by S. E. Burr
“He…” I shook my head. I looked at him. “He was making goblin fruit.”
Marcos opened his mouth, about to respond, but then Audrey stumbled down the stairs, interrupting him.
“Hey what are you guys doing down here?” she said. “I heard…” She laughed. “Sounds.”
She didn’t seem to notice the body. She ignored it like it was a piece of furniture, not the single most life-shattering thing that had ever happened to me.
Marcos stood, looking at her. “Nothing. Everything’s fine. Please go back to sleep.”
“Okay,” said Audrey, flopping onto the couch, her arm hanging over the edge. She started to snore softly.
Marcos shook his head and knelt back down in front of me. “Nick got the chemical to make it from your mother’s hands, her gloves.”
I nodded, trying to process it all, to understand. “Anna gave them to him.”
“Yes.”
“She thought he was trying to find a cure,” I said. I looked at him. “Didn’t she?”
He looked sad. “Yes.”
“Poor Anna.” I looked around. “Where is she?”
“She’s upset,” he answered. “She went home to rest.” He cleared his throat. “You should get some rest, too.”
I shook my head. “Nick gave my mother the goblin fruit?”
“Snuck it to her, I think,” he said. “In the hospital.”
I blinked. My mind was reeling. My mother hadn’t been a fruit addict. She hadn’t taken fruit at all. It had been snuck to her. “How did he know she…” I began.
“I told him,” said Marcos, and I gasped, despite myself. I knew Marcos was in on it; I knew he must know that Nick was making the fruit, but I hadn’t thought about my mother. I thought he loved her…All those flowers he’d been bringing her for all those years. Was it guilt?
He went on. “We dated, your mother and me. I thought I was in love with her, but when she told me about seeing goblins, I thought she was crazy. I broke it off and told Nick about it.”
He looked down, not meeting my eyes. “Nick was real involved in the drug scene during his trip to Italy. I didn’t know he’d found out how they were making the fruit or that he’d snuck a capsule back. I didn’t know…Your mother…” He paused, collecting himself. “After we broke up she disappeared for a while. I tried to find her…Nick must have been looking for her too, but he didn’t know where she was until the hospital.”
I took a deep breath. Something occurred to me again, something I’d asked him before, but he could easily have lied when he’d answered. Now he seemed to be telling me the truth, so I’d ask again. “You…” I began. “Are you…”
He shook his head. “The timing’s not right. I’m not your father.”
I nodded and didn’t question him further. I was relieved.
“I don’t know who your father is. Sara was always a free spirit.” He stood up. “I have a record,” he said. “I’m not supposed to have a gun.” He looked at the body and back at me. “I’m not going to ask you to keep quiet about this. I’ll turn myself in, but not here. The center doesn’t need that kind of scrutiny. I’ll take him to his lab and call from there.”
He looked at Nick. “He was my best friend,” he said, quietly. “Since we were kids…But it’s time this ended.” Looking back at me, he gave a bitter laugh. “It’s bad for my heart, this line of work.”
Folding the ends of the rug Nick was on, around him, Marcos dragged the bundle toward the front door, a smear of blood trailing it. He paused before going out. “Go in your room and lock the door as soon as I leave,” he said. “Your dad will be back in the morning, okay?”
I nodded.
“Maybe you could write to me sometimes,” he said. “When I’m in jail.”
I didn’t answer him at first, and he didn’t suggest it again. He opened the door and backed through it pulling the body out with him. He shut the door and was gone.
“Maybe,” I said.
I heard the car trunk slam and Marcos drive away. I sat where I was for I don’t know how long—a long time—but eventually I got up and took a few steps toward the stairs. I stared at the blood smear on the floor. Should I clean it up? My stomach heaved, and I turned and ran to the bathroom. I vomited until there was nothing left in my stomach.
