by Audrina Cole
I sighed, leaning back in my chair. “I do wear jeans…sometimes.”
“Hardly ever,” she said.
The changing room door opened, and Jenna stepped out, heading for the mirror again. She didn’t bother to ask for my opinion this time.
“Any chance you’re almost done?” I sent out positive vibes to Jenna. Please say yes, please say yes, please…
“No,” Jenna’s tone was petulant. “Can’t you pretend to be a girl, for once?” A cloud of resentment billowed around her, ramping up into anger.
It seriously annoyed me. I’d suffered through hours of shopping, and she was mad at me?
“Hey!” I stood and walked into the fitting room area. “Why are you being so pissy today?”
“You’re the one with your head in the clouds!” Jenna stood, hands on her hips, eyes blazing at my reflection in the mirror. “You’ve barely paid attention to anything I’ve said.”
“Well excuse me for not hanging on your every word like I do every time we go out. It’s like The Jenna Paulson Show every time I talk to you. Maybe I have other stuff on my mind besides the new guy you saw at the mall or how your ass looks in your fortieth pair of jeans!”
“Oh please, I try to pry information out of you all the time. It’s like your private life is classified and you don’t think I have a high enough clearance level to be ‘read in’!”
“Well you—” I halted. “Wait…what?”
Jenna glared at me through the mirror and didn’t say anything.
I busted out laughing. “Wow. You have been watching way too much N.C.I.S. Los Angeles.”
Jenna pursed her lips, then cracked a smile. “I know, right?” She giggled, turning around. “How would you know? You don’t own a TV.”
“Uh…nice try, you make me watch it every time I sleep over at your house. I could kill your parents for buying you the DVD set.”
“I could totally be an N.C.I.S. agent.”
“You’d do okay with the designer clothes and acting like someone else—if the N.C.I.S. really has a fancy undercover branch in L.A. But as soon as gunfire broke out, you’d be crying and begging to go home.”
“Well…that’s true.” Jenna laughed, and reached out to hug me. She squeezed me tight, then let go. “I guess I am being a little witchy today.”
“A little?” I raised an eyebrow.
She frowned. “Ember, you never tell me anything. I know something’s going on, and you won’t let me in. You’re my best friend, but sometimes I don’t feel like I’m yours.” She looked away.
I took her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. “Jenna, you are my best friend. I don’t know what I’ve done to make you think you’re anything less.”
“I love you dearly, but you are like a recluse, sometimes. I mean, you’ve had diabetes forever, and you never bothered to tell me? And now I can’t pry a word out of you about this mystery guy you had a date with. I feel like you’re avoiding me lately, and even when you’re with me, I feel like you left a part of yourself behind. You could really use some lessons in communication.”
That was a shock to me. Because of my empathic abilities, I was usually very good at communicating with other people. How could it be that I wasn’t communicating well with my best friend?
“Well, that’s going to change today. Come on, let’s go.” I grabbed her hand and started dragging her out of the dressing room.
“Wait, my purse! And I’m wearing the store’s clothes.” She ran back to change, then we left with our purses, apologizing for the dressing room mess on our way out.
We went for ice cream and talked for a long time. I knew I’d be sorry later when I crashed from the sugar high, but it was worth it. And it was delicious.
“Let me get this straight,” Jenna said around a mouthful of ice cream, “you have a secret boyfriend that you never even told me about!” The last part was screeched, much to the displeasure of the other ice cream shop patrons. “Is this the same guy? You said you only saw him once, and it wasn’t a real date!”
“Sshhh!” I hissed. “Announce it to the world, why don’t you? It wasn’t a real date, at first. I wasn’t hiding it or anything. I’m still trying to figure things out.”
“Figure out what? Is he hot?”
“Uhh…kind of.” I reddened.
“Kind of?”
“He’s really cute.” He was more than cute. A lot more. He was filling out his clothes now—it had been a complete transformation. It was becoming a chore to keep my eyes off his ass whenever he had his back to me.
