“Yes,” I reply. My voice sounds scratchy to my own ears and it’s all because of Josh. I can’t be within five feet of him without turning into a nervous fool. I hide my feelings, alternating between feigned indifference and disgust because I never want him to see how strongly I care for him. He’ll never know how much I wish I could be a different person for him. A better person.
The guitar music being played by a local musician gets drowned out in my head as we begin to slowly walk down the long-carpeted aisle. All my attention is on Josh’s rock-hard bicep underneath my fingers. When his other hand comes to rest on top of mine, I almost misstep, barely catching myself at the last second. The sensation of his warm palm on my skin makes it difficult for me to breathe. The connection we first experienced in Las Vegas, hasn’t lessened at all. The four months without his touch have only made it more powerful. My heart races as I panic. Keeping my focus forward on the end of the aisle, I will myself to remain calm. He can’t know the effect he has on me. No one can. I don’t even want to admit it to myself.
When we part ways in front of the minister and Kyle, Josh trails his fingertips over the back of my hand sending a shiver of longing down my spine. Clenching my teeth together in a tight smile, I pretend nothing’s amiss and remind myself to breathe. My legs are unsteady as I walk the last few steps, stopping in front of Kenna. Staring at my red toenails peeking out of my heels, I avoid looking in Josh’s direction as he heads back down the aisle toward Janny. Seeing how handsome he looks in his tux won’t help the situation any.
The musician sitting in the choir loft, begins to strum the beginning of the song Just Breathe by Pearl Jam. Leave it to Janny and Kyle to forgo tradition and do something different and perfectly symbolic of their relationship.
My chest tightens and my eyes well with tears as I watch my best friend being walked down the aisle by Josh. I was aware she’d asked him, but seeing them now it hits me what a perfect choice he is. The fact he’s her ex makes it unorthodox, but they’ve managed to keep their friendship intact despite the demise of their relationship. He’d do anything for her.
Janny’s smile grows larger as each step brings her closer to Kyle. When they reach the end of the aisle, Josh leans down and kisses her cheek. He and Kyle exchange handshakes, then clap each other on the back. My eyes follow Josh’s broad shoulders as he moves to stand behind Derek, the best man. When he takes his place our gazes lock and for a moment I let my guard down. I don’t hide my feelings behind a scowl or a pretend wall of indifference. I care Josh. I care so much, but you deserve so much more.
The exchange of vows is all a blur between the tears of happiness I’m shedding for my best friend and my jumbled thoughts of Josh. In a different world, I could be in Janny’s shoes, vowing to spend my life with the man I love. Unfortunately, I live in reality and in this life, I’m destined for no strings relationships. It’s what I’m used to and what I’m best at.
When it’s time for me to take Josh’s arm for our walk back down the aisle, my stomach wavers with nervous energy. Taking a deep breath, I brace myself for my body's reaction to touching him. My fingers close around his solid bicep and his hand once again covers mine. I fight the urge to crash myself into his chest and hungrily take his lips. Would our kiss be as combustible as the one in Vegas? Merely thinking about it makes my knees weak.
Focusing on Janny and Kyle as they embrace in the vestibule helps me to settle down and I’m able to walk steadily next to Josh as we move forward one step at a time toward the newly married couple.
* * *
“Only a few more,” the photographer calls out looking through the lens. Hurry up and take the fucking picture. I’m dying, here. I’m not sure how much more of Josh’s nearness I can handle. We’ve been dutifully posing for pictures for thirty minutes and for the last ten, I’ve been fighting the urge to run away. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold it together with his arms wrapped around my waist and his muscular chest pressed to my back. Add in his warm breath against my neck and I’m completely on edge. Caught between my desire for him and the fear of letting him in, my thoughts wage war inside my head.
Turn around and lay a kiss on him he’ll never forget, the reckless side of me urges.
Breathe and relax. This will be over soon; my cautious side reminds me.
