Navie’s hand rests on the small of my back. “I’m really kind of worried about you, boss.”
“I’m fine.”
“Okay. Good. Glad to hear it. Hadley just came in, so maybe that will help.”
I shove off the cooler and jerk my attention to the door.
There she is.
In a green shirt with sleeves that come down to her elbows and jeans that shows off her ass, she watches me blank-faced. It’s a blow that hits in the center of my chest.
She doesn’t look away like she usually does when she doesn’t want me to see what she’s thinking. She doesn’t smile or laugh or even glare. I’d take any of those three things right now.
I take a step toward her. This makes her look away. She says something to Emily that makes her friend laugh, and they head to a table on the opposite wall of the bar.
Swallowing takes more energy than it should. Breathing is a little more complicated. Ensuring I don’t run over there and tell her I’m fucking sorry as shit takes everything I have.
“Want me to get that?” Navie asks. Her bright blue eyes shine with a look that reads there’s a problem, and she’s correctly identified me as the cause.
I take an order, dole out two beers, and give the customer change without looking away from Hadley. Her shoulders are tight, her smile practiced, and her attention pointedly not even coming close to me.
Puke bubbles in my stomach, the taste bitter and disgusting. My voice is so loud inside my head, screaming at me to do something, that I can’t do anything at all but wince and watch.
Navie comes back and takes a beer and a bottle of water from the cooler. “Hadley ordered water,” she says.
A faint smile graces my lips. I wish I could look at her and grin, tease her a little, but that’s over with.
“How is she?” I ask.
“I don’t know,” she says, grabbing a fresh order pad from the stack by the register. “Why don’t you ask her yourself.”
I glare at her.
“Why do you do this, Mach? The girl loves you.”
“You want to know why?” I growl, leaning toward her. “Because I love her.”
Navie’s eyes go wide. Whatever she was expecting, it wasn’t that. I can’t blame her because I didn’t expect it either. That doesn’t make it any less true.
“You said you love her,” Navie points out. “Mach.”
“What?”
“You said you love her.”
“So?”
“Guys don’t say that without it being big!”
“What’s big?” Peck sits at the bar, smacking his hands off the top. “I mean, I know something that’s big …”
Navie laughs. “Oh, do tell me more.”
I grab a beer and slide it to Peck. “Here. Be quiet.”
“Oh, it’s one of those nights,” Peck groans. “I’ll be over there if you need me, and by there, I mean anywhere but near him.” He winks at Navie and takes off through the crowd.
“I have these little fantasies,” Navie says, “that Peck says he loves me in the throes of passion.”
“I ... That’s … Great,” I say.
She laughs. “I wonder if he is big?”
“I don’t fucking know. I …” I spin around to face her. “We can overstep this boss slash employee relationship if you want. That’s cool. We can be friends, but we aren’t gonna be those friends, all right? I’m not the one to talk about cock sizes. I. Am. Not. The. One.”
She laughs harder. “Okay. Fine.”
Tuning her out, I look to the side. Hadley still isn’t looking at me. She’s seemingly engrossed in something Emily is saying while Peck stands next to their table.
I wonder how much she’s thought about what Spencer said. I wonder if she believes even an inkling of what she heard.
I can’t go the rest of my life and have people whispering things to her about me. Eroding that look in her eyes like I hung the moon. Tearing away the faith she has in me. Destroying the bond we have that keeps us linked despite everything else.
If she’s mine, that’s what it’ll be. People have a lot of feelings about me. My name was in the paper a lot growing up. I’m the kid with no parents who went a little wild for a period of time. I’m the guy who owns the bar downtown. I’m the one people whisper salacious things about because I’m the easy target.
The door opens, and Logan strolls in. He winks at Navie as I pour a bourbon neat for a customer. I watch him wander through the room.
There’s a cocky strut to the asshole that I don’t like or appreciate. The guy is on a mission to wreak havoc. He’s on that mission every time he’s been in here this week.
“Here you go,” I say, handing the drink to the guy across from me. “That’ll be …”
Logan stops at Hadley’s table. He brushes against her arm in a move that’s intended to appear innocent. I know it’s not. Hadley knows it too. She scoots away from the edge of the booth.
My teeth grind together as I watch this bastard make a play.
“How much is it, Machlan?” the customer asks.
“It’s on the house.”
I step away from the bar slowly, watching Hadley. She smiles, but her body tells something different. As Logan talks, Hadley moves her water between them in some unconscious defense mechanism.
Logan touches her arm. Hadley pulls away.
I jump across the bar, sliding across the top, and stalk my way toward their table.
“What’s happening over here?” I ask, my voice hitting them long before I actually arrive.
“Hey, Machlan.” Emily grins. “How are you tonight?”
“This is gonna be fun,” Peck grumbles.
“What are you doing, Machlan?” Hadley sighs. Everything about those five words is heavy. Weighted. Burdened.
“Are you with him?” Logan asks, motioning toward me over his shoulder.
For the first time since she walked in, Hadley looks at me. There’s a puffiness to her eyes and a pout to her lips that tells me she’s been crying. I wish she wouldn’t have looked at me at all.
