by Shelly Bell
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“She hid her face in the crook of my arm. “I just wanted to be a normal college girl for once.”
“What are you talking about? It was amazing that you were still a virgin, and I’m lucky that you wanted me to be your first.” As I spoke the words, guilt washed over me. The bet. I took her virginity on a bet. Fuck, I’m a dick.
She didn’t want to stay the night because she was worried my roommates would come home. I was honestly relieved when she wanted to go home. I could feel myself shutting down with her. The guilt of the bet was weighing heavily on my chest and I couldn’t look her in the eyes. She noticed the change in me, and whatever progress I’d made with her vanished and the walls she’d placed around herself were returning, which only made me feel like a bigger dick. When I should’ve been celebrating because I’d won the bet against Chase, I didn’t feel happy at all.
Chapter 23
Cat
I wasn’t a virgin anymore. It might have been my imagination, but my body seemed altered. My breasts appeared fuller, my hips felt wider, and I was walking differently—or at least I thought so. But most of all, there was tenderness in places that I hadn’t known existed before last night. I was acting different too. I’d taken the time to match my panties to my bra and I’d applied way more lip gloss than usual. Not to mention, I caught myself humming the theme song to Superman while images of Blake’s naked body flashed before my eyes
Despite the amazing evening we spent together, he closed up afterwards. He had placed a stonewall between us. He shut down and it confused the hell out of me. From the front desk of the library, I turned my gaze toward the door and my heart swelled at the sight of him. Blake was dazzling, even in a pair of black jogging pants and a Hayvenwood green hoodie. He smiled when our eyes met and my knees weakened. The distance I’d seen in his eyes last night was gone and was replaced with lust. I stood, transfixed by his stare, and the air between us sizzled.
We circled through the maze of bookshelves toward the table we usually used by the fire and he grabbed me by the waist in his powerful embrace. My back rested against his chest and his scent covered me. “Where’s my kiss?” His open hands slid down my sides and caressed my lower abdomen. I trembled against him. He kissed my neck and rocked his erection against my back. I heard voices coming toward us and I quickly pulled away.
“I don’t get you, Blake. Yesterday you were cold as ice, and now this?”
“What do you mean?”
“You barely kissed me goodnight last night, and now you basically attack me within moments. What’s your deal?”
“I don’t know . . .”
“Well, don’t fucking touch me until you figure it out.” I pushed past him and went to the table to start our tutoring session. There was a disgusting metal taste in my mouth that wouldn’t go away and a wave of nausea washed over me. I held onto the chair because all of a sudden, the florescent lights were giving me a headache and black dots were blurring my vision. Oh, shit. It was going to happen. Right here, right now. My hand tightened around the chair as I willed it away.
Blake was behind me with his hand around my waist “What’s wrong?”
I staggered away. He couldn’t see this. Not Blake. “I’ll be back,” I muttered. I rushed away. My vision was becoming foggy and I wasn’t sure I could make it to the storage area. I just needed to get there without falling to the ground.
Chapter 24
Blake
Something was wrong. Cat looked sick. When I put my arm around her waist, she’d trembled. She pushed me aside and wobbled away with her arms out, almost like she was having trouble seeing. I followed her. I wanted to know what the hell was happening to her. This was the weirdest shit I had ever seen. Maybe I’d finally get to the bottom of all her strange behavior.
When I entered the storage room, I didn’t see her at first. My heart was pounding in my ears. I rushed around the corner and found her lying on the ground, shuddering. My heart sank. She was having a seizure. I rushed to her side, but I didn’t know what to do first. Her head was tapping the floor with every jolt. My hands trembled as I yanked off my hoodie and balled it up under her head. Panic took over my senses. I watched as her tongue lolled out the side of her mouth and her eyes rolled back into her head. I screamed for help, but no one heard me. I couldn’t make myself leave her side. My legs were immobile beneath me. I needed to find someone to help her. I reached for my phone and my fingers trembled as I called Kevin.
