by Janie Marie
“He started coming into my room at night. I didn’t worry too much when he did this. He was only sleeping in bed with me. I thought maybe he had bad dreams like I did. I used to sleep next to Jack or climb in bed with my parents, so that’s what I thought. But Stephen wasn’t having nightmares.”
David stiffened, but she continued speaking, her voice void of emotion now. “A couple of months of just sleeping in my bed, he started touching me. I didn’t like it, but he said that was normal, that I’d get used to it, and I should just pretend it was a secret game. He said we’d get in trouble if we told others about our game, so I stayed quiet.
“Adam had come into my room one time and asked Stephen why he was in there, but Stephen told him I was sad about my parents. Adam didn’t check to see that Stephen had both of our pants off, and I started to feel more worried about our game. If we couldn’t tell Adam, it must be a bad game.
“Stephen had never hurt me. He told me things, gross things he’d seen in videos. He laughed about some of them, so I decided what we were doing must not be so bad. If other people did it on videos for fun, it should be okay.
“One day, though, a little girl in class told me the boy next to me had his hands down my pants during nap time. I thought she was going to get me in trouble and begged her not to tell on me. She said her mommy said no one is supposed to touch her there, and she’s not supposed to either.
“The next day I pretended I was asleep, and the boy stuck his hands down my pants. For the first time, I felt ashamed. I kicked him as hard as I could, but my teacher saw. She yelled at me and put me in time-out while everyone laughed at me. I tried to tell her what happened, but she said we don’t hit no matter what and to be quiet.”
David was shaking, but he couldn’t speak to tell her to stop. He didn’t even think she realized everything she was saying. She seemed like she was in a trance, reading her abuse out as though it were a story she was asked to read aloud.
“I told my aunt about Stephen. She just stared at me for a minute, then told me I just dreamt it up. She told me not to talk about it again and said people would get upset, and she’d be angry. I tried to tell her I wasn’t lying, and she slapped me. So I stopped saying anything about it.
“When Stephen came, I let him do whatever he wanted. I kept telling myself it didn’t hurt like a slap or punch, so it wasn’t so bad. And he’d always seemed happy. He’d ask me if I liked certain things.” She sucked in a breath and shook her head.
“One time, he had some friends over. I had gone to the bathroom, and one boy followed me while Stephen played a game with the others. The boy told me to use the bathroom, and he’d wait in there with me so I wouldn’t get scared. I didn’t know what to do, so I peed. He watched me and when I got up, he told me to lie on the ground. He got on me, and I let him.” Her voice cracked.
“Baby, please—” He couldn’t hear anymore, but she just kept talking like she couldn’t stop or even hear him.
“I didn’t tell anyone. Not even Stephen. Not Jason. No one. The boy was bigger, and his—you know—was bigger, harder. He told me he knew what I did with Stephen. I didn’t know what it was at the time, Stephen had never done it like this boy—it felt different. He was rougher and faster. He was pushing me so hard into the floor, I held on to him because I didn’t know what to do and it was hurting. He liked that I did that.
“When he finally stopped, he told me to stay still. I just laid there, and he pushed his shorts down and showed me himself. He put my hand on him and asked me if I’d seen come before. I shook my head, and he laughed, calling Stephen a pussy. Then he pulled my pants down and touched me. He said I had liked it because I was wet down there. He rubbed me in ways Stephen hadn’t and when I made a noise, he laughed. He said I was a dirty little girl for liking it, then pulled my pants back up. He kissed me and reminded me not to tell anyone, then left.”
David had never felt such rage. His body was shaking as his mind raced with terrible images. Yet, Jane didn’t seem to notice his distress; she talked as though no one was there.
“I didn’t tell anyone. He’d come by sometimes, but he’d just smile at me. Stephen hung out with him a lot and didn’t come in so much. Still, every once in a while, Stephen would come in my room and do things he’d said he heard about.
