I grimace when the arrow like meaning of her statement hits me dead on. My heart pounds with panic as she reaches for the door handle. “Janny, I meant it when I said I love you and I’m sorry I hurt you. It was never my intent and I hope you can see that.”
She looks over her shoulder at me and the anguish in her blue eyes—her cerulean blue eyes that I might never see again, makes my heart ache.
“Don’t call me again.” She turns away, gets out of the car and slams the door shut. While she walks along the path, she never once looks back.
“Fuck!” I punch the steering wheel in anger. She’s never going to forgive me for this.
It’s funny how life works sometimes. Everything can finally be falling into place, you can be happier than you’ve ever been and BOOM it all blows up in your face. What’s the point of even trying?
Chapter Eleven
Janny
Don’t look back—don’t look back—don’t look back. I remind myself over and over as I storm to the door. I’m so pissed off, but there’s a part of me that wants to turn around and catch the last glimpse of Kyle McKenzie. A sob leaves my mouth at the thought of never seeing him again.
I fall against the door while I turn the knob, my knees weak when despair washes over me. When I’m inside the house my focus switches to getting to my bedroom as fast as possible and once I’m in the sanctity of my own room I throw myself on the bed and let the sobs overtake me. My arms are wrapped around my stomach, my shoulders rolled forward as I curl into a ball and cry myself to sleep.
When I wake up I glance at the clock, notice it’s late afternoon and realize I’ve been asleep for hours. My eyes feel gritty and my cheeks feel stiff from all the tears I’d shed earlier. My stomach turns when I think back to what happened with Kyle. I can’t believe all this. It feels so surreal. I woke up in his bed this morning after a night spent making love and now—he’s out of my life for good.
My head spins while I try to come to grips with it all.
I can’t stay in bed forever and I need to get back to the comfort of my own place. Elle is there and she’ll help me deal with everything.
* * *
The instant Elle sees my face she knows something’s wrong.
“What happened to you, Jam?” she asks, concern in her tone. Elle has always stood by me no matter what and I know she’ll get me through this horrible time too.
“Kyle and I are through. I ended things with him and we won’t be getting back together again.”
Elle looks surprised as she waits for me to continue.
“Sharon hired him to spy on Bryan and he saw me on the video feed before we met. I feel like I don’t even know who he is. All this time I’ve thought of him as one person and now I find out he’s someone totally different.” I bite on my thumb nail and try to keep the tears at bay. I’ve already wasted enough tears on Kyle McKenzie.
“Did he somehow orchestrate you guys meeting the first time?” Elle asks as she sits on our couch.
I walk over and sit down next to her, sinking into the deep cushions. “He says he didn’t, but I’m not sure what to believe at this point.” I grab one of the red pillows and hug it to my chest. “I never should’ve let him in. Why did I fall in love with him?”
“Jam, maybe you should give him another chance. If he didn’t arrange for you guys to meet, then I don’t think it’s that bad like you’re imagining it is. I know you’re hurt and that’s making it all seem even worse, but I think you should give him another chance. I can tell he really cares about you just by the way he looks at you.”
“I don’t know what to think Elle. Right now, I just want to forget this day ever happened.”
Chapter Twelve
Kyle
In the five days since Janny ended our relationship, I haven’t been good for much. I go through the motions at work like I’m sleepwalking and I drink myself into oblivion each night so I can forget how lonely my bed seems without her here—how empty my life feels without her in it. I’ve texted her every single day and she never replies. I know she doesn’t care to talk to me right now, I don’t blame her, but if I don’t talk to her how can I fix this? I’m trying to give her space, but it’s so fucking hard to stay away from her. I’m tempted to go over to her apartment and demand she talk to me, but I’m afraid she’s already made up her mind and we’re through for good. If I don’t see her I can pretend I stand a chance of being with her again
I’m convinced I’ve hit rock bottom as I sit here outside the building where Janny has class right now. I’m parked curbside in one of K.D. Investigations stakeout cars so she won’t recognize me and I’m wearing a ball cap pulled low on my brow, along with shades. I’ve now resorted to actual stalking, how far I’ve fallen in such a short period of time.
Jesus.
I shake my head at what I’m doing right now, but I’m not disgusted with myself enough to drive away without at least a brief glimpse of her. I’ve gone five days without seeing her and I can’t go any longer. I need to know she’s okay. Getting my eyes on her will hopefully soothe this horrible ache in my chest or at the very least lessen it.
Students start to filter out the main doors of the building as I glance at my watch to check the time. I search through the crowd for Janny, but I don’t see her at first. I diligently keep watching, afraid I’ll miss her if I take my eyes off the doorway for a single second. Once the crowd dies down she exits the building smiling and looking over her shoulder at someone behind her.
Fuck, no.
Janny is with her ex-boyfriend, Josh. While they walk down the sidewalk toward me, I notice Josh’s arm is around her shoulder and she’s smiling up at him like she used to smile up at me.
Goddammit.
