She fell asleep like that. I kissed her forehead and whispered quietly, “If you were dead, I’d have no sunshine.”
I fell asleep shortly after, with her curled up in my arms. It felt good…comfortable…right. That was, until the loud banging on my front door woke me from the most peaceful rest I’d ever had.
Chapter 8
I WOKE UP IN THE MORNING, blinking my eyes several times. The Palo Alto sun streamed through the blinds, casting patches of light and dark through the room. A room that was completely unfamiliar to me. The beige walls, mahogany furniture, and goose-down comforter were lovely, though.
I closed my eyes again, rolling over. A huge poster of Batman was staring at me. I squeezed my eyes shut again and forced them open. Nope, it wasn’t helping. I flipped the comforter off and stared at the unfamiliar clothes I was wearing. They were loose but comfortable. They smelled like fresh linen and mountain spring…a familiar, pleasant scent. I stretched out on the large bed, deciding to go back to sleep. Whatever dream dimension I’d fallen into, I wasn’t going to complain.
“Are you awake, Sunshine?”
The voice jerked me out of my thoughts immediately. In front of me, a freshly showered, shaved, and extremely handsome Ethan Callahan leaned against the doorframe. He was smiling, and his delicious aroma blanketed me. I’m definitely dreaming. He was sharply dressed in a pair of jeans that hugged his hips perfectly and a snug, black V-neck that showed off his sleek muscles.
“Ethan?” I croaked, not recognizing the quality of my own voice.
He handed me a lidded cup with straw as he sat on the edge of the bed. “Yes, it’s me. Drink this.”
“What is it?”
“It’s hair of the dog that bit you. It’ll make you feel better. I promise.”
I sipped the drink slowly, thankful for the straw.
“How do you feel?”
I did a quick inventory. Despite my voice and confusion, I felt fine—relaxed, even. “I’m good. What happened?”
“You don’t remember?” he asked with surprise.
“Not really.”
He grinned his boyish grin. “Well, you went to a frat party, got wasted, let Reese Denton kiss you. I was there. I didn’t trust him, and like I said, you were hammered, so I dragged you out of there and brought you to my place. Does that ring any bells?”
It started coming back to me in snippets and streams of haunting, hazy memories. “Ugh, I remember kissing him.”
“Do you remember kissing me?”
I gaped at Ethan, confused because I was sure I would never forget kissing him, but I couldn’t recall it.
“It’s okay. I’m not offended you don’t remember my kiss. I’m more insulted you threw up after. It’s not a response I’m used to.”
I gasped. “I threw up on you?”
“You managed to make it to the bathroom in time. I deserved it. You were drunk off your ass, and I shouldn’t have kissed you in the first place. Do you forgive me?”
I imagined it must have been a friendly peck since I couldn’t remember it. I was disappointed and relieved at the same time. “Ethan, it sounds like you saved me from a bad situation last night, which is what a really good friend would do. I’m in no position to accept your apology when the reality is that I owe you one. You obviously took care of me.”
He released a breath and raked a hand through his hair, causing it to stick up for a second before falling back in place. “You don’t owe me anything. In fact, you spent most of the night apologizing. Are you hungry?”
As soon as he asked, my stomach grumbled. “Yes, but you don’t have to make me anything.”
“It’s not a problem, except, that is, if you tell me you don’t like pancakes.”
I smiled. “I love pancakes.”
“Good, because that’s the only thing I know how to make. If you want to take a shower, I washed your clothes. They’re in the bathroom.”
I looked down at the T-shirt and shorts I was wearing, recognizing they were Ethan’s. My face flushed with embarrassment. “Did you—”
“You dressed yourself.” He smiled impishly. “Not that I would have minded.” He stood up and sauntered off, calling behind him, “Oh, the green toothbrush is yours.”
