laughing and Ian squeezes my hand. "Thanks. I thought you were going to tell the lip sync story."
A pit forms in my stomach. No, I'd never tell that story. Ian would of course see it as funny, but for me it was heartbreaking. Before I can respond, Pete chimes in. "Lip sync? Now you have to tell!"
Beth and Mel join in, begging us to tell. I know there's no way in hell I can tell it. Frankly, listening to the story will be hard enough. I shake my head, dread rendering me unable to articulate anything in this moment. Ian takes over.
"Okay, so in our school district, we had this lip sync competition for all the sixth graders, before they moved up to junior high. It was a big bragging rights thing, and no one stopped to realize how goofy it was. Our district had six different elementary schools that all funneled into one massive junior high, so this contest was a rite of passage. You had to audition at your own school and we practiced, and then the best from each of the elementary schools competed against each other. It was a big deal. There was a trophy and everything. And since the sixth graders were the oldest ones in the elementary school, we thought we were so cool, being in this contest. The younger kids really looked up to us. You spent your whole elementary career thinking about what you would do for your auditions. Only five teams from each school made it to the finals."
Ian looks around, and everyone is with him. My stomach tightens. I want to down my beer, but I'm not sure if I can even swallow at this point. He continues.
"My brother and I and Rio and her sister were always kind of a big deal because of the twin and birthday thing. We were like always paired together throughout all of school. So it makes sense that we're going to do something together. My mom helped us organize and figure out what we were doing. She figured a duet would be best with the girls doing one part and Evan and me doing the other. I'm still not sure how we got to this point, but we ended up doing 'Don't Go Breaking My Heart' by Elton John and Kiki Dee."
I had to interject. "We ended up with that because your mom loves Elton John and everything Rainne kept suggesting was waaaaay too sexual."
"Oh, right. She wanted to do 'Hot in Herre' or 'Thong Song.'"
"That would be my sister," I mutter before Ian continues.
"So we're in pairs. Evan and Rio and me and Rainne."
Dread crawls up my spine.
He doesn't add that that's how we were always paired off. Since the very beginning. I never got to be with Ian because Rainne didn't like being with Evan. She wasn't nice or kind to him. She pretended to be in front of Ian, but it was a different story behind closed doors.
"We practiced and practiced and it was great. Evan was pretty limited with his moves because of his arm and leg but Rio made it work for him. You could barely tell. We were awesome. Horrible seventies outfits and big sunglasses and all. Naturally we made the finals. But then, like a few days before, my mom got a call from the hospital, and they wanted to move up Evan's surgery. He'd been on the list for a while, and she had to take it. So that left three of us doing the number."
I finally jump in. "No matter what Schoolhouse Rock! says, three is not a magic number. It's an awful number and I was out. I was voted off the island. Also, I'd been dancing for about five years and was way better at it than Rainne. But, since she was Ian's partner, she was in and I was out."
I wanted to add that this was how it always went.
And sadly, this wasn't even the worst part.
"But then the night before the show, Rainne said she was too sick to rehearse. It looked bad. So Rio stepped in and learned Rainne's part in one night. Did you even sleep at all?"
"It's not like it was rocket science." I can't keep the bitterness from my voice. I can't believe he still doesn't see it. He's supposed to be smart.
"Awww, that's so cute! I bet the two of you were adorable. Is there a video? There has to be a video! And if you two get married, we'll play it at your wedding. Maybe that should be your song." Mel is practically jumping up and down with excitement.
Ian doesn't even look uncomfortable at where this story is going. That's the problem. That's always been the problem. He's never seen it, and I doubt he ever will.
He continues. "Rainne didn't come to school that day, so I figured Rio was in. That was the rule. If you didn't go to school, you didn't get to do extracurricular activities."
I interrupt. "That was the rule in your house. It wasn't a district rule. And let's face it, we didn't have many rules in our house."
Ian continues. "So Rio was in. I knew she'd be fine. Rio's probably the most competent person I've ever met. Even at the age of twelve she was competent."
Just what a girl wants to be called. Competent. How romantic. Gag.
