I removed the pillow from my face and held my left hand up. The wedding ring on my finger still glittered like the day I’d been given it.
“I can’t,” I said softly. “I’m not ready.”
Chapter Nine
To say that Sy’s confession strained our friendship was an understatement. Pretty much, there was no more friendship. I avoided him, he would knock on my door every night and ask me to let him in or go somewhere. It was horrible.
I understood what he had said all the same. The idea of throwing caution to the wind and going with him was very appealing to me. Whenever I would think about it, or put my hand on the door to let him in, I would catch a glimpse of my ring. Try as I might, I couldn’t bring myself to take it off yet. It was starting to feel like a prison.
I was extremely grateful when it was time for me to go back to my job at the high school. I had a reason to go somewhere and my old friends were there. It was true that they acted like I would burst into tears at any time, but they were better than nothing.
As I sat down behind my desk after my absence, I breathed a sigh of relief.
Finally. Something normal and safe.
A few other secretaries came in and settled down as well, ready to field the calls we would be getting about enrollment over the next few weeks, until classes started.
“Hi, Audrey!” Amy, the bubbly woman I shared the corner with swooped down and gave me a big hug. “You look so wonderful! How was your summer? Did everything go okay?”
There it was—the one question tacked onto the end that basically meant, “You didn’t try to kill yourself, did you?”
“It was great,” I said, choosing not to answer her last question. “How was yours?”
“Oh, let me tell you all about it!”
And there was the second part of the “check up on Audrey” program. It entailed talking about anything and everything that didn’t have to do with water, husbands, babies, or me.
“And we’re expecting a baby! Oh—” Her rambling cut off suddenly, realizing she had delved too far into her own happiness. “I’m so sorry, Audrey. I didn’t mean to blurt it out like that.”
Well, at least I’d gotten all three out of the way first thing in the morning.
The day went smoothly, with hardly any more “Audrey” moments, which I was extremely grateful for. I was so sick of everyone apologizing to me for things that weren’t their fault. Even Sy had apologized profusely when he’d discovered I’d lost my husband.
On my way out the door, I bent to take a drink from the water fountain. Stupidly, I managed to shoot myself in the face with the stream and choked as it ran out my nose and mouth. Suddenly, a faint memory filled my mind. It was more a memory of a sensation—of water being drained out of me. Or was it pulled?
“Are you okay, Audrey?” Amy asked from behind me as I stood, one hand on my head.
“Yeah,” I said slowly. “I thought I remembered something.”
“Well, that’s good,” she rushed, moving around me in a desperate attempt to escape, before I brought up anything that happened to me. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay,” I said, still standing by the fountain.
Water doesn’t get pulled out of you from CPR, it gets pushed out. Right? What I’d remembered didn’t make any sense.
“Well, I guess it’s better than nothing,” I mumbled as I left the building. Maybe I could talk to Mary about it at our next visit.
When I’d first started out with therapy, I went once a week. Gradually, I’d worked myself back to once a month at the beginning of summer. After this month, I’d be moving even further back to once every other month. At first it seemed ridiculous to go so frequently, but it helped me so much that I had no problem with it now. However, I wasn’t looking forward to talking about Sy. I knew Mary would immediately want to know what had transpired as soon as she saw us out together.
I made the short drive home easily, smiling softly as I passed the apartments where John and I used to live. Happiness filled me, as I realized the things I’d loathed remembering before were now good memories.
Once home, I quickly made my way to the apartment, hoping I wouldn’t inadvertently run into Sy. A long, relieved breath escaped me as I shut the front door behind me.
I began my usual routine of making dinner while watching the news after opening the balcony door for Talley and letting her use her potty pad. For the first time in a while, I felt absolutely normal. It was strange, feeling like my own person finally.
Loud barking drew my attention to the patio where Talley was frantically trying to get to something.
“Leave that poor cat alone,” I scolded, going outside to hush her.
“I’m not a cat,” Sy’s gruff voice came from beneath me.
I shrieked in shock and looked down at the man hanging from my balcony. “What are you doing?”
“I’m trying to get you to talk to me,” he huffed, pulling himself up higher.
“You’re going to get yourself killed!” I stepped forward, uncertain of how I could help him—I wasn’t that strong.
“Unlikely.” With a few more deep breaths, he pulled himself up and over the railing the rest of the way.
“How did you even get hold of the bottom?”
“I jumped.”
My eyes bugged out of my head as my mouth popped open in surprise. “You jumped?”
“It’s not that far, Audrey,” he said, brushing dirt off his clothes.
“It’s one whole story!”
“Can we go inside?” he asked, wasting no time at all.
“Uh . . .” I knew he’d caught me. There was no way I could tell him no. He’d have to jump off the balcony and I didn’t want that. “Fine, come in.”
“Thank you,” he said, sincerely. “I was worried I’d have to sit outside all night.”
“I wouldn’t do that,” I said, walking back inside.
“Smells good,” he commented, following me. “Red peppers?”
“Yes,” I replied uncomfortably. Why did he always make my emotions go spinning?