I wiped my face with a wet paper towel and then walked out of the bathroom. On the way back down the hall, something stopped me, and I looked into a patient room, at a bed that should have been empty, but wasn’t. I went in the room, and I saw Anna—zombie Anna. I stumbled back, leaning against the wall. “Oh God,” I said, touching my mouth. I knew what had happened. “Oh God.”
I backed away and went back in the living room. I wasn’t crying. I felt strangely absent, outside myself, but my legs were shaking. I sat on a chair near the couch where Audrey lay unconscious. I picked up my “Goblin Market” book and flipped through the pages. I stopped on the page where Lizzie tries to buy fruit for her sister and the goblins attack her. I read the words, “Held her hands and squeez’d their fruits against her mouth to make her eat.” I flipped forward to the place where Lizzie returns to her sister and the words, “For your sake I have braved the glen and had to do with goblin merchant men."
I looked up. At the side of the room, the rat goblin stood staring at me. He looked serious, solemn, maybe concerned. He looked down at the floor in front of his feet, and following his gaze, I saw the goblin fruit capsule Nick had tried to make me eat laying there in a small pool of bright juice.
“Sacrifice,” I said, but I didn’t yet understand.
I stood up, set the book on the chair, and went to the glove dispenser where I pulled out a pair of gloves and put them on. Hesitantly, I approached the goblin and knelt in front of it. It didn’t move but stood like a statue as I scooped the capsule and as much juice as I could into my gloved hand.
I went into my mother’s room and stood looking down at her. The room was dim, illuminated only by the light in the living room, and the street light outside, but I could see her chest moving slowly. She was still breathing. “One more try, Mom, but just a little,” I said. "I have to save the rest for Anna.” I dipped my gloved finger into the juice and put one small drop into my mother’s open mouth.
Nothing happened. I pulled my hand away but then stopped, staring down at it, opening and closing my fingers. “Joining hands…bid them cling together.” I stared at my mother’s face. “It’s about sacrifice,” I said again, and then I knew.
I pulled the glove off one of her hands. Then quickly, I put my hand to my own mouth, devoured the goblin fruit capsule, and licked at the juice.
I pulled my gloves off and threw them to the floor, staring at my palms. They seemed to have a faint orange tinge, as though the chemical were being exuded. I grabbed onto my mother’s hand and stared at her. “Wake up,” I said. “Wake up!”
But she didn’t wake.
I flung her hand away and ran to the door. “Anna!” I screamed.
Audrey was in front of me in the doorway, blocking my way. “What’s going on? Are you okay?” she said.
“Move!” I said and shoved her. “I have to save Anna.”
She staggered back, letting me past.
“Anna?” I said again.
I stumbled in the doorway to the room where Anna was lying and fell to my knees. I felt so dizzy. “She gave me mouth to mouth…” I said, trying to explain. I tried to crawl to Anna but fell on my face.
Audrey knelt beside me.
“It’s about sacrifice,” I told her. “Joining hands…”
22
Clarity began to convulse.
“No!” said Audrey, turning her over and resting her in her lap. Taking her gloves off and throwing them aside, she grabbed onto Clarity hands, squeezing. “No this is my fault. Don’t.” But Clarity went limp, and Audrey started to sob, clutching onto her.
Soft footsteps came down the hall and a shadow cut across the light in the doorway. “Hey, is she oka
y?” said a friendly, female voice.
At first, Audrey couldn’t see who it was in the lighting, but it became clear as she knelt down before her, and smoothed the hair out of Clarity’s face.
Audrey stared at Clarity’s mother, open mouthed.
“She’s beautiful,” said Sara, looking down at her daughter.
A long moment passed, and then Audrey said, “Yes. She is,” and laughed joyously. She knew what to do. She lifted Clarity up. Sara stepped out of the way, and Audrey set her on the bed beside Anna and folded their hands together.
As her mom and Audrey stood side by side, staring down at her, Clarity opened her eyes. “Mom?” she said.
The woman blinked several times, an amazed expression on her face. “Clara?”
