by Troy Hunter
“That sure didn’t help you pick out a car seat though,” Nate replies.
“Hey, that’s not my fault! People buy diapers every day; car seats were maybe a once a week purchase. And it’s not like they actually trained me to be in that department. They just threw me in.”
“A pity,” Nate says. “You might’ve been a master of car seats if you’d been given a chance.”
“There’s a skill I’d use every day.”
“Every day for the next several years? Yes.”
I smile. “We got a good one, though. Fortunately, Amazon had my back when no one else did. Thank heavens for online reviewers.”
“That’s true. My only disappointment,” Nate says, “Is that I couldn’t convince the doctors to fudge her birth date by just one day.”
Despite Nate’s wishes, Opal Grace Monroe came into the world on October 30th at eleven-thirty at night. Thirty minutes away from Nate’s desired date.
11
Nate
By mid-November, I’m already planning Christmas presents for Opal. Because she’s only a couple of weeks old, I know she won’t actually get most of the presents. Most of them, diapers and clothes, will really be more for Felix than they are for her. Of course, I’ll get Opal a couple of things. I’ll buy her some savings bonds and start her a college fund; Felix will appreciate those gestures. They’re just commonplace enough that I can justify using a lot of my money without having to worry about making him mad at me.
Felix wanted to come with me but I refused. After all, where’s the surprise in buying his kid stuff if he’s going to wander around and inspect everything I buy? He didn’t want me to spend too much money; I insisted I couldn’t spend too much. Finally, we came to a pseudo-compromise.
I feel like Selene is babysitting me, but I’m also glad I agreed to bring her along. She likes babies and she probably knows more about picking out baby clothes than I do. I’ve never come within four feet of any baby except Opal, but Selene apparently has twin brothers who are ten years younger than her. She helped take care of them, so it makes sense that she’d know a thing or two. At least, she’ll know more than me.
We wander through aisles of frilly baby clothes. Selene doesn’t even ask my opinion. She grabs and tosses stuff into the cart with wild abandon which suits me fine. I don’t know a damn thing about dressing a kid, especially a little girl. I know that Felix, himself, only ever wears blue, red when he worked at Target, but he probably doesn’t want his daughter to stick to his tried and true jeans and t-shirt combo.
“You’re good at this,” I say.
“Throwing clothes in a cart?” she asks. “My, what a compliment.”
I lean against the cart and rest my chin in the palm of my hand. “You’re a lot like Felix. You know that?” I ask.
“Am I?”
“Yeah. You’re both fucking smartasses.”
Selene smirks. “That’s pretty damn rude of you to say.”
“So how’s work at the…uh, café going?” I ask.
Selene offers a one-shouldered shrug. “Fine, I suppose,” she says. “I’m probably going to help Felix at the farmer’s market for a few weeks.”
This is news to me. What’s wrong with my help? “Is he paying you?” I ask.
“No,” Selene replies, “But I thought he might need an extra hand since he has the baby and all.”
“Well, I’ll probably be there, too,” I say.
“The more the merrier.” Selene pauses and looks like she’s deliberating something. “What’s with the two of you anyway?”
“What do you mean?”
“You spend a lot of time with Felix,” she says.
“What of it? He’s my best friend, and he just had a kid. Of course, I’m going to spend a lot of time with him.”
“Yes,” Selene says slowly, “But even before he had the baby, you were spending a lot of time with him. I mean, I have friends, too, but they don’t frequently show up at my workplace to chat.”
“So? He’s an important part of my life,” I say. “I’ve known him forever.”
“I guess so,” she says.
“Why? What are you thinking?”
Selene shrugs. “I thought there might be...something more there. That’s all.”
I’m seldom without words, but at the moment, I’m speechless.
“Maybe that’s not it,” Selene says. “Maybe I’m just reading too much into things.”
I feel like she’s placating me when she says that. I’ve only spoken to Selene a handful of times, but I’ve heard Felix talk about her. She doesn’t mince words and doesn’t back down.
“It’s just that you’re planning to raise a child together, for heaven’s sake,” Selene says. “That pretty much screams ‘I want to further my relationship,’ don’t you think?”
“He doesn’t have anyone else to help him and I’m his friend,” I say.
“Maybe so. I just think you ought to think about it,” Selene replies. “That’s all.”
Think about it? Maybe I ought to. Now that she’s said it, maybe I…maybe I do a bit more for Felix than normal friends do. “Felix doesn’t feel that way about me,” I say hollowly.
Selene doesn’t look like she believes me, though. Instead, she gazes at me like I’m a complete idiot that doesn’t know my own heart. No, that’s just my surprise talking. There’s nothing wrong at all with how Selene looks at me.
“I don’t know,” Selene replies. “Look, I’ve never been one to get myself involved in stuff like this. I hate fucking relationship drama. I just wanted to know. That’s all. Felix talks about you all the damn time and he’s not unattractive. He’s cheerful, hard-working, witty when he wants to be. Don’t you think?”
“Sure,” I say.
He really is all those things and Selene is right. Those are admirable qualities, but now that she’s said it, I can’t stop wondering if Felix does like me. And maybe…maybe all this time I’ve liked him in the same way. Fuck.
