by LK Collins
“How can you say that? This isn’t even your problem. I’m not your girlfriend, Mallory is.”
“You’re right, it’s not, but it’s your problem, and anything that involves you, I care about.”
“Jesus, I probably already hurt the baby drinking.”
He rolls his eyes at me—we’ve been over this one already. The doctor already told us the chances were very, very slim.
“So, are you done worrying?”
“What am I gonna tell my parents?”
“The truth!”
“No, no way, they’d freak out if they knew I was having a baby with Leo. Heck, I’m freaking out because I’m having that asshole’s baby.”
“Then just say it’s mine.”
My jaw drops open, and I blink at him as my brain processes his offer. “So what? You just wanna get married and raise this kid with me? I’m sure Malloy would love that.”
“Abso-fuckin-lutely, I do! If it’ll stop you from stressing, then let’s do it.”
“That’s crazy, Parks.”
“What other options do you have? I mean, you could call up Juan Pablo from last night and tell your parents it’s his? Your dad would love him, tattoos and all.
“His name wasn’t Juan Pablo,” I grumble, pushing away the point.
“What’s the difference? He looked like a fucking drug lord and clearly didn’t have your best interests in mind.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, confused.
“Don’t you remember what he said?”
“No, what?”
“Never mind. It was nothing, really.”
“Don’t do that, Parks, out of all people, don’t lie to me. Just tell me.”
“Fine, after I made him leave he said something like he’d just go home and bang his girlfriend.”
I drop my head into my hands and contemplate the new depths of my life. God, how am I going to manage? Really? I brought home some guy who had a girlfriend? Way to go, Fallon, I snagged another winner. “What a fucking asshole.”
“Yup, you always pick the good ones,” he responds in a teasing tone, and I can’t help but wonder if maybe I’m doomed when it comes to love.
Parks squeezes my knee, bringing me back into the moment, and I know what I have to do. “I can’t allow you to let me have this baby here and complicate your life, too. You have a girlfriend; you don’t need me or my baggage weighing you down.”
“Would you just shut the fuck up, Fallon? Do you realize how lucky you are to be pregnant? Some women can’t have kids.”
“I know, I just didn’t imagine it going this way.”
“That’s life, sometimes you gotta suck it up and make the best of what’s thrown at you.”
“I want to.”
“Then do it. My entire life, you’ve been the most positive person I’ve ever known. When I lost Meg, you were all that got me through it. Now let me return the favor and get you through this.”
16
Parks
I’ve been sitting on my balcony watching the sunrise and wondering how things are going to play out. So many things are running through my mind. Like how I jumped at the chance to raise Fallon’s baby as my own, was that crazy? Maybe, but for her, I’d literally do anything.
Or the fact that she told me she loved me the other night. We’ve been friends almost our whole lives, and we have never said those words to each other—ever. Does that mean she truly loves me?
She hasn’t said anything to me about it, and I’m not sure if it’s because she doesn’t remember, or if everything else has made her forget. Regardless, I can’t forget, and my mind keeps getting carried away with the possibilities and what-if’s.
Like yesterday, what we talked about would be a dream come true. Even if the baby isn’t mine, I’d do anything for her and the baby.
I close my eyes and go back to the moment when my hand was cupping her face and the way my heart thudded against my chest when she confessed. But she startles me when she opens the sliding door and steps out behind me wearing only a short T-shirt.
“Morning,” she says and touches my shoulder. I pat her hand and then she sits on the chair to my left.
“Hey, how ya feeling?”
“I’m okay; I slept hard, you?”
“Off and on. Are you feeling better about things?”
“Maybe . . . it’s like the second I come to terms with one thing, another one jumps out and gets me flustered again.”
“What do you mean?”
“Like telling Leo. How am I going to handle that when I don’t want to see him ever again?”
“Do you want to tell him?”
“The moral part of me does, but the emotional part has me teetering on the edge. It keeps telling me that the baby would be better off without him and his influence. You and I both know how he really is. He’s callous, egotistical, insensitive, and my mind can’t shake that one time he put his hands on me. Granted, he was drunk, and it only happened the once, but what if we had this baby at that time? What would’ve happened? He’s a ticking time bomb and . . .” Tears gloss over her eyes as she trails off.
I try to forget about the time he did that. He was drunk and slammed her against the wall when she questioned him for being out all night. It took every ounce of self-control I had not to go over there and do that same thing back to him. He deserved it after all, but she begged me not to get involved. Anything Fallon wants, I’ll give to her . . . always.
“For right now, I think the best thing you can do is let all your worries and stresses go. You’ve been through enough lately, and you have to start putting yourself and this baby first. Worry about Leo and all that shit later.”
“What should I tell my parents, they deserve to know. I haven’t been honest with them about anything; they are gonna be so hurt that I’ve lied.” I can see it’s weighing on her as she wipes the tears away from her eyes.
“Your parents have always just wanted the best for you. I think if you give them the chance, they will surprise you.” She doesn’t look very convinced, but I’m not going to push her. She’s a smart girl and will make whatever choice she feels is best, and I’m sure her parents will understand.