Clarity was thrilled. “It worked!” She laughed and started to sit up, but then looked down at her hand, realizing for the first time that she was holding onto someone. She looked at Anna and, still smiling, said, “Wake up.”
But Anna didn’t wake up.
Clarity’s smile began to fade. “Anna, we found the cure. Wake up.”
“Clarity,” said Audrey.
Clarity didn’t look at her. “I took the goblin fruit to save you,” she said to Anna. “Why don’t you wake up?”
“Clarity,” Audrey said, her voice sad. “I don’t think she’s going to wake up.”
Clarity looked at Anna and back at Audrey. She gasped. “Anna beat me to it. She saved me first.”
“What?” said Audrey.
Clarity closed her eyes, holding back tears. “She gave me mouth to mouth. That’s how the goblin fruit got in her system. I was unconscious. Nick…” She shook her head. “She risked herself to save me. Maybe only one sacrifice works at a time. Maybe I can’t save her ‘cause she already saved me.” She started to cry in earnest, tears squeezing out between her eyelids and running down the sides of her face.
Tentatively, Sara touched her hand. Clarity looked down at it—she was still holding on to Anna—and then looked at her mother. Gently, Sara took Clarity’s hand from Anna’s. Then she grasped her other hand as well and helped her to stand. Clarity sobbed and wrapped her arms around her.
Sara stroked her hair and whispered that everything would be all right.
#
Audrey watched them for a moment and then quietly left the room. She approached her brother’s bed, removed Andrew’s glove and threw it aside, then grabbed onto his hand and stared down at his face. He looked so peaceful, almost healthy looking in sleep.
#
Todd’s grandfather was dying. He’d been dying slowly for a long time. Now he was doing it quickly. Todd's mother, grandmother, and uncle, Hector, were gathered around his bed. A rattle that made Todd's heart sink sounded with each of his grandfather's breaths.
His mother turned as he came in the room. “Todd,” she said. “At last. I've tried and tried to call you.”
“I know,” he said, coming forward. “I'm sorry. I...” He was about to make an excuse, but he stopped himself. “I'm sorry,” he said again.
“Ay, mijo, what happened to your face?” his mother asked.
“Nothing important, Mama. It's okay.”
His grandfather opened his eyes as Todd approached the bed. “Manuel,” he said.
Todd stopped. “No Abuelito. It's me, Todd.”
“I know, Todd,” said Abuelito. “Manuel.”
Todd looked at his family questioningly.
“He wants us to take him into Manuel's room,” said his mother, “but I don't think it's a good idea for Manuel to see Papa like this...” Her voice broke off, and she started to cry.
“Manuel can't see anything, Mom,” Todd said. “I thought you should have put him in a center a long time ago, but Abuelito's dying now. What’s the use keeping him away?”
Maria shook her head. “You don't understand,” she said. “At the center tonight...” She fought for words.
“Manuel,” Abuelito said again.
And with that, Todd bent down and picked the old man up in his arms. He weighed barely more than a child. His family trailing behind and pushing the oxygen tank, Todd carried his grandfather into his Uncle Manuel's room and laid him on the bed next to his son.
Todd had avoided seeing his uncle since he went catatonic. He didn’t want to think of him as one of the living dead, but Manuel didn't look so bad. His eyes were closed, and in sleep, Todd couldn't tell that there was anything wrong with him.
“Manuel,” Abuelito said again, grabbing at his son's hand.
“No Papa,” said Maria, but Abuela stopped her.
“Let him be,” she said.
The old man fumbled impotently with his son's glove, trying to pull it from his fingers.
Todd did it for him. His designer gloves were ruined now, but that was okay.
Abuelito took his son's hand, and something happened. Or maybe it was nothing, just a puff of air passing through Manuel’s lips, but it sounded like, “Papa.” That's certainly what Abuelito thought it was. He died with a smile and his son's hand in his.
23
As the first light of morning illuminated the window, I found Audrey in Andrew’s room and stood beside her.
She glanced at me and then looked away, staring straight ahead. “Where’s your mother?” she asked.
