‘I hold you no ill will,’ she insisted, staring at him through narrowed eyes and proving her words a lie. ‘And, since you have not said otherwise, I assume you agree that our separation is for the best.’
‘You wished to part, not I. Do not mistake my unwillingness to beg for you to return as agreement.’ And then his desire to hold her got the better of him, and he stepped even closer. ‘There is very little separation between us at this moment.’ He grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him, so her body rested tight against him.
‘That is none of my doing and all of yours.’ But she did not push him away.
He calmed himself so as not to alarm her. Then he put his mouth to her ear and whispered, so softly that only she could hear, ‘Kiss me, Elise. Just one more time. I will enjoy it, and you will as well. I would make sure of the fact.’ He felt her tremble and knew that he was right. When his lips met hers he would make her forget all about her argument with him. She would think of nothing but how he made her feel, and that would be the end of their troubles.
‘I did not come here because I missed your kisses.’ She pulled away from him, and the small rejection stung worse than all the others combined.
‘And yet you were the one to come home.’
‘For a brief visit. There are things in my room…’
‘Things?’ He laughed, for he had been sure that she would come up with a better lie than that when they finally had a chance to speak. ‘If that is all you wanted, then you could have saved me a small amount of personal pride had you come alone, in January, rather than trailing after Tremaine when the house is full of guests.’
‘I am not trailing after him,’ she snapped.
Harry took a deep breath, for it would not do to lose his temper with her. ‘It is all right,’ he responded. ‘I’ve grown quite used to it, really.’
But clearly it was not all right to her. He had misspoken again, and she was working herself into a rage. ‘You did not expect me to live for ever alone, once we parted?’
‘That is not what I mean, and you know it. I knew when you finally left me that you would go straight to Tremaine for comfort. I have expected it for many years.’
Anger and indignation flashed hot in her eyes, as though she could pretend the truth was not an obvious thing and her leaving had been all his fault. ‘When I finally left you? What cause did I ever give you to doubt me?’
‘It was never a question of doubt, Elise.’ He tried to keep his tone matter-of-fact, for there was no point in fuelling her anger with his. ‘I have always known that I was your second choice.’
‘How utterly ridiculous,’ she snapped. ‘I married you, didn’t I? Are you saying you doubted my innocence?’
‘I am saying nothing of the kind. I am saying that I was not your first choice when you wed. You might have accepted my offer, but Tremaine offered for you first. You might have chosen me, but you always regretted that it could not have been Nicholas. I have had to live with the fact for five years, Elise.’ He struggled to hide the hurt in his tone, and instead his voice sounded bitter. ‘I had hoped that you would put him behind you once you were married. I would not have offered for you otherwise. But I realised almost from the beginning that it was not to be the case.’
‘You realised?’
There was something in the sound of her voice that was almost like an accusation, and he could feel his carefully managed control slipping away. ‘It did not take you long to make up with the man. Less than a year. The quarrel that parted you would have mended easily had you been willing to wait. It was really most annoying to listen to you complain, at the end, about my lack of devotion. For you have been so clearly devoted to another. Did you expect me to remain for ever the benighted fool who had married you? In the face of your continued indifference? In time one learns to harden one’s heart, Elise.’
He was almost shouting by the time he’d finished. And then he laughed again, at the shocked expression on her face. ‘Although what you expect by accompanying your lover to our home for Christmas I cannot imagine. Did you hope to create a dramatic scene for the diversion of my guests? Is it not bad enough that you have finally worked up the courage to be unfaithful to me? Must you parade it in front of me as well?’ He shook his head, and his voice returned to normal. ‘I never in all these years felt you to be so cruel. Perhaps I did not know you as well as I thought.’
Which was foolish, for he had known all along that that was what she would do. He had wanted her to come with Tremaine, had planned for the eventuality. And now he was angry to the point of shouting because his plans had come to fruition. It made no sense at all.
But it was too late to call back the words, or to explain that he wished to discuss things with her in a rational manner. Elise’s cheeks had grown hot with anger and shame, but no words were issuing from her lips, and she was staring at him as though she no longer knew him.
As he waited for her response, a part of him wanted to beg her forgiveness, forestall her reaction. But why should he take all the blame when she was the one who had left? It was long past time for her turn to be hurt and frustrated and embarrassed.
It did him no good to feel sure that he was in the right on this. Instead of vindication, he was suddenly sick with the taste of truth. He had spoken too much of it, all in one go, and it sat in his stomach like an excess of Christmas dinner.
Did she expect him to swallow his pride as well, before she was willing to come home? If the silence went on much longer she would see him on his knees, begging her to return.
Then she spoke, and her voice was cool and even. ‘So I finally know, after all this time, what you really think of me. It is most gratifying that our separation has given you the ability to speak your mind. And I find I have nothing to add to it.’
Then she turned and walked from the room, leaving him all over again. He stared down at the mistletoe at his feet, and then kicked it savagely aside, before gathering enough composure to meet his guests for breakfast.