I start the car, throw it into drive and barely look before I pull out onto the busy street. When I pass by them I keep my eyes focused straight ahead on the road in front of me, not capable of dealing with the realization I’ve lost her for good.
* * *
I sit here on my couch hours later and quickly finish off this bottle of Jameson. The burning ache in my chest is still present. I thought I could numb it with alcohol, but I don’t think anything will ever take it away. I’ll be dealing with this pain for the rest of my life as a permanent reminder of the hole Janny Moore left in my heart. I’m such a dumb fuck for ever thinking I could be with someone like her. I should’ve kept my distance. How rich is it that I always tell people to listen to their instincts, they won’t steer them wrong? I guess I should’ve taken my own advice because this fucking sucks.
Chapter Thirteen
Janny
I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I miss you.
Kyle began texting me the night of our breakup and he’s continued to send me messages each of the five days since. I didn’t look at any of them until now. I never should’ve let down my walls with him, what was I thinking? I knew he was trouble from the start, I just convinced myself to give him a chance and now I’m miserable without him. I hate Kyle for making me fall in love with him. Why didn’t I do a better job protecting my heart?
There are only a couple of weeks of my senior year left and I’ve made the decision to focus on doing the best I can on all my finals. At this moment, I’m at the library making a study guide for my psychology class. Now that I’m not spending so much time with Kyle there’s lots of free time to devote to school. Getting good grades used to be the thing I cared the most about, but not anymore. No matter how angry I am or how much I tell myself I need to forget about Kyle, I can’t seem to stop missing him. I wish I could despise him; it would make getting over him so much easier.
I’ve also been spending more time with Elle and Josh. They’ve been trying to distract me from the heartbreak of my relationship and I love them both for it. Josh and I had class in the same building this afternoon and when we were done we met up for an early dinner. Being with him is so easy and fun. I wish I could feel the same depth of feelings for him as I do for Kyle. Things wo
uld be so much less complicated. With Josh, what you see is what you get. Of course, I had to go falling in love with the one person I shouldn’t have.
By the time I’m leaving the library I’m one of the last people there. Exiting the building, I notice the darkness of the late hour. I didn’t realize how much time I’d spent studying. The stars aren’t visible tonight, they’re not helping to brighten up the sky at all. Even the streetlights are off and the darkness feels oppressive. Once I’ve started along the walk back to my apartment I begin having reservations about being out alone this late at night. The hairs on the back of my neck are standing on end and I’m not sure if there’s a reason for it or if I’m letting my overactive imagination get the best of me. I try to quiet my breathing and slow it down—panicking isn’t going to do me any good. I need to get home as quickly as possible and then I can relax.
I made it home safely and in record time. When I open the door to my apartment, I breathe a big sigh of relief. I laugh to myself at how ridiculous my behavior of the last fifteen minutes has been. I kick off my shoes, drop my backpack by the door and head to my bedroom to change into something more comfortable. Elle is out for the night with some football player she met at a party so I’m not sure if she’ll make it back here later or not.
I’m walking to my bedroom when I suddenly feel like something’s very wrong.
But it’s too late.
When I enter through the doorway I’m grabbed and thrown on my bed. My face is stuffed into the comforter.
I try to draw a breath to scream, but I can’t. I can barely breathe.
The hand that’s holding my head feels like the fingers are going to crush the base of my skull. I try to struggle and flail my arms but whoever this is, is pushing me down so hard I can’t move.
Another hand grabs my right arm and twists it up behind my back until my fingertips are touching the hand holding my head.
This pain is unbearable.
I think I’m going to suffocate.
My shoulder is going to pop out of its socket any moment now.
My elbow is going to snap.
Then I hear a voice. “Stop struggling.”
I want to cry out.
I want to scream.
All I can manage is a whimper.
I hear the voice again. “Shut the fuck up.”
I think I’m going to black out.
The next thirty seconds are a blur of pain and fear.
I suddenly become aware that there are more than one of them and they know what they’re doing. They’re methodical.
Before I know what’s happening, my hands are bound behind my back.
Next, I’m bound at the ankles and then the knees.
Few words are spoken between them.
I’m completely at their mercy and I’ve never been more afraid in my life.
I wish Kyle was here.
I feel a small pinch on the side of my neck and everything fades away.
Chapter Fourteen
Kyle
The ringing of my cellphone wakes me up. I’m disoriented and hung over from all the whiskey I drank last night. By the time I figure out where it is, the ringing has stopped.
I slowly sit up and groan from the stabbing pain behind my eyes and the dull ache in my back from drunkenly passing out on my couch. I place my feet on the floor and remain seated, resting my elbows on my knees for a moment to get my bearings. My head feels like it’s full of rocks and I can smell stale whiskey emanating from my pores. I close my eyes, letting my head drop down into my hands. I’m disappointed in myself for how I’ve been coping with the breakup. Drinking my troubles away has never really been my thing and I need to put a stop to this reckless behavior before it gets a grip on me.
