by LK Collins
I shake my head ignoring him. Guy and Seth left hours ago to get home to their girls. Saying goodbye to Seth sucked—I cried like a baby and then wallowed my pain away in the never-ending shots and beers that Luke kept giving me.
“You sure?” he asks me again, this time wrapping his lower hand around my waist, awakening something inside me. I don’t throw the dart as I ask him, “What do you have in mind?” He talks quietly into my ear, his breath warm as his lips are almost touching me, his chin resting on top of my shoulder, reminding me of the way my ex used to draw in close. “If you lose, I get to kiss you.” His words shock me and I glance at him out of the corner of my eye.
“And what do I get, if I win?”
“That’s up to you.” I think about his wager…his hand feels so good around my body, even if it is the alcohol making me feel this way. It’s been so long since a man’s touched me…or kissed me. I’ve kept men at a distance, but suddenly I’m wondering, for what? He’s not Nixon. In fact, he’s the polar opposite.
Turning around, I shake his hand, and he smiles, gripping mine hard. “Don’t you wanna know what I want?” I ask him.
“No…you can have anything, Cam.” My mind races, wondering what I’d even want if I won.
Luke and I finish our round of darts, with a lot of arguing and bantering regarding the rules, and at the end of the night, he fucking beats me. “We could play again?” he suggests, maybe trying to be a gentleman, but I shake my head. Knowing deep down that I want him. Luke and I have walked a thin line for a long time and I think I’m ready to cross it.
“What, you don’t want to kiss me?” I slur.
“Oh, I fucking do. But only if you want me to.” He’s always been so respectful of me, and that’s made it easy to keep him in the friend zone, because he never pressures me. That, and because of my past, my heart is guarded against men in general. But Luke is different—he’s my friend and I value our friendship a lot and would hate to see that change. Nixon and I started out as friends too, and what I thought was the best thing when we became more, turned out to be the worst decision I’d ever made. I don’t want to make the same mistake twice. But Luke is gorgeous, so the attraction is easily there. And as my friend, I do trust him…
Finishing my drink, I set it down and decide to live in the moment, knowing…Luke is not Nixon. He places his hand at the small of my back, his lips hovering over mine. My insides heat as he inches closer, coming in, and I look into his brown eyes, which are dancing in the bar lights.
Then he does it, he kisses me and everything that I was so scared of, feels so right. I kiss him back, our tongues working together. Desire filling my body as I weave my fingers into the back of his hair. I don’t think I want to stop.
Grabbing his hand, I drag him away from the bar and towards the bathroom, feeling very wobbly, but determined. My head is hanging forward as I push the door open and pull him inside. He smirks at me as I push his back against the door, and he doesn’t waste another second, kissing me again. His lips are over mine and I taste him as the same spark erupts. Since Nixon, I’ve been with a few guys, but I don’t let my feelings get involved. However, being with Luke right now, in this moment, feels like more than a random hook-up, and I’m okay with that; I need it. Luke makes me feel safe and I trust him.
We both get carried away. My insides are on fire, never imagining that Luke and I would be doing this and it could feel so good. He cups my face for a brief moment, looking deep into my eyes. “God, I want you.” He’s breathless and I can’t deny it…I want him too.
“Then fuck me.”
He shakes his head, biting his bottom lip, and refusing his good-guy moment before it goes any further, I lift my tank top over my head. My breasts gape back at him, and before I know it, he’s inside my pants. “God, I’ve dreamed about this so many times,” he says, and I can’t even process it, just needing him inside me, needing a good pounding and to come. Sex post-Nixon has become a feel-first-think-later kind of thing. “Do you have a condom?”
He pulls one out of his wallet and hands it to me. I tear it open as we both shimmy our pants down. “Should we do this here?” he asks me, and again I bat away his hesitation as I roll the condom down his cock, lift my leg, and slide him into my body. “Oh fuck, Cam.”
Jesus, he’s hard and feels so fucking good inside me. “Keep your back on the door,” I tell him as I hear someone outside. We begin to move together, my fingers holding on to his neck, my pussy clenching. Letting him work me good, fucking me the way I need.