Rational thought prevails, and we’re finally done. I exhale a large sigh as I slip out of his arms and head straight for the bar. I need a drink. Fate must be smiling down on me, when a waiter holding a tray of champagne stops me. I flash him a grin. “You have no idea how much I need this, right now.” He returns my smile and I wink as I grab a second glass. I down the first one in two large gulps and the second one soon follows. Placing the two empty glasses on his tray, I say, “thank you,” before grabbing a third.
“Elle,” I hear Kenna calling my name as she approaches. “We need to take our seats at the table for dinner.”
“Great,” I mumble.
“What’s wrong?” Her brow is furrowed as she studies me.
“I don’t want to sit next to Josh for another hour,” I answer, honestly. I run a hand over my forehead. “I don’t know what it is about him that irks me so.”
Kenna smiles knowingly. “You don’t?”
“Well, I’m sure I can come up with a long list of annoying things he does.”
“That’s not what I mean and you know it.” She presses her lips together. “You guys remind me of what Derek and I used to be like. The sexual tension between you is thick enough to cut with a knife. It’s hot.” She wiggles her eyebrows.
I laugh and shake my head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Deny, deny, deny. It doesn’t change anything. The tension is there whether you admit it exists or not. When you two decide to give in, it will be the sex of your life. Take it from me.” She winks.
I scrunch my nose up and shake my head. “You’re crazy. Joshua Dawson and I will never do anything naked together. Lately, we can barely tolerate each other fully clothed.”
She pats my shoulder. “Okay, we’ll revisit this conversation at a later date when you can tell me how I called it correctly and how epic the sex was. For now, we need to grab our seats before Janny has a nervous breakdown.”
* * *
Staring down at my prime rib, I do my best not to think about Josh’s muscular thigh which keeps bumping into mine. I’m struggling to do this meal justice. It’s delicious I’m sure, but I’m not even tasting it. It could be cardboard for all I can tell. I’m too distracted by Josh’s arm pressing into mine and his masculine scent that keeps wafting over to me. It smells better than this meal and that’s saying something. I love prime rib which is one of the reasons it’s even an option. Janny added it for me and now I’m not even able to finish it. Instead, I’m merely shifting the meat and potatoes to different parts of the plate.
“Are you okay?” Josh leans over and asks softly. His warm breath against my ear makes me shiver. It angers me that he has this effect on me.
“I’m fine.” My answer is short.
“Are you sure?”
Why can’t he simply ignore me? It would be so much easier. “Look, I said I was fine. I don’t need you to be your boy scout self and look out for my wellbeing. You’re not going to earn any merit badges tonight,” I say in a bitchy tone and motion with my hand for him to move away as if he’s an insect.
He chuckles. “I get it. You’re not used to guys who ask how you are or even care.” He grips my chin and turns my face toward his. “What you need to know is I’m not going to change how I act because you want me to. I understand that your expectations of people are less.” His light green eyes narrow and flare with anger. “But I’m not going to be an asshole because that’s all you know. When I ask you if you’re okay it’s not motivated by anything other than concern. I’m a nice person and you’re not going to change me.” He stands abruptly; his chair slides backward with a screech. Throwing his napkin down on top of his plate, he stalks aw
ay without another glance.
Watching him move further away, my stomach sinks. I didn’t mean to be such a bitch to him, but I can’t seem to help myself. These new feelings I have for him go beyond friendship and they confuse me. One moment I want to kiss his masculine lips and the next, I want to piss him off. There’s no rhyme or reason to how I shift unexpectedly from one extreme to the other and there doesn’t seem to be any way to control it.
Spreading the white cloth napkin over my lap, I think about the words he gritted out at me. Josh is one of the nicest people. He’s respectful and kind to those he cares about and he doesn’t deserve my behavior. Maybe later I can find a way to smooth things over between us.
Chapter Four
Josh
Why does she have to look so fucking hot all the time?
Groaning, I knock back another shot of Jack Daniel’s. I will my brain to purge itself of her image. Get out of my goddamn head, Elle.