I shower, throw on some jeans and a t-shirt, but it’s not until I’ve eaten some toast and had some coffee that my headache starts to subside. I glance at the clock and notice I’m already late starting my work day, but I can’t say I really give a shit.
What does it matter? My life is a mess without Janny in it. She’s the one bright spot in an otherwise bleak existence and now she’s gone. I know we’re through and it’s my fault. There’s no one to blame, but myself.
The ringing of my cell snaps me out of my depressing thoughts and when I see Elle’s name on the caller ID I answer immediately.
“Hello.”
“Kyle, is Janny with you?”
What? Why would she be with me?
“No. I haven’t spoken with her since last weekend.”
“I think something’s happened to her. She never came home last night and she never texted or called me to say she wasn’t.”
Acid churns in my stomach as I assume this means she spent the night with Josh. My mind is racing. I close my eyes and clench my teeth as I try to come to grips with the very idea of this.
“Is she with Josh?” I force myself to ask, even though I know I’m not ready to hear confirmation of my worst nightmare.
“No, she’s not. I already talked to him and he hasn’t seen her since early yesterday evening. She went to the library after they had dinner and then she never made it home.”
“Did you call her brother’s house and make sure she didn’t go there?” She must be somewhere. Again, my mind is racing.
“I did and they haven’t seen her this week at all. I came home this morning, found her shoes and backpack by the door, but no sign of her spending the night here. She has class on Friday mornings and she would never skip it this close to finals. I’m really worried, Kyle, I think something’s happened to her.”
I can hear the tears in the tone of her voice and my stomach tightens as the cop in me kicks in.
“Let me make some phone calls. If you hear from her, you call me right away.”
When I hang up with Elle, I put in a call to Jack, my old partner from my days as a police officer. I fill him in on what’s going on, he takes down her description and all relevant information. There haven’t been any Jane Doe’s reported, which has me breathing a little slower.
Once I hang up with him, I log onto my computer and go into my phone account. What Janny doesn’t know, and I certainly wasn’t planning on telling her, is I installed an app on her phone so I can always track where she is. Any leftover guilt I had from doing this behind her back has now vanished. If it helps me to find her and bring her home safely, that’s all that matters. I type in her phone number and say a prayer her current location will come up on my screen. I hold my breath and I wait. My stomach clenches, when an address is displayed. It’s a part of the city Janny would never have reason to be in.
She would never go there.
She shouldn’t be there.
Something’s wrong.
I can feel it.
I throw on my boots, grab my gun and call Derek as I run out to my car, filling him in on where we need to meet.
Chapter Fifteen
Janny
My eyes are heavy and they struggle to open. My body is achy and my limbs feel unusually heavy while the memory of what happened comes to me. My eyes snap open as I remember every detail. When I realize each of my wrists and ankles are cuffed to the bed I’m lying on, I go into a full-blown panic.
My breathing speeds up.
I can’t get enough air in my lungs.
I’m on the verge of hyperventilating and I know if I don’t calm down I’ll pass out.
My heart is pounding so fast I swear I can hear it over the ringing in my ears.
Fuck.
I know this is anxiety, I suffered from it after the fire and had to go to a therapist for months to finally get it under control. Here I am back in its clutches at the worst possible time.
Breathe.
I close my eyes and focus on getting my breathing to slow down, it’s the first step in stopping the panic attack. It takes longer than it normally does because I’m having difficulty focusing on my breathing exercises when I know I’m cuffed to a fucking bed.
There’s a
sense of urgency permeating my body, fighting with my need to calm down. I don’t know who took me, where I am or when they’ll come back. I do know there’s no way for me to escape at this point and it’s horrifying to think they’ll be able to do anything they want to me and I won’t be able to stop them. I’m totally helpless.
I know I need to stay as calm as possible so I let my thoughts drift to the one person who made me feel safe—Kyle. I’d give up almost anything to be able to go back and change the outcome of our fight. Instead, I wasted the past five days avoiding him, when I could’ve been deliriously happy in his arms. Now his last memory of me will be of our breakup. I wish I’d looked back at him while I walked away—if I’d looked back I wouldn’t have had the strength to end things with him.
It feels like I’ve been lying here for days. The twin sized bed I’m on is made up with an old stained sheet, I don’t even want to think about what might be on it. The cement walls and floor in the large square room lead me to believe I’m in a basement. The smell of mold is overpowering to my nose. There’s a damp feeling to the air which is consistent with many unfinished basements in Massachusetts. Why would someone kidnap me and hold me hostage in a house? I replay the events from the night before in my head, hoping to notice a clue as to who’s taken me, but nothing stands out in my mind.
The silence around me is absolute. My throat is parched and I need to use the bathroom. All of that is secondary to the enormous amount of pain I’m in from having my arms and legs cuffed to the headboard. My shoulders are screaming out in agony and I know there won’t be any relief from the pain any time soon. There’s no way for me to escape and the likelihood of me surviving this is slim to none. God only knows what’s in store for me.
The Complete Quake Series Page 9