My brother is barely holding on and I grab his hand supportively. “Doctor, was the baby okay?” Not that I wanted this or want to think about this but I know my brother does. He’s wondering if he just lost another part of this family.
“Your son is still very small but he is healthy. We will keep him until he is up on his weight. Once he’s clear to go home, we will release him to you.” I nod as my brother stands there, and I’m not even sure if he has heard anything the doctor has said.
“I’m so sorry for your loss. The nurses will come around to take you to your son.” The doctor goes to walk away but turns around. “What is his name?” I look up, never thinking my brother would have to do this all on his own.
“Michael Potts.” Just like that, my brother is a father, and already one I’m envious of.
Everyone is quiet and no one is talking. A nurse comes up and smiles at us. “I can take you in to meet your son now and one other person.”
Alec gets up and starts walking before looking back at me. “Becca, I can’t do this without you.” I quickly get up and catch up to my brother, putting my hand in his.
“Thank God you don’t have to, right?” He smiles softly and we walk into the nursery area. There are little button noses everywhere.
When we see the label Michael Potts, we both stop. “You can do this, Alec.” He lets go of me and walks up to where his son is lying. The nurse picks him up and puts him in my brother’s arms. As soon as I see this, the tears begin to stream down my face. My brother is crying, holding his son, and they are all alone. No mom, just us. Michael is beautiful; he has my brother’s eyes and his mouth. Sarah’s hair color and nose; that’s all he will ever get from his mother.
“Alec, I have to tell you something?”
“Becca, I’m so sorry about everything. I never should have made you come here.”
I place my arm on him, stopping him. “Alec, I was offered a job. I was going to drop out and go to school in Europe. Mom and Dad already know.”
He smiles at me. Not the reaction I was thinking I’d be getting. “Becca that’s amazing.”
“Alec, I can’t go, you both need me. I won’t leave you when you need me the most.” My brother walks up to me, placing Michael in my arms.
“Becca, I told you not to stay out of guilt. Besides that, I would never hold you back from this.” Looking down at my nephew, I just want to protect him from everything in the world. “I know that look, Becca. I have that same look when I look at you. You are going to be an amazing aunt. One who lives in Europe and we visit regularly. Who sends all sorts of funny outfits and paints his nursery. But you are going to be an aunt who lives her life. The way she should. It’s always been art, Becca. Always. I want Michael to be able to be whatever makes him happy. We have to show him that.”
My brother had instantly turned into a father and I became an aunt. “Mom will be on the first plane and she will have no problem staying until I finish school. You were always meant for more than just this, Becca, whether that’s being painted or painting. As long as you’re happy, we will be happy for you,” Alec says, as he brings his finger along the face of his son.
Alec had to deal with paperwork so he let me bring the baby out to see everyone once the nurse cleared him. When I walk out to the waiting room, they all stand up, looking at me.
“Everyone, this is Michael Potts, my nephew.” Charlotte is the first to steal the baby from me. Her and Drake just sit there, staring at the baby with so much love on their faces.
Jake hasn’t done much and is just sitting in the corner. “Jake, I know you wanted to be the dad. I’m sorry,” I say, and he just looks up at me.
“I just wanted someone that needed me.”
“People need you, Jake. I’ve met your family and they love you. You are needed. Alec is going to need all of us for this. Yes, you can’t be the dad. But you can be one amazing uncle.” Charlotte brings the baby over and places him back in my arms.
Jake is watching him so closely. “Yes, I will be the coolest uncle.”
We hear a chuckle and look up. “Second coolest.” Keegan is standing in front of us with a huge grin.
“No, fools, you both suck. I will be the coolest uncle because I’m going to be living with his coolest cousin and aunty.” I freeze at Drake’s words and he look up at me once he realizes what he’s done.
“What are you talking about?” Jake asks.
“Well, Alec is going to need more space so we will give him our room. Becca can’t live in the dorms forever. Only makes sense that we all move in together.” He is trying to cover up his mishap.
“Well, then I guess it’s settled,” I say, putting the biggest smile on my face I can manage. Keegan hasn’t said anything. He’s just watching me.
I hand the baby over to Jake and he looks lost. “Just support his head. I’ll be right back.”
Walking over, I get Keegan’s attention and ask him to follow me. “Keegan,” I say, because I feel like I should just tell him now.
“No, whatever it is, I don’t want to know.” He starts to walk away from me, leaving the waiting room.
“Don’t.” I beg him to stay and he whips around on me. His face is flooded with unspoken emotions. I thought that if I told Keegan he would want to come, or at least have the possibility of seeing each other, but from what I see my heart stands no chance here.
“Keegan, do you blame me for Sarah?” I never thought about it until now but out of everyone, Keegan was the one that actually had feelings for Sarah. He just turns to walk away from me again. “Keegan please don’t go.”
“Don’t you get it? I don’t want to be here with you.” Keegan yells at me. I flinch and watch him walk away.
I gather myself before returning to the others. They are all staring at me and this is the last thing I can deal with. “Well, time to get this baby back to his daddy,” I say, and I leave them all to say goodbye.
