“My brothers are not going to like this.”
“I’m not thrilled about it either.” Understatement of the year. He wanted to rage. He wanted to get his hands on whoever did this to her.
He closed the door and climbed in on the driver’s side. Her eyes drooped as he pulled out of the lot. By the time he hit the first light, she slept. He kept his hand on her thigh to reassure her she wasn’t alone. He kept the radio on low to give her a sense of peace and where she was while he drove them out of the city and to his place.
He didn’t often bring a woman to his home. Mostly because he liked his peace and quiet and the solitude he needed. But his mother also lived on the property and the last thing he wanted was for her to jump to conclusions and involve herself in his personal life.
Nope, not going there. Her opinion was the last one he needed when it came to relationships.
He had no qualms about bringing Alina home with him. He didn’t care what his mother thought or said. He wanted Alina with him and in his bed tonight.
He didn’t think too hard or long about how nice it would be to have her there every night. Yes for the fantastic sex, but his heart spoke up for the first time in a long time and told him it had more to do with the panic he’d felt when he’d learned she’d been in an accident. The protective streak told him not to let her out of his sight—ever—and the tenderness that rose up every time he looked at her and the injuries she’d sustained said more than words that she mattered. A lot.
He wanted to hold her and make it all go away.
The law enforcement side of him wanted to hunt down those responsible for causing her one second of pain. The man wanted to make them pay and hurt a thousand times more than Alina hurt right now.
You’re falling fast and hard.
It kind of felt like flying: exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time.
Chapter Ten
Alina woke to quiet and a thousand stars shining in the big sky outside the windshield. She tilted her shoulders toward the side window and light spilling into the yard from the gorgeous ranch-style house with a wide porch, stone walkway bordered by lush plants and flowers, and nothing but dark land on either side of the house.
“Where are we?”
Jay’s warm hand squeezed her thigh. “My place. You slept the whole way.”
She rubbed at her tired eyes. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. Your meds must have kicked in.”
She cautiously rolled her sore shoulders. The pain level had decreased considerably, though her head felt thick and slow.
“That’s one huge house. I love the stone.” Gray stone accentuated white clapboard. Huge boulders sat amidst the garden shrubs. “Those doors are amazing.” Carved wood with leaded glass.
“I bought them at a salvage place and refinished them.”
She sighed. “They’re gorgeous.”
“How about we go in?”
“Sure.” She didn’t move, just stared at the house.
“Something wrong?”
Her lips pressed together before she spoke. “No. It’s just, I never expected this.”
“What? That I live in a house?”
“This place is a home.”
“Yeah. It’s my home.” He didn’t get it. Or maybe he did and didn’t want to admit she saw far more than walls and a roof.
“I’ll bet you put your stamp on all of it, like the path that leads up to the porch and those doors that welcome you in with the light shining through the glass. This isn’t some bachelor pad. This place says, ‘Welcome home.’”
He held back a smile. “I think your meds muddled your mind.”
“Blow it off if you like. All I’m saying is, this place says more about you than all I’ve learned from sleeping with you.”
“We didn’t do a lot of sleeping.”
She shook her head, winced with the piercing pain, and silently reminded herself to stop moving so much. He obviously didn’t want to open up to her.
Sleeping with him didn’t mean she got in his head. Or his heart.
At least it seemed that’s what he wanted her to believe until he did the unexpected and opened up.
“I finished this place just over two years ago. Completely renovated every room. Myself. It took forever because I work a lot. And yes, I did it because I wanted this place to be home. Not just a place I lived. Or slept for a couple of hours in between work. When I’m here, I don’t know, I’m at ease. It’s the place I want to be and the embodiment of what I want for my future.”
He wanted to live here the rest of his life with his wife and a family. He’d built it, now all he had to do was fill it with those missing pieces. The missing pieces she had in her life, too.
Yep, the drugs emboldened her mind to let loose her deepest thoughts and desires and opened her up to making comparisons and finding common ground with a man she barely knew and probably couldn’t keep.
“And sweetheart, if my house surprised you, then this will blow your mind. You and me in bed, that’s a kind of sharing I’ve never had with anyone else. Telling you this, letting you in on the fact you get to me, that’s new for me, too.”
Wow. Could he be any more adorable? Those honest words meant more to her than anything, because who said that? No one had ever been that open with her, but she’d wanted this for a long time: a guy who cared enough to lay it all out there.
As much as she’d wanted it, it scared her. “This is all new for me. I like you, Jay.”
He smiled that smile that only came when he let his guard down. “I like you, too, sweetheart. More than I probably should.”
“Want to show me the inside of the house before I pass out on you again?”
“I’ll show you the house tomorrow. Tonight, all you need to see is my bed.”
She raised an eyebrow at that, which earned her another of those charming smiles.
“You need to get some sleep. Adam’s in the guest room. So you and me, we’re sharing a bed again.”