“I started considering telling someone at school, but one day, a boy and girl in my class got in trouble. Cops came and everything. I asked one of my classmates what happened, and they said a boy and girl were touching each other’s privates. I thought I’d go to jail because of what I’d done, so I kept my mouth shut again.
“Time went by, and there’d be periods of peace and then he’d come back. Stephen had gone off to some private school for the beginning of his senior year. It was nice without him, but when I found out he was coming back, I don’t know what happened, I went about my normal routine—went to school, smiled, did my assignments, but when I came home, I took every pill in the house.”
David wanted to hit something. She wouldn’t stop talking. She was killing him.
“When I took those pills, I stared at myself in the mirror and saw what was really there—I was so ugly. I didn’t think about what I was doing. I just kept staring at myself and swallowing pills with a glass of water. I had never thought about killing myself, but I knew what would happen. I didn’t care. I just kept taking medicine; the pills went down so easily.
“After I’d taken everything, I got in bed and fell asleep, but an hour later, I woke up. I wasn’t afraid. My body was weak, but I stumbled through the house until I got to my aunt’s room. I found more medicine and took all of it.
“I made it back to my room. I remember leaning on the walls for support, but I made it. I think I fell on the floor, and that’s where Stephen found me. He was the one who called an ambulance.
“It was like a weird dream. There were moments of awareness and then nothing. I remember throwing up a lot, but nothing hurt—not even the needles they kept sticking in to draw blood. My aunt and uncle had been furious. They said I’d traumatized Stephen; he was hysterical, apparently. My aunt said I would be put in jail or a mental hospital if I told lies. I knew she meant about Stephen. So, when the psychiatrist came to talk, I said I did it because I missed my parents and brother. The hospital let me go after almost a week.
“Stephen seemed different when I saw him again, and he left me alone for a while. I think Adam had figured out what was happening. He’d watch Stephen all the time. I didn’t dare tell him, though. I wasn’t afraid of death, but I didn’t want to be put in a mental hospital. Aunt Kathrine said worse things would happen to me there.
“Adam had been living on campus, but he moved back home shortly after I went back to school. He tried to make sure he was home when I was. Eventually, he got caught up in school and Stephen started up with me again. Adam hadn’t caught us, and Stephen made me skip school so he could have time with me, and I was blamed for Stephen’s absences. I didn’t even try to argue that he was making me. I figured this would last until he left for college. I had dealt with it so long; I could last a little longer. But Adam finally caught us.”
David wanted to kiss her and tell her to stop, but he couldn’t say anything.
“Adam yanked Stephen off me. As he tried to drag me away, Stephen lost it. They were both the same height, but Adam was stronger, more built. When they started fighting, Adam beat him badly.”
Jane closed her eyes and finally wept. “Stephen had lost consciousness, but Adam didn’t stop. There’d been so much blood. I knew he was going to kill him, but I just stood there. My uncle finally burst into the room, got Adam off Stephen’s lifeless body, and called an ambulance. Adam pulled me onto his lap and cried.”
Her tormented voice broke his heart.
“After they took Stephen to the hospital, my uncle turned to us and called me a whore. He said I’d seduced his sons and made them do this to each other. Adam tried to defend me, but the police arrived and arrested him.
“Stephen went into a coma and never woke up; my Aunt refused to take him off life support, and Adam has been in prison ever since. My uncle started drinking a lot. He’d yell at me whenever I came home or come up to my room and stare at me. He’d say it was my fault his sons were gone—none of this would have happened if it weren’t for me. He said I ruined all their lives, and I should have died with my parents.
“I tried to tell him what had been going on and that Aunt Katherine knew. I told him she told me not to tell anyone, and even that she hit me. He asked me if I would let him do the same thing, then. I was terrified, but I said no. I thought he was going to force himself on me, but he said if I didn’t want it happening, I would have told someone. So, I must have encouraged it. I tried to make him understand, but he only yelled louder and said if I wasn’t so pretty, they’d have left me alone. It was my fault everyone was gone.”