Alec is waiting for me when I get back; he’s looking out the window as if it holds the answers he’s looking for. “Your phone rang so I answered it. It was Trevor,” Alec says.
“Oh, what did he want?” I ask, questioningly.
“He said he was able to get a bigger place arranged for you and your cousin.” I take a deep breath, ready for a fight. “I’m so happy that Charlotte is going with you, because that means Drake won’t be far behind.”
I laugh at my brother’s mention of Drake. “Yeah, you are right about that.”
“What about Jake and Keegan?” he asks.
“I wish I knew, but all I can think is that some distance might be just what we all need.” He nods and continues looking out the window.
“Do they know?” Walking over to Alec, I wish I knew what to say.
“I’m not going to tell them. Once I’m already gone, they will understand. They will just try to stop me.”
“How soon can you leave, Becca?”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
When I get back to the dorms I walk into my hall and stop. Keegan is sitting against my door. When he sees me, he rushes up to his feet.
“Keegan.” I say acknowledging him.
“Bec, can we talk?” He looks so badly broken and I begin wonder if all this has finally weighed on him.
“Of course.” I unlock my door and wave him in. Looking around, some of my art is still taking up residence on my walls. Keegan is just wandering around as if he’s looking for something.
“Keegan, I’m so sorry about everything. This is all so crazy. I don’t blame you for being angry with me about Sarah’s death.” He just looks at me like he’s trying to figure out exactly how to break it to me.
“Bec, I was upset about Sarah and blaming you for her death. But I know now that she came after you; I heard all the things she’d done. Everything that happened: with Dillon, the threatening notes, and of course, the drugs. Then trying to run you over. What happened to Sarah was at her own hands, and I don’t want you carrying that guilt with you.”
> I don’t understand his answer. “Why didn’t you want to be there with me then, Keegan?” I ask, trying to figure out what is going on in his poor head.
“I didn’t want to be there with you because I feel like you just fucking suck me into you. I feel myself gravitate to you and it’s fucking with my head. It’s screwing with me because I’m trying to hard just to be your friend but every nerve in my body is screaming at me, telling me to love you, to make you let me be in love with you. Being just your friend is making it that much worse because I still love you.” I don’t respond to his words I can’t. My heart is breaking and beating with happiness simultaneously because I know it doesn’t change anything.
“Please remember me, Keegan. You have always been there for me. I want you to remember everything and all those times. I want to be able to be there for you,” I say, knowing if he remembers all the good and bad times, he’d agree that space is what we need.
“You’re beautiful, amazing, and everything I could ever ask for. Losing my memory was the best thing that ever happened to me. It gave me you, in a new way; you were able to help build me into the man I’ve become. A man worthy of you, Bec.” His words are like spurts of electricity trying to jumpstart my heart. It would be easy to just stay here with Keegan in our own little bubble. The problem with that is there is always reality just on the other side, bursting to get in. It always does too; we can’t hide from the world. That doesn’t change the fact that tonight I’ve fallen in love with Keegan all over again.
“I’m sorry for blaming you, Keegan. All I’ve done is hurt myself by hurting you. I’m done feeling that way.” No truer words have ever been spoken. I feel like this is exactly the way I can describe my feeling to Keegan. I’m ready to tell him and to let him know I’m leaving but he interrupts me.
“We were always meant to say goodbye, weren’t we?” His words are my undoing. I grab him and bring him right down on top of me, onto my bed, kissing him eagerly. He is meeting me pace for pace. Giving it his all. Like he knows this was always meant to be.
“God, you are so beautiful.” His words free me of any embarrassment or hesitation. I pull my own shirt off, causing him to be distracted at the sight of my scar. As much as I hate it, this reminds me of my time with Jake. When I try to move his hands away, he does something that Jake never did. Instead of telling me I’m still beautiful, he says the words I need to hear.
“Don’t, Bec. Don’t you ever be ashamed of your scar. It means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you. Tried to take you away from us.” Staring into Keegan’s eyes, there isn’t anyone else I’d rather be with. No one has ever made me feel so accepted, and no one has seen me in such a true light. “Please say we haven’t lost us.”
My fingers lace with his and I bring one of his hands over my heart. “Never, Keegan.” He brings his lips softly against mine, gentle and lovingly. Making sure I feel his love with every kiss. My patience begins to waver and so does his. We are both soon grasping at each other’s clothing, pulling them off. In seconds, we are both naked. He’s holding his weight off me and I wish this was how our first time could’ve been.
“We get a do over, Bec. We get to have this again. If you will let us.” His words are exactly what I was thinking, showing how in sync we have become since the accident. If I had met this Keegan, would there have ever been a question of whom I belonged with?
Using my hands and my weight, I roll him so I’m straddling him. “I love you, Keegan Keller.” Those words are all I can get out right now.
“I know what you’re going to do, Bec. Just know that I’ll always be right here waiting for you. Whenever you are ready, just say the word. I don’t deserve you, Bec, but I’m asking that you let me have you anyway?” Keegan whispers.