“Hmmm. Normally I’d say dump the cute guy for a real hottie. But let’s face it…your social life is a graveyard.”
“It is not!”
“Is too. Take what you can get.”
“Excuse me! My social life is fine. I have a very full life of…activities…and…stuff… I like to do.”
She rested her chin on her hands and waited.
“Seriously.”
“Mmm-hmm.” She challenged me with her gaze.
“Okay, fine. I’m not exactly a social butterfly like you. But I’m happy. I enjoy the things I do. I don’t need a guy to have a full social life.”
“Sure.” She was mocking me.
“Look, he’s great. I like him. And he is hot—”
“I knew it!”
“—but things are…complicated.”
“Wow, don’t share everything all at once.”
I sighed, pushing away my dish of ice cream. I couldn’t tell her everything about Alex—even if it was just the non-healing-related stuff. She wouldn’t understand the situation with my parents. But I had to find some way to be more open with her. “My parents…don’t approve. I don’t think his do, either. At least not his mother.” There. Close enough.
“Who cares? You’re seventeen now. You’re old enough to make your own decisions.”
“It’s not that easy. My mom is like…a ninja. Stealthy. She just knows stuff. If I even try to sneak around behind her back, she’ll find out, somehow.”
“I don’t get why it’s a big deal. Your mom is so cool and laid back. My mom is pretty lenient, but your mom wins the Cool Mom of the Year award...except for all the health stuff and making you live like the girl with the braids on Little House on the Prairie.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, well, she’s not cool when it comes to this. She’d come unglued if she knew.”
“Why?”
“He’s…not into natural stuff.”
“Oh! Well, that will do it, with your mom.”
“I know.” She bought it! Relief washed over me.
“I mean, I don’t care about natural stuff, but there’s no risk of you and I doing it, and having a baby, and ending up at least pseudo-attached for life.”
I almost spit my ice cream out on the table. “Jenna, geez, I practically just met the guy.”
“Hey, I know how things can happen. I watch TV.”
I shook my head, scooping up the last bit of melted ice cream and not-so-hot fudge. I knew Jenna was dying to have sex—she thought about it all the time—but the last few guys she’d dated were losers. Jenna had standards—she refused to “lose it to a loser.”
“So,” Jenna said as she licked her spoon, “is this guy worth the hassle?”
That was the question I’d been asking myself all week. I didn’t want to admit it…but the answer was yes. I knew I was putting myself, my family, everything at risk. But deep down it didn’t matter. I would keep seeing him. I had to. I didn’t know what would come of it, but at that point I couldn’t imagine my life without him.
“Ember?”
“I don’t know.” I twisted a napkin in my hands. “I think he is. There’s just this…connection. I can’t explain it. But I feel like I know him. Like I’ve known him forever.” I threw the napkin down on the table.
“Must be some guy.”
“He is.”
“If he’s that special, then go for it. Don’t let anything stand in your
way.”
I laughed, hollowly. It wasn’t that easy, but Jenna couldn’t know that. I felt like the weight of the world was pressing down on my shoulders.
“So when do I get to meet Prince Charming?” Jenna leaned forward. Nothing perked her up like a little gossip or meeting a new guy. “You have to at least tell me his name.”
“Uhh…you know…I don’t even know if this will relationship will really go anywhere....”
“Come on-n-n-n,” she whined. “You can’t hold out on me now.”
“Yes I—” My phone interrupted us both.
Jenna gave a little squeal. “Is that him?”
I shushed her and glanced at the caller ID. It showed no name, but I recognized the number. I didn’t dare add him as a contact on my phone, for fear Mom would see it.
“Hello?”
“Hey.”
I couldn’t help but do a little mental cheer when I heard his voice. A huge grin spread across my face. There went any chance of hiding the caller’s identity from my friend.