The bathroom had many amenities, including stone tile, generous double sinks with a granite top, and a skylight. My favorite by far was the huge, executive-style shower encased with glass doors. I took a long, hot, steamy shower under Ethan’s multi-shower heads, playing with each setting. His body wash smelled delicious. Even though it was a masculine scent, I slathered it all over myself. I did the same with his shampoo and conditioner making a note to buy him more.
I blushed when I looked over my neatly folded clothes—he had washed everything, including my bra and underwear. I tied my dripping hair into a tight bun. I brushed my teeth twice and mouth-washed three times. How do I have a toothbrush here? I assessed myself in the mirror. The dark circles under my eyes and blotchy skin made it easy to turn away. If only I had makeup with me, not that I ever wore it. I padded out to the living room, greeted by the sweet scent of hot pancakes.
“Have a seat. I’ll grab you some coffee,” Ethan said, waving his spatula. The space was open with a counter separating the kitchen from the living room. His apartment was ultramodern with eco-conscious concrete countertops and sculptural light fixtures. Exotic wooden planks covered the floors. A long, comfortable-looking, brown suede couch and a glass table faced a flat-screen television. The apartment was classy bordering on luxurious.
Besides the obvious expense of rent in Palo Alto, it was extremely neat and organized. It didn’t seem like a college kid’s apartment, but then again, Ethan wasn’t the typical college kid. I sat on one of the modern, Eames-style chairs in the dining area. Everything was so designer chic. Perhaps my ass was sitting on a real Eames chair and not a replica.
Darren came out then, wheeling his suitcase behind him. “Good morning, beautiful. How do you feel?”
“I’m fine, thanks,” I said, smiling brightly. He met my smile, except there was something mischievous in his.
“You were pretty drunk last night.”
“I’ve heard,” I said shamefully. I had a sudden memory of seeing Darren’s naked butt. I winced as the heat crept into my face. “Sorry.”
He started laughing, bending down so we were face-to-face. “Don’t be sorry. Just one thing, though. The next time you come into my room in the middle of the night…plan on staying awhile.”
“Don’t you have somewhere to be, or are you letting her know where your hair straightener is in case she wants to borrow it?” Ethan barked from the kitchen entry, startling both of us.
Darren laughed. “Whatever. I’m going. You sure you want to stay here and miss Mom’s turkey?”
“Yeah, give her a hug for me, and tell her I’m sorry.”
They exchanged a hearty pat on the back that resembled some sort of awkward man-hug. It made me smile.
“You kids have fun.” Darren turned to wink at me. Ethan groaned, and I did my best to smile and wave.
Ethan set a plate of before me with the most perfectly circular pancakes I’d ever seen, along with a bowl of fruit. He poured each of us orange juice from a carafe. It tasted freshly squeezed.
“This is really nice. Thank you,” I said, placing the napkin on my lap.
“I wanted to do something nice for you.”
“Do you do this for all the girls that spend the night?” I regretted the question immediately. Why do I act like such a fool around him?
He smirked. “No.” As I took my first bite, he said, “I usually make them waffles.”
I laughed.
“Just kidding.”
“It’s delicious.” How did he get the pancakes so round?
“I really hate making pancakes.”
“Why?”
“I’m kind of OCD. It takes me forever, because if it’s not a perfect circle, I throw it away.”
“Why di
d you do it for me then? I certainly don’t deserve it.”
He stared at me so intently I had a hard time meeting his gaze. “You do.”
We continued eating in silence while I contemplated his statement.
“It’s so weird. I remember going to the party with Raj and then bits and pieces of the night, but…” I slapped my hand to my forehead suddenly. “Oh God, Raj. He’s going to be worried.”
“Calm down. I had Alex find him. He knows where you are.”
“Oh, that’s a relief.”
“Yeah, he tried calling me, but I’d left my phone in the car. He got my address from Alex and came over here.”
I winced at the thought of Raj coming to find me. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. He actually redeemed himself in my opinion. He left you alone and drunk with Reese.” Ethan said Reese’s name like it was a dirty word. “He wanted to take you back to his place. He didn’t want to leave you here…with me.”