“Are you sure? I’m not really up for—”
He laid his hand on her thigh. Heat spread through her. “Give me some credit, Alina. After what happened tonight, I want you close. I want to make you feel good in a different way.”
She put her hand over his and squeezed. “Good, because if you’d let me finish I’d have said that I don’t have it in me to make love to you the way I want to, but I desperately want to be wrapped around you.”
Jay slid close, hooked his hand at the back of her head, and gently drew her in for a kiss that held all the hunger he kept in check and the tenderness the moment deserved because they’d shared some truths tonight and set aside their reservations about them being anything more than what they were right now.
He pulled back. She leaned in, trying to hold on to the tingly, peaceful way he made her feel when her mind was still spinning out of control with the replay of the crash and what it meant.
“Come on, sweetheart, before I forget you’re tired and hurt and having you in the front seat of my car is a bad idea.”
“Bad ideas are our specialty.”
He reached out and brushed his thumb over her bottom lip. “You’re the best bad idea I ever had.”
She leaned into his palm. “That first morning, I thought it best to file what happened under insane-things-I-do-when-drunk-and-lonely. We had so many reasons to say, ‘That was fun, let’s move on.’ I never expected you to be like this.”
“This is me with you. I like being this me. It’s the most real I’ve felt with anyone in a long time. I hated letting you go that morning, but I thought it best, considering.”
“I didn’t want to leave. But I did, considering. I’m not the girl who sleeps with guys on the first date. Or no date, just ‘Let’s get it on.’ The things we did together . . . most of that was a first, too. And all of it felt so right, it scared me. Because you’re you. And I’m me. And I don’t know how we fit together when . . .”
“Yeah, your brothers are goin
g to kill me. We barely know each other. I’m older than Caden. My job sucks up my life. After watching what your brothers have been through, I’m sure you never saw yourself with a DEA agent. I tend to date women who don’t expect much or want anything more than a good time.” He frowned and shook his head. “You want and deserve a commitment and a promise of a future. I don’t know if I can give you that the way you want it.”
Honesty. The one thing she always wanted in a relationship. He gave it to her straight.
“With my job and background, I don’t trust easily.”
That got her attention. “What do you mean, your background?”
He stared past her toward the house. “We’ll talk about it another time. Come on, you’re fading fast.” He slipped out of the car without another word. Apparently the sharing portion of the evening had ended.
When he opened her door, he’d closed up and put a barrier between them. He helped her out, grabbed her plastic bag of personal items the hospital collected from her, put his hand around her waist to keep her steady and close, and walked her up the path to the front door.
They entered into a wide foyer that opened to a huge family room and the kitchen beyond. Old wood doors to her right similar to the front doors led into an office. A hallway farther down probably led to the bedrooms. She didn’t know how many, but she wanted to find his and crash. In his arms.
She barely had the energy to take in the comfortable furnishings, black-and-white photographs of horses on the walls, and dark hardwood floors. A blonde woman—must be Jay’s mom who came to watch Adam—rose from the leather sofa in front of a stone fireplace, the TV over the chunky wood mantel playing one of those housewives reality TV shows that wasn’t anything like the lives of any of her married friends.
“You’re back.” The woman used the remote to turn off the TV, then turned to them. Her gaze landed on Alina and the smile and welcome in her eyes died. “Like father like son,” she mumbled, but clear enough for Alina to hear.
The remark made Jay release her and turn to his mother, his back to Alina like he shielded her from the woman and whatever that comment meant. “Thanks for watching Adam. You can go.”
“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?”
The tension in Jay made Alina even edgier. The easygoing, open guy in the SUV turned into in-charge-agent-man right in front of her eyes.
It took Jay a full ten seconds before he stepped aside and shifted so she and his mother were facing each other. “Mom, this is Adam’s aunt Alina. Alina, my mother, Heather.”
“Pleased to meet you,” Alina said.
“Too young and pretty. Just the way they like them.”
“Mom.” The warning in Jay’s voice didn’t stop Heather from surveying Alina from head to toe. Despite the “pretty” comment, Heather made it clear she found nothing worthy about Alina.
Granted, she didn’t look her best in the paper shirt over her wrinkled skirt, neck brace, and arm sling. Tangled hair, bruises on her face, makeup smeared, the list made her cringe, but she didn’t deserve the judgmental glare. And wasn’t going to stand here mentally fading, physically exhausted, and holding on to her composure by a thread and take this shit.
“Where’s the bed, honey?”
One side of Jay’s mouth tilted up slightly at her bold question and endearment. “Down the hall, hook a left at the bathroom, last door at the end.”
Alina turned to go, but stopped short at Heather’s next comment.
“Another waitress who works hard on her back?”
Alina turned and pinned Heather with her angry gaze. “No, actually, it’s Doctor Cooke. And your opinion of waitresses and your son is deplorable. I may not know your son well, or what is going on here, but I know he’s a good and decent man and neither of us deserves the shots you’re firing.” Alina walked to Jay, took her bag of stuff, and placed her hand on his chest and stared up at him, telling him without words she meant it.