It’s Black Friday, and although I keep trying to convince Felix that he should totally go into Target and buy a bunch of crap just to spite his former managers, he refuses to do it. Instead, he stays home and strings together gemstone bracelets and matching earrings. Opal sleeps in her crib; she’s such a quiet baby. I managed to wrap up filming—for now. My guys are looking through the footage and piecing everything together. We might have to reshoot some scenes, but that likely won’t happen until sometime next year.
I’m satisfied with the film thus far, although I wanted it to be something much greater. It’s a first film and in hindsight, I realize it was foolish to expect it to be a genre-breaking piece of art, but that’s exactly what I’d hoped.
I stare at my computer screen and try plotting something new and better. At least, that’s what I tell Felix. I’m really thinking about what Selene asked. Are Felix and I together? Do I want to be with Felix?
Selene hasn’t contacted me since, but she hasn’t blocked me from her Facebook or anything. Hell, I hadn’t even known she had a Facebook until she sent me the request. Apparently, Felix hadn’t known either. I realize it’s kind of weird for me to expect anything more from Selene. She just asked a question, and when I asked her why she thought what she did, she answered me honestly. I can’t fault her for that. Really, there’s no one to blame but myself.
It just feels like the whole fucking world has flipped upside-down, and I don’t know whether I like Felix the way Selene thinks I do or not. This is why every relationship I’ve ever had, including the time before when I did date Felix, has failed. I don’t know how to handle my own damn feelings. Fuck all of this.
Just because I spend all my time with Felix doesn’t mean I want to be with him. Of course, that’s not me saying there’s nothing lovable about Felix. As much as I love film, I don’t know if I have the same relentless passion for it that Felix has for everything in his life. I don’t know if I’m as adaptable either. Yes, Felix relies on me because I’m his friend, but
he doesn’t need anyone. He could make it on his own given any circumstances. It might be hard, but he’d fucking do it.
Me, though? I’m nothing without my money and Eleanor to manage my house and finances. I’m nothing without my cook, gardener, housekeepers, and personal shoppers. If I lost everything tomorrow, I’d be rooming here with Felix and beginning a job hunt with a bachelor’s in film, few references, and little job experience. Unless, of course, being on a film set counted. Because film sets are so numerous in a Florida city that no one’s ever heard of.
“Hey, Felix,” I say, “How are the Christmas orders going?”
His entire face lights up with enthusiasm and I feel something. Something frantic and uncomfortable from the depths of my heart. But is it love? Or am I just reading too much into things because of what Selene said?
“Fantastic, actually,” he says. “So good I’ve even been able to throw a couple of promotions and offer some gift-wrapping options.”
This sounds like a good distraction. I’m going to drive myself crazy thinking about my conversation with Selene. Just focus on what Felix is saying now and don’t worry about whether or not I like him. That should be easy. I close my laptop. “Oh, yeah?”
He nods enthusiastically. “People are willing to pay more if it’s a gift and I threw some sales in for Cyber Monday. I’ve managed to add some customization options too,” he adds. “Small ones at this point, but they have the potential to be something better. I’m just sort of waiting to see how they do.”
“Makes sense.”
I guess. I don’t know anything about business but Felix apparently does. This might be partly because he’s spent hours researching this sort of thing, which is yet another area that’s admirable. He isn’t afraid to research and takes the initiative to find out what he wants. I pay people to do that for me.
“I’ve had to up my trips to the post office, too,” he says. “I used to go once a week, but now it’s three times a week. The timelier you are with delivery, the more people like you. Especially with it being this close to the holidays. People start to get worried if you don’t get them their stuff quickly enough. Thus far, it’s gone smoothly, and I have business cards.”
I grin. God, look at how far he’s come. How well he’s doing! He’s managed it all without a cent of my money, and while I would’ve been happy to give it, I’m so proud of him. He’s so happy. “Looks like you’re turning into quite the CEO. When do I need to invest?” I ask.
“You don’t,” Felix replies. “I still owe you five hundred dollars for the pearls you bought me.”
I’d forgotten about those. That was months ago.
“Consider them a birthday present.”
“You bought them in April.”
“So?”
“So my birthday is in January.”
“Well, you know I like to be fashionably late,” I reply.
“True,” Felix admits.
“Do you need any help?” I ask. “Not stringing beads and stuff. We both know I suck at that.”
Felix leans across his bed and grabs his laptop. “I have a file on the desktop entitled “Shipping Labels” right beside Chrome,” he says. “You’re welcome to print them out. Only the ones with dates from the last week, though.”
I shift my own laptop to the floor and take his. I open it up and smile at his background—a picture of us from a Christmas party last year. I find the folder easily and whistle when I see the labels. God, Felix is doing some business. “There’s like fifty orders here! Damn!” I exclaim.
“I told you I was doing well,” Felix replies. “I have some more orders from today, but I haven’t put those labels in the folder yet.”
“You’re single-handedly keeping the post office afloat,” I say.
“Trying to. I’m also going to start selling at the farmer’s market this weekend,” Felix adds.
