The sadness in his eyes tore at her heart. She sat with her hip propped on the bed next to his injured leg. “What?”
He didn’t reach to touch her again and she hated it so much her insides felt like claws raking her soul raw.
“You’ve worried about your brothers all these years. Last night, I guess it finally clicked that being with me really does mean sometimes bad things happen. This is what it would be like for years to come if you and I . . .” He shook his head, unable to finish that statement. “I can’t tell you what it means to me that you came, but I understand you don’t want to stay.”
The anger came back with a swift kick to her exhausted system. “That blast really rattled your brain.”
“I wouldn’t recommend it.” He pressed the heel of his hand to the side of his head.
“Do you need me to get the nurse?”
He shook his head before she finished speaking. “It’s down to a dull throb, nothing more. Don’t worry about me, sweetheart.”
She placed her hand on his chest. “I want to worry about you.”
His eyes lit with surprise and his hand covered hers.
She tried to sort out her feelings to find what was real. “This thing between us has been one adrenaline rush after the next. Sneaking around at the wedding. You racing to my bedside after the car crash and protecting me. Now I’m running to be with you after someone tried to blow you to bits.” The thought stopped her heart. “And I ask myself, are we just reacting to what’s happening around us?”
He shook his head but didn’t say anything because in his mind he thought she didn’t want him. As he was. Who he was.
“It’s so much more than that, right?”
Anticipation filled his eyes. “It is for me.”
She placed her free hand over his on top of hers. “You said something to me last night. Though, because of the circumstances, I won’t hold you to it. And with everything else going on, it made something clear to me.”
“What?” The hope in his eyes and voice, the way he leaned in, softened her even more.
“As . . . open as I’ve been with you in one respect, I’ve been guarded and reluctant to get deeper into a relationship with you because I didn’t want to find myself exactly where we are.” She glanced around the hospital room and stared at him lying in the bed.
Jay gripped her hand tighter. “But? I’m really hoping there’s a but in there.”
“But . . . when I thought the worst happened to you . . .” She nearly choked on those words.
Jay nodded, his lips drawn into a frown as he silently let her know he’d felt the same way when he rushed to her in the hospital.
“I thought I lost you,” she whispered, emotion clogging her throat. “And then I heard your voice on the phone and I knew I didn’t want to miss . . . anything with you.”
His fingertip touched her chin to make her stop staring at his chest and look him in the eye. “Do you mean that?”
“Yes.”
He brushed the tears from her cheek with the pad of his thumb. “About that thing I said that you don’t want to hold me to.”
She shook her head. “You were in an extreme circumstance, emotions running high. We’ll just forget it.”
“You should hold me to it. I had my own moment of clarity and had to tell you the truth. If that was the end, I needed you to know.”
“Jay . . .”
“I can’t forget about it. It’s kind of a living thing inside of me now. But I will allow us time to . . . I don’t know . . . spend time together doing normal things.”
She touched her fingers to his lips to shut him up. “It’s Sunday. Date night. I would love to sit across a candlelit table and share a meal with you. We’ll go to Mia’s place. No, Mia and the aunts will be there. Someplace no one knows us so we can be alone.”
Jay smiled for the first time since he’d woken up. “Anywhere you want, sweetheart.”
She stood, though Jay didn’t release her hand. “I’ll go see what time they’re springing you. We’ll go home, rest, make a reservation, then have a quiet evening together.”
Before she’d even finished that sentence, his smile dimmed with whatever he didn’t want to tell her.
“What?”
“I want to spend the day with you and take you out to dinner. I do. More than anything.”
“But?”
He didn’t say anything as his gaze fell away.
She narrowed her eyes. “You’re going back to work.”
“It’s my case. There’s a lot of cleanup and follow-up. Once I check on King, I need to get with my team and”—his lips pressed together, his eyes rolled—“there’s a lot left to do.”
“You have a major head injury. Until they stitched you up, there was a hole in your leg and shoulder. You’re covered in cuts and bruises from an explosion. You’re in the hospital.” She barely restrained the urge to stomp her foot.
“Only for observation.”
She cocked one eyebrow up for that inane argument. “Seriously? After what happened last night, you’ve earned a few days off.”
“Alina, I’m in charge of this case. I’m responsible. This is my life.”
“Yes, and yesterday you almost lost it.” The tremble in her voice made Jay’s eyes fill with misery. She raked her fingers through her hair and sucked in a steadying breath. Losing her shit wouldn’t help. Letting her emotions reign and saying something she didn’t really mean would only make things harder on him, her, and the relationship they were both trying to get on solid ground. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be sorry for how you feel. I’ve disappointed you. You’re worried, which I appreciate more than I can say.”
