‘You did what you had to in order to survive,’ Lyssa said.
‘I felt like it was my fault,’ she said, biting her lip, but it was hopeless the tears came anyway. ‘And Blaser… I knew he’d… I couldn’t let him near me when I was so filthy… I couldn’t bear to have him turn away from me. He had never turned away from me and if he rejected me because… because of what The Sniveller did to me.’ Covering her face with her hands, she tried to count her breaths in and out to stop herself from really losing the battle with the distress. Her body shook and her quaking fingers only reminded her of what it was like to be on that stinking floor with that slimy bastard on top of her.
‘Take your time,’ Lyssa said. From the proximity of the voice, Bri could tell that the doctor had moved. When she took her head out of her hands, Lyssa was beside her holding a box of tissues.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t apologise,’ Lyssa said, tugging out a couple of tissues and handing them to Bri, who took them to wipe her face. ‘You’re doing really well, and everything you felt, those are perfectly normal reactions to such a horrible violation.’
Lyssa kept hold of her hand and after taking some time to measure her breaths, Bri managed to compose herself. ‘I told Mattie Warner that I was sleeping with Blaser,’ she said, choosing to switch to a different topic.
‘This was last night during the family meal? Why did you do that?’
‘I think that Mattie wanted to… I don’t think that he intended for it to be a family meal. I asked Blaser to come because I worried… being alone with men who have ideas of intimacy is difficult for me.’
‘Mattie is apparently an intense character,’ Lyssa said. ‘Colt didn’t want us to come because he doesn’t get along with his cousin.’
‘They’re opposite ends of the same spectrum,’ Bri said. ‘Colt has always been the moral sort with a strong set of ethics and Mattie isn’t interested in a rule unless he’s finding a way to bend it. If I had your job, I’d say that Mattie seeking me out at Risqué, and asking me to dinner, was his way of bending the family rules.’
‘Family rules?’
‘As far as the Warners are concerned, I’ve always been Blaser’s property. Mattie heard I was back in town and not on Blaser’s arm…’
‘So he thought he would take what was Blaser’s?’
‘Mattie doesn’t really want me, we never got along.’
‘Why not?’
‘I didn’t want Blaser to have anything to do with him,’ Bri said. ‘I knew that what Mattie was into was illegal, but Blaser is so big on family… and Gary was getting him into all sorts of trouble. I guess that Mattie thought it was hypocritical for me to object to him… which I guess in a way it was.’
‘You were trying to protect Blaser,’ Lyssa said. ‘You shouldn’t allow yourself to get drawn into their alpha male pissing contest. If either of them want you, then they’ll have to prove it in their own way and win you over. If you’re not ready or interested—‘
‘I want to have sex with Blaser,’ she said and Lyssa clamped her lips together. The glitter in the therapist’s eyes made Bri think that maybe she wanted to smile or laugh, and she questioned if it was in joy or surprise. ‘I’m sorry to be so abrupt, I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have said that.’
‘You can be completely honest here,’ Lyssa said, squeezing her hand. ‘Can I ask if you’ve been with a man since the attack happened?’
Bri shook her head and dropped her focus to her knees. ‘After it I just wanted to curl up, you know? I didn’t want to see Blaser or anyone. He called me for months and… I just shut everyone out.’
‘But you came back here?’
‘I’d come to the conclusion that I wasn’t going to settle in Jersey, not after what had happened to me. But I was trying to get better, to get over the issues caused by what I’d gone through. I bought books and worked through the steps, trying self-talk to make sure my anxiety didn’t get the better of me and that I didn’t automatically go to a negative place. I was really determined not to let him win.’
‘That’s very good, it sounds like you’ve been using cognitive processing approaches.’
‘Gary had been asking me to come home,’ Bri said, ‘so I did.’
‘You’ve been through a lot,’ Lyssa said. ‘I’m sure that Blaser understands he has to be patient.’
‘He does, but I don’t want him to have to be.’
‘If you force yourself to go further than you want to it will set back your recovery. Have you two been close to intimate since you’ve been back in his life?’
