by Janie Marie
Death’s fingers slid up and down her arm, leaving a delightful trail of tingles in their wake. The feeling was both hot and cold. It would ripple beneath her skin before radiating through her entire body, drowning her in ecstasy. It was beautiful when they touched. No one else could make her feel this. Only him.
Another him suddenly popped in her mind. David. His touch was beautiful, too. She knew it was a bad idea to think of the vampire again, but she couldn’t help it. The image of his sad face was impossible to banish. She’d hurt him, and she knew he’d continue to suffer because of her. She didn’t want that to happen. David deserved perfection, and she was nowhere close to perfect. She had to let him go.
She just didn’t want to.
Even with Death holding her, she wanted to crawl onto David’s lap and hug him. She wanted to hear his voice, stare into his blue eyes, and most of all, see him smile at her.
Her lip trembled; she did not deserve his smile. She brought too much destruction, and she did not want to ruin David. That’s what would happen to him. Either she’d lose herself to darkness and harm him, or break him because of her relationship with Death. Both would devastate him.
She might not be able to control the evil part of herself, and she was aware she could choose David over Death, but she was not willing to part with her angel. Death was peace and beauty. They were in a constant dance, always pushing and pulling, but keeping each other balanced. She needed Death.
David didn’t balance her. He sent her mind, body, and soul into a frenzied inferno of emotions. There were so many sensations and desires; she couldn’t process them. So much warmth, and not like Death’s warmth either. No, David burned in the most pleasant way. She never liked the heat, but somehow David had her craving to be engulfed by his fire. Simply having him in the same room had her body flushing and humming, eager to have him closer.
Jane sighed and thought about how David’s strong body complimented her smaller, soft one so perfectly. Death was slightly taller than David, but she fit David better. That made sense if he was supposed to be her soul mate, she supposed. She still didn’t know how to feel about that. How could someone like David, so perfect and good, have been destined for a mess like her?
Why would she have this incredible love for Death if she was meant to complete David? Then she was married, so she shouldn’t even be asking herself these questions.
Her marriage wasn’t the happiest, but Jason was still her husband. She still loved him and had promised to spend the rest of her life with him. Well, technically, Death had parted them. Jane pursed her lips. Even with that technicality, the fact was she very much alive. Her marriage should come first.
Yet, here she was, lying next to a man she loved while she thought about another who was supposed to be her soul mate.
Jane sighed and nuzzled her cheek against Death’s chest. She didn’t want to think anymore. She wanted the chaos inside her mind and heart to settle. She wanted to stop hating herself for at least a little while.
“I know you’re awake.” Death’s deep voice rumbled beneath her ear. “What are you smiling about?”
She had not realized that she was smiling, but she grinned wider with her eyes still shut and let his magic push back her inner turmoil. “I was just remembering you telling me something.”
His thumb massaged her thigh. “I know you are lying; something is bothering you, but I am intrigued by your diversion. What did I say?”
She smiled. He knew her so well. “You finally said you loved me.”
Before she could wonder about his response, he rolled them so she was on her back. He grinned down at her startled expression and held his body over hers.
She gasped as he carefully put some of his weight on her and watched him smile wider. So beautiful, she thought as he let go of her leg and cupped her cheek.
“I do, Jane,” he murmured. “I always knew you were important to me. You are all I feel, all I need and want. I have always felt this way, but I only recently accepted that it was love. No, it is more than love I feel for you.” His thumb slid over her lips. “I cherish you. I need you. You are all I see. If you are not in my sight, I am a void. I am only Death.
“I am not the same as I was before we met. Even apart, I know you are there; I sense you, and I do not want to stay in that abyss alone. I desire the light and warmth you grant me. I crave the connection we share, but I am destruction without you to balance me. I do not expect you to stay with me, Sweet Jane. But I will not lie—I want to keep you.”
“Death.” Her heart pounded.
He shook his head. “Let me finish. You don’t have to choose me. It is selfish of me to come and expect you to give yourself to me. But I am selfish when it comes to you; I cannot stop myself from wanting all of you. You were mine, and I let you go so you could live a normal life. When you were a girl, and you spoke of love, I did not know I already loved you. I never thought I could give you what you needed, so I stepped away.”
Her lips trembled, and warm tears slid into her hair.
“I see how torn you are over what to do.” He smiled as she shook her head. “I know you, Sweet Jane. You cannot stop thinking about your knight, and you feel guilty about your husband. I cannot ask you to choose me or anyone, but I will follow you wherever you go. Even if I have to watch you from afar, I will be with you, and I will come when you need me most. I am yours no matter who you choose.” His gaze swept over her face, pausing at her lips before looking back at her eyes.
Jane held her breath as he lowered his face to hers. His glorious body pressed harder against her, and she sighed when his breath warmed her mouth. She knew this kiss would be different. It would mean something different. She wanted it.
His perfect lips barely touched hers. It wasn’t quite a kiss, but she closed her eyes, coming alive as electricity hummed between them. Something deep inside her sparked and reached out to him. She wanted to be closer than she’d ever been before. More than anything, she wanted to lose herself to him, but as he brushed his smiling lips across hers, another smile formed in her mind. David’s smile.