She sat on the edge of the bed again. “I’m worried because I care, Jay.” She pressed her hand to his chest. “I’m upset because I don’t want anything to happen to you. What happened last night and with Beck all those months ago . . . it scares me and makes my heart hurt.” She sighed. “As much as I know what I’m signing up for, a part of me doesn’t know if I can give you the support you need to do what you need to do. I want to be that strong. It’s easy to be brave when nothing is happening. Not so much when I see you hurt and you want me to let you put yourself in harm’s way again. There’s a very big part of me that just wants to hold on to you and keep you safe. I don’t want to hold my breath and pray every time you go to work.”
Jay stared at her for a long moment. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes.” She didn’t even need to think about it.
“Then, when these feelings come up, like now, remind yourself that I know what I’m doing. I’m good at what I do. That the decisions I make are to keep my team and myself safe.” He took her hand. “And that more than anything, I want to come back to you. I will do everything in my power to make that happen. I never had that in my life, Alina. You have to know I don’t want to lose it or you.”
She leaned down, planted her hands on either side of his head, and kissed him softly. “It’s been a rough couple of days. My head’s a little off and my emotions are raw.”
“But your heart and mine are in the same place. We both want each other to be safe. We both want more of this.” He drew her down for another soft kiss.
She sank into him, letting the warmth spread through her and wash away the last of the cold fear she’d felt last night. The kiss deepened, turning that warmth into a five-alarm fire. He cupped her face, rose up to sitting, taking the pressure off her sore shoulder and neck as she bent over him, then took the kiss deeper. His arms wrapped around her and he held her safe and protected in his strong arms.
Jay broke the kiss and pressed his forehead to hers. His arms squeezed her tighter to his chest. “This is what I needed last night. You in my arms, making everything better.”
She rubbed her hand up and down his back, her fingers grazing his bare skin where the hospital gown gaped.
“This is what I should have done the minute you woke up.”
She leaned back and eyed him, letting him see her annoyance. “Reality sucks sometimes. But you’re right, I need to be prepared. And find a way to not think about it every second of the day and make myself crazy.”
“If it helps, I like that you’re crazy about me.”
She rolled her eyes, took his face, and gave him another kiss to stop him from saying anything else sappy but sweet. Deep down, she loved it. And him. But she was letting that settle in before they went headlong down that road without getting this relationship on solid ground with a lot less drama and extreme circumstances and more sharing the day-to-day, ups and downs, and simple things that turned into lasting memories.
A quick knock sounded on the door. They split apart, not wanting to get caught making out by the nurse. Jay gently lay back on the pillows, his body still sore and tense from the blast. She remained seated on the bed and turned to the door and waited. It didn’t open right away, but when it did, she understood why Joey had given them the warning.
Beck strolled in, his gaze raking over her, then darting to Jay and back to her again. She couldn’t read anything in her brother’s eyes and didn’t want to go there right now.
“What are you doing here, sis?” Beck gave her a soft hug, stood back, and studied her face. “You should be home resting.”
“I’m fine. I’m perfectly capable of making my own decisions and knowing what I want.” She hoped her brother remembered that when he found out about her and Jay. She’d tell him soon. “Since you’re here and Jay’s going back to work, I’m headed home now.”
Beck’s gaze bounced from her to Jay and back. “When did you get here?”
Yeah, she’d turned up the flame on Beck’s suspicions, but now wasn’t the time to talk about them when Beck and Jay had work to do. “A while ago.” She stood and leaned over Jay to give him a friendly hug. His awkward pat made her smile. They’d just been fused together in a hotter-than-hell kiss and now he didn’t know how to touch her in front of her brother. “Don’t overdo it. You need to watch that leg and rest if your head starts throbbing again.”
“I’ll take it easy.”
She shook her head. “Taking it easy would mean going home and resting like you should.”
“I won’t be back until tomorrow, but make yourself at home.”
The warmth in his voice told her more than those words. He really wanted her to think of it as home. But they weren’t there yet. “Since there’s no evidence of an immediate threat and you won’t be there anyway, I’m going home to my place. Joey can take the couch,” she added to appease Jay and her brother. “First, I need to rent a car since mine was totaled. I’ll buy a new one when the insurance pays out.” Before either of them protested, she gave Jay’s arm one last squeeze. She needed to trust him and leave so he could get back to doing what he needed to do.
Beck didn’t smile when she touched his arm in goodbye. She didn’t expect him to. He rarely smiled, except for his new bride. His eyes bore into her back as she left and met Joey in the hallway.
Jay watched the door close behind Alina and bit back the urge to call out to her and order her to stay at his house. He wanted her there when he got home, but that was unfair to expect. Although, after all they’d been through, the way he felt so deeply, it just felt right.
Plus, he didn’t want anything to happen to her. He didn’t want her out of his sight.
Irrational. Like the way she felt about letting him go back to work. Neither of them could control what happened next.
Beck broke into his muddled thoughts. “She seems a little pissed at you for nearly dying.”
“Something like that,” Jay said before he caught himself and shut the hell up.
Beck smiled down at him.
Jay tried to change the subject. “What are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be back to work until tomorrow.”
“Today, tomorrow, what difference does it make? You and King had a lot of excitement. I wanted to check on both of you. I spoke with Cara about King and what happened last night. You took a pretty big hit with that blast.”