‘We kissed,’ Brianna said. ‘And we admitted that we had feelings for each other and that we want to try and be together.’
‘That’s great,’ Lyssa beamed. ‘I tell my clients that communication with your partner is the most important thing. Sexual intimacy is always better with emotional intimacy. You and Blaser have proved that you have trust in each other by admitting your feelings openly. You already share a history and emotional intimacy that could really help you to move past this… We’re going to get you past this, Brianna.’
Something about the way that Lyssa said her name made Bri look up and the sincerity in Lyssa’s eyes brought tears to her own. ‘I want him to be happy.’
‘Which is what he wants for you too,’ Lyssa said. ‘I’m going to talk you through the various techniques we can use to help you and we’re going to decide together how to move forward, ok?’ Bri nodded. ‘And if you want Blaser here, for any of this, we can include him whenever you’re ready.’
Lyssa left the couch to return to her seat and Bri relaxed. The woman was very comforting and accepting, so her nerves about the process were lessening. As much as Bri didn’t relish having to discuss such a difficult episode, Lyssa made this feel like such a safe space that she didn’t worry about being judged on anything that she might say.
Bri had no idea how long this would take, but at least this was movement in the right direction. Blaser would be patient. He’d waited this long to have her again, he wouldn’t mind waiting a while longer.
All of her newfound relief drained out of her not long after she left Lyssa’s office. They had made plans to meet again and Bri had been looking forward to seeking out Blaser and singing the praises of his future sister-in-law. But those thoughts were thwarted when she saw Rafe on the corner of the block just along from her apartment. By the time she clocked him, he had already seen her, so she couldn’t run and hide.
The last thing she wanted to do was to talk to this guy, but the fact that he had shown up himself as opposed to sending a henchman was a positive sign. If he’d wanted her beaten or worse, then he would have sent someone to retrieve her. He wouldn’t be here in broad daylight so close to her abode where there were people who would react if they heard her scream.
‘You’re quite the clever girl,’ Rafe said when she stepped onto the sidewalk and he moved to meet her.
‘I am?’
‘Yes, the Warners put word out this week that you were under their protection and then you moved into Mattie Warner’s property, smart move.’
It hadn’t really occurred to her that by affiliating herself with Blaser she could start a gang war. But now it made sense why she had blipped on Mattie’s radar. If Blaser had declared that she was under his protection, it would’ve been like sending a memo to the most allied criminal member of the Warner family, Mattie.
‘I’m only here because a friend was kind to me,’ she said to Rafe. ‘Your idiot goons got me kicked out of my last apartment.’
‘This friend of yours is a pretty old friend and from what I hear you’re paying him in kind.’ Rafe’s hand rose and she tensed when it moved through her hair. ‘I thought maybe coming down here in person we could come up with our own arrangement.’
‘That money has nothing to do with me,’ she said, batting his arm away. ‘Erika and her boyfriend borrowed it, not me. I’m not paying back their debt and certainly not in that way.�
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‘I’ll give you a week,’ he said. ‘Ten grand.’
‘You can’t be serious,’ she said, trying not to gape. ‘They can’t have borrowed anywhere near that amount.’
‘Consider that an opening payment,’ he said, examining her figure. ‘With interest the debt gets higher every day.’
‘It’s not my debt.’
‘Maybe you get in touch with Erika and figure something out with her then, ‘cause if you don’t…’
‘If I don’t, what?’ she asked, glaring up into his beady eyes.
‘Gary could find himself in more trouble.’
‘More?’ she said. Gary was already in prison facing charges, so she couldn’t imagine how Rafe would make it any worse.
‘I know more about Gary’s business than you do,’ Rafe said. ‘I know plenty of people who could go to the police with new stories, proof of what your brother is really capable of.’
The charges on Gary’s sheet now were theft offences and providing the police with false information, because of the accusations he’d made which ended in the police raiding Risqué. Yes, he was facing time, but she didn’t believe it would be lengthy time.
‘What do you plan to do?’ she asked.
‘You never heard about the shooting, did you?’
‘The shooting?’