“Yes, Luke,” I moan, and he says, “I love when you say my name.”
“Fuck me, Luke,” I chant again, as he’s rubbing the right spot. I look into his eyes, never imagining that sex with him could be this good. He stares back at me, relentlessly fucking me, gripping my thigh like his life depends on it. His mouth is ajar, and he grins, going a little harder as he pleases me so fucking well, only seeming to care about my pleasure as we both get swept away, our bodies moving so well together.
2
Nixon
With my hands around her hips, I pump my cock in and out. She’s on top of me, riding my dick, and keeps begging for more. “Harder, Nixon.” I slam her pussy, giving her what she asks for. She’s fucking me like she can’t get enough and I love it. Every nerve ending is firing on all cylinders as I work her tight cunt so good.
The sun is about to cap the morning sky, and I can’t wait to hit some waves after I blow my load.
“Yes,” she moans louder, and I curse myself for not remembering this chick’s name. I met her at the bar last night, and whelp…here we are.
A sliver of sun slices across her tits, and I have a hard time focusing on anything else. They bounce, my mouth watering at I watch them. Then I flip her on her back, needing to taste them. She laughs as I hover over her. “God, you’re an animal.”
“You like getting fucked hard, don’t you?” I ask and lick a circle around one of her nipples. Stopping our movements for a brief second, she nods her head. “Then grab on to your thighs, like a good girl.” Sliding my hands up her back, I wrap my fingers over her shoulders and fuck her ‘til she’s in a little pain. I like fucking women right to the edge. Keeping my strokes firm and deep as I work her hard like she likes, it pushes her over the edge. Watching her come causes me to blow hard, enjoying her tight pussy milking me, curling my toes, pumping my dick dry.
A low grunt crackles in my throat, and when I finish, I get off her and sit on the edge of the bed looking out at the beach, still feeling a little drunk from the night before. I’m stoked that my aunt lets me stay here, even though I haven’t paid her shit in rent. I wish I cared a little bit more about life, but I’m too fucked up since leaving the Navy. What I thought my future was gonna be has disintegrated before my eyes, and in the wasteland that remains, I find myself drowning the days away, surfing, drinking, and fucking.
“Is everything okay?” the chick asks me.
“Yeah, what’s your name again?” I ask her.
“Are you fucking serious?”
“Yup, I really have a shitty memory.”
“Fuck you!” she retorts and throws a pillow at me, snatching her clothes from the floor. It always works to get them out of my bed…but this time, I really don’t remember her name.
“Is it Amber?” I ask as I toss the condom into the trashcan and glance over my shoulder at her as she is getting dressed.
“You’re an asshole, you know that?”
“So I’ve been told, sweetheart.” I pull on my board shorts and open the rear sliding door to my condo. She glares, but it’s wasted on me as I take my surfboard, making my way down to the water. The sand is already warm between my toes, and I fuckin’ love the feeling. This time of year in Florida, it’s always fucking hot, but it’s why I live here. The waves are decent and I can surf whenever. Wading out in the cool Atlantic Ocean, I climb on my board and paddle a bit. My eyes are on the sun as it warms my face.
Breathing in the
air, I hope that starting work today will give me the purpose and adrenaline that I need in my life. I miss being in the Navy. It was my life…my future and I lost it all over one goddamn mistake. Like I’ve done time and time again in my life. So maybe this next adventure will be exactly what I need, and I can do it right.
The sun has fully risen, casting some dope rays across the sky. The waves crash beneath me, and I turn my back on the yellow orb, looking to my left as a massive wave forms. Paddling forward to catch it, I hop up and turn my board, but suddenly plummet forward, tumbling beneath the salt water. I don’t bother rushing up. I can hold my breath for six minutes…a skill that I trained for years to accomplish, a skill that I no longer have a use for. Sitting under the waves as they crash above me, my board pushes and pulls as it’s strapped to my ankle. The water burns my open eyes, but being underwater is fucking amazing. It’s where I feel at home and about all I have to look forward to anymore.