She froze and whatever force she might have felt between them weakened. “Death.” A light inside her flickered and dimmed.
He sighed against her lips. “I know.” Instead of moving back, he kissed her cheek. His soft lips moved back and forth, but he finally withdrew and laid his head on her chest.
She cried and pulled her hands free so she could run her fingers through his hair. She hugged him and wept. She wanted to be with him, wanted to make him happy, but her mind, heart, and soul were at war. “I love you.”
He lifted his head. They made eye contact, and she watched the emerald color of his eyes swirl violently. He pulled his gaze from hers to watch her tears. “I know you do and that is enough.” His fingers followed the path of her tears. “I will always be here, Jane. Whatever you need me to be—I will be.” A small whimper escaped her. He shook his head at her and lifted himself. “Don’t cry. You have cried enough. Let’s go downstairs, get you fed, then I will train with you.” Death grinned when she nodded and quickly stole a kiss before he pushed himself up.
She laughed at the mischievous look he gave her and took the hand he offered. He pulled her up and wrapped her in his arms. She sighed as he rested his forehead against hers. “I’m not going to stop myself from giving you a kiss every now and then. I think I have earned them. Do you agree?”
Jane smiled brightly at him. “I think you have.” It really didn’t feel wrong to give him her kiss. Despite her worry over betraying Jason and David, she could not hide her love for Death. She knew he needed her affection and it was his way of cheering her up. “Are you going to train me?”
“Of course.” He smiled. “I can’t let my girl go out and fight monsters unprepared. I can’t wait to see you in action; you’re going to look so hot. You’ve never seen my weapons, either. Those boys down there don’t stand a chance against me.” His cockiness made her smile.
�
�Behave.” She laughed at his glare. Death didn’t like being told to do something, especially to behave. “No one likes a show-off.”
He smirked. “Oh, you like it, babe.” He squeezed her and pressed a kiss to her cheek. Jane smiled, shaking her head at him. A thought seemed to occur to him, and he pulled back with a serious look. “Jane, I want you to be prepared when you see me with the others. They do not see me the same way you do, and their reactions might confuse or anger you. They will not understand your ability to be near me.”
“Why? Because you’re Death? They know about angels.”
“They have never met an angel like me. They will dread my presence here with you.”
“Well, I don’t.” She would always see him as perfection and didn’t care what anyone else thought.
He chuckled and kissed her forehead. “Because you are special. Now change. Pick something sexy.”
She poked her tongue out and walked over to the dresser. “Are you going to leave so I can dress?”
He sat down on a chair and stretched his legs out. “Why would I do that?”
Jane picked out a tank top and shorts and watched him grin. “Because I have to take my shirt off.”
His eyes sparked. “And? I’ve already seen your tits.”
She blushed. “I wasn’t myself!”
“I wasn’t talking about today.”
She gaped at him, trying to figure out when she might have been undressed.
“Think about your tingles, baby.” He winked.
Her eyes went wide. “Death, you come in the shower with me?”
He laughed loudly. “Don’t flatter yourself, babe. You’re smoking hot, and I might be turned on, but you’ll know if I come for you.”
Jane covered her hot face. “Stop!”
“Why?” He chuckled. “We’re grown-ups, Sweet Jane.”
“I know we are.” She pulled her hands down and stared at his grinning face. “I didn’t mean come.”
“Are you sure?” He smirked. “I know you can make me come for you.”
She shook her head, smiling so hard it hurt her cheeks. “Why were you in the shower with me?”
The playful gleam in his eyes faded. “Besides the wonderful view, I was there because you let all your sadness destroy you in there.”
He stood up and walked to her. “So much sorrow and pain—I could not stand to let you bear it alone. Not in there. Never in there.” He moved behind her and brought his arms around her stomach, hugging her from behind. Tingles spread on the back of her neck when he leaned down and pressed his lips there. “It’s all I could give you, Jane.”
He slid his hand under her shirt and caressed her stomach. She sighed and leaned her head back as the beautiful warmth spread through her belly and up to her heart. “I promise I only held you. Don’t be angry with me.”
She reached under her shirt with one hand to cover his. He spread his fingers so she could slide hers between his. She’d felt this exact embrace many times while she’d broken down in the shower, but he was right, it did not compare to the real thing. “Thank you, Death.”
He pressed his lips against her neck again, then stepped back. “Always, Sweet Jane.”
With Death by her side, his arm draped over her shoulders, Jane stared at the knights who’d been waiting downstairs. Her gaze settled on Arthur first. He stood next to Gawain, Bedivere, and Kay. She could only meet his stern gaze for a few seconds before dropping it to the floor. He did not look happy. With Arthur, she constantly felt as though he expected her to behave properly. It reminded her of wanting to please her father, and she had been a very disappointing child.
Death rubbed her shoulder with his thumb as she leaned against him for support. She would need to soak up his touch to get her through this.
