by LK Collins
5
Cameron
“Cam?” my head is pounding as someone is banging on my front door. Getting up, I’m still wobbly. Goddammit, I drank way too much.
“Coming!” I holler and stumble across the room.
Opening the door, it’s Guy. He’s got a coffee in each hand, and I gladly accept it then gesture him inside. “How are you not hungover?” I ask as he looks like he’s ready for work.
“I didn’t drink a dozen long island iced teas.”
“I didn’t either,” I argue back, squinting up at him, the sun so bright coming through the windows it hurts. “Yeah, you did,” he reminds me.
Dammit…I did and I pounded them hard after Nixon disappeared with our waitress. Who is he? I’m still disgusted thinking about it.
“Where’s Macey?”
“She’s not coming.”
“Oh, come on. Not even to watch us jump?”
“No, you know she hates it when we do this type of shit. She got the night off though, so she’ll be here later, for the barbecue.
“I gotta take a few aspirin.” I head into my bathroom, hoping it’ll clear my headache, and yell out to him, “Did you see Luke’s gift? I put it on the counter?” My head pounds from talking so loudly.
I hear Guy get it out of the bag. He and I went halfers on a sick ass Archimede 42 automatic watch, and I can’t wait for Luke to see it. I know how much he’s been wanting a new one; it’s the only thing he seemed to want. I was considering giving him a good fucking…but that was before Nixon came back. Now my whole head is fucked up regarding how I feel about taking things further with Luke. Not that it should matter, Nixon has clearly moved on, so I should too.
Guy yells out, “So when were you gonna tell us that Nixon is your ex?”
I blink a few times, stunned, staring at my flushed expression. Luke is gonna be pissed I didn’t tell him myself. Goddamn Seth! “That motherfucker told you guys?”
“Come on, Cam, you know the rules. Seth might not be working with us anymore, but we don’t keep secrets from each other. Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Because…it was a long time ago and…” I trail off, not even sure what to say to him. I should’ve told them, especially since I told Seth when I talked to him last night. But I needed his unbiased advice, and he said he wouldn’t tell Guy or Luke. He’d let me do it when I was ready, but clearly he lied to me, like all men do.
“It doesn’t matter, Guy. We dated when we were really young and now so much has changed.”
“Clearly, not a lot has,” he jives back. “It all makes sense now, why you don’t like him.”
“What else did Seth tell you?” I ask walking back into the living room.
“Nothing, he said he was your ex and wanted us to know, so you didn’t end up hurt…again.”
Walking up to my fridge, I grab a picture off of it. It’s of Conner, Nixon, and me. Passing it to Guy, I take a seat next to him as he studies it and says, “I knew he looked familiar.”
“Was he in the Navy with Conner?” Guy asks me and I take the picture back, sipping on my coffee.
“Yeah, they enlisted together.”
“Is that why you hate Nixon?”
“I don’t hate him. It’s a long story.”
“I’m sure they had their reasons for joining.”
“Oh what, like needing to live out a call to patriotism without even telling the ones you love? Then Nixon broke things off with me, ‘cause he didn’t want me to end up hurt, all while hurting me, leaving me sobbing on my hands and knees? Those are valid reasons?” He shakes his head, my outrage clearly a little dramatic, but I need him to understand that Nixon isn’t innocent in all of this and that my anger for him stems from his actions. “Exactly,” I tell him, “It wasn’t his choice to make, whether I stuck by him or not…it was mine. And then to convince my brother to go with him, it killed me.”
“I couldn’t even imagine what you went through, Cam. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. I’ve tried to let it go…but seeing him again has brought back so many fucking memories and emotions and things I just want to forget.”
“Are you gonna be able to work with him?”
“I just don’t know right now, Guy.”
Guy’s phone rings and he checks to see who’s calling. Shit, it’s Luke. We gotta go. I run into my bedroom and quickly change, then brush my teeth and hair, not sure how I feel about spending the day with both Luke and Nixon. Searching within myself for the strength to get through it, I can do this. It’s Luke’s birthday. I can’t let anything ruin his day. As much as I hate Nixon, I have to put that behind me, for Luke.
