by Anna Scott
Jake and Elaine left the room to go and see Dylan Nolan Thompson. Luke held Aurora, who cried silently, wrapped, protected in his arms. I knew she had to miss her brother, Nolan, terribly, we all did. Looking around the room, thinking about both men, Dylan and Nolan and so many others we lost in the sandbox, my eyes stung with emotion. I noticed that I wasn't the only one.
The one person in the room, not moved, was George Lewis. Not that I was surprised. I noted movement from the corner of my eye, as I cradled Amber. Turning to look, I saw George moving quietly around the myriad of people in the room. Reed stood alone - something about that made my heart hurt for him before it registered where good ole' George might be going.
Reed, Luke, Gavin and I were in motion as the slimy bastard escaped the waiting room and began heading down the hall to Hope's room in a rapid clip. Just before he made it to the door, Gavin slipped in front of him, and the four of us surround him.
The belligerent jerk started to stutter and huff like we should let him into that room.
"I'm going to see Little George!" Hope's dad shouted angrily, gaining the attention of several nurses at the nearby set of desks.
"If and when Hope wants you in there, someone will come get you. Until then, you need to wait - quietly." Luke's words were a quiet and irritated growl.
As George bristled and opened his mouth to say something stupid again, the door opened, and Jake slipped out into the hallway.
"You need to leave," Jake stated. The blissful glow only slightly diminishing the frustrated sound of his voice.
"I'm going to see my grandson, you're not going to keep me from George."
"I am. He's my son and Hope is my wife. You are nothing but an abusive prick that she would prefer to never to see again. As far as I'm concerned, you'll never know Dylan."
"Dylan? My grandson is to be named George. That's how it's done in my family."
Rolling his eyes and shaking his head in annoyance, Jake turned toward the nurse's station and nodded. Making eye contact with each of us in turn, Jake asked us to keep the insane man out of the room as we waited for security. Jake, having expected this outcome, had apparently planned ahead - smart man.
While we waited for the security guards to escort Mr. Lewis out, Gavin, Reed, Luke and I begin a conversation about cars. No one gave any attention to George. Since we were all taller than he was, it was easy to avoid eye contact and ignore him completely. It didn't take long before he was huffing and puffing again, about ready to start spewing his bullshit. Thankfully, the security guards showed before George was able to get loud again and disturb all the new parents and babies on the maternity floor.
As I looked up, I saw the nurse directing the burly guards in our direction.
"Do we have a problem here, Mr. Lewis?"
"I do not, I'm here to visit my grandson, George. My daughter needs to name him after me. That's how it's done." He continued spouting off. After listening to his nonsense for more than a minute, I realized that he was absolutely delusional.
Fortunately, the guards were experienced at their job and had already herded him toward the elevator, without him realizing it. As the elevator doors closed in front of his angry red face, he was still yelling.
Three days had passed since Dylan was born. Amber's excitement hadn't diminished since the blessed event. She went to Hope's to visit every day, taking them meals and helping to clean up around their house.
I jolted awake, confused. I glanced at the clock and saw it was just after three. Lying still and waiting for my cell to ring, which I assumed had woken me up, I grabbed it and looked at the screen. Waking it with a swipe, I noted that I had no missed calls.
Taking a look around, listening, trying to determine what had woken me, I stretched out an arm to lay it on Amber's back. Instead of feeling her warm skin, I felt cool sheets.
Sitting up, I peered around, straining my eyes to see through the darkness. I didn't see any lights on in the house, and it was completely quiet. Then I heard it. A soft meow, then a muffled sob.
Was that Amber? Was she - was she crying? Scrubbing my hands down my face, I stood and moved quietly to the bathroom down the hall. The door was closed, but light came from underneath.
Confused, I tapped on the door and opened it slowly, bracing myself for what I'd find.
Amber sat, knees to chest, head resting on top, face toward the door, her back against the wall near the tub. Even in the low light of the nightlight, I could see she'd been crying.