Jenna stomped her feet quietly under the table in a little dance, fidgeting, and I knew she was dying to hear what was being said on the other end of the conversation.
“Hey there.” I blushed.
Jenna’s grin spread wider.
“I was wondering if you wanted to get together tomorrow.”
“I—I would, but I promised Mom I’d go to the library and do some research for an essay she wants me to write.”
“Well…what if I came along, and helped out?”
“You?” I laughed. “You’ll just be goofy and distract me.”
“I won’t. I promise. If you don’t get your work done, your mom will suspect something, and if she finds out about me, we’re over. So I have to let you get some work done. Right?”
“Okay. I’ll see you at the library. I told her I was going to the Coeur d’Alene library. I don’t want it to be a lie.”
“I can meet you there. Dad has been working on Mom, and he’s going to let me start borrowing his car, sometimes.”
“Geez, you’re almost eighteen. In a couple of months, you can move out and get a car and an apartment of your own without their permission.”
“I know, right? But don’t tell Mom that. She might have a heart attack. She still expects me to keel over at any minute. Besides, I need money to do all that. I only just started my job.”
“I know! I’m so excited. You have to tell me all about it tomorrow.” It was almost impossible to talk to Alex on the phone when I was at home, without risking Mom or Dad overhearing. So we were limited to texting and emails when I was at home—which was most of the time, when I wasn’t with him. I was eager to see him again, and have some nice, long conversations. And stare at his very fine ass. I blushed as the thought intruded. I couldn’t help but notice that every time I saw him, his frame had filled out more…and in all the right places.
“Don’t worry, I’ll regale you with all the exciting details of my very boring job.” He laughed, and I could tell he wanted to say more. “I should let you go. You said you were shopping with Jenna this afternoon.”
“I am.” I glanced up at Jenna, sheepishly. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Around three in the afternoon?”
“Yeah, that works. I’m off tomorrow.”
After I’d hung up, Jenna pressed me for more details. “Are you ever going to tell me his name?”
“No.”
“Ember! I thought you were bearing your soul to me today!”
She whined some more, until I couldn’t take it. She’d find out sooner or later.
“Alright, alright, it’s Alex.”
Jenna blinked. “Alex who?”
I rolled my eyes. “Alex Baxter. Ring a bell?”
She blinked again. “Wait—do you mean Mr. and Mrs. Baxter’s son? Cancer kid?”
“Jenna!”
She shook her head. “I didn’t mean it like that. But…I mean…he does have cancer. He’s dying!” I could feel the wheels turning in her head, trying to match up what she knew about Alex, and my description of him as being attractive. The Alex she’d known was pale, gaunt, and hollow-eyed…and looked years younger than his actual age.
“Apparently, he’s not. I guess…the cancer must have gone into remission, or something. He looks much healthier now.”
She was confused and skeptical, but there was relief there as well.
“I just hope you’re not in for disappointment,” she sighed. “He looked like he was on death’s door at his fundraiser. I just…I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Thanks. I really appreciate that. But I know what I’m doing.”
The truth was—I didn’t. I was in over my head. Playing with fire.
And I was about to get burned.
15
When I walked up to the front door of the library the next afternoon, I could barely keep my mouth from dropping open. Alex looked amazing. His hair had grown out even more, looking darker and luxuriously thick. Even his eyebrows had grown in fuller than the last time I’d seen him, two days before. The grey t-shirt that I knew he’d bought only the week before now clung to his biceps, and outlined his chest.
“Hey.” His full lips curved into what had become one hell of a sexy smile.
A strange sensation spread throughout my chest, and I inhaled sharply. I looked down, glad that he couldn’t sense emotions the way I could. “Uh…hi.” I was strangely shy—every time I saw him, it was like he was a whole new person, and our roles were reversing. Now I felt like the awkward, unattractive one, and he was rapidly becoming some kind of Greek god, chiseled from marble into the shape of tantalizing manhood.