“He did?”
“Yeah, but I finally talked him out of it and convinced him he could trust me.” Ethan looked down at his watch. “Besides, he’s getting on a flight to Ohio right about now, so it didn’t make sense. Just make sure you call him soon so he knows you’re fine.”
“I’m glad he didn’t give you too much trouble.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say that. He was okay, but before he left, he called friend number one.”
I paused mid-bite. “He called Rachael?”
“Oh, yeah. She’s a firecracker, huh? She had Raj make me go to my car to get my phone so she could call me.”
“What did she say?” I braced myself for his answer.
“She made some very detailed threats to parts of my anatomy I value very much if I dared take advantage of you in any way.”
I exhaled, imagining the ridiculous scene. I had imposed on Ethan way too much. “Did you even get any sleep?”
“Some.”
“I’m sorry. They’re very protective of me, and I’m usually not this stupid.”
Ethan chuckled. “Stop saying that. I’m glad they are. They’ve earned their places.”
I bit my lip, uncertain if my words were appropriate, but I wanted to say them. “You have too.”
He smiled, but it was soft and sad. A thinking smile, not a feeling one. “Meena, there is something I’ve wanted to say since you woke up. I don’t know how you’ll react though.”
“You can say it. You can say anything.”
He took my hand, rubbing it gently. It felt intimate, but comfortable. He met my eyes and smiled brightly. “Happy birthday, Sunshine.”
I snatched my hand away and covered my face. “I told you it’s my birthday?”
“Yeah, you did, and I have a ton of questions about that. I’ve never met anyone who didn’t like their birthday, at least not anyone our age. Why is that, Meena? And, while we’re on the subject, why don’t friend number one and two know it’s your birthday?”
I moved my hands down to my lap and stared at him in horror.
“Don’t worry; I didn’t tell them. I just assumed they didn’t know because I suspected they would have mentioned it to me…you know, between all the yelling and threats.”
I swallowed hard. He deserved an answer to the mystery of why I was so fucked in the head. I would give him one. “I had a twin brother. He died when I was sixteen. I don’t celebrate my birthday because it’s a sad day for me. It’s his birthday too.”
He nodded, digesting my words. “I’m so sorry.”
“I haven’t celebrated it since he passed away. None of my family has.”
We sat quietly for some time with only the sounds of scraping forks and knives filling the air. Finally, Ethan broke the silence with his soft, commanding voice. “There’s something else. You said you were supposed to be dead. Why would you say something like that?”
I gulped, close to tears. “Don’t worry, I’m not suicidal.”
He exhaled, and his pinky flexed around mine under the table. I had no idea why that small touch comforted me so much.
“Then why?” he whispered.
“My brother’s death was my fault. I was supposed to be where he was.”
“That doesn’t make much sense to me.”
I took a deep breath, readying myself to tell a story I had never told anyone in my life. Raj and Rachael knew about Vijay’s death, but they didn’t know all the sordid details. Rachael had heard rumors, but she’d moved to Mashpee a year after the tragedy. “I wasn’t always like this. I wasn’t so uptight. In fact, I was a troublemaker.”
He cocked his eyebrows in surprise.
“At least for my parents I was. My brother, Vijay, was perfect. He was like you. Math and science came naturally to him. He knew from the age of six that he was going to be a neurosurgeon like my dad. I wasn’t a bad kid, but I talked back to my parents and disobeyed them. Not in huge ways, but enough so it caused them a great deal of anxiety. Vijay was the total opposite. He was respectful and obedient. He was their favorite. When I was sixteen, I started hanging out with a group of kids my parents disapproved of. They weren’t awful kids, but they weren’t exactly saints either. Vijay warned me they were a bad influence, but he kept it from my parents. He knew I had a hard enough time earning any praise from them.”
I found myself smiling, remembering how overprotective my brother could be, but then I realized I was crying as hot tears slid down my face. Ethan handed me a napkin and tightened his pinky grip.