"Sweetness, what is it?" Moving toward her quickly, Snowball raced in past me and pressed himself to her side. Crouching down next to her, I placed a finger beneath her chin and lifted. Her beautiful aqua eyes were red and glistened with more tears. Her soft, delicate peaches and cream skin was damp and blotchy. I hadn't seen her this upset in ages.
Sliding a hand behind her back and the other under her legs, I lifted her slightly, then slid to sit where she'd been and pulled her only my lap. Cradling her sideways, I pressed the side of her face into my chest and stroked her hair.
Her crying had all but stopped when she whispered, "It's all I ever wanted, and I feel horrible, but I'm just so fucking jealous."
My arms tightened around her, and I kissed the top of her head.
"I know, I'm so sorry honey." Feeling the moisture level increasing in my own eyes, I blinked rapidly. My heart ached, knowing how much Amber hurt.
"Our baby would have been three months old by now."
"Oh, Amber, we can-"
Shaking her head wildly, she interrupted me.
"I can't go through it again. It was so hard. I don't know how I'd survive it. My mom had so many miscarriages, and I remember the last one, there's no way I could do that, Trent. I'm not that strong."
"Shhh, don't say that. You're the strongest woman I've ever known. I love you, and if it's you and me, then that's what we have, okay. I never imagined I'd find a woman that I could love this much, just don't ever pull away from me again, please honey, I can't take it."
I kept my imploring tone soft, but I'd beg her if I had to, no way I could go through a separation like that again.
Instead of answering, she snuggled her head deeper into my shoulder and rested her hand over my heart.
"I'm serious, you can't push me away again, okay?"
"Okay."
We sat like that for a long time, and I thought about our situation and Amber's mother's history.
"Do you know why your mom had so much trouble?"
She sat there for a minute, seemingly considering my question.
"No, we've never talked about it. I was too young to have understood if I was ever told."
"Did anyone else in your family have a similar issue?"
"Not that I know of, I haven't heard about anyone. My mom's sister has seven kids, but I don't know if she lost any."
It was the first time we'd talked like this, openly, about her miscarriage. As difficult as it was for me, and for her too I was sure, I knew it was important for us to be able, to be honest.
"Honey,"
"Yeah?"
"Don't ever hide in the bathroom in the middle of the night to cry, okay?"
"I didn't want you to know how messed up I am." She admitted reluctantly.
"You're not messed up. It was a horrible thing that happened to us. If you need to cry, I want to be there to hold you, to stroke your hair and love you through it. Okay?"
A little sob escaped her soft lips just before she looked up at me and I placed my mouth on hers.
The kiss started off sweet, gentle and loving. That was as far as I intended to go, but as things usually went with us, it escalated slowly. Before long, I covered her body with mine and showed her once again how much I loved her. By the time we awoke the next morning, we were naked and entwined amongst rumpled sheets. A sweet smile and lazy eyes replaced the sadness from the night before.
For the weeks following, I watched Amber for signs of crying, sadness, and depression. Though she was u
pset a few times, she didn't exhibit another crying jag as she had that night. Her manic behavior was gone, and she settled down significantly. I started to relax and hoped fervently that we were out of the woods.
On a bright and sunny Saturday morning, a day we were both off work, Amber and I lazed in bed. Snowball was dozing and purring behind Amber's bent knees. We had just finished a sweet and slow session of love making.
"Amber?"
"Mmmhm"
Reaching over and taking her hand in mine, I lifted it to my lips for a kiss and set it on my chest.
"I want us to live together - officially." It wasn't the most romantic way I could have said that I knew it, but as relaxed and sated as I was, I didn't have much energy to put into it.
Raising up onto an elbow, her light, honey-brown hair curtained her face as she peered down at me.
"Don't we?"
She was right, we hadn't spent a night away from each other in months. I, however, wanted more.