My healing usually just restored health. It didn’t turn people into god-like creatures of ethereal beauty.
I stole a glance at him as we walked together to the library door. Is he working out, or what? None of this makes sense! I didn’t know many people who were into weight lifting, but I didn’t think you could put on muscle that fast…maybe not even with steroids. It was really weird.
And hot.
So hot.
I watched muscle ripple over his lean back as he stepped in front of me to open the door. He held it open, watching me as I passed him and tried not to stare at his flexing bicep while he held the door.
“What?” he asked.
“Huh?”
“You’re looking at me like I’m an alien or something.”
My cheeks warmed. “No I’m not!” I swallowed, wishing I could melt into the floor. “I just noticed that you’re looking really healthy these days.”
“I know! It’s totally weird. My parents look at me like I’m an alien too. No one recognizes me. I’ve started avoiding my neighbors and my parents’ friends. Their reactions are just…over the top.” He followed me through the door, sticking his hands in his pockets as he walked.
I took a deep breath, and steeled my courage. “Are you…” I glanced at his arm, wishing I could touch it “…are you working out…or…anything?” The heat flushed up my neck in earnest, and I knew I must be flaming red.
He grinned and shrugged. “Not really. I mean, I lift a lot of boxes at work, but they’re not full of bricks or anything. And I only just started there.”
“Oh.” I had to stop staring at him. It was embarrassing.
Then again, the rest of the women in the library needed to stop staring, too. I felt a surge of jealousy as I realized that every woman we passed flicked a glance in Alex’s direction, and the girls my age openly gawked.
I wanted to punch them in the face.
Whoa! Where did that come from?
My parents raised me to believe in peaceful, non-violent communication. But every time a girl looked in his direction as we walked by, I wanted to throttle her. I’d never felt this way before.
We made our way to the computer search stations, and Alex gestured for me to sit down. He pulled another chair up beside me, squeezing in between me and the girl to my right…who looked as if she�
��d died and gone to heaven. I saw her exchange a gleeful grin with the girl to her right, and thought I heard a quiet giggle.
Alex didn’t seem to notice. He was too busy looking at me. “What’s the matter?”
I looked up into his eyes. His face was so close to mine, there was no way to hide my expression. My gaze dropped down to his lips before I wrenched it away and forced myself to look back up at those beautiful, dark eyes. “I…”
Over his shoulder I could see the girl straining to see his face, trying to be casual, and failing miserably. She had long, dark hair—a curtain of ebony silk, framing her pale face and large blue eyes. Her eyelashes were impossibly long. If she weren’t so petite, she could have been a model.
I hated her.
She was the kind of girl Alex should be with. Not me. When Alex and I had first started hanging out, I really enjoyed it, and as my feelings developed for him, I never worried about other girls. Alex didn’t have many friends, and didn’t pay much attention to any other girls. And at first, they hadn’t noticed him much either.
But things had changed. Alex was rapidly growing into the young man he’d always been meant to become, instead of the sickly boy he’d been forced to be for two years. He’d come into his own. How long could I expect him to stick around with a boring homeschooled hippy-girl like me, instead of exploring his options with gorgeous girls who drooled over him—and didn’t even have the decency to wait until I wasn’t looking?
“Ember?” Alex waited, watching me.
I realized I was glaring at the girl over his shoulder, who had finally noticed me and stared me down with a rude, disdainful expression. The girl whispered to her friend, and they both laughed.
My face flamed and tears blurred my vision. I was glad he hadn’t heard what they said. It had been mumbled, but I’d caught parts of it.
“…frump like her…total hottie…I’d let him…anytime!”
“It’s nothing,” I lied, biting my lip and turning to the computer in front of me.
I could feel his eyes on me, and when I glanced up, I saw him cast an annoyed glance in the direction of the rude, goddess-like girl beside him. Then he shifted his chair toward me some more, and leaned forward, blocking her from my view.