“Are you excited?” I ask Luke, so thankful that my head has stopped hurting, and he gives me a tight hug. He hasn’t brought up a word about Nixon, or whatever Seth told him, so I’m not either, not on his birthday.
“You know it,” he says looking down at me, staring at my lips, and Guy asks us, ruining the moment, “What jump is this for us?”
“Thirty-two,” Luke says and loosens his hold.
“That’s insane. Best birthday ever,” Guy says.
“Is this everyone?” the instructor asks us while we get ready.
“Nah, we’ll have another guy joining us,” he tells her.
“Is he licensed?”
“I’m not sure,” Luke says, “He’s jumped before though.”
“Okay, well, you all know the drill, get suited up.”
The three of us are all USPA “A” licensed, so we can jump alone. I’m assuming Nixon isn’t, and I find a little satisfaction thinking that he’ll have to jump strapped to an instructor.
As we all begin to change, Nixon strolls in like he’s hot shit with his own chute on and not wearing a shirt. Fuck, he didn’t used to be that hot. I force the thought into the back of my head. It doesn’t matter.
“Sorry, I’m late, I was a little busy this morning.” Vomit rises in the back of my throat, knowing exactly what he’s referring to.
“It’s all good, man. Glad you could make it,” Luke tells him.
The guys shake hands and I notice a huge hickey on Nixon’s neck. What, is he in high school?
“Morning, Cam.” He gives me a firm hug, holding me longer than I’d like. His hands on me send my heart into overdrive and I tell him, “Don’t call me that.” Trying to think of any jab that I can to get him to let me go.
“Come on, when are you gonna let the past go?”
Thankfully the instructor comes up behind Nixon and they begin to talk about the jump, so I don’t have to answer him. I overhear him tell her he’s licensed and has over a hundred jumps from the Navy. I had no idea what he did in the Navy—Conner would never tell me a thing about him and finally I stopped asking.
I find myself full on watching Nixon talk, which has my insides pulsating, and not because I’m scared for the jump, but because I know I’m in for one hell of a day. Buried beneath the layers of the façade that I live under, Nixon awakens something inside of me, something that I’ve buried for years now and I don’t want to let out…I can’t.
“You okay?” Luke asks me, pulling me out of my daydream.
“Yeah, of course. I’m great.” He’s so sweet and caring as he pushes my hair behind my ear. I know he wants what is best for me, and obviously now that he knows about Nixon, even if he hasn’t said a word, his guard is up.
“Sorry I invited him,” he says.
“It’s all good.”
“You sure?” he asks me.
“Yeah, I’ve let go of the past, we’re cool.” I hate to lie, but I don’t want Luke feeling bad on his birthday for something so stupid. “Plus, today’s about you.”
Heading up in the plane, I love the smile and the expression on Luke and Guy’s faces; they were born to be in the sky. Don’t get me wrong, I love jumping too…but I prefer to be in the water.
“We’re approaching twelve thousand five hundred feet,” the pilot says and the instructor opens th
e door to the plane.
“Who’s first?”
Guy and I look at Luke and he kneels at the door waiting for his signal to jump. Guy gestures me next, and I glance over my shoulder at Nixon. He’s watching me, his hands clasped together, his fucking hair in his face. He gives me a smirk as I brace my hands on the doorframe above my head, needing to get out of this place and away from the sexual tension that he’s putting off. My body courses with adrenaline, waiting to jump, and the split second I get the signal, I jump and flip to my back so I am looking up at the plane. Guy kneels in the doorway and waves at me. I look up at the sky, loving to watch myself falling away from it. Guy jumps and I flip over, knowing that I’m already nearing the pull zone. It’s amazing how fast you fall. It takes mere seconds to complete a jump. Looking down at Luke, he pulls his chute, and a few seconds later, I do the same. The pressure whips me upward, like I’m being yanked back by my hair.