"Basically, but I want it to be all the way. I want to merge your things with mine, to find a home that we share, that's ours together."
Instead of answering, she lowered her cheek to rest on over my heart, and I wrapped my arms around her and waited for an answer.
"I like my house, and I enjoy having your condo to go to when we want to be downtown. I see your point, though, maybe you're right, maybe it's time to find something a little bigger."
"Is that a yes?"
"It's a yes."
"If I ask you any other questions right now, would the answer be the same?"
Chuckling softly, her warm breaths puffing out against my skin, she pinched my side.
"Are you fishing?"
"Maybe, I don't know."
"Well, I don't know then. It depends on the question. I'd have to think about it and give it serious consideration."
"I knew I wouldn't get off that easy with you." I teased, tickling her side with two fingers.
Amber's body shook with laughter as she moved up over me. "You always get off with me, but it isn't always easy." Her sultry voice and those blazing blue eyes were all I needed. Her intent was clear and I was rock hard.
She swiped my neck with the tip of her tongue and traced a path down, over my collar bone, to a nipple, where she stopped and sucked, then bit down with her teeth. Even though I'd just cum thirty minutes before, I was fully ready to do it all again. Her soft mouth followed the path down, teasing the head of my cock with sweet kisses and little licks down to my balls and up to the head over and over again until I was begging.
"Jesus, please, Amber, fuck."
Showing mercy, she sucked me fully into her greedy mouth and sucked - hard. As many times as she'd done this to me, I never got used to how amazing it felt. She had become an expert at putting just the right amount of pressure on my piercings.
Right before I was about to blow, I gripped her arms and guided her up over my chest, and took her mouth. Rolling us over, I sunk into her heat again.
~~~
My birthday had come and gone without any word from my father. It had been a week of craziness as far as I was concerned. Amber had decided that since I was to be thirty, I needed a party. I didn't agree, I just wanted to fuck her all damn night, but she insisted.
Amber reserved the private room in the back of Stuben's, an awesome steak house and grill between Plano and Dallas. Stuben's was a bit of an establishment in the area, having been one of the original restaurants in the region.
The classic Texas decor was perfect. Old tongue in groove dark wood floors ran the length of the old red barn. The walls were paneled half way up the huge walls and painted a soft yellow above. The mood of the place was relaxed, as every table was filled with happy diners, loving the quality of the local meat and produce. The Stuben family had owned the land, the surrounding cattle ranch and thousands of acres around it for generations.
A battered and scarred bar ran along the far wall, and a decent sized private room, which I understood had originally been some kind of tack room, was off to the left. Though the room was open to the rest of the space, it was partitioned off in a way to give some modicum of privacy.
She'd invited my mother and sister, her parents, all of our friends, and with Gavin's help a ton of the deputies, we worked with. It was the first time our families had met. Our mothers got along so well, it made me nervous. With heads together, they stayed huddled in a corner for almost thirty minutes before I pleaded with my sister to go over and break them up. The last thing we needed was for them to start conspiring.
The night had been great fun, though I'd noticed Jake trying to take his boy back from Luke's mom at one point and I thought Mrs. Jackson was going to make a run for it. Something had caught my attention during the scuffle, I glanced around and witnessed a secretive smile between Aurora and Luke. Mysteriously, his hand rested possessively on her flat stomach, one I thought might not be flat much longer.
Only the dread of my father's next move could darken my mood that night. Having turned thirty, I had total control of my trust fund, and he wanted a serious piece of it. I tried to watch him, to keep an eye out for him, but he all but disappeared. The apartment he had been renting was now vacant and as far as I could tell, he'd gone to ground. If he was smart, he would have left the area, but I knew that my father's arrogance precluded him from that kind of intelligence.
