by Rose McGowan
Don’t get me wrong, I feel bad for the box men get put in, too. Men are born into such a narrow idea of what they are supposed to be. Snore. I can see this in my own life, with my father. He was raised on this steady diet of John Wayne films by his macho Korean War–fighting dad. His dad told him that a real man doesn’t cry, a real man doesn’t complain, a real man, a real man, a real man . . . ad infinitum. “Go watch John Wayne, you’ll never see him be weak. Ever.” How many men grew up with this false idea of strength? For years Hollywood has been responsible for showing men how to be this bullshit ideated version of themselves. It’s time to knock that one down.
Aren’t you bored with being the tough loner, the jock, the nerd, the womanizer? Wouldn’t you like to develop into a deeper, more nuanced human? You’re living an illusion that’s generated by a mass propaganda machine. Don’t you want to see the Matrix for what it is and get out? For those of you who are out, go further.
I can’t wait for us all to be just humans. No gender. No stereotypes. Just humans. But we need to unpack the traditional indoctrinated thought first.
Ahh, the patriarchy. The patriarchy to me is the equivalent of male society resting on a La-Z-Boy recliner, basking in its comfort, but don’t you realize it’s a trap? Why does a woman who’s strong make you less? It’s not a zero-sum game. My equality and respect doesn’t leave less respect for you: it’s not fucking pie. There’s enough creativity, love, resources for all of us, if you’d just stop hoarding stuff. You’re safe, okay? No one is trying to get you, it’s you who are trying to get us. Look at the statistics. What if you could no longer be ruled by insecurity and fear? What if you too could be free?
To women: Why are you still apologizing? Why are you constantly saying sorry, for just existing? Occupy space. Take it. Aren’t you tired of not knowing your worth? Aren’t you tired of having your value equated with your fuckability and your looks? Aren’t you tired of competing with other women? Aren’t you tired of societal constructs benefiting males that encourage us to turn against each other? Why not turn and help the woman or the girl next to you? Instead of hiring the guy, hire the girl. Do it on purpose. And if it doesn’t work out the first time, try again. Let’s do our own version of Affirmative Action. It’s not sexist, it’s right and equitable. And long, long, long overdue. Do not play by their invented rules. Stop.
The reason I know my own worth now is because I see all that worth in you. I see how much you are worth and how much you don’t see it yourself. If I can do it, anyone can.
If you’re called a man hater, bitter, ugly, not hot, a misandrist, whatever other label they can think of, would you not survive? Yes, you would. I have been called every name in the book and I have survived.
I’m called bitter when I fight for equality. I don’t know what equality in the eyes of the law and equal consideration has to do with bitterness. That is just another label used to shut me and those like me up. But who cares if slow-witted men label us as bitter? They’re always going to label us something; we may as well have a cause.
Men and women: You can both be feminists. It just means you’re for equal rights and equal pay. If you believe women should have equal rights and equal pay, congratulations, you are now a feminist. Pretty simple, really. When you are pro-equality, you get your humanity back. When you get your humanity back, you start realizing that you are in fact in control of the narrative. It’s a place of power. Feminism has for years turned into a dirty word, but it’s not. The men in power and in media made it a dirty word to serve their purposes, not ours. Look at who’s benefiting from you not recognizing that you are a feminist, because it’s not you. So be one. There is no price for admission, just a free mind and a desire for equality. Go, you.
And to those who are Survivors: You need to know that it is YOU who is awesomely strong. Look at what you’ve done and how far you have come. Go, fucking you. Badass. Look at how you’ve gone forward in your life despite every goddamn message you get every goddamn day that you are not good enough. Because you know what? You are. And I love you and honor you.
When I was in the Cult of Hollywood, I’d put myself down and say I had useless talents. Useless talent number 72, useless talent 75, et cetera . . . I was a strong writer, but it wasn’t my official job, so to my mind, it was just a useless talent. I am a damned good photographer, but never pursued it as an additional career because I already had one. Photography is what others did professionally, not me; I was already an actress. And then there was useless talent 47: music. I love singing, and I’m a strong lyricist. But no one told me I could do whatever I wanted to do. I never got that message, so I gave it to myself, and now I give it to you. Be you. Be it loud and proud.