My phone chimes in with an email, which is the confirmation from American Insurance that they received my submission to add her as my domestic partner. I hope this will help since everything is suffocating her,
“Guess what?” I ask.
“What?”
“I just I got the confirmation from my insurance that they have everything they need to add you.”
“You did? Parks, we talked about that like twelve hours ago and hadn’t decided on anything.”
“Yeah, I know. But you had a problem that I could solve for you, so I did. Plus, I told you I would.”
“Well, I appreciate it. How did you get it submitted to them so fast?”
“They just needed something with our names and address on it that showed we’ve been together for at least six months, so I sent them an old cell phone bill.” Fallon and I have a cell phone plan together, it saves us a ton of money every month, and it’s been that way since we were younger.
“I really don’t know how to thank you, Parks.”
“You don’t need to; you know that.” I give her a small smile, and she shifts from her own seat so she can sit on my lap. Her bare ass only a few inches away from my cock sends my body into a tailspin as she wraps her arms tightly around me and nuzzles in closely, the way I love. Inside, I have my own battle, but I’ll keep fighting it as long as she is happy. Even if this is all we ever have, I’ll take it.
“Hey, I was gonna head out for a hike,” I tell her, trying to change the subject and maybe help myself focus on something else. “You wanna come?”
“Yeah, sure.”
I can’t help the smile that creeps across my face, I know getting out and enjoying some fresh air always makes her happy. I pack up my camera so I can take some shots, and Fallon goes to her room to get dressed. I woul
d be lying if I said I didn’t watch her the entire time she was walking away from me. God, what I’d do to just have one time with her.
Coming out, she’s got the shortest shorts on, and her T-shirt is so tight I can see her bra through it. “Ready?”
“Aren’t you gonna get cold?” I ask.
“Considering I’ve been running as hot as grizzly bear lately, I doubt it.”
I chuckle as we climb into my truck. After she has her seatbelt on, she says, “I applied for a physical therapy job at a nursing home, is that dumb?”
“No, why would you ask that?”
“I don’t know; I just feel like it’s a step back from where I was.”
“Fallon, if you’re helping people get better, then you’re making a difference.” I back my truck out and drive toward my favorite trail. She looks out the window as I drive and I say to her, “Did I ever tell you that I’m being recognized at the Seattle Photography Awards?”
“No, that’s awesome, Parks. When?”
“Tomorrow night.”
“Wow, I’m sorry I didn’t know. I haven’t been the best friend lately. I should be better.”
“No, you’re perfect.” I mean it. There is not a thing I’d change about Fallon. Well, maybe that she was more than my friend.
“Thanks, thank you for being such an amazing friend to me and for doing so much. You’re my rock.”
“And you’re mine; you know that. So, you wanna come with me tomorrow?”
“What about Mallory?”
“Oh . . . she’s traveling.” Lying to her sends a twinge of anxiety spiking through my veins.
“Then I’d love to.”
And I’d love it, too. Pulling into the parking lot I’m stoked to be here. We both get out of the truck, and as Fallon starts to walk ahead of me, I snap a few photos of her walking away.
Fuck, she is gorgeous.
She looks back at me with a smirk across her face and her hair blowing in the wind.
I snap that picture, too, and glance at my camera, knowing it could be my new favorite of her.
“You didn’t say you we were gonna be taking pictures,” she says.
“I always do, you know that.”
“How do you know what to look for?”
“I don’t know, I just do. It comes natural to me.”
She is on my right as we walk along and she reaches for my camera, removing the strap from my neck and sliding it around hers. She lifts it and gives me a hesitant smile before looking around the thick forest for something that catches her eye. She takes a few pictures and then turns the lens on me. I smirk, letting her get the pictures, even though I hate being photographed.
Eventually, I take it from her.
“All right, all right, times up.”
She giggles as we keep walking, our hands brushing against each other’s. When we reach the overlook, she walks to the edge. I photograph her in this moment, so strong and beautiful as she takes the sights in. She stares out at the vast skyline, and I hope she’s feeling better about things.
My heart jumps into my throat when a strong wind pushes past me. The sudden image of losing her is so real that my breath catches. It reminds me of how I lost Meg to a riptide that was too strong. Another gust hits us both, fiercer than the last, and she teeters on the edge, clearly standing too close. I reach for her, needing her to take a step back.
I relax only after I have her safely in my arms.
“I . . . I don’t think I can handle everything.” I almost miss her words, but I don’t miss the tiny tremble that runs the length of her body.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, hating that she went from being okay to upset so quickly.
She buries her face into my chest and just shakes her head.
“It’s too much, Parks.”
“What is?”
“Leo, this baby, getting fired. What’s next? You gonna leave me, too?”
“No, never!” I grab ahold of her cheeks and force her to look me in the eyes. “Never,” I whisper, wishing she knew just how much she meant to me.
“You say that now, but—”
“But nothing,” I say with all the confidence I feel. I actually can’t believe she would ever think I would be capable of leaving her.
“What about Mallory?” she asks, “You have to think about her.”