‘Gary shot your boyfriend and boasted about it to the police. Your boyfriend refused to give a statement and denied the whole thing so the charges didn’t stick. Maybe if my boys told the cops what they saw… attempted murder is a serious offense. Gary already has a couple of assault charges behind him, he could be looking at serious time…’
‘Why would you do that?’ she asked, sorry that her desperation was so obvious.
‘Now we’re looking at repayment of a debt and hush money…’ He hissed in a breath between his front teeth. ‘We could be looking at a long-term payment plan here…’ Rafe’s finger met the outer edge of her arm and began to slide up, she yanked it away from his reach. The manoeuvre angered him and he snatched hold of her to haul her close then he bent down to growl into her face. ‘You’re going to give me what I want. I’m going to see that I get every penny of my money back and if you’ve got no dough, well, you better practise that technique with your boyfriend because I’ll be taking advantage of it for a helluva long time.’
‘Hey!’ The intimidating male voice closed in beside them and Bri’s attention flashed around at the same time Rafe was hauled away from her.
‘Dax,’ she said. Not having been formally introduced she hadn’t expected him to come to her aid. But there he was throwing Rafe against the long since forgotten billboard on the corner.
‘You stay the fuck out of this,’ Rafe snapped at him.
‘You go for a girl from my block and you’re asking for trouble,’ Dax said, planting an arm across Rafe’s chest and though Rafe struggled he didn’t budge. ‘Do you want to come and see the boss?’
‘Don’t try and intimidate me,’ Rafe said but with another shove he gave up his fight. ‘You talking about Blaser? He’s a nobody these days.’
‘A nobody who cares about this chick, so you better be sure you can take him and his crew before you approach this lady again, hear me?’ Rafe said nothing in response, just tried to spit fury through his expression. Dax increased the pressure on his arm and got closer. ‘Are we clear?’
Much as it visibly pained him to do so, Rafe nodded. Dax released his prisoner and got his own body in front of hers while pushing Rafe away down the sidewalk. He stayed right there watching Rafe traverse the street then cross and disappear into an alley. Still Dax didn’t move and she wondered what he was waiting for or if she should speak first, then a car sped out of the alley and flew down the block and around the corner. Only then did Dax turn to look at her.
‘Thanks,’ she said, hating the fact that he’d had to help her.
‘There’s more to you than meets the eye, isn’t there?’ he said. ‘Come on.’
She wasn’t quite sure where they were going, but when he started to stalk down the street toward the apartments she trotted along behind him. They were both going in the same direction anyway, so she stayed near him, but she wasn’t sure if they were actually going somewhere together or not.
His white tee-shirt strained around his biceps and she saw black tattoos on both of his upper arms. Wondering if they meant anything she carried on across the apartment parking lot with him then began to worry because she was with a man that she didn’t know. Therefore, she couldn’t be sure what his intentions were, or if they were any better than Rafe’s.
‘You’re married, aren’t you?’ she called out, having fallen a couple of steps behind him.
He glanced back at her. ‘Yeah.’
‘I haven’t met your wife,’ she said, hoping the wife wasn’t a figment of everyone’s imagination.
‘You’re about to.’
‘I am?’
He ran up the apartment stairs, taking them two at a time, and she admired his stealth and speed. As fast as his honed physique moved, he barely made a sound. ‘Babygirl!’
They were already on the upper floor of the apartment block and a forlorn want welled up in her when she saw her own front door because all she wanted to do right now was disappear behind it and wait for Blaser to seek her out.
The door next to hers was Ruger’s, or more accurately, it was Suzette’s. The next door along opened and a beautiful, busty brunette poked the upper half of her body out. ‘Don’t holler at me like I’m an animal,’ she said. ‘You couldn’t have walked the extra three steps it would’ve taken you to just open the door and come in to talk to me like a normal human being would?’
‘Stop with the shit and come out here,’ he said. ‘The girl here’s got herself into some crap and I’m not in the habit of asking strange women into dark apartments with me.’
‘Actually you are,’ the brunette said, stepping out onto the balcony, ‘but it’s a habit we’re trying to break.’