“Good.”
He sat down on the couch and twiddled his thumbs, an awkward silence filling the space between us. I didn’t know what to do, so I went back into the kitchen and started stirring my veggies around.
“I didn’t mean to kiss you,” he broke the silence.
So much for leading up to it.
“It’s pretty hard to kiss someone accidently,” I said softly.
“What I meant was, I didn’t mean to kiss you like that.” He sighed and stood, running his hands through his hair and walking over to the counter that separated us. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while, but—” He stopped short, obviously having a hard time trying to say what he wanted. Finally, he seemed to sort it out in his head.
“You are the sweetest person I’ve ever met. You’ve been through so much pain and turmoil because of . . . things you couldn’t control or prepare for. But still, you seem to have this positive outlook on life! When you blush it’s like watching sunrise over the ocean. Your laugh is perfect. I just—I want to spend time with you. What happened that night was stupid on my part. I knew you weren’t ready for anything yet. I mean, you’re still wearing your wedding ring! But sometimes my emotions get going, like the waves of the ocean, and I can’t help it. I know that’s a terrible excuse, but something came over me then and I acted on an impulse that I shouldn’t have.
“I’ve missed our time together so much. Every time you wouldn’t talk to me I felt like I’d lost you forever. So, please, I’m asking you for another chance to do it right.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, confused by the direction he was taking this.
“Give me the chance to earn a kiss from you,” he said simply. “Go out with me one time and, if you want, let me kiss you goodnight. If you decide that’s not what you want, fine. I’ll be just a friend for the rest of our lives. Give me one chance.”
I twisted my ring a
round while I thought about his offer. It couldn’t be so bad to try . . . could it?
“You promise that I get to decide what happens?”
“I swear it on my life,” he affirmed, his eyes never leaving my face.
“Okay,” I finally agreed, hesitantly. “I guess I—we—could try it.”
A triumphant smile broke over his face and he leaned onto the counter top.
“You won’t regret this, Audrey. I promise.”
“We’ll see,” I said nervously.
“Be ready tomorrow night at eight.” He flashed me a smile again, and then let himself out.
“Tomorrow,” I breathed, the metal on my finger burning hot.
The next night, at eight on the dot, there was a knock on the door. I checked myself in the mirror one more time, smoothing my slacks and blouse. I hadn’t known exactly what to wear, so I’d decided to go a little dressy. I’d also curled my hair, something I hadn’t done in a long time. Overall, I felt pleased with how everything had turned out. I hoped I’d feel the same about my date once it was over.
With one last, deep breath, I opened the door to my date and forgot how to breathe.
He was wearing nice jeans and a startling blue, button up shirt, his hair styled in perfect waves.
“Wow,” he blurted out, appraising me.
Yeah, I thought to myself.
“Are you ready to go?” He asked, holding his arm out to me.
“Yes,” I breathed softly, placing my hand on the inside of his bicep.
We walked down to his Jeep, which surprisingly had the top on and the doors intact.
“I figured if we were going somewhere nice my car should look the best it could,” he explained when he saw me looking.
“Actually,” I said slowly. “I think I like it better the way it was before.”
“Figures,” he laughed, opening my door for me.
“I’d planned on doing something supremely romantic,” he said once he’d gotten behind the wheel. “But then I realized that wasn’t really who you were. I mean, sure, candles and gourmet food out in the desert under the stars might have been fun, but it wouldn’t have been perfect.”
I laughed at his confession, knowing he was right.
“So what are we doing then?” I asked curiously as we drove.
“Don’t laugh, okay?” He said, pulling into the parking lot of the restaurant we were eating at.
“The IHOP?” I asked, trying not to giggle.
“I’ve never eaten here before,” he said, parking in a spot by the door.
“Really?”
“Nope, never. Can you believe that?”
“Not really,” I replied, a tiny laugh escaping.
“Hey now,” he protested, opening his door and sliding out. “I’m excited. Don’t ruin this for me.” I smiled at his mock seriousness as he closed his door and walked around the front of the Jeep to my side.
“Their breakfast food is the best,” I informed as he opened the door again.
“Says you,” he said as he took my hand and pulled me out.
”My honest opinion,” I said innocently.
“We’ll see about that.”
We walked inside and were seated almost immediately at a table next to a window. Our waitress took our drink orders, made some food recommendations, and left us to ourselves.
“So what’s the best of the breakfast stuff then,” Sy asked, leafing through his menu.
“I like the stuffed French toast.” It was actually what I got every time I came here to eat. I didn’t even need to look at the menu I’d been given.
“I guess I’ll try that then,” he said, closing his pamphlet and laying it on the edge of the table.
I sipped my drink for a moment, playing with my wedding band absentmindedly.
“Tell me about John,” Sy suddenly said, leaning forward.
“Are you sure?” I asked, surprised.
“Of course. Just because something is in the past doesn’t mean it’s not important. John is part of who you are and I want to know everything about you.”
“Okay,” I said, blushing. “I guess I should start at the beginning then.
