“Like a complete bitch,” I offered.
“Thank you.”
My eyes widened, and he immediately looked sorry. He made an attempt to touch my hair, but I moved further away.
“Meena, I know you wanted to spend the night because you were having a good time. I know you wanted to get one room because of the expense. I believe you at your word when you say things. I wish you’d offer me the same courtesy.”
He walked over to the couch and sat on it, placing his head in his hands. “If you want to leave, we can. Or we can just go to bed. Just to be clear, so there’s no misunderstanding, I mean our separate beds. I don’t feel much like watching a movie anyway.”
I was a bitch. Ethan didn’t deserve this. I was acting like an ungrateful child, throwing a stupid temper tantrum. I walked toward him, taking a seat next to him. My voice was barely louder than a whisper, but it cracked with emotion. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed. I know you’re not that guy. You’ve been nothing but a very good friend to me, and I just proved I don’t deserve it. This was the best birthday of my life. Sadly enough, I think it was the best day of my life. I’ll always be grateful to you.”
He looked up, and his features softened into a reassuring smile.
“Being with you is hard for me,” I said. “It conflicts and confuses me at the same time.”
“Why?”
“It’s very easy to talk to you. I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone, but at the same time, it’s very difficult too.”
“That makes no sense.”
I gripped my knees to keep them from shaking. “You really need me to say it?”
“I do.”
He was going to make me spell it out for him. I sighed in frustration because I knew he was not this dense. “I’m attracted to you, Ethan Callahan. Isn’t that obvious?”
“I wouldn’t say it was obvious, but I’m glad you admitted it.”
“Well, I am, and that makes it difficult because I feel like I’m constantly fighting my feelings. It’s a struggle, and truthfully, it’s exhausting.”
He was quiet for a moment. I was breathing hard, but I had no idea why, except that he was close to me. He leaned toward me. His eyes were intense and turbulent like the ocean itself, and his voice had a husky quality. “There’s a very simple solution.”
“What’s that?”
“Stop fighting.” He leaned in closer.
I closed my eyes, preparing for his kiss. I could feel the heat of his breath against my face. He smelled delicious. But he stopped just shy of my mouth—he wanted me to complete the kiss. He wanted it to be my decision, and in that moment, I made the only decision that felt right.
His lips felt soft but demanding against mine. I ran my fingers through his hair. He parted his mouth, and I let my tongue explore. He groaned and pulled me onto his lap so I was straddling him. His arms tightened around me.
My hands skirted tentatively under his T-shirt, trailing along his defined abs. I tasted his mouth and felt the intake of his breath. I felt the hardening of his other muscle beneath me. I tugged at his shirt impatiently. He broke us apart and took it off in a quick, fluent, one-handed method. I stared wide-eyed at his bare chest, trailing my fingers over it. He was patient and let me take my time exploring his body. It was impressive.
“You work out.” It was a statement not a question. He grunted in response, which turned me on even more. “You have a tattoo,” I remarked, tracing the four-leaf clover that graced his upper bicep.
“Do you have any?” he asked, but before I could answer, he covered my mouth. “Don’t answer that. I’ll find out on my own.”
Of course, he knew I was too conservative for a tattoo, but I didn’t object to the idea of his exploration. In fact, I encouraged it. He placed his hands on either side of my shirt and stared at me, waiting for permission. I lifted up my arms so he could remove it. He stared at my naked breasts with pure intensity. I should have felt shy about this, but I didn’t. I wanted him to see me. All of me. It felt natural.
His thumbs flicked my nipples before taking one into his mouth. I moaned at the heat of his tongue as his lips encircled it. I shamelessly pulled myself up on my knees to give him better access. He sucked on it in a slow, precise rhythm before moving onto the other, providing the same luscious treatment. “You’re so beautiful, Meena,” he whispered against my chest.
“You too,” I said, tugging his hair.
His laughter quickly tapered off. He pushed me back down to his lap and trailed hungry kisses over my neck and shoulders.
When we broke away, coming up for air, we were panting, but I didn’t want to stop. He swallowed hard. “I have to say something before I lose my nerve.”
I tried to press myself against him again, willing him to shut up, but he wouldn’t let me.
“I need you to listen. We can go as far as you want. There are other things we can do to make each other feel good without having sex. I’m okay with any of it, and I’d settle for just kissing you all night if that’s what you want. You draw the line. I just ask you tell me where it is now—”
I wiggled out of his grasp and covered his mouth with mine, inhaling the last of his words. When I sat up again, I looked into his eyes and said very clearly, “Ethan, I think this constitutes an emergency.”
He grinned with happiness, but it changed to a hooded look as he growled in pleasure. He picked me up, carrying me without any effort to the nearest bed, laying me down, easing himself on top of me. He suckled my earlobe, his hot breath washing over my skin. The feeling was so pleasurable, I shivered.
He peppered hot, soft, wet kisses down my body until he reached my shorts. Slowly, he peeled them back, sliding them down my legs. Then he started kissing my ankles, calves, and moved upward until he reached the most sensitive part of me. He wrapped his arms around my thighs, pressing kisses on each and pulling me close. The delicious wetness of his tongue pierced me in soft thrusting motions.