Do whatever you want as much as you can. Do whatever you want to do, because this is your life. Live a life of adventure, tiny and big. Do weird shit. There is no reason you have to live your life to the rhythm of others. If you feel like staying up at night and sleeping during the day, figure out a way to support that and do it. This is your time, this is all you get, as far as we know, so why spend it making others happy if it’s not making you happy?
If you were your true self, what would you be? Wouldn’t it be amazing if we were all our best selves? I think that’s a noble thing to think about and work toward. We can be better by thinking differently. Whatever is different about you is what makes you amazing. Others will try to homogenize you for their own comfort level, because God forbid discomfort. Fuck that. Do not bend yourself to make others feel taller. When someone comes at you telling you what you are and slapping a label on you, simply ask them why. Why would you say that? Make them think.
Be creative at whatever you do and with whatever you are. It does require bravery, but I believe in you; I know you’ve got it in you to be better. I know you’ve got it in you to be brave.
P. S.
This is where I give you the postscript of my life, where I’m at now. I’m at a pretty great place. I have enjoyed becoming braver and braver. Being more comfortable in my skin. I have enjoyed using all my artistic talents that were once used as a muse and an inspiration for others. I shoot commercial campaigns. I’m directing films. I’m doing an album. I’m launching an incredible labor of love, a skincare line that challenges what the beauty industry tells you you need. It’s called The Only Skincare. I’ve been working on this special three-in-one formula with my aunt Rory for the last eight years. It’s an amazing line, completely revolutionary in its simplicity and efficacy. It makes me so happy that I’ll have another way of doing things differently. The beauty industry also needs to change its messaging system, and by creating something truthful that really works, I’ll be embarking on that journey soon. Also, as I previously mentioned, my album, Planet 9, will be released around the same time as this book. The book and album really do go together, and both are about freedom of thought.
Everyone thinks, unless they see you on a screen, you must just cease to exist.
Well, I’m here to tell you that’s not true. I live an amazing, really varied life filled with travel and work and joy.
I spent most of my life, most of my adult life, working in service of others, but being silenced by doing so. I no longer do that. I can’t. I have to use my platform for good. The work now is work that I love and work that I’m free to do, and work that, frankly, I excel at. It took years for me to master, but I did. I want to spark conversation and in that way effect change.
For a long time, I thought I got my strength from my dad, but I was wrong. I got it from every woman who came before me in my family. I got it from my brilliant, super-political mom. My aunt Rory, my aunt Kelli, my aunt Debby, my grandma Nora. My great-grandmother Ruby, who was one of the first women to go to the University of New Mexico. She had men throwing things at her every day on the way to school, but she persevered. The women in my family, they just get on with it, as so many of us do. Here’s to all of us living in a new world, one that’s different, a world where we don’t have to just
get on with it, but a world where we are free. Here’s to us all demanding more.
Being brave doesn’t mean you are not scared, it just means you do the scary thing anyway. So look at what you consume and choose wisely. Email, tweet, demand different from those who are pushing a damaging narrative. And if they don’t change, refuse to buy what they are selling. Push back at the system where you see injustice happening. It is more important than ever that we grow and grow fast. Our lives are at stake, our minds are at stake. See how women are treated in life and stand up for us. Don’t join in with the degradation too often heaped on us, and stop those doing the degrading. Don’t play the machine’s game. Be better. Think different. I know you can. I know you can change the world, starting with yours, just by being brave.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Thank you to all those who have shown me kindness and consideration along the way. You know who you are.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
ROSE McGOWAN is a writer, director, music artist, former actress, entrepreneur, and feminist whistle-blowing activist who held lead roles in films such as The Doom Generation, Scream, Jawbreaker, and Planet Terror. She starred on the hit series Charmed from 2001 to 2006. Her directorial debut, Dawn, was nominated for the Short Film Grand Jury Prize at the Sundance Film Festival. She lives in New York City and Los Angeles.
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CREDITS
Cover design: © HarperCollins
Cover image: Josef Jasso
COPYRIGHT
Some names have been changed in this book to protect people’s privacy.
BRAVE. Copyright © 2018 by Rose McGowan. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
FIRST EDITION
Digital Edition January 2018 ISBN 978-0-06-265599-8
Print ISBN 978-0-06-265598-1
ISBN 978-0-06-285178-9 (BN)
ISBN 978-0-06-285179-6 (BAM)
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