Keeping my landing target in site, I watch Luke gracefully plant his feet on the ground. Coming in right behind him, I let out the breath I was holding as I gather up my parachute and we watch Guy and Nixon coming down.
Guy is as calm as ever, and Nixon…well, he’s screaming like a maniac, and I’m not sure if it’s because he’s scared or he’s enjoying himself. Guy lands and looks behind him as he walks over to us. “Is that Nixon?”
“Yup.”
We all watch as he inches closer and closer to the ground. Obviously, he’s loving it, coming in super fast. His hot pink parachute makes me laugh; the guy is crazy, that’s for sure. You can see the excitement on his face as his eyes are wide open, and the three of us bust up laughing.
He lands in one piece on the ground, his knees buckle a little from the impact, and his noises don’t stop. He looks around wildly, searching the scenery then screams again, a loud, “Wooooooooo!” As he looks at us, Guy asks him, “You love that, don’t you, man?”
“Yeah, bro, I do. Jumping’s fucking awesome.”
The three of us exchange a glance and for a brief moment, I get a glimpse into the old Nixon. Into who he used to be, before he became this version. The version of a man who’s so familiar, yet someone I don’t know at all, and it hurts really bad, because I remember he was so fun and exciting.
6
Nixon
“You coming with us to Cameron’s?” Guy asks me.
“Nah, man, I don’t think so. I don’t want to barge in on your day.”
“You’re not barging in. Luke invited you.”
“You sure, bro?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“Well, all right, you have her address?”
“Yo, Cam?” Guy shouts across the parking lot to her as she and Luke are exiting the building together, laughing and walking all close.
“Yeah, what’s up?”
“What’s your address? I invited Nixon to the barbecue.”
She rolls her eyes and I really don’t want to go now. “You know what? I’ve got some other stuff to do. You guys have fun. I’ll text you if I can make it.”
“Come on, dude, it’s cool,” he says.
Cam and Luke walk up to us, and Guy adds in, “Nixon, why don’t you drive Cameron back to her place? I’ve gotta go pick up Macey, and Luke has to run by his parents’, right, Luke?”
Cameron looks at them both shocked. “Are you guys for real?” she snorts.
“What’s the big deal?” Guy asks.
“You know what the big deal is.” Right then, I’m aware that she’s told them we used to date. He must be pushing me to drive her, so we can work past our issues, which I don’t think is a bad idea. I don’t want to fight with her. I want everything to be chill.
“Come on, let me drive you. I won’t even speak, if you don’t want me to.”
She looks at me, then the guys, contemplating what to do. Luke gives her a smile, like he’s giving her his permission to come with me, and I roll my eyes as she says, “Not a fucking word.” I show her my patented grin as we say goodbye and then get in my truck. Sitting next to her, she is so different than she used to be. She’s fucking strong-willed and knows exactly what she wants and is not afraid to say it. Maybe me leaving her made her that way. As she puts on her seatbelt I ask her, “Where do you live?”
“Beachside, in Jupiter.”
“Really? Me too,” I tell her, starting my truck. She ignores me and I back out, heading east. Cameron has her hands in her lap and is looking out the window. I can’t see her face, and it’s fucking annoying how she ignores me, like I don’t exist. The silence in the car is making me want a nap. Turning on the stereo, I look to get any reaction out of her, but get none, and finally say to her, “Come on, you can’t ignore my charm forever,” hoping to get her to open up. She turns towards me, tears in her eyes. As I gaze over at her, she finally speaks, “Why? Because you want me to?”
“No, because this isn’t a healthy way to live.”
“And you think the way you’re living is healthy?” she asks me.
“This isn’t about me,” I tell her.
“But it is, Nixon, it’s all about you.”
“Cam, I’m fine, it’s you I’m worried about.”
“Don’t act like you care about me,” she says, wiping her eyes dry.
“You know I care about you.”