“John and I met in high school. He was a year older than me. Very handsome, as well,” I laughed. “We met in the library. I was doing research for a paper and he was working. I always joked that it was love at first sight, because he took my breath away. After that, the rest was history. Ironically, that was what he ended up teaching.”
“So he was a teacher then.” Sy smiled, sipping his drink every now and then while he listened.
“He was the best teacher,” I bragged. “His students loved him, as well as his coworkers. I was very lucky to call him mine.”
“He sounds like he was a great man,” Sy said smoothly. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Are we doing anything after this?” I asked, suddenly uncomfortable with our current topic.
“Yes.”
“May I know what it is?”
“No.”
I laughed, wondering what he could possibly have planned for us. Before I could question him further, the waitress returned to take our order.
“Two of your stuffed French toast,” Sy ordered, his eyes never leaving me.
“With strawberry topping,” I added, looking away from him and smiling sweetly at her.
Once she’d left, Sy surprised me, leaning forward and reaching a hand out across the table.
“You’ve never worn your hair like this before,” he observed, taking a lock between his fingers. “I like it. You should wear it this way more often.”
I didn’t respond, shyness starting to take over.
“Is this okay?” he asked softly, rubbing the strands slowly.
“Yeah.” My face and neck must have been cherry red by then.
I didn’t know how to act on a date anymore, that much was painfully obvious. When I’d dated before, everything seemed so fun and carefree. Now it felt like every ounce of awkwardness on the planet had been poured into me.
Thankfully, our food didn’t take too long to arrive. Soon Sy was falling in love with my favorite breakfast, wondering why he had never stopped to eat at an IHOP before. Shortly after that, he paid the check and we were on our way to whatever else he’d planned for the night.
We got on the freeway and drove for a little bit, the lights of other cars and the city all around us. Finally, we came back to the surface streets and ended up at a town park.
“What are we doing?” I asked again as he helped me out of the car.
“Be patient, will you!” he laughed. “You’ll see in a few minutes.”
Instead of holding his arm out to me this time, he took my hand slowly, his thumb glancing over my ring.
“How about this?” He questioned softly. “Is this okay?”
“Um.” Butterflies were going crazy in my stomach and I had the sudden urge to kiss him right there and then. “Yes. That’s fine.”
He smiled, tightening his grip and started to lead me through the park. There were a few people out an about, doing whatever they’d come for. As we rounded the corner, there were suddenly lots of people all laid out over the grass field, watching an old cartoon that was playing on the side of a nearby building.
“I thought they only did this at the drive-ins,” I laughed.
“I guess not,” he said smiling. “Once this is over they’re playing Jane Eyre. I figured we’d stay as long as you wanted.”
“I love that story!” I grinned, realizing I’d done more of that with Sy than I had the whole past year.
We settled down on the lawn, holding hands, and commenting on the movie as it played. Finally, when it was time to go home, I admitted to myself what a wonderful time I’d had. It wasn’t, by any means, a dream date, but it was somehow perfect all the same.
We went back to the apartments and Sy walked me to my door, joking over some of the things we’d heard on the radio on the way back.
“You know,
” he said, stopping on my welcome mat. “I still have a long walk home. I wanted to make sure you got home safe though.”
“It is appreciated,” I laughed.
Silence filled the air and I knew what was about to happen. I felt panic grip my chest, but my body wouldn’t move. Sy’s eyes lingered on my lips as his thumb swirled against my hand. Hesitantly, he reached his other hand up and placed it on the back of my neck, stepping closer. His gaze met mine for a moment, a longing there that I hadn’t expected. It suddenly occurred to me how lonely I’d been.
His attention turned back to my lips and he leaned in, his breath washing over my face. I closed my eyes, giving in to what we both wanted as his lips met mine.
Chapter Ten
It was like a bag of fireworks had exploded in my chest. His lips were soft, but strong, dancing against my own. I pulled him closer, deepening the kiss myself, my body having a mind of its own. He released my hand and neck, resting his hands on my back instead. When our mouths broke apart again, he nipped at my neck, kissing every spot that his teeth touched.
In one sudden movement, he picked me up with one arm and reached the other hand towards my doorknob.
“Stop?” he asked breathlessly.
“No,” I replied.
He threw the door open and carried me inside to the couch, all while kissing the fabric covering my shoulder.
Talley barked from the balcony were she had been sleeping, but thankfully fell silent.
“Not tonight, girl,” Sy laughed as he sat me down.
I cleared my throat and ran a hand through my hair as he sat next to me.
We looked at each other for only a second longer before his mouth descended on mine again. I’d never been kissed like this—like we would die if we couldn’t have each other. Suddenly, I realized I was lying under him, my hands beneath his shirt on his abs, no recollection of how or when I had gotten there. A low growl escaped from him and he dropped down, every inch of our bodies touching. I ran my fingers down his back, returning every kiss with just as much passion as he was giving me.
“Audrey,” he breathed into my ear and goose bumps erupted all over me. Warning bells were going off inside of my head, telling me to get out now before I regretted it.
Poseidon (The God Chronicles) Page 7