I was frantic and he hung up on me after yelling, “Don’t leave her!”
Was he crazy? Where the hell would I go? Finally, Kevin rushed in while on the phone with 9-1-1. I couldn’t do anything. I sat on the ground next to her, shell-shocked. It was the longest minute of my life until she finally stopped shuddering and her body relaxed. Some of the tension in my muscles loosened. I just watched her sleep while I stroked her hair and held her hand. Was this what she had been hiding from me? Why she had alarms going off at all hours of the day? Anger erupted in me. How could she hide this from me? What if this had happened while Kevin wasn’t around? I wouldn’t have been prepared, and I wouldn’t have known what to do for her.
“She didn’t want you to see her like this,” Kevin said, kneeling on the ground next to me. “This happened in front of me last year, only once, but it scared the hell out of me.” He stroked her hair. “But from that moment, I realized she was my sister for life, and that I couldn’t imagine my life without her.”
“What happens now? How can I help her?” My throat tightened and my hands trembled. I was helpless. I didn’t know how to take care of my girl when she needed me most. I knew it right then. In that moment, when I’d feared for her life, I realized mine would be meaningless without her in it.
“Just stay with her. She may be sleeping for a while. I’m going to tell the head librarian what happened and that an ambulance is on its way.”
Chapter 25
Cat
When I opened my eyes, I was lying in a hospital bed with Blake holding my hand. He looked like he had seen a ghost. His face was pale and his expression was concerned. His eyes were filled with so much pity that I had to look away from him. My heart stung and panic crept into my chest. I couldn’t remember much, but this hospital bed and that look in Blake’s eyes meant only one thing. I’d had a seizure and either he’d witnessed it or found me afterward. I closed my eyes in embarrassment and prayed that I hadn’t wet myself.
“Cat.”
I kept my eyes closed, but yanked my hand away from his. “Go away, Blake.” My head was pounding and tears were streaming down my face.
“The hell I am. I have been going out of my mind. Please, baby, just look at me.” Hearing the desperation in his voice made my body tremble with sobs. He climbed into my bed and held me. I didn’t have the strength to push him away, but it didn’t stop me from trying.
“Shhh, baby. I’ve got you, and I’m not going anywhere. Please, Cat, don’t push me away.”
“This wasn’t supposed to happen,” I kept repeating in between sobs. I gave up fighting him and just let him hold me. The warmth of his strong arms gave me comfort, but I needed to let go. I needed him to leave.
Finally, I was able to regain control of myself and I pulled away. “Blake, thank you for getting me to the hospital, but you can leave now. I’m fine.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” His voice was just barely over a whisper.
“Look, I’m not your charity case, and I’m giving you a way out. You were ready to cut things between us before, and now you have a reason to. Make this easy on the both of us and just go, Blake.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I can see the pity in your eyes, and I don’t want you to be with me because you feel sorry for the poor sick girl.”
It was like I’d punched him in the gut. His eyes were glassy and pained. My accusations were cutting him deep. My heart stung for hurting him, but it was somethi
ng I needed to do for my own sanity.
“Is that what you think?” His voice trembled.
Just then, the nurse came in and asked to examine me. He had no choice but to leave the room. “Fine,” he mumbled. “I will be outside.”
Through the examination, I learned I was not eating right for my condition, and that it could have been the reason for my episode. According to the nurse and the doctor that came in shortly after, I needed to eat a balanced diet. Less cheeseburgers and fries and more salads, grilled chicken, and whole grains. He thought it would help lower the chances of having seizures. The doctor also suggested working out to keep my body healthy. Did he understand I lived on a college campus and eating healthy was nearly impossible? The idea of no cheeseburgers made me tear up, but the doctor assured me that it was okay to have one once in a while.
I also learned why I had a very low tolerance for alcohol. My medication mixed with liquor lowered my tolerance and the effects of the consumption were greater. So I got drunk much faster, which explained the other night on the balcony and why I’d been so drunk and lost control with Blake.