Finally I come up for air and then ride some waves. Knowing that I’m joining my new unit today gets me out. I don’t want to be late or fuck it up.
Going back to my place, I glance around and the girl from last night is gone, thank God. I pour a generous amount of cheap vodka in a glass, enough to start my day off right, and then turn the shower on. But I laugh out loud when I see what she wrote on the mirror, with what I’m guessing was red lipstick. “Amy was here!” “Amy” is underlined and I chuckle to myself. Amy, Amber, really no difference to me.
After showering, I get dressed, gargle some mouthwash, then walk out to my truck to drive to the base. I leased this baby the day I got home from Coast Guard boot camp, taking full advantage of the military discounts they were handing out at the dealership. Haven’t paid a dime since…so I’m sure any day now and it’ll be gone. Like everything else.
As I park in the lot, I look around at all the helicopters and boats that are docked all around the base and I’m so unbelievably ready for this. This gig is going to be fucking amazing. Way better than slumming orders from some asshole that at any moment can make the decision on whether you live or die.
On my way inside, I pass a Jayhawk and stare at it; the blades are huge as they slowly whip in the air. The crew must be getting ready for take-off. I kinda hope my lieutenant stations me in the air; it would be a cool change. I mean, I love the water, it’s one of the things I loved most about being a SEAL. That was before I kicked the shit out of my captain, which got me orders back to the States the same day. Doesn’t matter though…I was never a lifer like most guys. I thought I was for a few years. I followed in my dad’s footsteps and became a SEAL, wanting to honor his name and the man he was…but nothing can prepare you for what being a Navy SEAL is like. Death—the unknown—sacrifices—all for what? A few fucking stars and medals? None of that shit brings back the lives they take or the friends you lose. It’s why I got kicked out—my temper got the better part of me after my captain made a bad call during one of our raids and one of the best guy’s on my team paid with his life.
Shaking away the negativity that festers inside of me, I walk in and tell the hottie behind the desk, “Hi, I’m here to see Lieutenant Boscov.”
“And you are?”
“Nixon Andrews.”
“Please have a seat, sir.”
She points to a group of chairs that I pass on sitting in, instead looking through a wall of glass windows into the huge shop where they work on the helicopters. There are a ton of guys all hard at work.
“Nixon,” my new lieutenant calls out.
I turn and see the older gentleman who I was assigned to report under. He’s seemed pretty cool about giving me a second chance. Which I’m grateful for, ‘cause if it wasn’t for him, I’d be slinging burgers for minimum wage or some shit.
“How are you, sir?”
“Very well. It’s great to see you, Nixon.”
We shake hands and he says, “Listen, I know we talked about a few options for you, but I think I found a permanent spot where you’ll fit right in, and it’s in the air, which you’ve expressed that’s where you’d like to be. They are an excellent rescue flight crew that is down a crewmember. It’s a tight-knit group, but I think with your knowledge and skill set, it could be a good fit.”
“As long as I’m busy and saving people, I’m good, sir.”
“Oh, you will be.”
“Very good, sir.”
“Great. So what do you say…wanna meet the crew?”
“Yes. Thank you very much for giving me this opportunity, sir.”
“You’re very welcome, Nixon.”
He walks off and I follow behind him, noticing the girl at the desk watching me. I give her a wink; she’s fuckable for sure.
“Cameron?” my lieutenant calls out, and when I glance up and see her…I’m shocked. No fucking way.
3
Cameron
Sonofabitch!
“This is Nixon Andrews. He’s fresh out of boot camp, but an ex-Navy SEAL and will be your new AST,” Mack, my lieutenant, says.
I swallow, shocked, looking Nixon in the eye again. How is this even remotely fucking possible? Nixon and I shake hands awkwardly, the feeling of his fingers on mine making my heart skip a beat. We both act like we have no clue who the other person is, but even after all this time, I lose my breath. My heart in my throat, my eyes are wide looking at him again. God, he’s changed. I’d barely recognize him, if I saw him on the street. He’s so different, yet the same. His black hair and blue eyes resemble the old Nixon, but I can sense from his body language that he’s closed off and the pain within him is clear as he tries to hide it. He’s been through a lot, just like Conner warned me.