"B
ut then, right as I'm about to make my entrance, who strolls on from the opposite side of the stage but Rainne? I guess she felt better. It threw me for a minute but we nailed it and won!" Ian's smiling at the memory. "I think my mom does have a video somewhere. It's hysterical. I was wearing a horrible plaid suit and big sunglasses and Rainne wore pink overalls. So really, that's Rainne's and my song. Rio and I have to find another one."
I can't take anymore. I want to get up and leave the room and shut myself in my bedroom forever. Instead, I sit there, frozen with the pain of the memory.
This is one of the many reasons why it'll never work between Ian and me.
Ian
I haven't thought about that lip sync contest in forever. At the time, it was fun being goofy and not serious. Somehow, aside from my costume, it doesn't seem as funny as I once thought.
I glance over a Rio and notice the tears in her eyes. Why is she crying? I mean, her name technically wasn't on the trophy, but I always told her that she and Evan were still part of the team. It couldn't bother her that much, right?
Rio squares her shoulders. I notice her hand is limp in mine. She's definitely not reciprocating my handhold. It's just there. And then it suddenly dawns on me. It does bother her that much because that's the way things always went between her and Rainne. All the ways Rainne manipulated and pushed and did everything she could to make sure she was the one being noticed instead of Rio. Rio always did better in school, was nicer, and was a talented dancer. Why wasn't she at the center of attention instead of Rainne?
Why was I infatuated with Rainne instead of Rio?
Damn, I was an idiot.
It's then that I notice the horrified expression on Beth's face. "Oh my God, Ian, that's terrible. Rio, no wonder you don't get along with your sister." Mel's hand is covering her mouth, indicating a similar horror.
"Yeah, well, I guess when it comes to siblings, I am the lucky one," I say quickly, trying to change the subject. I know Rio and I need to discuss this issue, but we're not going to do it in a room full of people, even if they are my friends. "And I'm the lucky one because even though I was too stupid to see it back then, I know that I have the best girl possible now. I don't know why she's giving me a second chance but I'm thankful she is." I squeeze her hand again.
Pete must see me struggling because he jumps in. "Rio, are you and your sister identical too?"
She shakes her head but doesn't provide any more information, so I interject. "Not in the least. They're as different as night and day."
Beth frowns. "Rio, I thought you said you looked pretty similar. At least enough to switch places."
That makes me laugh. I turn to Rio. "That never worked, right? I mean, no one's stupid enough not to be able to tell the difference."
I see Rio's eyes grow wide as she's looking at Beth. Then Rio does this weird headshake before saying in a voice much louder than necessary, "Let me tell you about the time Ian wanted to be a girl."
That draws everyone's attention as she weaves the quite embarrassing tale of my exploration of Rio's dance costumes and how I thought if I put them on, I'd become a girl. And then how I was disappointed to find out that wasn't how it worked.
"This is gold!" Mel says, wiping the tears from her eyes. "You've got to have more."
I look at Rio, who is also laughing. Oh no, what if she tells the story about me and Rainne and Travis? That is probably the worst night of my life. It changed me forever, not necessarily for the better. It'd never occurred to me before then that trust could be so absolutely betrayed. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that's why I haven't been in a serious relationship since. Or why I've dated girls like Trish. Girls that I'd never actually fall for.
Rio softly says, "No, there's a lot more embarrassing stories about me out there. Ian had the perfect life. Mine was a disaster of epic proportions. I used to pretend that his mom was my mom when she would babysit us. I never wanted to leave." She looks at me. "I miss your mom. And your brother. How's he feeling?"
Everyone here knows the deal about Evan. They've heard my story about why I went to med school and became a pediatrician. They know my life plan. Well, maybe Rio doesn't know it but we have plenty of time to discuss it. "He's doing better. That was a bad scare. I wish I could have been there."
"You should go see him," Beth suggests. "When are you back to work?"
"I've got PT on Tuesday, and I was going to hang out a bit. Dev says he won't clear me for at least two weeks, but probably more like three. I need to stay caught up on rounds and lectures though. I wish I was in outpatient now, because I'd be able to go back sooner."
Beth continues. "Why don't you go home? It's Friday night. How long of a drive is it?"
"About twelve hours."
"You could be there by tomorrow morning. Come back Monday night in time for PT on Tuesday."
It's such a brilliant idea I could almost kiss Beth. I stand to go hug her and then realize the flaw in that plan. "How am I supposed to get there? Assuming Pete or John lends me his car, I can't drive." I point down to my right knee. While it's doing better, I don't have the strength or mobility to drive yet. "No one else has the time to take. And even if they did, they're covering for me."