The doctor wanted to keep me for observations, but I begged and pleaded to go because I had an accounting exam the next morning. After the doctor checked my vials and gave me a long lecture about taking better care of myself, he agreed to release me. When the doctor left the room, the nurse let me change back into my own clothes that were thankfully not soiled. I breathed in a sigh of relief. She asked me if I had a ride home or if she needed to call someone. “Is that blond guy still out there?” I asked.
“Yes, honey. He hasn’t left your side since you came in.”
“Then I have a ride.” I dreaded seeing Blake again, especially after the way I’d treated him. My worst fear had come true. He’d witnessed a seizure and he was already pulling away before it happened. If he stayed with me, it would be out of pity. And I didn’t need or want his pity.
Chapter 26
Blake
I was pacing back and forth in the waiting room. Every muscle in my body was tense. I just wanted to see her again, hold her, tell her I’d been acting like a complete asshole, that I was a fucking basket case.
“You care for her, don’t you?” Kevin’s question halted me mid-step. Hell, yeah, I cared for her. I think I stopped breathing when I found her on the ground. It felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest when I couldn’t help her.
“Yeah.” I rubbed my face with both my hands.
“Tell her.”
He didn’t understand. I’d let the guilt fuck with my head and I’d pulled away from her at the worst possible time. Now she’d never believe how much she meant to me. I didn’t even realize how much until I’d seen her on the ground, but all I could think about was how I couldn’t lose her. When the nurse pushed her out in the wheelchair, relief flooded through me.
Kevin said something to her, but I couldn’t hear much of the conversation over the pounding in my ears. Something about her mom insisting she talk to her as he handed her the phone. I just stood idle, lost within my own thoughts and fears of losing her. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion. When she finally made eye contact with me, I forced myself to gain control of my emotions. “Blake, can you please drive me back to my dorm?” I listened hard and was able to make out she wanted me to do. Was she kidding? Dorm? I was taking her back to my place because I sure as hell wasn’t letting her out of my sight tonight. But of course I wouldn’t tell her that yet.
“Of course.”
Kevin hopped in the backseat before she could argue with him about it and the drive back to campus was silent. None of us were in the mood to talk and I let John Legend’s voice echo in the sound system. The more John Legend sang All of Me, the more I related to the song. I glanced in Cat’s direction, but she kept her eyes closed and her body leaned away from me.
When we finally reached Kevin’s dorm, he placed his hand on Cat’s shoulder and whispered something in her ear. She nodded her head.
“Promise me,” he urged.
“Okay, I promise,” she whispered.
When we drove off she closed her eyes again and I was relieved she wouldn’t see me turn onto the street of my condo. I knew all hell was going to break loose when I pulled up, but I didn’t give a fuck, I was not sleeping without her tonight.
When I turned off the engine, she opened her eyes and her voice trembled with anger. “Why are we here?”
“Because you’re staying the night here with me.”
“Have you fucking lost your mind?” She pointed her finger in my face. “Take me to my dorm, Blake.”
“No.”
“Fine, I’ll walk.”
I was prepared and hit the child safety locks before she could even reach for the handle.
She punched my shoulder. “Unlock the door, asshole.”
“No, not until you tell me why. Why didn’t you tell me you were epileptic?”
“You’re so annoying!” She struggled with the door. “Open it.”
“No,” I said firmly.
She crossed her arms over her chest and her lips pouted. We sat quietly with only the soft melody of the music between us until she spoke in a small voice. “When I was in high school, my boyfriend at the time saw me having a seizure. He told the whole school . . .” Her lips quivered.
My body ached to touch her. Hold her. Comfort her. But my gut told me if I tried, she would only push me away and close up on me.
“He told the whole school that I was a freak, and for the last year of high school, the mocking and teasing was non-stop.”
It was the first time I had ever heard her voice sound so deflated. My hands balled into fist. I wanted to kill the assholes that did this to her. Then, pain seized my chest. “You thought I was going to make fun of you?”