“Selene mentioned that,” I say. And in the end, she did absolutely nothing to prevent me from spending far more money than Felix would’ve liked. I’ll give credit where it’s due.
“Why there?” I ask.
“Why? Because it’s another venue,” he says, “And this close to Christmas, people will be looking to buy.”
“Cool,’’ I say.
Felix nods.
“I’ll go with you,” I say.
Felix smiles, and I feel like I’ve freaking melted. Like butter. “You don’t have to feel obligated to go,” he says. “I’m sure you’re busy.”
I think… “Of course, I’ll go,” I say. “You’ll probably need the extra help.”
I really should go. It’s going to be hard enough for Felix to sell anything while he’s also trying to watch the baby. Hell, it’ll be hard enough for him just to carry everything to the damn tent. I hope it’s warm that day, or he’ll have to carry extra clothes and blankets. Opal has to be warm. He needs to keep himself warm too. I wouldn’t put it past him to spend so much time getting everything else right that he forgets his own damn coat.
Felix is always so worried about taking care of everyone else, yet he never wants to accept help himself. Even now. But I want to do this. Yes, he needs me, and I think I like being needed. And I think…
I think Selene was right.
12
Felix
This isn’t my first time coming to the farmer’s market. I made a couple of trips to scope it out before I committed to paying the fee and taking a spot. I also had an ulterior motive when I did. I’d wanted to scope out my competition and see what other jewelry stalls were selling. None of their styles resembled mine, fortunately.
I have a unique product and it’s a rare warm day in December. I don’t have to worry about Opal freezing, though I’ve bundled her up anyway. Normally, I’d be going into heat this time of year, but because I’ve had a baby, I won’t have to deal with that again for another six months or so. Assuming I follow a normal pattern, that is. I’ve read that some omegas can go an entire year without going into heat after a pregnancy. It depends a lot on genetics, although doctors still haven’t quite figured out why there are such differences.
Admittedly, it’ll be nice not to have to deal with the impulse to breed. I always hated going into heat when I worked retail. Sure, going into heat was a completely legitimate excuse for missing a week of work, but I rarely had the luxury of taking unpaid time off. It’s a little different now that I own my business but I could still do without the inconvenience. Especially now that I’m sure I really just want Nate. I love him and I’d feel like I was betraying him if I had sex with anyone except him.
After snapping some photos for my social media networks, I settle into my chair and pull Opal close to my chest. She’s awake this morning and stares at me with wide hazel eyes. I wonder where those came from. Whoever her father was, he must’ve not had green eyes. She giggles and pulls the edge of my scarf into her mouth.
I let her chew. If there’s one thing I’ve discovered very quickly, it’s that young children are very messy, and it’s best not to worry too much about things like hygiene. I wash and keep everything extra clean, so it’s no threat to Opal, but as far as she’s concerned? She can chew on my scarf all day if she wants.
I begin posting to my social media sites, hoping to coax some customers out. Nate arrives with Hardee’s. I brighten at the sight of food. I’d meant to get something to eat on the way here, but I’d completely forgotten in the excitement of setting everything up. “Where’s Selene?” Nate asks.
“Getting change,” I reply. “I completely forgot about it.”
Nate nods.
This is good. We have a plan, and I’m going to make good sales today. I can feel it in the air.
Nate graciously takes Opal while I’m eating biscuits and gravy. He plays peek-a-boo and coaxes the giggles out of her. I snap a picture with my phone. Nate growls when he hears the sound of my camera. “It’s just one picture showing you playing with a baby,” I say. “It’s not going to kill your reputation as a bi
g, strong alpha.”
“You could’ve warned me, though.”
So he’s feeling contrary this morning, is he? I smile to myself and take a bite of my biscuits. This is a good position, too. The farmer’s market runs down the center of Palafox Street. It’s really a glorified median, separating the road. The roads down here are atrocious. Streets crisscross one another, straight lanes are technically turns, and the lights are often several feet away from the intersections, but this median was a rare good idea. People have set up shop all down Palafox, and I’m the first jewelry stall nearest to the intersection with Palafox and Cervantes. This is the direction most people will come from so I hope they’ll see me first. Sure, my jewelry doesn’t resemble anyone else’s here, but I don’t want all the potential customers to be out of money before they reach me.
“I come bearing gifts!” Selene declares.
“You’re a lifesaver,” I say.
“Hell yeah, I am,” she says.
Selene reaches around me to put all the bills in our lockbox. “Anything?” she asks.
“Not yet,” I reply.
Selene nods and perches on the edge of one of the tables. It’s one of the odd things I’ve noticed about Selene; she practically never sits in an actual chair. Even in the employee break room, she had a habit of sitting on tables and propping her feet up in chairs.
“Good morning,” Nate says.
“Morning,” Selene replies.
Nate nods and sticks his tongue out at Opal. I don’t know what the baby thinks about that, but she giggles. Who’d have thought Nate would be good with kids? I withhold a sigh. It’s just another thing to like about him. I am so confused. The easiest approach with Nate is a direct one, but the thought of plainly telling Nate I love him, want to date him, want to raise a child with him, and potentially want him to spend the rest of his life with me, makes me want to throw up. And throwing up wouldn’t be very romantic.