Haterz

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Haterz Page 17

by James Goss


  What’s an asshat?

  99RedBalloons

  www.google.co.uk+images=asshats.

  DogTurdian

  search.me/CanIWearAnAssHatToAscot.

  BrianThePendant

  *It’s.

  HotToddy84[1.19AM]

  Guys. This is serious. I’ve been kidnapped. Help. This is NOT A HOAX. I have been knocked unconscious and have woken up in a dark room. There is no door. There is no light. Just this old PC that can only connect to search.me. I have no mobile. I have taken the attached picture of me on the webcam to prove that this is legit.

  I need someone, anyone to CONTACT THE POLICE. URGENTLY.

  PurposelessPorpoise

  What make of webcam?

  HotToddy84

  Get Fucked. Seriously.

  PurposelessPorpoise

  No. I am asking you seriously. I am trying to help u.

  HotToddy84

  I need you to call the police.

  PurposelessPorpoise

  Okay then Where are you?

  HotToddy84

  I DON’T KNOW.

  PurposelessPorpoise

  Fine. Then you may as well tell me what the make of your webcam is.

  HotToddy84[1.25AM]

  ANYONE. This is serious. I’VE BEEN KIDNAPPED. Help. This is NOT A HOAX. I have been knocked unconscious and have woken up in a dark room. There is no door. There is no light. Just this old PC that can only connect to search.me. I have no mobile.

  I need someone, anyone to CONTACT THE POLICE. URGENTLY.

  I have no idea where I am. Three hours ago I was at bZzOff in Filzengraben in Cologne, Germany. I have been unconscious for at least 2 hours.

  I have taken the attached picture of me on the webcam to prove that this is legit. The webcam driver says it is a PlayPlug rs259. It has a resolution of only 320x240px.

  PLEASE. HELP ME.

  PurposelessPorpoise

  Cheers. Go to ‘settings’ on the Webcam Driver software. Under the tab ‘Flash’ enable the box ‘Flashlight Always On.’ There you go. Instant spotlight. Don’t thank me.

  HotToddy84

  THANK YOU!!!!

  PurposelessPorpoise

  I said don’t thank me.

  TriaAnon

  Can’t see your IP address. Can you post it? We can work out where you are from that?

  HotToddy84

  It says 0.0.0.0—guess routed through a proxy.

  TriaAnon

  Interesting. Possibly calls for a change in the search.me terms of use to make location mandatory.

  88State

  That wouldn’t help here.

  TriAnon

  No, but may help in other cases.

  88State

  TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE. Would completely undermine user anonymity.

  TriAnon

  But May Help. That’s all I’m trying to do.

  88State

  StateQuisling CyberPuppet.

  HotToddy84 [1.41AM]

  ANYONE. This is serious. I’VE BEEN KIDNAPPED. Help. This is NOT A HOAX. I have been knocked unconscious and have woken up in a dark room. There is no door. Just this old PC that can only connect to search.me. I have no mobile. The only light I have is on the spotlight on the PlayPlug259 Webcam. I need someone, anyone to CONTACT THE POLICE. URGENTLY.

  I have no idea where I am. Three hours ago I was at bZzOff in Filzengraben in Cologne, Germany. I have been unconscious for at least 2 hours. My IP address is routed through a proxy.

  PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME. FOR GOD’S SAKE PLEASE. HELP ME.

  HighHarry

  Interesting. I had no idea the old PlayPlug259 had a spotlight feature. I must dig my old one out. Would you say it’s as bright as the iPhone light? #AheadOfItsTime

  HotToddy84[1.47AM]

  PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME.PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME.

  ANYONE. This is serious. I’VE BEEN KIDNAPPED. Help. This is NOT A HOAX. I have been knocked unconscious and have woken up in a dark room. There is no door. Just this old PC that can only connect to search.me. I have no mobile. The only light I have is on the spotlight on the PlayPlug259 Webcam. I need someone, anyone to CONTACT THE POLICE. URGENTLY.

  I have no idea where I am. Three hours ago I was at bZzOff in Filzengraben in Cologne, Germany. I have been unconscious for at least 2 hours. My IP address is routed through a proxy.

  PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME.

  CALL THE POLICE.

  HotToddy84 [1.49AM]

  I am still kidnapped. I am in a dark room. There’s no way out. I don’t know where I am. I can only use search.me on this PC. I’ve no mobile. I may be at bZzOff in Filzengraben in Cologne, Germany, but I have no proof of this.

  PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME. PLEASE. HELP ME. CALL THE POLICE. CALL THE POLICE. PLEASE.

  HotToddy84

  UPDATE: I’ve found a bomb.

  Ipecack

  Srsly????

  DudeClasm

  Too much.

  HotToddy84

  Here’s a photo:

  Ipecack

  Amazing. I think there’s a serious issue here.

  MotherBrown

  Yeah, from the looks of it, his browser’s IE6.