Bringing my mouth down on his, there’s nothing between us. We are connected in every way. Our movements are matched and effortless. Like no two people were better suited to share this. His body presses hard against mine and I feel the movements of his hips. He places his hands around my waist and turns us so he’s on top of me, looking down into my eyes. He thrusts and I feel myself getting closer. His grip on me tightens and I know he’s not fair behind. We continue like this, working each other, showing the love that our words couldn’t even begin to express.
Just as my body is ready to give in to the pleasure he’s giving to my body, he speaks. “I love you, Becca.”
Those words are all I needed to get to my climax and he follows me. We lay there, our bodies exhausted. After a few minutes, he leans over and grabs something from his pants. It’s the locket that he gave me for Christmas; I’d given it back to him.
“I need you to have this. I know you think me falling in love with you now is crazy. Let me be crazy. I’m sorry for all those nights that I may never remember. You put your entire world on hold for me. My heart needs you to have the world.” I nod and he does the latch, placing the necklace back around my neck.
“Where it belongs,” he says, as he runs his finger along the chain. I turn, snuggling into him. Getting my fill of Keegan is never going to happen but I will take everything I can get.
"I could hold you in my arms forever and it still wouldn’t be long enough." Somehow Keegan knows this is goodbye. I just never thought I'd feel this way when I realized it too. We lay there until I can hear the birds through my window. I know that we’ve had this bubble, our bubble, but the world is bursting in, causing us to have to face reality.
Once Keegan is deeply asleep, I go to get dressed and grab a few of my things, knowing I'm doing the right thing. But my heart is still breaking every minute I’m not in that bed with him. I give into my wants and go back to him.
"You will think I have moved on, and you will fall in love with someone else. I'm in love with you and always will be. Which is why this is goodbye. I’m setting you free, Keegan. Just be happy. I love you." I lean down and kiss him softly, careful not to wake him. I gather up my things and sneak out into the night and right out of Keegan's life. Leaving one final note for him.
I will always love you, Keegan. You gave me the best of everything but sometimes that’s just not enough. You deserve more than I can give you. I want you to move on, so do this for me. Be happy. Love without fear.
I'm already gone, so please don't look for me.
Your Bec, Always <3
Chapter Thirty
Walking into the airport, I can’t help the déjà vu I feel. Airports have become my second home since coming to Lakehead. Waiting for my flight that will bring me into Toronto to get onto my next flight with Trevor, I’m wondering if I’m making the right decision. My heart is hesitating. Looking around, I am in complete shock when I see those sliding doors open and Jake walking in. I haven’t called anyone; no one knows I’m leaving right now. He walks right up to me, giving nothing away as to why he is here.
“Jake, what are you doing here?” Once the words are out my heart comes to a realization. I care. When I’m with Keegan, he is all I see. When I’m with Jake, he’s all I see. I love them both, which is why my choice to leave is the right one. “My dad called. When I told him everything about Sarah, he told me I had to see you. I didn’t know what he meant. So I came over but I saw you letting Keegan in. I waited but, well, you know how long you were in there and what you were doing.” My whole face pales at this.
“I waited, watching. I saw you put your bag in a cab and I knew then. You’re running away again, Becca.” I go to say something, anything, but he puts his hand up, stopping me.
"You are just like Sarah. The only difference is you couldn’t sleep with Alec because he’s your brother.” His words are filled with disgust. I slap him in the middle of this airport. I know he’s hurting, if he’d only admit that. But right now all he feels is rage. So I let him have his words, for now.
“If only you could change and I’d stay the same. But all you do is push me the fuck away. I’m done trying, Becca.”
“Jake, it’s not like that. I think
this is what we need. What we all need. I have an amazing opportunity to work with my art. If anyone would understand that, it is you.” He is shaking his head. I know nothing I’m saying is sinking in.
“Becca, art isn’t a future. It’s a hobby. It’s time to grow up.” I fight back my tears. He doesn’t deserve them. What I told Drake was true. Being in love shouldn’t hurt this much.
“Jake, I know you are just mad and you don’t mean it. You are just angry about my choices. But they are my choices. I love you, Jake, and I know you still love me.” I say this to him, hoping that out of this whole conversation he will at least absorb those words.
“I don’t love you, Becca, not any more.” He words cut me so deep I wish I was anywhere but here.
“You are just saying this because you’re angry, and you will regret this, Jacob!” I tell him.
“No. I don’t, Becca.” He doesn’t look sorry. Jake looks at me like this is a chore.
“Jake, you promised me you’d never lie to me, so please don’t start now,” I say, with my voice shaking.
“I’m not lying to you, Becca. The only promise I’ve made that I’m breaking was saying I’d always be there for you. Because I won’t.” I am looking for any hint of him lying, but I can’t find any of his tells. Not that he’s ever lied to me before. This isn’t the Jake I knew.
“Jake, please. Don’t do this to me, Jake. I love you. This isn’t about me running this is about me doing what I want to with my art. That doesn’t change anything. I need you. I love you, and you’re still my best friend who loves his best friend!” I beg.
“It’s time you find another best friend.” Just like that, I know that leaving was the absolute right choice. There is too much damage here with Keegan and Jake. There is too much water under the bridge to move forward right now.
The Broken Girl (Lonely Girl Book 2) Page 17