“Jane.” He was in agony. “No, baby. It wasn’t your fault.”
She continued as though she hadn’t heard him. “Everyone at school made fun of me. The girls already hated me for some reason, but now they didn’t care if I heard them whispering mean things. They ganged up on me, circled me as they made fun of me and called me names. No one helped.
“There was a time I thought they’d changed. A girl said I should come with them when they went out; I thought they were finally being nice, but then I heard her telling the other girls if I went, all the hot guys would come talk to us. And since my family was all gone, I wouldn’t be interested which would leave the hot guys for them.”
David saw red.
“When I met Jason, I trusted him. I told him some of the things that happened to me. He showed up at my house one time because I’d been crying over fighting with my uncle that morning. He threatened my uncle and told him if he didn’t leave me in peace, he would kill him and Stephen.
“Jason’s not a violent person, but he looked terrifying that day. My uncle backed off. After that, when I came home, my uncle would leave or go in his room. I never liked Jason more than a friend before but when he did that, I felt drawn to him. He’d have other moments where he’d yell at someone whispering I should just kill myself, and I started seeing him as more than a friend.
“We became a couple after a while, and when I was a senior, I made a new friend, Wendy. We became best friends. She never judged me, but I didn’t tell her everything. She was understanding when I’d turn down going places, but she still asked. She never gave up on me. But I lost her a year ago.”
David heard a greater sadness from her leak out with those words. Out of all the unspeakable horror she’d just revealed, the death of her only friend is what hurt most.
“She was diagnosed with cancer, and she died. She was my only friend. I have no one now. Not even Jason. He just says I should let go of the past, but I can’t. I can’t get better. I’m a horrible mom. They’re going to turn out like me.”
David hugged her as she sobbed. He couldn’t believe what she’d just told him. How could one person go through so much pain and survive? He felt fire in his veins and wanted the blood of every person who had hurt her. Taking care of her mattered more, though. “Sweetheart, I’m here now. I’ll help you through it all, okay? I will never leave you.”
She nodded but continued to weep. Her body temperature felt high. She kept holding her breath and tensing up for several seconds at a time before gasping for air. Eventually, though, her cries died down, her breathing evened out, and she fell asleep.
He was in misery. How could he be gifted with so much strength and power but not have the ability to protect her? He understood why Arthur felt so sick and angry now.
The sound of Gawain muttering out curses reached David’s ears, and he panicked; they’d heard her confession. Gareth was trying to calm Gawain, and David was relieved that it was only the two of them in the house. He didn’t think Jane would be comfortable with too many people knowing what she’d shared.
He rolled onto his side and tried lowering her to the pillow, but just as she’d done during her transition, she dug her fingernails into him, refusing to let go.
So with a sad smile, he pulled her close and silently prayed for a way to bring her peace.
DAVID HAD DOZED OFF, but he was roused from a dreamless sleep when Jane’s breathing changed. She whined and kept panting like she was terrified. He looked at her and saw her face covered with tears and sweat as it contorted with pain.
David pulled himself out from under her and leaned over her, gripping her shoulders. “Jane, wake up.” He shook her by the shoulders and raised his voice. “Wake up!”
The most heartbreaking scream tore out of her lips, and her eyes flew open, wide and confused. “David,” she choked out, reaching out to hold his face.
“I’m here, baby. It was only a dream. I’m here.”
Her hands shook as she caressed the sides of his face and hair. “I thought he killed you.”
David shook his head. “No. It was only a dream. We’re both fine. We’re still here in the house.”
Relief washed over her, but she kept stroking his cheek while her eyes still searched his face. It looked like she was only confirming he was truly okay, but her eyes devoured more of him. She slid her hands over his shoulders and down his biceps.
“Jane,” he said, warning her to stop.
She ignored him and explored his chest. David squeezed his eyes shut and gathered the mental strength to push her away. Her fingers splayed out across his chest and up around his neck where they played with his hair.