“Lying down,” I told her. “She’s pretty weak.”
We were quiet for a while.
“She says she recognized me,” I said. “She wasn’t always totally out of it. Flashes would come through of things she liked, people she knew, Marcos’s flowers…music.”
Audrey nodded.
“You risked your life to get the drug,” I said, “to find a cure, to save him.”
“I didn’t know the dealer was going to shove it in my mouth. You risked everything to save your mom and it worked.”
I shook my head. “Half worked. She wasn’t the only one I was trying to save.”
“I know.” She looked down at Andrew. “Maybe I need to take it again, on purpose this time. Maybe that’s the kind of sacrifice that turns the poison into the cure.”
“Do you think I should take it again to save Anna?” I asked.
She looked at me. “Hell no! Don’t do that.”
I smiled. “You don’t do it either.”
24
Frank wheeled his carry-on up the jetway with the other passengers. His clothes were wrinkled, he smelled a little rank, and he had dark circles under his eyes, but he was happy to be home. Leaving the jetway for the airport proper, he stopped, looking around. The normal business of the airport seemed to be frozen. There were no travelers hurrying toward their gates, no airport personnel making announcements on the loudspeakers. Instead, there were large, nearly silent groups of people clustered around the airport televisions, watching breathlessly.
Frank joined the nearest group and looked up at the TV, gasping when he saw a mug shot of Marcos appear on the screen. It was replaced by footage of Nick’s lab surrounded by police tape, a reporter in front. “For those of you just tuning in, an anonymous tip brought police last night to J.R. Brinkley Laboratories, where the dead body of researcher, Nick Doherty…” A smiling picture of Nick appeared on the screen. “…was found along with a large amount of goblin fruit and what is believed to be equipment used in its production. Due to the amount of the drug and the sophistication of the equipment, it has been speculated that J.R. Brinkley Laboratories may be the main or even the only supplier of the drug to North America.”
Frank didn't collect his checked luggage. The first available cab took him home, and dropping his carry-on in the yard, he ran from the cab toward the front door.
“Hey!” the cab driver called after him.
He turned and speedily handed the driver some money, and then rushed inside.
Clarity was near the door, about to open it, when he came through, and he gave her a quick hug. Audrey stood off to the side, looking nervous.
“Anna,” said Frank. “Where
’s Anna?” He glanced around. Patients were doing exercises together in the center of the living room.
Sara sat up from where she’d been lying on the couch. “Hey Frank,” she said. “Good to see you again.”
His eyes wide, he stepped toward her. “Sara … It’s … You’re … It’s amazing.”
She smiled sadly. “Every silver lining has a cloud, Frank.” She glanced toward one of the exercising patients, and Frank looked too, seeing her clearly for the first time.
“Anna.”
25
At lunchtime, Dad scooped eggs from a frying pan onto plates in the dining room. There was no candlelight this time, and the flowers had wilted considerably in the vase. He picked them up and dumped them in the trash.
My mom, Audrey, and her mom were all there. Natalie had come that morning to see Andrew and stayed. There was a nervous tension in the air.
“Sorry we couldn’t do anything better than scrambled eggs on your first day back with us,” Dad said to Mom.
She smiled. “Best meal I’ve had in years.”
It made me feel odd, good-odd, seeing them together like that, like they were a couple or something, like I had a regular set of parents.
I spread jam on a piece of toast and then put my knife down. “Breakfast’s the best dinner in the world,” I said.
Audrey picked at her food, hardly eating.
Dad’s cell phone rang, and he took it from his pocket and looked at the caller ID. “It’s Maria,” he said answering it.
“Hello…”
“Oh, Maria…”
“I’m so sorry…”
“No, take all the time you need…”
He frowned.
“Okay. Get some rest…”
“Buh-bye…”
He hung up. “Maria’s father passed away last night.”
“Oh, poor Maria,” said Natalie.
“Poor Todd,” said Audrey.
I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t care less about Todd.