My heart splits open. I know what she must be thinking. Here I come again after pushing her away, but what the fuck am I supposed to do?
“I’m not with him,” Hadley says, ripping her gaze from mine.
I shiver as a chill catapults up my spine. My mouth opens to argue with her, but I can’t.
Logan looks at me and cackles. “Lucky me.” He licks his lips with a wink before turning back to Hadley. “Do you want to get a drink, beautiful?”
The chill is replaced by a fury that’s hard to contain. “She doesn’t.”
“Don’t speak for me,” Hadley says.
“Just trying to help.”
“I don’t think she needs your help, pal.” Logan laughs.
“I’m not your fucking pal.”
“No, you’re not.” He grins. “And apparently you aren’t hers either.”
My fists clench, my arms primed by a shot of adrenaline. Hadley’s eyes go wide as she watches the two of us.
“You’re gonna need to walk away,” I say to Logan. “Do us both a favor and just get out of here.”
“Fuck you,” he snarls. He squares up with me, facing me head-on. “What do ya got to say about that, bud?”
Peck grabs my arm. “Easy there, Mach.”
I shrug Peck off. Loosening my shoulders, I keep my gaze pinned on Logan. “I’d say you’re running out of time.”
“You wanna go with me?” He looks at Hadley over his shoulder. “Because I’m not getting great vibes in here.”
Hadley doesn’t move. She looks at me with a sadness in her face. A resolution, maybe. “I’m not getting great vibes in here either.”
“Then let’s go.” He reaches for her hand.
I turn to the side, a punch loaded.
Peck jumps between Logan and me, making it impossible to unload without hitting him in the process.
“I can only save you for so long,” he says t
o Logan.
Hadley looks my way as she climbs out of the booth. “I’ll walk you out, Logan.”
“The fuck you will,” I say.
“Yes,” she bellows, whirling around so fast her hair follows in her wake. “I will. I will talk to who I will. And date who I will. And fuck who I will.” She glares at me. “But don’t worry. I’ll drive carefully.”
I stand so we’re only inches apart. My heart pumps so fast I think it might spin out of control.
“I won’t stand here and watch you walk out of here with him,” I say, blocking out everyone around us. “He’s no good, Had.”
“And how do you know that?”
“He was just trying to fuck Navie yesterday. He was with Molly in here two days ago.”
“He what?” Peck barks.
I ignore him. “This guy will chew you up and spit you back out, and I’m not gonna stand here and watch it.”
She shoves her delicate shoulders back and looks at me with a sadness I’ll never un-see. “Then don’t.”
It’s a challenge, a plea to walk out of here with her myself. It’s a dare I don’t take.
Her face falls. “You ready, Logan?”
He grins at me. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”
I step toward him but keep my attention on Hadley.
I never see the punch coming.
His fist connects with the side of my face flush, the bones cracking upon contact. I’m knocked to the side and into Peck before I even realize what happened.
“You son of a bitch.” I fire a right, then a left, then a right hook into his kidney before he gets his hands up. Each punch lands, punishing his flesh. The sound of cartilage popping rings through the bar.
Logan wobbles on his feet. “What the fuck?”
Peck stands in front of me and waves his hand once through the air. “Point made. Enough.”
Slowly, as the haze of the adrenaline begins to lift, do I realize the spectators. And only after that realization hits do I see Hadley.
A single tear slides down her cheek as she watches with her mouth agape. “You are a fucking idiot.”
“Logan threw the first punch,” Emily says. “What was Mach supposed to do?”
I can’t even thank her for the defense. My heart is too busy breaking under Hadley’s gaze.
“I’ll get him out of here.” Peck sighs.
“Here.” Navie thrusts a towel toward Logan. “Get this on his nose. I don’t do blood.”
“You can have her. That better be some good pussy,” Logan says, his voice muffled from the towel.
Peck shoves him toward the door. “My God, man. Shut the hell up.”
The crowd slowly dissipates. It’s encouraged by Navie who offers a sale on vodka. I don’t even care.
“I’m sorry,” I say. So many things roll through my mind that I can’t sort them. I can’t do anything but look at her and hope to God this makes sense to her. That she gets it.
“You know what? I don’t even care anymore.” She shakes her head, a lump visible in her throat. “You’re only sorry now because you got your way.”
“That’s not true.”
“No, it is true. You don’t want me, but you sure as hell don’t want anyone else to have me either.”
“Had …” I drag in a lungful of air in hopes it steadies the panic taking over my insides.
“Don’t. I’m done. This is not how this works anymore.”
My stomach lurches. Bile rises into my mouth, but I swallow it back. “Don’t do this.”
“Me? Don’t do this? Machlan, I would’ve followed you to the ends of the Earth if you would’ve just asked. But you’re either too chickenshit or don’t care enough to even ask.”
The break in her voice breaks me. My heart shatters as my worst nightmare plays out right in front of me. She’s right, though. I’m too chickenshit to ask her for anything.
“I came here in hopes of figuring things out with you so I could go on with my life. I didn’t think you’d make it this easy.” Her eyes fill with tears as she turns away. “Don’t follow me.”
She passes Peck at the door as I watch her leave.