I writhed and moaned, calling out his name. Rachael had told me about oral sex in great, gory detail. It sounded disgusting when she described it, but it wasn’t. It was amazing. I leaned up on my elbows and watched Ethan’s gorgeous head of sandy brown hair bob between my thighs. He lifted his eyes to meet mine. Something in my expression must have turned him on because he moaned so deeply that the vibration traveled through my body.
I couldn’t look anymore and fell back against the bed, succumbing to the divine heat of the act. He licked, sucked, and flicked with his talented tongue. An intense building sensation filled me, followed by an unfamiliar current coursing through my body, waking every molecule.
I was so far gone, I didn’t even realize he was on top of me again, kissing my neck and chin. I encircled him with my arms, drawing him closer, relishing the feeling of the hard planes of his body against my softer ones.
“You’re so wet,” he said in that husky voice I loved.
“Your fault,” I replied, breathlessly.
“I should take care of that, don’t you think?”
I laughed, but it came out choked. “Take care of it, please.”
“I’ll be right back.”
I tightened my grip, “Where are you going?”
He laughed and kissed me again. “To get our emergency gear.”
“Oh.” I laughed, letting go of him. He walked over to the dresser area. Holy shit. When did he take off his pants? I stared at his beautiful ass with a sudden desire to sketch it. I wondered if this was how Michelangelo felt when he first saw David naked. Ethan’s butt was sculptural.
“Are you checking out my ass, Sunshine?”
Does he have eyes in the back of his head? “Yes,” I said honestly.
“I’m glad you like the view.” Like? I was in awe of it. “Do you know where the condom is?”
“It’s on the dresser.”
“It’s not here.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Well…I don’t—”
“Etha
n, I swear I put it there. Look harder. I’m going to help you look.” There was a crazy, hysterical panic in my voice.
He laughed loudly and in a few swift steps, he was back on top of me, leaning his weight against his elbows.
“You’re so mean.” I pouted, gently slapping his chest.
“I wanted to give you another chance to back out.”
“Why would you do it like that?”
“Because I didn’t want you to feel guilty about turning me on.”
It was ingenious of him, in a way. If I’d had any doubts, he’d given me an opportunity without worrying about his feelings. I couldn’t believe he thought so deeply about my needs. He brushed his lips down my neck, instantly calming me.
“Do you have it on?” I asked.
“Yes, feel.”
He took my hand and guided it to his erection. I think he did it to calm me, like the way a nurse might show a nervous patient a needle before injecting it. I doubted that worked, and this didn’t either. He was hard and long. I moved my fingers up and down his length. He slapped my hand away when I tried to do it a second time.
“That’s enough,” he groaned in frustration. Then, much gentler, he whispered in my ear, “We only have one. Let’s not waste it.”
He bent my legs so my knees were in the air. He moved them outward, spreading me. “As far apart as you can go, baby.”
I liked the new nickname. It made me wetter.
“You work out too, don’t you?” he asked, trailing his hands up and down my legs.
“Yoga and Pilates,” I answered, pleased with the impressed look on his face as I moved my thighs out as far as I could.
He kissed the top of each knee and chuckled. “We’re going to have so much fun.”
He leaned over me and penetrated me. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, fine.” It actually wasn’t painful at all. Then he moved deeper.
“And now?”
“Yes,” I answered, turning away from his intense gaze.
“Meena, look at me…please.”
“Why?” I cried out, not capable of more than a syllable.
“I need to see you so I know if you’re in pain.”
“Are you going to make it not hurt?”
He smiled softly. “I’m going to try my best.” He moved deeper still. Ethan winced like he was in pain. “Fuck…you’re so tight, baby.”
“That’s good, right?”
He managed some sort of half laugh, half-grunt response. He leaned in and kissed me passionately. “It’s awesome…for me. For you…I’m not so sure. At least, not the first time.”
He was pressing in incrementally. Each movement was slow and deliberate as I stretched to accommodate him. I wrapped my legs around his waist and encouraged him.
“No,” he commanded.
I loosened my legs instantly, feeling guilty that I had done something wrong.
He shook his head, kissing my neck and whispering in my ear. “I love it. I really do, but I need to be in control, and right now I’m struggling.”
It suddenly occurred to me why he was in pain. It wasn’t from what he was doing, but from what he wasn’t. He was holding back…for me. He pushed in more, and I gasped at the feeling of him inside of me.
“Okay?”
I nodded, incapable of speaking.
“That’s it.”
“It’s over?” I cried, in a garbled voice.
He let out a strained laugh-grunt. “We haven’t even started yet. I just meant I’m all the way inside you. I’m going to move now.” He slid gently back and forth, staring down at me, occasionally closing his eyes and wincing in a mixture of pain and pleasure.
I moaned each time he thrust, feeling the slow contentment of his movements.
“I need to move faster.”
I nodded, tightening my grip on his arms.
“You can help me now.”
Instantly, my legs encircled his hips again, clenching tightly. He pulled out and rammed back into me in a rhythmic pattern that left me demanding more. He wanted me to set the pace of his thrusts, and I set it for high. I screamed his name, and he screamed mine, along with moans and grunts of pleasure.