“Jane, you need to stop.”
She disregarded his order and locked her hands behind his neck and pulled.
David opened his eyes. “Jane, enough.”
An unseen force suddenly yanked him toward her and furniture in the room shifted toward them. He braced himself from falling on her and looked back to her eyes.
Black. None of her lovely hazel color was present.
Then, as if he were watching a horror movie, a wicked smile stretched across her beautiful face. He went to stand again but only received a more powerful tug while at the same time several items in the room jolted in their direction.
“Please, Jane,” he said, straining against the force pulling him down to her. “This isn’t you. You need to stop this. You don’t want to do this.”
“I do want this. I want you, David,” she said, and her siren voice weakened him. Her leg curled around his waist and pulled him against her.
She felt good. Too good.
She moaned, rolling her hips up, and he couldn’t stop himself from getting aroused. This wasn’t right, though. He tried to ignore her movements and pulled against the force to keep himself from collapsing on her. But she wouldn’t let go.
“Shit,” he said as she pressed hot, needy kisses along his neck all the way to his jaw.
Her lips brushed his ear. “Don’t you love me, David?”
“Yes, I love you, Jane,” he said, his arms shaking under the pressure. “But this isn’t you. We can’t do this.”
“Don’t you want me, David?” Her voice didn’t sound at all like her usual sweet voice. She slid her tongue along his neck.
“Not like this, baby. Please stop this. Snap out of it.”
The whole time he pulled against the unseen force keeping him close to her. The muscles in his arms began to spasm, and his dick was throbbing. He could feel her heat as she used him to get herself off. His eyes went wide as she moaned, climaxing.
He shook his head, trying to get her lips off of him. This was wrong.
“Get inside me,” she panted, reaching down, moaning when she grabbed his erection through his pants.
“Fuck. STOP!” David’s arms shook. She let go of him and went to slide her hand inside his pants. He dropped his weight to one forearm and grabbed her hand, stopping her, then forced it over her head.
She grinned up at him and moved her hips again. He tried to pull away, but he wasn’t getting anywhere. If any
thing, he was only pressing against her more.
He finally stopped fighting her then lowered his mouth, dodging her lips and kissed her cheek. “Remember Jason,” he said against her skin. She stilled her movements. “Remember Nathan and Natalie.” He lifted his face but placed another kiss on her forehead. “I love you, Jane. I love you so much. That’s why I will not let us do this.” He moved back to look at her face.
The blackness faded from her eyes, and a fearful, hazel pair stared back at him. The force broke, and the furniture crashed to the floor.
David smiled sadly at her confused expression as her eyes brimmed with tears.
“I’m sorry,” she said, crying.
David sat up and lifted her into his arms. “It’s all right. I’m not mad.” She cried harder. “Oh, baby.” He hugged her.
“I didn’t mean to.” She touched between her legs and whined. “Oh, God. I-I—”
“Shh.” He rocked her, kissing her hair. “It’s okay.”
“I don’t remember doing it. But I can feel it. I can feel you.”
He sighed. “I know. I’m sorry I could not keep myself from reacting to you. Are you hurt? Did I hurt you?”
“It’s my fault!”
“No, Jane.” He kissed her hair again. “That wasn’t your fault.”
He had to talk to Arthur. Something was wrong, and they needed to find out before she lost control again.
“That was hot,” Death said, not looking away from the scene in front of him, but he knew he’d startled Lucifer, and that the fallen angel was glaring at him.
Death leaned against the wall, his arms crossed, mimicking Lucifer’s position on the other side of the bedroom. He finally looked away from Jane and David and smirked.
Lucifer scowled at him before turning back to watch the couple.
Death let out a deep chuckle. “Why the long face, Luc? Are you unhappy with your minions’ handiwork? I cannot look into her eyes and see her past as you can, but her story seemed to contain an awful lot of darkness for one soul to suffer. How long have you been fucking with her?”