Slamming the small glass down on the bar, my fingers clench into fists and squeeze. I don’t have the time or energy to deal with any more of her passive aggressive bullshit. After being subjected to her company and biting remarks at last night’s rehearsal dinner and then again today at Kyle and Janny’s wedding, I’ve had enough of Elle Johnson to last me a lifetime. Her continuous need to insult me at any opportunity has worn out my last nerve. I had to put some distance between us before I snapped and did something I’d regret, like smash our lips together and never let them part.
Which is why I’m drinking shots at this very moment. I have no plan to stop any time soon - or at least until she’s no longer at the forefront of my thoughts.
“How you doin’, man?” Derek sidles up next to me at the bar and takes the vacant stool to my right. His eyes track the path of my heated stare. “When are you gonna go for it, dude? She’s yours for the taking - so take her.”
Shaking my head, I slide the rim of another shot glass between my lips and tip back the cold liquid. It teases a path down to my chest, kind of like Elle does. Only she’s not a cool burning sensation; she’s a fiery ball of destruction annihilating everything in her path. She makes my chest ache and not in a good way. Rubbing my hand over the exact spot, I try to soothe the discomfort only she can cause.
I’m sick of wanting her and longing for something that will never be.
I miss the days when we enjoyed each other’s company and things were simple - before attraction got in the way of our friendship.
Pounding the empty glass down with more force than intended, I watch as it clatters, then wobbles from side to side, before stilling.
My eyes flick to Derek. “It’s never going to happen and I’m okay with that. It’s time for me to find someone who will appreciate me.” Running a hand over my short dark blonde hair, I study Elle on the other side of the room with narrowed eyes. “She’s never going to see me clearly. She’s too stuck in her preconceived notions of who she thinks I am.”
Why can’t she see the real me?
“Ignoring the attraction you guys have, won’t be easy. It’s only going to become more difficult over time. Trust me; I know. Kenna and I danced around each other for seven years before finally doing something about it,” Derek says, before raising his bottle of beer to his lips. He takes a deep pull, swallowing it down before continuing. “We wasted a lot of time - time I wish we could get back because every minute we’re together is a fucking gift. No matter how long we have, it will never be enough.”
I don’t say anything. Instead, I flag down the bartender and gesture for another shot for myself and a beer for Derek.
It’s not like I don’t think there’s merit in what he said. I absolutely do. But all his wisdom’s wasted on Elle. She likes to date guys who use her for sex and treat her like dirt. She’s been this way for as long as I’ve known her and she’s never going to change.
I could be that guy for her...if she wanted. I could fuck her for days then ignore her every time we saw one another after. But I don’t want that with Elle. I want more, but I’m done waiting for a fantasy to come to fruition.
I smell the fruity scent of her perfume before noticing her standing beside me at the bar. My stomach rolls and clenches and I’m not sure what’s causing it.
Is it the deep seated need I feel to have her naked underneath me, screaming my name as my cock slams into her scorching hot pussy?
Or is it that I can finally admit she and I will never happen?
My head swivels in her direction and my green eyes slowly trace the delicate lines of her profile, before moving down the long, graceful length of her neck. Her dark hair is up in some fancy arrangement on the top of her head, exposing the sharp lines of her collarbones. The black strapless dress she’s wearing leaves little to the imagination. The top is fitted to her body like a second skin, leaving her full tits on display for my hungry eyes. I can see the deep valley between them and imagining my cock buried there has my teeth clenching.
Forcing my eyes away from her chest, I notice her narrow waist, the luscious curves of her hips and fullness of her ass beneath the shiny black material. I want to tug that dress up, bend her over the nearest stool and spank her ass until all the disdainful barbs she enjoys slinging my way have disappeared. Then I’d be showing her just how ‘nice’ I can be.
I find myself powerless to resist the tempting lure of her five-foot six frame. She’s everything I find attractive from the top of her long, dark brown hair all the way down to her red toenails, revealed in her sexy as fuck high heels.
If I could custom order a woman for myself she’d look exactly like Elle. Every single inch of her is perfection.
Sensing the heat of my stare she turns to face me. Our eyes lock and both of us are trapped by the invisible tethers of the attraction we feel for each other. When I inch closer, our shoulders almost touching, her eyes flare with desire.