Elise walked back towards her room, numb with shock. She could hear Harry turn and walk in the opposite direction, towards the dining room. She was glad of it, for if he spoke one more word to her she would burst into tears and not care who saw her. After all her complaints over not knowing her husband’s true feelings, he had finally given them to her. And she found that she liked him better as he had been.
What had happened to the man she’d married? The amiable fellow who had tolerated her behaviour without question? In two months he’d been replaced by an angry stranger who looked at her with hard eyes and a mouth set in bitter disapproval. It was as though he was meeting her for the first time, and was thoroughly disappointed with what he saw.
Why had she come here? It had seemed like a sensible decision at the time. Either she would prove to herself and everyone else that she had put her marriage behind her, or she would make it up with Harry and go back to her old life. She had hoped that she would come back to the house and understand why he had married her in the first place. He would prove that he needed her, even if there were no children, and she would see that her fears were foolishness, and learn to accept his natural reserve as an aspect of his character, not a reflection upon her person.
For a moment she had been sure it was true. He had spoken so fondly of the changes she’d made in his life. And then had proved that he did not need her to preserve them. The last thing she had expected was to find him getting on with things without her help.
And, even worse, that he would come out and admit that there had been a problem from the first, just as she had suspected. Worse yet, it did not sound as if she could easily gain his forgiveness, and the love she wanted. He had spoken as though he had no hope for a closer relationship with her. He had offered for her never expecting to receive her love, or to give his in return. But they could have drifted along in peace and pleasantry had she not chosen to rile him in an effort to fix things.
Rosalind was approaching from the other end of the
hall, and Elise reached out to her in desperation. ‘I need to talk to you. There is a problem.’
Rosalind replied, ‘If it is about the eggs I must argue that they are not at all my fault. I hardly think if one makes a simple suggestion to Cook that a touch more seasoning would be appreciated, that it should result in so much pepper as to make the whole tray inedible. Lord Gilroy took a large portion and grew so red in the face that I feared apoplexy. I-’
Elise grabbed her sister-in-law by the wrist and pulled her into the drawing room. ‘It is not about the eggs.’
‘What else has gone wrong, then? It is so early in the day that there cannot be more.’
‘It is your brother. He is angry with me.’
Rosalind smiled with satisfaction. ‘And you have no trouble recognising the fact? That is wonderful news. For it means you are beginning to solve your difficulties.’
‘It is not wonderful. It is really quite horrible. He thinks I am faithless.’
Rosalind stared at her and made a face. ‘Did you think that taking a lover would assure him of your fidelity? I know things are different in Bavaria, Elise. But they can’t be as different as all that.’
‘Nicholas is only a friend, nothing more.’ She squeezed Rosalind’s arm. ‘You must believe me. I would never be untrue to Harry.’
Rosalind disengaged her arm and said, ‘While I have no trouble believing you, it is what Harry thinks that matters.’
‘If Harry were really bothered he should have said something before now.’ She realised too late how defensive she sounded-and how guilty.
Rosalind was looking at her in annoyance. ‘You have said yourself that Harry does not speak about anything that bothers him. Did you think that this would be different?’
‘Perhaps I was trying to make him jealous.’ It was difficult to say the words, for they proved that she had known what she was doing was wrong.
Rosalind nodded. ‘You were lonely. And by his silence Harry made it easy for you to stray. He is lucky the situation is not worse than it is.’
Elise let out a small sigh of relief. At least Rosalind did not hold her weakness too much against her. ‘I wanted Harry to notice me. But now that he has, what am I to do? I would send Nicholas away, but with the weather he cannot get to the end of the drive, much less back to London.’ And then she remembered the offer she had made to get him to bring her home. ‘And I will have to apologise to Nicholas as well, for I fear I have given him the wrong idea of my feelings.’
Rosalind stared at her, offering no help.
Elise continued. ‘We are all stuck here together, the house is full of strangers, and if we argue everyone in London will hear of it. What am I to do?’
Rosalind replied with a helpless shrug. ‘I assumed you would not have come here if you did not have some idea how to proceed once you had talked to Harry. Did you not have a plan? Everyone seems to be full of them nowadays. It is quite the thing.’
‘I was so angry with him I did not think.’
‘And he was not angry enough. And now you are less angry, and he is more so.’ Rosalind nodded. ‘In no time at all balance shall be achieved and you shall both be equally annoyed.’ She said it as though this were supposed to be good news, and wiped her hands on her skirts.
Elise shook her head. ‘But I do not wish to be annoyed with Harry. I wish us to be happy together. If I return to find that we are both still cross, leaving will have been an exercise in futility.’
Rosalind stepped past her towards the hall, gaining speed as she went. ‘There is nothing more I can do for you at the moment. I must run to the entry hall and decorate the Yule Log, so that tonight we can throw the whole thing into the fire and burn those same decorations to ashes. I am sure I will be in a much better mood to discuss futile behaviour, after that is done.’
Chapter Ten
Rosalind hurried down the hallway, taking sips from the cup of tea in her hand. It was tepid. But since she had not managed lunch, it was all she was likely to have until supper, and it would have to do. Since the moment she had arisen there had been something that needed doing, or fixing, or seeing to. Harry’s friends seemed to think that the food was either overcooked or raw, they found their rooms too hot or too cold, and the servants could not manage to please any of them without constant supervision.