Chapter Eleven
Jay watched Alina walk away, or at least down the hall to his room. He couldn’t believe what she’d said or how she’d stood up for herself and him. Most of the time, he and others dismissed his mother’s tendency to say exactly what she thought without thinking about how others took it. They chose to ignore her instead of starting a fight.
“Are you going to let her speak to me, your mother, like that?”
“You were out of line with that crack about her on her back.”
“Well, she is in your bed.”
Exactly where he wanted her. But his mother didn’t need to know how badly he wanted her there. “You took one look at her and turned her into the woman Dad married.”
“I’d think after what happened you’d have better sense. No wonder you never bring any of your women home to meet me.”
“Yeah, because tonight went so well.”
“They’re naïve girls with no idea what they’re getting themselves into with your work and life.”
“You don’t even know her.” He raked his fingers through his hair. Sometimes he forgot his sweet mother had a sour center that came out when she felt threatened or less than adored. “Alina is a respected pharmacist and the sister of my best friends. She’s not some hookup.” They had hooked up, but she was more than that. Had been since the moment he kissed her in that elevator.
Naïve. Hardly. She knew his life. She’d lived it with her brothers. Which didn’t necessarily make it a positive. In fact, if what happened tonight tied to a DEA case, it was definitely a negative and she’d want as far away from him as possible.
Right now, though, he needed to deal with the problem in front of him. “Someone ran her off the road tonight, and you ran over her with your bullshit hurt, lack of sympathy, and that unwarranted comment that men date younger women sometimes. I don’t care how old she is. I like her because of who she is and how she makes me feel. I’m not Dad. She’s not your rival.”
“You have no idea what I went through with your father.”
“Oh please. I’m tired of dancing around this subject with you. You hurt him. He left you. You live your life dejected, covering up your unhappiness with your righteous indignation when we both know you had an affair with his best friend to make him jealous. When it didn’t work, he lost his friend of forty years, you lost your husband, the guy you were sleeping with but didn’t care one lick about, and my respect.”
“He was never home.”
No, he wasn’t. Jay often resented him for it, too. All the things his dad missed or didn’t show up to wore on their relationship. But he respected his father for standing up for something he believed in. He worked hard in the sheriff’s department and took his job seriously. Protect and serve meant something to him and he’d instilled that commitment to helping others in Jay.
“When he was home, you didn’t make things easy.” Yes, he had resentments for his mother, too, who wanted her husband’s undivided attention but went about trying to get it the wrong way every time.
“I put up with a lot. Was it so much to ask that he want to do the things I liked when he was home?”
“He did the best he could.” Jay had seen that, even when he got upset that his father didn’t always have time to do everything Jay wanted. But his dad carved out time when he could to spend with Jay. They’d go off on a long ride. Just them and the horses and the landscape. They’d share long silences and talks about nothing and everything.
“Where have I heard that before?”
In every argument his parents shared that ended in slamming doors. His mother retreated to their empty room. His father went back to work. Nothing resolved. Both of them wanting something the other couldn’t give.
His father did the best he could.
His mother did the best she could.
It wasn’t enough for either of them.
Both of them had tried to bend in their ways, but in the end, the whole thing broke.
He wondered if this thing with Alina would lead him dow
n the same path of bitterness and breakup because of his job. He didn’t want to disappoint, hurt, or lose Alina, but he’d seen firsthand what responsibility, obligation, duty, and distance did to a relationship when those things were focused on work and not the person you cared about most.
Then again, his two buddies had just married women who understood and accepted all those things.
Alina had been through some tough times with her brothers. Was she willing to go through them with him?
That was the million-dollar question. And for the first time, he wanted a woman, her, to step up and say, yeah, you’re worth it.
Exactly like his father had probably hoped his mother would do.
Beck worked undercover. Infinitely more dangerous than Jay’s job. Not that he didn’t face danger, it just wasn’t a daily thing. Alina would see that as they spent more time together.
Although he wasn’t in the thick of things all the time, work still demanded his attention.
His phone buzzed with another email. They never seemed to stop. He checked his messages, relieved to see the case file for Alina’s accident had been sent as promised by the officer he’d contacted while Alina slept on the ride home. He’d go over it as soon as he got Alina settled for the night.
His mother stood tall and fisted her hands at her sides. “Let me guess, you have to go back to work. You’re going to leave that poor girl all alone tonight.”
Jay rolled his eyes. “Now I have whiplash from the way you change your tune. A moment ago, you made it clear you don’t like her because she’s too young for me, now you’re chastising me for not staying to take care of her.”
“I want you to be better than him.”
“I’m not better or worse. I. Am. Not. Him.” Jay sucked in a breath and let it out to calm himself before this turned ugly. “Thank you for watching Adam. I appreciate that you came over so late. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to make sure Alina has everything she needs and gets some rest.”
His mother tilted her head and studied him. “You really care about her.”
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