His body got slicker with sweat as he moved against me. The momentum started building again, but stronger this time, until the sweet release of climax came. When I opened my eyes, he was staring at me intensely, like it was part of his pleasure.
He kissed me before lifting up. Then he squeezed his eyes shut, drawing his head up, murmuring my name, and increasing his movements, gliding with effortless beauty until his face contorted, frozen in a moment of incredible ecstasy. He fell on top of me, and I embraced him closely until our breathing returned to normal.
“Am I hurting you?” he whispered.
He was heavy, but his weight was distributed evenly enough that it wasn’t unpleasant.
“No.”
“Did I hurt you?”
“No.” I wanted to say more, but I couldn’t articulate anything else.
“Good,” he said, pressing his lips against mine, before pulling out.
I missed our connection.
“I’ll be right back.” And then, as if he wasn’t ready to go, he kissed me several more times before leaving the bed and making his way to the bathroom.
Chapter 11
I HAD BROUGHT MY SHORTS into the bathroom, thinking she might be more comfortable not seeing me completely naked. It was hitting me that I’d just taken her virginity. I discarded the blood-tinged condom in the toilet, a little shocked by its weight. That was the hardest I’d come since I was a teenager—I couldn’t believe what she did to me. It wasn’t like I was turned on by virgins, but Meena had the ability to make me feel the raw intensity of everything, like I’d been looking through a filter before her.
I washed my face and stared at myself in the mirror, a little pissed I had only one condom. I wanted her again. It was for the best, though, since she’d be sore. We’d have to wait. I took a washcloth and dampened it with warm water for her.
A sudden panicked thought gripped me. Will she want me again? We hadn’t talked about anything. We’d just acted…completely spontaneously. Will she regret this? Can we just be friends again? Fuck, did I even want that? Hell no—I wanted to make her come again…and again.
Meena sat up, biting her lower lip nervously. She covered her naked body with the top sheet from the bed, clutching it as if it offered her some protection.
I sat next to her. “Are you okay?”
“I have to take a shower,” she said, and she jumped off the bed in a swift movement, taking the sheet with her, but I sat on it. She yelped as it fell away before stumbling into the bathroom. She slammed the door in my face.
“Meena, talk to me,” I urged, but the only response was the shower starting.
I sat on the edge of the bed and put my head in my hands. I had my answer. She regretted it. She regretted me.
She came out a short time later, wrapped in a towel.
“Do you want to get dressed?” I offered, getting up to leave the room and offer her privacy.
She shook her head. “In a minute.”
I sat back down, unsure how to start this conversation. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
I gave her a questioning look. “Because you obviously regret it.”
“Why would you think that?”
I sighed. “What else am I supposed to think when the first thing you do is jump in the shower to wash it away.” I turned to her. “To wash me off you.” My voice was full of hurt that even I was not expecting.
She opened her mouth in a perfect O and shook her head. “Ethan, you’re wrong. It was wonderful. I know you were very gentle with me, and you didn’t have to be. I will never regret that you are my first.”
I felt my muscles relax, and I exhaled a long deep breath. “Why the hell did you jump in the shower?”
She bit her lower lip nervously. “I was bleeding. It was kind of gross.�
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I laughed and tucked a damp strand of hair behind her ear. “You didn’t know you were going to bleed?” I said more disbelievingly than I meant it to sound. It didn’t put her at ease.
“Of course I knew. It was just a shock.” She darted her eyes around the room nervously. “I can’t look. How bad is it?”
I turned and lifted the top sheet back into place. The one we had been lying on. “I don’t think housekeeping’s going to love us, but I’m sure they’ve seen worse. Looks like we’ll make use of the second bed.”
“Ugh.”
I turned back to her, shifting closer, putting my arm around her. “Sex is messy. It’s natural and dirty and hot and beautiful.”
She nodded. “It was all of those things and more. I wasn’t prepared for it.”
“It’s different from that stupid birds and bees talk our parents have with us, eh?”
She bit her lip again nervously. “My mom hasn’t had that talk with me yet.” My jaw dropped open, and she quickly added, “She will. She just hasn’t yet.”
“What the hell is she waiting for? You’re twenty-two years old.”
She smiled half-heartedly and shrugged. “My wedding day.”
I suddenly felt all the blood rush out of my face as my muscles all tensed up. I released my hold on her.
“What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen ghost.” She actually put her hand to my forehead to check my temperature.
I swallowed, trying to find my voice. “Is it going to be a problem that you’re not a virgin anymore?”
She laughed and bumped my shoulder. “No.”
“Be honest with me.”
“Ethan, you know how I say this is a free country? Well, so is India. You can’t believe everything you read. My parents are old-fashioned, but people my age know it’s not realistic to expect a virgin bride. Trust me when I say that no one is going to be looking for blood on those sheets.”
I relaxed instantly, although it was strange to be talking about this with her after what we’d just shared. “Was this a one-time thing, then?”
She looked down. “It’s an experience I’ll always cherish, but I can’t do this casually with you. As it turns out, I’m a very jealous person when it comes to you, Ethan.”
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