Thirty-Two
Hadley
“Good morning,” I croak.
Squinting, I take in the mess in my living room. The ride to Vigo took forever with Emily driving last night, and by the time we got to my house, I didn’t care about anything but lying down and making the heartache stop.
My bag sits on a chair; the contents spewed across the room from where I dug through them last night. Emily is lying half on and half off the sofa. On the coffee table are an empty pizza box and two bottles that held wine a few hours ago.
“Is this what a hangover feels like?” I ask, squeezing my temples.
“Yup,” she says, with a pop on the p. “Who let us drink that much?”
“You. You were in charge.”
“That was your first mistake,” she groans, struggling to sit up. “What time is it?”
“Nine.” I head into the kitchen. “I’m going to find my phone and call Cross and go back to bed. What do you take for a hangover?”
“Hangovers and heartbreak are the same. Both take time.”
My feet hit the cold linoleum as I enter the kitchen. I shiver, spying my phone next to the coffeepot. The idea of coffee makes me nauseous. The prospect of looking at potential missed calls makes me sicker.
If Machlan called, I'd fight myself from calling him back.
If he didn’t …
I look at the screen.
He didn’t.
My eyes close again as another shiver rips through me that has nothing to do with the temperature of the floor.
“Try some crackers,” Emily says from the living room. “And bring me some, please.”
Fishing a box of saltines out of the cabinet and a couple of bottles of water from the fridge, I make my way back through the living room. I toss her a drink and the crackers. “Here,” I say. “I’m going back to bed. And if you ever let me drink again, ever, we’re not friends.”
“Are you a mean drunk? Because I don’t remember you being mean last night.” The crinkle of cellophane dances through the air. “You were pretty funny, actually.”
“I was?”
She shrugs, taking a bite of a cracker. “From what I remember.”
“Fabulous,” I mumble, heading to my room.
I climb into bed and tug the blankets over me. They aren’t as soft as Machlan’s, and I don’t sink into my mattress like his either. I also don’t remember when the bed got this big.
As I lie in my dirty clothes from last night and feel the wine churning in my stomach, I try to sleep. But as soon as my eyes close, my mind starts to drift.
The pain I numbed last night comes barreling back. A hand goes to my chest, the sadness cutting so deep it physically hurts. The worst part of all is pinpointing what hurts worse—the pain of losing him or the pain of never really having him at all.
Just as my nose starts to burn, alerting me of tears to come, my phone rings in my hand. I pull it to my face and see Cross’s name emblazoned across the front.
“Hey,” I say with no enthusiasm.
“I heard you left town last night.”
“You heard right.”
“I also heard Machlan punched a guy in Crave over you. Again.”
“You heard right,” I repeat. “Again.”
“What the fuck happened, Had?”
“Why don’t you ask him?”
“Oh, I’m going to,” he tells me. “But I thought I’d get your side first.”
Groaning, I sit up. My head throbs from the movement. My body begs me to quit the day and just burrow down in the blankets and sleep it off.
Cross sighs into the phone as I take my time propping myself up with pillows. By the time I’m ready to talk, he’s out of patience.
“Can we get on with it?” he asks.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m over here trying to figure out how
to sleep off a heartbreak. My bad.”
“A heartbreak?” The question is cold. Pointed. Full of promises he doesn’t have to verbalize.
It’s my turn to sigh. “No. Not a heartbreak. I mean, yeah,” I babble. “I don’t fucking know.”
“Well, Peck called me late last night and just said there was an incident and you were fine but left town.”
“How’d he know I left town?”
“He’s Peck. You don’t think he made damn sure you were okay?”
My heart fills as I think of my sweet friend.
“He had eyes on you until Emily was driving your car and you were on the highway back to Vigo. But he wouldn’t really say what happened. And, Had, I wanna know.”
He’s at his wit’s end with this. I can hear it in his voice.
It must be hard for him, being Machlan’s best friend and my big brother. He loves us both. And he should. Machlan is a great friend to him.
The idea that Cross and Machlan would have a wedge between them because of me makes my head hurt even more, and the longer I ponder it, the more I realize I can’t let that happen. I can’t ruin their best friendship because I have this stupid love for a man who refuses to let me do just that.
I could spin this story a couple of different ways if I wanted to be a jerk. But I don’t. I don’t want to do that to them.
“This guy, Logan,” I say, “was hitting on me. Machlan didn’t like it too much.”
“Oh, I bet he didn’t.”
“In Machlan’s defense, Logan hit him first. I don’t think Mach even saw it coming,” I say. My stomach drops as I remember Machlan’s head jerking to the side as Logan’s fist pushed across it. “All Mach did was hit him back.”
“Once?”
“Eh, a few times. It was actually kind of impressive.”
“What made you leave town then?”
“I just … He’s not going to change, Cross.” My words are barely audible as I sniffle. “I told him I was leaving, and he told me to be safe or something stupid like that. Even after the days we spent together, you know, it was just back to the old Machlan.”
“Don’t cry.”
“Well, it’s hard not to,” I say, wiping a tear. “But I’ll be okay. For real this time. This time, this one is on me.”
Crave: The Gibson Boys, Book #3 Page 26