  Ipecack [1.53AM]

  The user HotToddy84 uploaded the following picture at 1.49 this morning. At first sight it seems to show an explosive device, but the central canister suggests that it is in fact a chemical weapon of some sort. What do you guys think?

  IservedAtThePleasure

  Yeah. Looks viable.

  7Erberus

  Holy shit!!!

  Laylala

  Need context PDQ.

  HotToddy84[2.03AM]

  I have been kidnapped and placed in a locked room with a suspected chemical weapon. It is counting down. I need urgent rescue.

  QwerTea

  Amazing, man. You are Schroedinger’s Cat and I claim my 10 bucks.

  Oooo36

  Wow. Problem solved. NOTIFY THE CATS!!!

  [I’ve not included the next 36 hilarious cat pictures and gifs posted in reply]

  HotToddy84[2.03AM]

  I have been kidnapped and placed in a locked room with a suspected chemical weapon. It is counting down to go off at 3am. I am in Cologne, Germany. My last location was at bZzOff in Filzengraben in Cologne, Germany, but I have no proof that this is where I still am. Place call the police and emergency services and terrorist forces.

  KnowHow

  Seriously man, this is the internet. The secret services know already.

  YesMan

  Good point. Help is on the way.

  HotToddy84

  Have you called them?

  HotToddy84[2.07AM]

  I HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED AND PLACED IN A LOCKED ROOM WITH A SUSPECTED CHEMICAL WEAPON. IT IS COUNTING DOWN TO GO OFF AT 3AM. LAST LOCATION BZZOFF IN FFILZENGRABEN IN COLOGNE, GERMANY, BUT I HAVE NO PROOF OF THIS.

  I NEED THE POLICE AND EMERGENCY SERVICES AND TERRORIST FORCES ALERTING.

  RutgrrrHowRU

  Seriously man, caps lock off.

  HotToddy84[2.10AM]

  I have been kidnapped and placed in a locked room with a suspected chemical weapon. It is counting down to go off at 3am. I think I am at bZzOff in Filzengraben in Cologne, Germany, but I have no proof of this.

  I need the police and emergency services and terrorist forces alerting. Please. I am shitsacred.

  My69

  Shit sacred? What are you doing? Taking a crap in a church?

  HotToddy84[2.10AM]

  What are you people not getting? I am TRAPPED in a room with A BOMB. I’m in COLOGNE, GERMANY. This could be a TERRORIST ATTACK. I need rescuing, the emergency services NEED to be informed. This is SERIOUS.

  Waltever

  Genuinely interested, how are you certain you’re in Cologne now?

  HotToddy84

  I’m not, but it seems most likely.

>   Waltever

  Okay. Please repost amended.

  HotToddy84[2.10AM]

  What are you people not getting? I am TRAPPED in a room with A BOMB. I’m probably in COLOGNE, GERMANY. This could be a TERRORIST ATTACK. I need rescuing, the emergency services NEED to be informed. This is SERIOUS.

  DaveWave

  Okay. I’m calling them now. Can you post your GPS location?

  HotToddy84

  I don’t have it. I think I am at bZzOff in Filzengraben in Cologne, Germany. But I’m not certain.

  Gertie

  Oh, could be a trap. Like in Batman Begins.

  Susanvoratrelundar

  You mean The Dark Knight

  Gertie

  Oh yeah <3 <3 <3 that film. Heath RIP :( #Ledge

  HotToddy84[2.20AM]

  Everyone on search.me.

  I am TRAPPED in a room with A BOMB. I’m probably in COLOGNE, GERMANY. This could be a TERRORIST ATTACK. I need rescuing, the emergency services NEED to be informed. This is SERIOUS.

  I think I am at at bZzOff in Filzengraben in Cologne, Germany. But I’m not certain. PLEASE INFORM POLICE OF POSSIBLE TERRORIST ATTACK.

  Xanvier

  Sure thing man. I’m on this right now.

  HotToddy84

  Thanks! Thank you so much.

  Xanvier

  I’ve called the police and they’re on their way to you.

  HotToddy84

  THANKS!!!

  Xavier

  Jokes.

  HotToddy84

  FUCK U YOU PIECE OF WORTHLESS SHIT.

  HotToddy84[2.25AM]

  Everyone on search.me.

  I am TRAPPED in a room with A BOMB set to go off at 3AM. (pic attached)

  I’m probably in COLOGNE, GERMANY. This could be a TERRORIST ATTACK. I need rescuing, the emergency services NEED to be informed.

  This is SERIOUS. I am probably at bZzOff in Filzengraben in Cologne, Germany. But I’m not certain.

  PLEASE INFORM POLICE OF POSSIBLE TERRORIST ATTACK.

  PLEASE INFORM POLICE OF POSSIBLE TERRORIST ATTACK.

  PLEASE INFORM POLICE OF POSSIBLE TERRORIST ATTACK.