After watching her decorate the Christmas tree, she had nurtured hopes that Elise would see the chaos, take control of the house, and set things to right again. But after one conversation with Harry the woman could not manage to do anything more useful than wring her hands.
It was most distressing.
As Rosalind passed the open door of the library she noticed that the mistletoe was no longer in its place. Was there something wrong with the thing that it could not seem to stay fixed to the door? Was the nail loose? Tremaine had placed it quite securely yesterday. What had happened now?
She searched the floor and found it had not fallen, as she’d expected, onto the doorstep, but had pitched up against the wall, several feet away. Someone must have kicked it by mistake, for it did appear somewhat the worse for wear. She glared at it, as though blaming it as a troublemaker, then shook it roughly and gave it a half-hearted toss in the direction of the hook above her.
It hung for a moment, and then dropped back into her teacup, splashing the contents onto her bodice. Unlike yesterday, there was no sound of muffled laughter. But she took a chance before acting further.
‘Tremaine, I need you. Get up from that couch and be of use.’
There was a sigh from the other side of the room. ‘How did you know I was here?’
‘I have been everywhere else in the house, for one reason or another, and I have not seen you all day. So, by process of elimination, you must be hiding in the library-just as you promised you would not.’
‘And what in God’s name do you mean to involve me in now? I have had quite enough of the festivities, and the fun, as you call it, has barely begun. Do you know what your brother attempted this morning?’
‘Whatever it was, he has managed to annoy Elise no end.’
‘Annoy her?’ Tremaine’s angry face peered from behind the couch. ‘When I left them they were as happy as lovebirds. It seems she was not bothered by the sight of her husband threatening me with an axe, or attempting to freeze me to death. And I have ruined my best pair of shoes by walking through the snow. My valet is beyond consolation.’
‘As I have told you before, Tremaine, Harry means you no real harm. He is only teasing you because seeing you in a foul temper amuses him. My brother thinks that you have a lack of Christmas spirit, and I’m afraid I must agree with him.’
Nicholas punched the couch cushions in disgust. ‘I do not deny the fact. And, since Harry has sufficient spirit for two men, he pretends that he wishes to share it with me.’
She looked down at the dripping mistletoe in her hand, gave it another shake to remove the tea, and reached for the doorframe again. ‘If you would be so kind as to take it, then you could save some of us a world of effort. I can be every bit as persistent as my brother, if you give me reason. And if you try to avoid my scheduled activities, I will find a way to force your participation in them. It would be easier for both of us if you could at least pretend to enjoy them.’
He stood and walked slowly towards her. ‘I will participate, Miss Morley. But you far overstep the bounds of our limited acquaintance if you think you can make me enjoy the fact. I am a proper gentleman of the ton. And as such I live by certain rules. Conversation should flow freely, but truth should be kept to an absolute minimum. In the Christmas season truth runs as freely as wine.’ He made a sour face. ‘But the wine is endlessly seasoned with cloves. And therefore undrinkable.’
‘So you have an aversion to truth? And cloves? I can do little about the cloves, for they are all-pervasive, but I suppose spontaneous honesty is reason enough to avoid the holiday. Harry and Elise are proving that even if the truth is spoken it is oft misinterpreted. And then
there is the very devil to pay. He has finally admitted that he is angry with her.’ Rosalind looked heavenward for understanding. ‘And yet, she is surprised.’
Tremaine shook his head in pity. ‘He’d have been better to hold his tongue. When it comes to women, if you admit to nothing you will have less to apologise for later.’
‘I find the fault is with her. One should never ask a man to reveal the contents of his mind if one does not already know what they are.’ Rosalind smiled. ‘But until they have fought they cannot make up. Some progress has been made. And the game I have chosen for tonight will be perfect to rejoin the two of them. They will be back in each other’s arms and laughing together in a matter of minutes. I suspect, once that has happened, the temptation will be great to stay where they are. But you must help fill out the room so that it doesn’t look too suspicious.’ She looked him up and down. ‘You need do nothing more strenuous than take up space. In less than an hour you will be back on that couch, and none the worse for it.’ She tapped the mistletoe against her teacup, awaiting his response.
He yawned, as though to prove that taking up space was near the limit of his endurance. And then he said, ‘How can I resist you when you put it so appealingly? Here, now. Will you stop fooling with that accursed thing.’ Her tapping had turned into a nervous rattling of china, and with surprising alacrity he snatched the kissing ball out of her hand and put it in place on the hook, above her head. And then he stood perfectly still, totally alert, looking down at her. His mouth turned into a curious smile.
She felt the bump as her back met the doorframe, for she’d scrambled out of reach of his arm without even realising it.
And then he laughed. ‘You are much more cautious than you once were.’
‘And you are no less prone to flirt. But, since I know you wish to return to London alone, I see no point in indulging you.’ She took another step, which brought her back into the hall and well out of harm’s way. ‘I will expect to see you in the drawing room this evening, Tremaine. And we will see if you are still so interested in fun and games when my brother is present to chaperone me.’
The Mistletoe Wager Page 11