Resting my forearms on the bar, I focus on her shiny red lips, skimming over their full shape before my gaze raises to meet her warm chocolate brown one. “What’s your poison?” I ask.
Her pink tongue peeks out to lick the inside edge of her bottom lip. “You...I mean…you want to buy me a drink?” She closes her eyes for a moment and when she opens them they immediately lock on mine.
“I want to give you whatever you want, Elle.” I say my voice suddenly husky.
She pauses and then visibly swallows. “What if I’m not sure what I want?”
“I can help you figure it out.”
She nervously chews on her bottom lip while her deep brown eyes stare intently into mine.
“Let’s start with a drink, Elle. What’ll you have?”
She glances down at my empty shot glasses on the bar. “What are you drinking?”
“Whiskey. Jack Daniel’s.” I raise an eyebrow. “You want to join me?”
She presses her lips together and gives a slight nod of her head. Flagging down the bartender, I gesture for a refill and hold up five fingers - three for me and two for Elle.
This is the first time my eyes have left her since she sat down next to me and I realize Derek has vacated the spot on the other side of me. Scanning the dance floor, I find him with his wife, Kenna. The two of them are focused only on each other, lost in their private moment in the middle of a crowded room.
What’s it like to be so in tune with someone? To care so deeply for another person the rest of the world could fall away without you noticing?
I’ll probably never know because I went and fell in love with the one girl who’s completely unattainable. The last thing she’s looking for is an emotional connection.
The bartender places the shots down in front of us and I tuck a folded twenty inside his tip cup. Sliding a shot in Elle’s direction, I grab one for myself. Tapping her glass with mine I say, “Cheers,” and watch as she downs the golden liquid. Aside from squeezing her eyes shut, she takes it like a champ.
Smiling at her, I knock mine back. Tipping the empty glass over I slam it down on t
he bar, adding to the rapidly increasing line of them.
“What do you think? Have you got one more in you?” Pushing her next shot toward her with the tip of my index finger, I study her beautiful face. Her slightly parted, shiny lips remind me of the one time I gave into temptation and kissed her. Alcohol, anger and Elle are a lethal combination.
Four months have passed and I can still remember how sweet her mouth tasted. Her lips were so soft and full under mine. At the first touch of our tongues she moaned so sexily it was all I could do not to fuck her against the night club wall.
I’ve tried to erase that particular night from my mind - goddamn I’ve tried. Unfortunately, my thoughts are more often than not occupied with Elle. Wondering what she’s doing and who she’s doing it with, I drive myself insane.
“It’s not bad. I kind of like the taste.” She licks her lips, removing the leftover traces of whiskey.
“Are you ready for another?” Picking up my next shot, I wait for her to do the same. She nods and we both tip them back. Placing my empty on the rim, I slide it toward the rest. “There’s one more. Do you want it?” I ask, enjoying this mellow version of Elle. I’m surprised she hasn’t insulted me yet. Must be the alcohol.
“No, you have it. Two is good for me.” She smiles and smooths a hand over her hair.
“Come on. Go ahead.” I lean toward her, holding the glass in front of her lips. I’m not ready for our time together to end.
Her eyes catch my yearning ones above the golden liquid. Can she see how much I want her? Never one to back down, she closes her fingers over the back of my hand. One simple touch from her makes me desire so much more. Does she feel it too?
When her lips close over the edge of the glass, my other hand slides up the back of her neck to cradle her head, holding it in place. The fine hairs on the nape of her neck tickle my palm as I tip the glass back. Watching the alcohol slide into her mouth is the most fascinating thing I’ve seen all day. I swallow with her, imagining the burning warmth of the whiskey on my tongue. When I pull the rim away a drop temptingly balances on her bottom lip. I release the glass and it falls to the bar with a bang. My hand cups her cheek as my lips crash down on hers. My tongue licks up all the remnants of whiskey before thrusting to meet hers. When our tongues collide, she moans into my mouth making my cock solid as fucking steel.
The Complete Quake Series Page 53