‘This is Ivy,’ Dax said, folding his arms and leaning back on the railing. ‘Tell her what’s going on.’
‘Don’t bark at her like that,’ Ivy said and shook her head at him. ‘Geez, you have no idea how to behave around normal people at all.’
Dax muttered something that Bri couldn’t make out and Ivy completely ignored it, so Bri took it upon herself to fill the silence. ‘Your husband was very kind just now,’ Bri said, she hated to owe anyone a favour so maybe talking him up to his wife and winning him some brownie points would make them even. ‘He’s a very nice man, he was… gallant, you should be proud.’
Ivy’s smile quirked and she glanced at Dax. ‘I’m proud, but nice and gallant aren’t words anyone should use to describe Dax. If you’re in trouble, though, he can fix it.’
‘Fix it?’ Bri asked.
‘Can I?’ he asked. ‘I charge a fee to fight. I don’t beat up lowlifes on the street.’
‘You will if they’re intimidating a woman who can’t defend herself,’ Ivy said then looked at her. ‘You’re Blaser’s friend, aren’t you?’
‘Yes,’ Bri said. ‘I should probably go and… I can go and find him.’
‘He’s at the garage,’ Dax said and pushed away from the railing. ‘I’ll get him.’
Bri wanted to object because it would mean owing him yet another favour, but he was already storming away and so it felt rude to stop him. ‘Your brother’s in jail, isn’t he?’ Ivy asked.
This apartment building and all of its tenants were a concentrated model of small-town life. Everyone who lived here was related to each other or worked together, so it was no surprise really that everyone knew everyone else’s business.
‘He’s in jail, what do you care?’ Bri asked knowing that she shouldn’t be so defensive, but she was sick of being scrutinised.
‘I don’t,’ Ivy said. ‘Just trying to make conversation. Why don’t you come in and tell me about the trouble Dax just got himself involved in?’
&
nbsp; ‘You don’t have to worry about Rafe coming after Dax. He likes to think of himself as a big deal, but I don’t think that Dax would have any difficulty taking down the idiots who work for him.’
‘I don’t think that he would either,’ Ivy said. ‘That’s not why I’m asking about it.’
‘Why are you asking about it?’
‘You appeared here in the middle of the night and Blaser put you into his brother’s apartment which wasn’t even cold,’ Ivy said, coming closer. ‘Word is that you and Blaser used to be tight… like down and dirty tight.’
‘Yeah,’ Bri said, shrinking back in the shadow of the confidence this woman had. Ivy wasn’t much taller than her, maybe only an inch, and although her breasts were generous the rest of her was slight, she probably carried less weight on her hips than Bri did. Yet, she stood so tall and met Bri’s eyes in a way that awed her, nothing scared Ivy, but maybe that was what it took to be on the arm of a man like Dax.
‘I saw a guy pick you up the other day, outside the parking lot, who was that?’
‘Marshall,’ Bri said, Blaser wouldn’t employ anyone that she couldn’t trust. ‘He’s a friend of my brother.’
‘The brother who is in jail?’ Bri nodded. ‘Getting yourself involved with more than one guy is a bad idea, especially the sort of guys around here. If Marshall is your brother’s friend and you’re messing around with Blaser too, that’s going to lead to trouble.’
‘Thanks for the advice,’ she said. Lyssa hadn’t been at all judgemental, but that could be a sign of her training. Ivy here seemed to be nothing but judgement and had no reservations about voicing it. Everyone wanted to give her some free advice, even when it wasn’t their place.
‘Look,’ Ivy said when Bri began to move toward her apartment. ‘I didn’t mean to sound… I shouldn’t stick my nose in. But Blaser’s been pretty clear about everyone around here looking out for each other and it seems to me that you’re surrounded by a bunch of guys, all of whom seem to want something from you. So if you want a friend, like a girlfriend, who has no interest in seeing you naked, I’m here if you want to talk… I’d think twice about talking to Suzette… she’s a bit of a nut.’
Risk It All (Risqué #2) Page 11