“Lieutenant?” someone calls out for Mack, and he says to us, “Could you both excuse me real quick?”
I nod and Nixon says, “Absolutely, sir.” The Navy must’ve really given him some manners.
“So, you work in the field?” Nixon asks me, seemingly shocked.
I hold back the derisive laugh his obvious incredulity brings bursting up. Mixed emotions of all sorts are running through me as my mind tries to unscramble. I haven’t seen him in five years, and that’s the first thing he says to me?
“You knew I worked here. Conner told you.”
“Uh…no, he didn’t. You think I’d be here if I knew you would be?”
“Are you kidding me? Do I repulse you that much, Nixon?”
“No, obviously you don’t repulse me, but I know you hate me, so I don’t want to be around that daily.”
“Well, it sounds like that is exactly what you’re in for. Out of all the places…why—”
He cuts me off, “I can see you haven’t changed one bit…still enjoying being a fucking nag.”
“Fuck you!”
He stares at me as I cross my arms over my chest and then says, “You look good, Cam, really fucking good.”
“Sorry about that,” Mack says coming back over to us, my face beet red and about to explode as I push Nixon out of my thoughts. I’ll be damned if I let him into my head. He won’t fuck this up for me…no matter what.
“Did you two get a chance to meet?”
“Yeah,” I respond and still can’t believe this is happening.
“Great. Are Guy and Luke out at the helicopter?”
“I think so.”
“I’m going to introduce Nixon to them. Then he should be ready for a trial run with you guys.”
“Works for me,” I can barely choke out the words, but I force myself to.
They walk off and I stare at the ground, my head spinning and my heart pounding as hard as it did the day Nixon left, bringing so many emotions back to the surface. Just when things are going so well for me. Work is good, Conner will be home soon, and I finally found someone I think I like in Luke. Someone that I can trust and who accepts me for me. He doesn’t push me to give him more or anything like that. After our hookup the other night, things have been so cool between us, it’s been like nothing happened. That awkwardn
ess isn’t there, things are just normal and that’s what I need. That’s why I think Luke and I could have something.
But now, here’s Nixon out of the blue, crashing in on things, making me instantly second-guess it all, giving me a sudden tsunami of feelings I’ve worked so long to push down and lock away. Picking up my clipboard, I hold on to it tightly, my nails digging into the back.
I can see the guys outside all shaking hands and being chummy. I’m sure he’s going to do whatever he can to make the guys like him. Jesus, I’m fucked. I never told Guy or Luke about Nixon, so they’re not going to understand my dislike for him. They have no clue of the pain he caused me.
Growing up, it was always my brother, Nixon, and I hanging out. We were the best of friends since we were young, spending day in and day out together. Then as time went on, I developed feelings for Nixon and fought them for years. He was my friend; I didn’t want to ruin that. But deep down, there was more to my feelings for him and I needed to acknowledge it, and I needed to know if he felt the same about me. After battling for so long, I finally gave in and so did he. And from that moment on, it was a whirlwind of a relationship, nothing could stop us or come between us. And as I looked forward to the future more than I ever had in my entire life, he put it all in jeopardy. Everything he promised me hung in the balance of a single choice—one decision, and in the blink of an eye, he went back on it all and snatched it away, including my brother, when they both joined the Navy. It killed me in the process from the inside out…
…“Conner? Nixon?” I call out getting home from swim practice early. But the normal response I get from them doesn’t come. I check my phone for any messages from either and I don’t see any, so I figure they are upstairs.
Heading up, I hear them talking in Conner’s room. I reach for the door handle, but I’m stopped dead in my tracks as I hear Nixon say, “Come on, man, she’ll be fine.”
“I know she will, but I feel bad we haven’t even told her yet.”