The silence made her anxious. She chanced looking up and was met with a wide range of expressions. No one looked angry with her, but they sure as hell looked unhappy with Death.
Jane noticed Arthur’s serious expression hadn’t changed, so she guessed he wasn’t thrilled with Death’s presence. Bedivere and Kay seemed more astounded than anything while Gawain openly glared at her protector. She had hoped if anyone accepted Death, it would be Gawain. Then she remembered she had attacked his brother. He probably had the same amount of hatred for her.
Thinking of Gareth, she found him next. He sat with Tristan and his team. They gaped, unblinking, as they shifted their gazes between her and Death.
She glanced at Death, immediately catching a glimpse of his mischievous smirk as he stared at the knights. She didn’t understand their shock; they had spoken of archangels before. Death had said he was different, but she couldn’t imagine how. He looked the same as he’d looked the first time she’d seen him.
She kept staring at him and squinted to see if maybe she was truly missing something. There had to be something. She noticed a teasing glint in his eyes while he returned their stares. The way his eyes gleamed with sparks of bright emerald reminded her of his more playful side. She loved that gleam and didn’t find it menacing.
He must have felt her stare and looked down to grin at her. She smiled up at him as he lowered his mouth to her ear. Someone let out a choked gasp, but she ignored it. “I told you that I am not the same with others,” he whispered, letting his breath tickle her neck. “I also do not look the same as I do with you.” His amusement with the situation was clear. She still didn’t understand what he was getting at. The room was too quiet. His smile widened when her baffled look did not fade.
In a lower voice that the others would not be able to make out, he said, “They see the Grim Reaper.”
Her mouth fell open, and she quickly looked at the others. Their eyes were even wider than before. After scanning each one, she slowly looked back at him. Nothing seemed different about him; all she saw was her Death. There was no cloak or scythe. He did not have a skeletal face or anything that would suggest him being the Grim Reaper people often imagined.
He chuckled. “Do you want to see?” She nodded and watched him instantly become cloaked in black.
She gaped at him. He did not look like the classic version of a hooded man wearing a baggy black robe with an old scythe, but there was no denying that Death was the Grim Reaper.
A smooth black material hugged his powerful body. It wasn’t skin tight, just enough to let his opponent know what they were up against. Almost every glorious muscle that she’d dreamt of seeing could be made out under his outfit. Every button and zipper on his leather jacket was gone and a large hood had formed over his head. It seemed no matter which way he turned, his face was never completely visible.
At one point, a spark of green from his glowing eyes allowed a superior smirk to show on his lips, but that was all you could see of his face.
Death grinned and shook his head for her not to worry about his reveal now and gently squeezed her shoulder before he looked back at the others. “She needs blood.” An authoritative tone mixed with his words. “It is important that she stay nourished and not be allowed to grow unstable from her thirst.”
The others remained quiet, but Arthur turned his head to look at the corner of the room. “David?”
Jane’s gaze immediately darted to David’s. Their eyes locked, and she felt her heart throb so painfully she nearly fell to the ground.
Death held her tighter, and she shut her eyes. She couldn’t bear to see the pain in his blue eyes. She’d put it there. Her heart felt like it was being ripped to pieces.
She held her breath for a few seconds before exhaling slowly. She wanted to cry, scream, beg him for forgiveness and have him hold her.
She heard David sigh. “What?”
“What do you want to do?” Arthur asked.
Death spoke again before David could reply. “David, your blood will satisfy her most—”
Jane quickly opened her eyes and looked up at him. No! She could not ask that of David. She could not touch him after everything she’d done. Tears blurred her vis
ion as she stared at the Death she recognized again. She hoped he could see her anguish. Please don’t let me hurt him again.
“Jane.” Death was warning her, but she shook her head and used her eyes to beg him to see this was too much. He had already told her she would need David, but she wasn’t ready.
After he studied her for a moment, his firm look softened, and he caressed her head before pulling her back to his side. “Perhaps one of the others could get her some from your storage?” He suddenly turned his face toward Arthur. “Let her be,” he said in the deadliest tone she’d ever heard from him.
Arthur nodded before giving her an apologetic glance.
“I can get her something,” Tristan said, pulling her attention away from Arthur.
Death glanced over and nodded to him. “Then get it. I think you may be useful for her training, too. Do not leave while she drinks.”
Tristan glanced toward Arthur and received a swift nod. However, Tristan also seemed to want David’s permission as he turned to him before moving.
David glanced at Tristan briefly then looked away with a small nod.
“All right,” Tristan said. “I would enjoy the chance to train with her.”
Death didn’t give any sort of appreciative acknowledgment and pulled Jane closer to his side while he followed Tristan into the kitchen. He pulled out a chair and sat her sideways on his lap while he slid his hand up and down her arm. “Calm yourself. Do not let yourself get upset. I am with you.”
He held the side of her face, sending those wonderful sparks into her skin and pulled her head to his shoulder.
Tristan offered the glass to Death when she continued to stare at her lap. “It will not taste as good as David’s for her. But it’s the best we can do.”