How unfair to have the hope of seeing my brother and parents dangled in front of me, only to be snatched away. The very reason I have the time to make this impromptu trip is the very reason it can't happen. The aching in my chest is almost as painful as my knee.
It's fine. I'll deal with it. I only have about eighteen months left before I return to Ohio. I can make it. Eighteen months is nothing compared to the years I've already put in to make it this far.
Rio abruptly stands and makes a hurried excuse for leaving the room. She shuts the door behind her, closing herself in her bedroom and away from all of us. If she's one thing, it's unpredictable. Yet, now that I think about it, her leaving has become the one consistent thing.
We're going to need to talk about that.
"Okay, well, I guess Rio's had enough of this fun. I should probably go check on her." I have no idea if Pete and Mel will hang out with Beth or if they'll take off. I'm not in much of a mood to socialize either anymore.
I start down the hall and wonder briefly if it's presumptuous of me to go to Rio's room. I would think after last night, she'd be okay with me coming in. I knock softly. "Ri? Are you okay in there?"
I open the door, not knowing what to expect. Is it the lip sync thing? I don't know how, but I need to make that up to her. It's like a veil has been lifted, and I'm finally starting to see a clear picture of the past.
So many missed opportunities.
So much remorse.
So much hope for the future, if we can move beyond the past.
Rio is sitting on the edge of the bed, her hands fisted and tightly pressed into her eyes. She's rocking back and forth.
"Promise me?" she asks in a quiet voice.
I have no idea what she's asking me to promise her, but if it will take her pain away, I'll lasso her the moon. "Anything."
"I know how much you want to go see Evan. Promise me you won't make me see them … Rainne and my mom."
She's lost me. I don't know if I should go hug her or question her or what. Thankfully, she must understand my silence as confusion and explains.
"If you can borrow a car, I'll drive you, but I will not, under any circumstances, see my mother or sister. Do you understand?"
Rio's taking me to see Evan? "Really? Do you mean it? Why?"
"Those people are lecherous parasites. If I get ensnared by them again, I'll never be able to break free. I can't let them do that."
"No, I get that. And obviously, I wouldn't make you see them. I don't want to see them either. I've a lot of ... feelings about them right now." I understand where she's coming from. With the clarity of their sibling dynamic new in my mind, my anger at Rainne from the past is replaced by something entirely new. I'm outraged on Rio's behalf.
&
nbsp; It makes me sad that Rio didn't—and doesn't—have the love and support of home like I do. I want to give her the family and love and appreciation she so deserves. I want to take care of her so she knows how much she's loved and valued and appreciated. So she knows she's special. But here she is, still giving instead of receiving. "I mean, why would you drive me out there? It's going to be a lot. I can't ask you to sacrifice your time and work like that. It's too much to ask of you. You've done so much for me already."
She stands, her eyes red from both her hands and her tears, and crosses the room to me. A small smile briefly dashes across her face and then disappears. "Don't you understand, Ian? I'd do anything for you."
And I know she's not just talking about this. A montage of memories flood my brain. Rio taking Evan's hand to escort him into Kindergarten. Rio defending Evan when people were being mean. Rio practicing the lip sync. Rio sitting so close to me, going over and over covalent bonds. The look on Rio's face when she saw me at Casa Pablo last week. Holy shit, my mom was right.
Rio's in love with me.
And I'm in love with her.
Chapter 22
Rio
I attribute his odd silence to the whirlwind of activity last night and the too few hours of sleep before we set off, heading west on I-90 at o'God o'clock this morning. The sun's barely peeking up in my rearview mirror as we approach the Berkshires. Only ten and a half more hours to go.
Ten and a half more hours until I am back in the place I swore never to go back to.
Ten and a half more hours in which I can tell him the truth.
Ten and a half more hours to convince him not to hate me.
Ten and a half more hours to hate myself for keeping this deception from him forever.
"Are we there yet?"
I know he's trying to be funny.
"I have to go to the bathroom. Mom, he's looking at me."
I glance over at Ian, who's smiling at me. "Awww, come on. Nothing?"
Paradise by the Dashboard Light Page 16