“I’m fine. The head’s a dull ache, thanks to the meds. I’ll probably limp for a while, but the leg isn’t that bad. I’ll get by.”
“But will you get back into Alina’s good graces?”
Jay finally met Beck’s narrowed gaze, noting the hint of amusement in his eyes. “You know.”
“That you’re sleeping with my sister?”
Jay gave up. He didn’t like hiding things from his best friend. “It’s a hell of a lot more than that.” He hoped Beck didn’t take a swing at him. Jay was in no shape to defend himself.
Beck frowned. “Damn. I could tell at the wedding you two had something going, the attraction between you was there, but I didn’t think it had gone that far.”
If Jay’s brain was working on all cylinders, he wouldn’t have walked into that verbal trap he should have expected from Beck. The man worked undercover and ferreted out secrets for a living.
“Is this where you warn me away? Because I can save you the breath. No. I will not stop seeing her.”
Beck’s eyebrow shot up at Jay’s definitive tone.
“What she and I have . . . it’s different than anything I’ve ever had. I value your friendship and want to keep working closely with you, but, no. I won’t give her up. I can’t.”
Beck stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels. “She’s in love with you.”
Jay wanted to believe that. He wanted to think that was enough to keep them together. “How do you know?”
“Pretty clear after her car accident. She didn’t call our parents. She didn’t call our aunt. She called you to pick her up from the hospital. She wanted you.”
He hadn’t really thought about it like that.
“Does Caden know, too?”
“He caught a vibe between you two. We talked about it at the wedding.”
“So what’s it going to be? Shot and buried in the mountains? A beat-down for touching your sister? You going to lay out all my faults and sins for Alina and turn her against me?”
Beck’s gaze grew darker.
“I get that she’s your sister and you want to protect her.”
“And you’re my friend. Someone I respect and trust with my life. Do I think the two of you are a good idea? I don’t know. It seems sudden. I can’t imagine what you have in common. Then again, I never looked for similarities between you two.”
“I like her. A lot. She’s smart and funny. Kind. Generous. She’s confident and accomplished. She’s amazing.”
“And she understands your life in a way most other women wouldn’t because she’s my sister and has lived with what Caden and I do for a long time now.”
“She understands, but if you’d been here earlier, you’d know she’s not thrilled about it.”
“That’s just it, Jay, she was here. For you. I’ll bet the second I left last night, she came straight here.”
Jay nodded. It meant so much to him, he couldn’t even put the depth of his appreciation and need for her into words.
“You need someone like her, who knows the danger and, despite that, is willing to go all in. She needs a guy who is ready to give her what she wants. Something I think you’ve wanted for a long time, too.”
“What’s that?”
Beck knew both of them. Jay wanted his take.
“She has such a big heart. She takes care of everyone in the family, but what she really wants is a family of her own. Maybe you didn’t see it at the wedding, as happy as she was for Caden and me, she wanted to be the one saying ‘I do’ to the guy she’d promise forever to and mean it with everything she is. If you’re not in it for that, if you don’t see the incredible value in that, then, yes, I’m warning you off.”
He’d seen exactly what Beck described. It’s what had drawn him t
o her at the bar. “Everything she feels is in her eyes. When I woke up, she was sitting beside my bed. The relief I saw in her dwarfed the anger that came later.”
“You scared her.”
“I scared myself. I nearly died and all I could think about was that I finally had a chance to be with someone I really cared about and wanted a future with and it was gone before it ever got started.”
Beck’s eyes went wide. “You love her.”
“It’s so much more than that. I need her, otherwise what the hell am I doing with my life?” Loving her was bigger than taking down bad guys. “I can’t promise her there won’t be another scare like the one I gave her last night.”
“None of us can,” Beck admitted.
“But I can promise her to do my best to come home to her, to love her with everything I am, to be the best I can be for her.”
Beck stared at him for a moment, then nodded like he’d come to some decision. “I’ll talk to Caden. We’ll stand back and let you two figure it out.”
Jay breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks.” With her brothers on the sidelines, he didn’t have to fight them to be with Alina. But he still needed to work on settling Alina into his life and making her see that she was important and a priority.
He’d done a poor job of that today. She didn’t want him to go back to work so soon after what happened, but he needed to tie up this case, so he could focus on her. And uncover who tried to kill her and make them pay.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Sweat trickled down Alina’s back. She pulled the bar down behind her head three more times to finish her set. She hated working out but silently admitted she felt better for it. If not for that, she’d be back at her place drinking another cup of coffee and enjoying the donuts Dave brought this morning when he relieved Joey from guard duty.
Dave stood by her apartment complex’s gym door and watched everyone coming and going while she finished. She released the bar and stretched her shoulders and neck. She’d taken off the brace this morning and hoped to work out the remaining stiffness with some light weights. She wasn’t at peak performance, but her muscles and the tension in her body had loosened. She felt more like herself today than she had since the accident.
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