“We skipped school. Vijay invited himself along. No one wanted him there, but he didn’t care. We hung out at the beach all day. My brother had never missed a day of school, and there he was, skipping…because of me. Some of the kids got drunk. I didn’t, but not because I didn’t want to. Vijay was watching me like a hawk. He didn’t want me to ride on the back of Matt Stapler’s motorcycle, so he insisted on taking that seat. I didn’t see the whole thing. I just heard the crash, and we crashed too…into them. Vijay and Matt died instantly.”
“I’m so sorry, Meena.”
I laughed bitterly. “I just had a few scrapes, but I should have died that day. I should have been sitting where he was. He shouldn’t have been there at all.”
Ethan moved so fast, I didn’t register what he was doing until his arms surrounded me in a tight hug. It was as though he was trying to take my pain.
“Listen to me. It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t force him to come. It wasn’t as if he didn’t have choices that day. He could have refused to get on that bike with a drunk driver. He could have called your parents, the police.”
“He could have not cared so much for his stupid sister,” I sobbed.
“You didn’t cause his death, and he didn’t take your place that day. It’s called an accident for a reason. Nothing was intentional.”
I sniffled, trying to catch my breath, and Ethan released me. “I didn’t mean to lay all that on you.”
“I’m glad you told me.”
“I should go. I can walk home. Thanks for everything.”
I started to pick up my plate to place it in the sink, but Ethan reached for my elbow, stopping me. “Can you do something for me?”
“Sure, I owe you.”
“You don’t, but I’m not above taking advantage of that feeling. Let’s hang out today.” I shook my head in protest, but he held up his hand. “I’m serious. Not for your birthday, but because, like you said, you owe me. We’ll just enjoy this vacation day together…as friends. It’s a beautiful day.”
“Every day in Palo Alto is beautiful,” I said, a smile playing out on my face, despite the fact that I’d just cried harder than I had in years.
“Yes, but it’s not every day we have free. I want to take you somewhere.”
“Where?”
“One of my other favorite places. Don’t do it for you. Do it for me.” He shook the hand with our conjoined pinkies. It felt so natural that I hadn’t even realized he’d grasped my finger.
“For you?”<
br />
“Yeah, what the hell else am I going to do today?”
Chapter 9
I DIDN’T ASK ETHAN where we were going. I actually hadn’t spoken to him since we entered the car. He wore dark sunglasses. It turned me on. Also, the interior of the car flooded with his scent. It was on him and on me. I was having a hard time not sniffing myself like a dog.
I spent the first ten minutes of the ride talking to Rachael, reassuring her about my well-being. I didn’t tell her I was still with Ethan to avoid a ruthless slew of questions. The next forty minutes, I talked to Raj. He accepted my explanation right away, and then told me about his night.
“Everything all right?” Ethan asked when I hung up.
“Raj had a tough night. That’s why he was gone so long.”
“What happened?”
I hesitated, but since Ethan already knew Raj’s secret, it wouldn’t really matter. “He was seeing this guy who was at the party last night. He found out the jerk had a boyfriend the whole time.”
“That sucks.”
“This is the first time Raj put himself out there.”
“He’ll learn soon enough.”
“What’s that?”
Ethan shrugged his shoulders. “Men are pigs.”
I laughed, enjoying the cool ocean air that permeated the landscape. We had been driving for almost an hour, and we were by the coast. Ethan parked in a large lot on the Santa Cruz boardwalk. I had never been here, despite living so close.
“What are we doing?”
“Do you have a weak stomach? You know, when you’re not drinking, that is.”
I chuckled. “No.”
“Have you ever ridden a roller coaster?”
“Not since I was twelve.”
“Well, it’s time you rode one again.”
I stared at the high tracks above me, wincing at the screams of the other riders as they flew by us on another coaster. “Why is it so high?”
“It won’t fall as fast otherwise.”
Variables of Love Page 9