I rest my forehead against hers, the closeness of our bodies is the key to my existence. All the lies mounting inside me, make me sick. I can’t keep this up. “Fallon, there is no Mallory.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t have a girlfriend. Mallory is just my friend . . . I made it up.”
“Why?” She gapes back at me shocked, and I want her to understand my reasoning, but I don’t know how to only go half in on this. It’s either I tell her nothing or tell her everything. My insides tense, that familiar feeling of betrayal is blooming between us, and I have to stop it, I can’t live like this anymore.
“Because I was scared of what would happen if I told you how I really felt.”
“How you really feel? Parks, you’re not making sense.”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
“You should be, you lied just like Leo did,” she scoffs and tries to wiggle out of my arms, but I won’t let her go, and wrap my arms around her waist.
“No, Fallon, it’s not like that.”
“How do you figure?”
My nerves are racing as I prepare to tell her the truth. This moment, this conversation, these next words are all I’ve feared for as long as I can remember. “I came up with the fake girlfriend for a reason. Yes, I lied, but it’s absolutely nothing like what Leo did. Everything I’ve ever done in my entire life has been for you in one way or another.”
“I don’t understand what you’re saying. Lying to me doesn’t help me . . . one bit.”
“It does. It did.”
“No, it didn’t!” She’s appalled—angry, that out of all people, I’m the one doing this to her. I search for the words, a way to make her understand things.
“Say something,” she screams.
“Damn it, Fallon, I . . . I fucking love you.”
“What?” Her eyes connect with mine as her forehead creases. My stomach is in my throat, and I’m having a hard time reconciling that I just confessed to her what I’d been afraid of my whole life.
“I said I love you!”
“I love you, too, Parks. You know that.”
“No, Fallon. I mean that I’m in love with you.”
My arms are secure around her, and I wait as her breathing turns a bit erratic while she tries to comprehend my words. That dumbfounded look across her face is telling me this is not going to end well.
“I made up Mallory to try to keep my feelings for you a secret. I couldn’t bear to lose you like I lost Meg.” I can barely keep my eyes on her as I tell her what has kept me quiet all these years. She zones out and drops her arms, but I don’t let go of her. I can’t. I’m sick with fear, waiting for the moment that she’ll turn her back on me, and I’ll never see her again.
“What do you mean?” she asks me.
“I’ve been scared to be honest with you because I’m terrified it will change things between us.”
She shakes her head, trying to process what I’m saying. “How long have you loved me?” I’m not sure what to say. I know the answer but fear the truth will be the end. “Please answer me, Parks.”
“For as long as I can remember,” I honestly tell her, waiting for her to get even more angry the same way it’s played out in my mind—again and again.
There are so many times I’ve imagined having this exact conversation and her reactions are always different. Yet, I’ve never considered a scenario that she would reciprocate my feelings; she always ends up leaving. Fuck! I should’ve kept my mouth shut and proved to her that I’m not going anywhere. I should’ve kept up the lie about Mallory.
Damn it. I’m so pissed at myself.
“Why didn�
�t you tell me sooner?” She’s hurt. I can see it in her face. She’s distancing herself—slipping through my fingertips and panic creeps into the back of my throat.
“I-I couldn’t,” I admit wildly, feeling like I’m gripping at straws to hang onto her. Fuck, I wish I had the answers to make everything right—to make it all better. But my logic behind everything has been so messy for so long; I don’t know right from wrong.
“You should’ve told me, Parks. You shouldn’t have kept that from me.” Tears fill her eyes, and the revelation that I am causing her pain almost brings me to my knees.
“I didn’t know how,” I tell her, willing her to look at me, and when she does, I follow my heart— there is no turning back. This is my one final chance.
“I shouldn’t have kept it from you, and I’m sorry I did. But I was at a fragile time in my life when it all really sunk in. It was after Meg passed when the closeness between you and I became my lifeline. I knew I’d always liked you, but what you did for me after she was gone . . . the way you made me go on and gave me a purpose for living was what made me really fall in love with you. I knew there was nothing or no one who could ever change that. I battled with telling you for years, but every time I thought about it, I backed out. I was so worried what would happen to our friendship and me if I lost you too. So, I stayed quiet.”
“Why? Why would you do that?” A tear tracks down her cheek, and I brush it away.
I’m ashamed with myself for causing her this pain. “I’m so sorry.”
“You should be. You should’ve told me years ago. Because goddamn it, Parks, I fucking love you, can’t you see that?”
“You do?” my words are barely a whisper, as I try and comprehend what she is saying.
“Yes, I’ve loved you for so long, but you’ve always been with Mallory, or so I thought. God damn it, we’re meant to be together, and you stopped us from doing that.” Her words are a pure shock. I had no idea this is how she felt. “God damn you for lying to me.” She reaches for my hand and connects our fingers.
“This should’ve happened ages ago,” she mumbles and pulls my mouth to hers. Her lips are soft and plump, the way I always imagined them to be. I let her lead, and even though the kiss is gentle, the simple gesture has my cock growing. The familiar feeling that I typically fight, I now indulge in.