“No, but I don’t need your pity, Blake Holland. I don’t need anyone’s pity.”
Her words were like knives in my heart. “Pity? Why would I pity you?”
“I can see it in your eyes. You pity me and it hurts like hell.”
“It’s not pity. I care about you, Cat. It’s concern you see, not pity.” I reached for her hand, but she pulled it away.
“You were pulling away from me before this happened, so now what? You want to stay with me to ease your mind?”
I grabbed her by the shoulders, and this time she didn’t pull away. The fury inside of her was subsiding and tears were flowing from her eyes. The truth was I didn’t know how to explain what she meant to me. “When we first met, you were a challenge and it intrigued me, but now you’re so much more. I think about you all the time, and when I’m not with you, I want to be. Tonight, when I saw you lying on the floor, I literally felt my heart break in half. You don’t have to say anything, just stay with me.” I caressed her cheek. “I don’t think I can sleep without you tonight.”
She finally broke down and cried in my arms. I held her for a while and finally convinced her to go into the condo.
Chapter 27
Cat
I had the late shift at the library the next night. Since one of the girls had called in with a flu bug, I’d gotten stuck at the library until 3a.m. I was curled up by the fire in one of my favorite chairs and my mind wandered to Blake. He was never far from my thoughts. I couldn’t believe the ride we’d been on since we met. I’d hated him at first sight, but somehow he’d found his way into my heart. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it hadn’t. Blake and I were in a committed relationship. He knew about my illness and he hadn’t run away or treated me like I was going to break. I guess Kevin had been right all along. It was possible to meet some who accepted all of me.
My phone vibrated with a text from Blake. I unlocked the screen, wondering why the guy who woke up at 6:00 a.m. was still awake at this hour.
You look so sexy in the firelight.
I jumped up from the chair and there he was, watching me with hungry eyes. My body reacted at the sight of him. He looked so fucking g
ood, my mouth watered.
“What are you doing here?”
He scooped me into his arms and held me tight. “I couldn’t sleep, I kept thinking about what we could do in a deserted library.”
I giggled and looked around. There were only a couple of people studying on the first floor.
“I have an idea. Come on.”
He followed me until I reached my favorite spot in the entire library. It was an alcove-type nook, hidden away behind bookshelves on the far end of the second floor. I didn’t think the spot was intended to be there, but whoever configured the library had misjudged the spaces between the shelves and had created a little hideaway between them. I eased my way in between the wall and one of the three bookshelves that created a box-like center and he followed.
“What is this?” He looked around in amazement. I leaned against the wall and smiled at the bewilderment in his eyes.
“This is my little hideaway.”
“No one would ever know we were back here.” He flashed me that devilish smirk and waves of heat swept over me.
“Exactly.” I removed my glasses and placed them on the bookshelf to my right. He scooped me up and kissed me. I wrapped my hands around his neck and he pinned me against the wall. My body was beginning to fully enjoy the pleasures he gave me. I pushed away from him and kicked off my boots and jeans. He groaned and tossed his sweatshirt over his head. He pinned me against the wall as he took my lips in his. Kissing. Tasting. Caressing.
He explored every inch of me, but there was only one thing I wanted—him inside of me. I untied his gray sweatpants and they fell to his ankles. He turned me over and I spread my legs to take him. I heard him tussle with the condom wrapper, and his erection teased my entry. I held my breath as he slid inside of me. Even though it didn’t hurt as much anymore, his first entry still took my breath away. Something about doing this a public place made the whole act even sexier. I was dripping with desire and lust. I could tell he was too, as he pulled on my ponytail and smacked my ass. His body leaned over mine, pushing me lower and spreading my legs wider. His hands clutched me around the waist, driving himself in and out of me. He kissed my neck and whispered dirty sweet nothings in my ear, which only turned me on even more. He knew my body, how to drive me crazy with need for his touch. His hands caressed my clitoris while his other lifted my shirt, tugging at my bra and teasing my nipples. Waves of heat washed over me as I started to ride my release, bringing him with me.