“That’s bullshit, Nixon. You don’t care about anyone but yourself. Do you not remember what you did to me?”
“I didn’t have another choice.”
“You still believe that?”
“Yes, I sent you a letter and told you what happened to five guys in my graduating class the week we got out there.”
“I know, I got it and I was so grateful that it wasn’t you or Conner that were killed, but leaving me was just as hard.” I hate that I hurt her; I can still see the pain in her eyes now. “Now that you’re done with the Navy and nothing bad happened to you, is that still what you believe?”
“Yeah.” I’m not honest in my answer, but there’s no going back now. I’m too fucked up. Too much shit has happened to make this right. She’ll never look at me the same way again and nothing can ever change that.
“Okay, this obviously isn’t going to work. You need to put in for a transfer.”
“Why? Because I left you? I did you a fucking favor. Don’t you see that?”
“No, Nixon, you broke my fucking heart. You promised me a future and then took it away like you had the power to decide for both of us.”
“I never promised you anything. I told you, I didn’t want you waiting around for me or to end up going through what my mom did.”
“Listen to yourself! You’ve brainwashed yourself into forgetting the past, into forgetting what we were. Do you not remember all the things we used to talk about? Did you think I was too weak and couldn’t handle it?”
“I knew you could handle it…but it wasn’t fair for me to ask you to. I was following my heart, it was what I was meant to do. But it just didn’t work out how I’d planned.”
“So what, are you saying you regret it now?”
“I have too many regrets in life, leaving being just one of them.”
“Must really suck to be you, then.”
“You have no fucking idea, but we both know that me leaving was the best thing that’s happened to you.”
“Don’t act like you did me a solid.”
“I did and you know it deep down.”
“Fuck you, Nixon. You need to stop saying that and take some accountability for your actions.”
“Think about things. You’ve done really well for yourself without me. You have a sweet job and solid friends. You’ve changed a lot, I can see that, and…” I trail off, not really sure how to express what I’m feeling.
“And what?”
And nothing. I’m not going to tell her what I’m really thinking or acknowledge what seeing her again is doing to me. It’s for the best, and one day she’ll understand that.
She’s silent the rest of the drive. We le
ave the conversation as is—unfinished.
“This is it,” Cameron says as I park on the street in front of her condo. I go to get out and she says, “I really want you to put in for a transfer.”
“Okay, okay, I’ll talk to Mack.” She looks at me, stunned by my response. I mean, I’ll ask him about other opportunities the next time I see him, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to transfer.
As we get out of my truck, I hear the water crashing against the shore. She’s the same way I am with her love of the ocean.
“You still surf?” I ask her.
“Yeah.”
Following her upstairs, my eyes are on her ass. It hasn’t changed one bit; her shorts are so tight and hug it perfectly. Reaching for it, I grab a handful of each cheek with both hands and squeeze hard—her butt was always my favorite. She whips around and hits my arms. “What the fuck, Nix?”
“Sorry, I literally couldn’t help myself.”
“Well, don’t let that shit happen again.”
She opens the door to her condo and it looks how I imagined. There is a loud chime ringing, and she runs to her laptop and turns it on. “Conner?” she calls out and I look at the screen as his familiar face comes into view.
“Hey sis! Did I catch you at an okay time?”
“Always!” She sits right down and I observe the way her face lights up. They are still as close as they were the day we left. Another regret, I live with.
As they talk, I find myself inching closer and closer to her and then kneel next to her chair as I look at Conner’s face closely on the screen. It feels like forever since I’ve seen him and I’ve only been gone seven months. “Nixon?” he quizzically asks.
“What’s up, bro?”
“Holy shit, how are you?”
“I’m good, brother. Loving being home.”
“What are you doing with Cam? You guys aren’t back together, are you?” he asks, confused.
“No way!” she blurts out, and I tell him, “It’s a long story. I’m in the Coast Guard now and somehow got stationed with her.”
He nods and looks between the two of us. “God, it’s so good to see you guys together.”