  MotherBrown

  Seriously, petal, turn down the spam. Some of us are trying to talk about chutney recipes and you’re just All Over the feed.

  Wander

  Hi HotToddy84, I’ve looked at your picture of the bomb and there’s a really easy way to disarm it. Please look at this link to a video.

  HotToddy84

  Thanks.

  Wander

  Hahaah Rickrolled! :)

  ExpletiveDeleted[2.32AM]

  Hey Everyone!

  I am COMPLETELY TRAPPED in a gingerbread house with A CAKE set to go off at 3AM. (pic of cake attached).

  I’m totally in THE 11-ACRE WOOD. This could be a scheme by the Big Bad Wolf. Or a SHAMELESS PLEA FOR ATTENTION. I need help. PWEASE WON’T SOMEONE NOTICE ME. I’ve had to do a dump in a bag. I can upload a picture of this with my crummy old webcam.

  PLEASE INFORM THE CATS.

  PLEASE INFORM THE CATS.

  PLEASE INFORM THE CATS.

  Bolshoe78

  ^ Brilliant. This is why I love search.me.

  JannyAnn

  I have told the cats. I have told the cats. I have told the cats.

  Billiant

  Such bomb.

  Many help.

  Very cake.

  So gingerbre3d.

  Wow.

  HotToddy84[2.40AM]

  Please guys. Stop this! Call the police!!!!

  Frobo

  Just kill yourself.

  Riddler3

  Listen – at the base of the device are two wires, yes? Just like in the movies.

  HotToddy84

  Yeah. What should I do?

  Riddler3

  What colours are they?

  HotToddy84

  Red and green.

  Riddler3

  Cut the red one.

  Riddler3

  No, wait the green one.

  Riddler3

  No, the red one!

  Riddler3

  Aw, shoot, just pull them both out and do the world a favour.

  SensibarHashtag [2.43AM]

  Not wanting to break into the lulz, but looking at that picture of the alleged chemical device and it does appear to be run from a fairly standard chipset. I’d suggest shorting across the 1st and 9th pins as a first move. What do you think?

  Dooooogull

  O rly? Cos looking at it, I’d argue that the pins are in reverse order. Without knowing more about the polarity, I’d suggest a tap test across pins 2, 4 and 6.

  SensibarHashtag

  I can’t bring myself to agree. Short 1 and 9 and the timer will be disabled.

  Dooooogull

  How can you be so certain? The picture is too lo-res to be able to tell.

  HotToddy84

  Guys pls! I’ve got 15 minutes left. What should I do?

  RimTimTim

  It’s okay—this vid shows the circuit board you need clearly. Take a look.

  HotToddy84

  Fucksake.

  RimTimTim

  HA HA RICKROLLD AGAIN LOSER.

  StJohn

  Not being funny, but the picture of that circuit board shows it to be of Chinese manufacture. Wonder what that means :)

  Fiskali

  Actually, looks more like a screengrab to me. It’s very lo-res. Still calling this a hoax.

  Dooooogull

  It’d make sense if it was a screengrab. I’d say it’s sourced from VCD-res at best and scaled to 320x240. There are clear artefacts that are a giveaway.

  SanitySally

  IIRC didn’t HotToddy84 say that it was an old webcam, weren’t they fairly lo-res? So may NOT be a screengrab.

  PutItInPutin

  Well, HotToddy84 claimed it was a PlayPlug259. They’re default resolution was 800x600 on Windows95, not 320x240.

  Fiskali

  Nailed it. HOAX.

  Dooooogull

  Hoax.

  MiskaGinTonic

  Hoax.

  LuvvinIT

  Hoax.

  SPACSLock

  BUT there is also a ‘lo-res’ setting at 320x240 for basic systems. HotToddy84, can you confirm or deny that that’s the setting you’re operating at?

  HotToddy84

  SRSLY? For God’s sake, call the police. Please help me.

  MiskaGinTonic

  Hello, police? Yeah, I’d like to report A HOAXER.

  HotToddy84[2.51AM]

  Kate,

  It’s hard to type this, knowing that I may never see you again. But I love you so much. Since I met you two years ago, you’ve meant the world to me. I always thought I’d be in love with people but that no-one would ever be in love with me back. And I was fine with that. You know, I’d made my peace with the world. And then I met you, and I realised how wonderful it was to be loved. Simple as.

  You’ve made me a better person. You’ve made me take risks. If it wasn’t for you, I’d never have moved from Hull to Germany, got the amazing flat we’ve got, learned to cook, or tried skiing. You’ve made me do so much that I’d never have dreamed possible. If it wasn’t for you I’d still be living in that damp and tiny box. It’s been so wonderful, it really has, and I’m crying right now thinking that I can’t say goodbye to you properly.

  Sorry that I’ve got to type this somewhere where other people can see it. I didn’t want to say goodbye to you ever, and NEVER like this. I’m so sorry. I love you.

  Todd.

  SensibarHashtag

 

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