After talking about moving in together, Amber and I started talking about the amenities we each needed in a home. I wanted a huge yard, or maybe a little acreage. She required a big walk in closet and a good kitchen. I had to have a workshop. She preferred hardwood floors and a bathtub in the master. I couldn't argue with that, she was hot all submerged in bubbles, and if we had a large enough tub, I could enjoy sitting behind her and sliding my soapy hands up and down her amazing chest.
We hadn't contacted a realtor, or started looking at actual houses, but were exploring the concept of each of our own dream houses to trying to figure out how to merge the two.
The warmth of summer had turned into the horrendous dog days. It was miserably humid, hot as hell and sticky. Amber's green sundress clung to her damp skin, just from walking out of the house to my car. I hit the remote start a few minutes before walking out, so the AC would start, and the black leather wouldn't melt our skin. We really needed a good garage at our new place and not just so I could fuck her in it.
"I'm going to talk to my mom today, I think."
Glancing over, I saw Amber twirling her hair around her finger and biting her lip.
"About what?"
Her eyes bounced up, met mine then she looked down again quickly. The hair on the back of my neck stood, she was nervous. Was she avoiding my gaze? What the hell was that?
"Hey, what's this?"
We were stopped at a light, so I seized the opportunity to tip her chin up with a single finger and smile at her, hoping to reassure her.
"I'm going to ask her about - about the miscarriages."
We talked about that possibility a couple of times. I asked her about it a while back, but she was reluctant to bring it up to her parents. We were headed for an afternoon at her parents' house. They had a huge pool and an outdoor kitchen, both I thought we should add to the list for our own house.
Leaning over the center console, I kissed the tip of her nose then glared into the rearview mirror when the car behind me honked. Looking up, I realized that the light had changed, so I gunned the motor. The smooth purr of the Camaro filled the air around us.
"Mom, can I talk to you?"
We had been swimming, eating and generally relaxing around the pool with Amber's parents for a few hours. It was a great day, the heat only bearable since the pool handy to cool off in.
Standing and grabbing my towel, I grabbed Amber's hand. I wanted to be with her, to support her when she spoke to her mom. I didn't know how the conversation would go. Since we hadn't planned ahead, I wasn't sure if Amber would tell them about our miscarriage, but if she did, I wo
uld be there with her. Amber's dad Bradly Moore rose from the chaise lounge he was lounging in and followed us to the sitting room.
It was a casual space, informally yet well decorated. The light maple wood gleamed in the sunlight cascading in through high windows. The walls were painted a light green, giving the room a cool, comfortable feel. I sat next to Amber on the soft yellow sofa and took her hand. We were a united front - now and always.
Chapter 9
Amber
With Trent's hand wrapped around mine, he infused my body with his love, warmth and most importantly his strength. My body trembled with nerves, but this was important. We needed to know once and for all, why I'd miscarried. Most importantly, if we got pregnant again would the same thing happen over and over as it had to my parents.
I decided the first time Trent brought up talking to them that if a fate like theirs was in our future, I'd get me tubes tied now. I wanted to make love with Trent without fear. Adoption was something I definitely wanted to consider when the time came. He was right, we could still fill our home with love and laughter, our children surrounding us, we might just need to come by them another way.
I had tried to let Trent go so that he could create the life he deserved. I wouldn't hesitate to do it again if I had to, but I knew he wouldn't go. I wanted to carry his children, to feel myself growing round with the life he blessed me with. Regardless of this conversation and what my parents told us, we would be happy, blissful even if we were able to adopt.
With a quick squeeze of Trent's hand to reassure myself one more time, I started in. The look of shock and sadness on my mother's face about broke my heart. She was devastated.
"Why didn't you tell me? I would have come, would have been there for you." The hurt in her voice was just slightly less heart wrenching than the tear I watched trail down over her cheek.
My father's face had turned an interesting shade of red and for a moment, I worried about his blood pressure. He had always been healthy, he stayed active and was fit for a man of sixty. In that moment he looked at least ten years older. Had the news upset him so much that he'd aged in just the last few moments?