Yes, she’d had a wonderful night. But was Maggie right? Did it mean absolutely nothing? If so, how wise would it be to spend another day—and night—with Seth, knowing they’d be flying to other sides of the country, with no promises made or asked for, not even a suggestion that they might have more than this weekend?
Lauren wasn’t the Goody Two-shoes she had been in high school. But she wasn’t the one-night-stand type, either. Yet, the longer she talked to her friend, the more she felt like she’d just had one.
“If I were smart, I’d get out while the going’s good,” Lauren finally mumbled.
Maggie scowled. “Are you serious?”
“As a heart attack.”
“That’s crazy talk. Get as much good stuff as you can out of the man until tomorrow, then walk away knowing you’ve had great sex with a guy who’s never going to break your heart again…because it’s not his to break this time.”
Ouch. Lauren only wished she could agree. She feared, however, that she couldn’t. Seth had owned her heart once upon a time, and he had staked a claim on it again last night.
“You think that’s all there is to it?” she asked.
“Of course. You got what you wanted, had a fantastic, amazing night together, and can have another fantastic one tonight. So do it, then go home and forget all about him.”
Forget about him? Fat chance. “I don’t know if I can.”
Maggie rolled her eyes. “You’re overanalyzing this. It’s just sex, Lauren. Don’t go thinking there are feelings involved.”
No feelings? Ha. There had definitely been feelings in that bed last night.
“I mean, it’s not like he said he loved you, right?” Lauren’s expression obviously answered that question, because Maggie went right on. “Which is a damn good thing, because that would be crazy. Teenage boys don’t fall in love, and don’t continue to love the same person without laying eyes on them for ten years. He’s a Hollywood sports agent for heaven’s sake. He’s probably had dozens of affairs.”
She didn’t want to think about him with anyone else. He’d sounded so sincere last night when he told her he didn’t sleep around.
“Believe me, if he had said he loved you, I’d be telling you to run the other way. Because you’d be getting played.”
Maggie was right—ten years was more than a third of their lifetimes. So of course he couldn’t love her. Or she him.
Right?
“As long as there are no pesky emotions on the table, and he’s being totally honest about what he came for, I say take what you get, then go home and forget it.”
“I don’t know… .”
It sounded so cold, not to mention risky. The wise thing would be for her to get in her rental car, drive back to Chicago, spend a nice afternoon and evening with her parents, then fly back to Georgia tomorrow. And never see Seth again.
That was the heart-wise thing to do, anyway. Not the body-wise one. Her body wanted to go right back to his room with a jar of this delicious maple syrup and lick it off every inch of his incredibly sexy skin.
“I mean, you’re not still mad at him, right?” Maggie asked, obviously missing Lauren’s true problem. Maybe because she was so bitter about love, given her ex-husband’s cheating, she didn’t even want to see it anymore.
“Definitely not.”
After their conversation, and his explanation, she felt only tenderness toward the man—well, toward the teenage boy she’d known. She couldn’t imagine what it had been like for him, finding out his parents were such unpleasant people, then getting dragged away from everyone and everything he knew. How desperate and lonely he must have been, trapped by his need to protect his sister, penniless and helpless in a foreign country. Honestly, she didn’t know many eighteen year olds who could have handled it and not come out the other end a complete wreck.
Seth had come out of it a wonderful, funny, sexy, charming, successful man.
That was the problem. Because he was charming, friendly, funny and sexy. It would be way too easy to fall in love with him again. She’d felt those crazy, butterfly-in-the-stomach feelings toward him the minute she’d laid eyes on him again. Being in his arms during the most erotic night of her life had done a great job of splintering the wall she’d built around her heart. A wall she needed if she was going to survive having him walk out of her life again, as quickly as he’d walked back into it.
“Well, you’d better decide quick,” Maggie said, glancing past Lauren toward the entrance to the restaurant. “Because here he comes.”
She stiffened, then, trying to be casual about it, turned to glance over her shoulder. Seth was walking toward their table, sexier than a man had a right to be. His thick, dark hair was damp from his shower. Wearing a faded T-shirt and soft, washed-out jeans, he looked completely at ease. Not to mention satisfied.
“Sorry to interrupt your breakfast, but I was asked to find you both. They need volunteers to man some of the games at the carnival.”
“Games? Yippie,” said Maggie. “How about I man the ‘pin the tail on the asshole ex-husband’ booth?”
Seth grinned. “I think they have you down for the ring-toss.”
“‘Ring around the asshole ex-husband,’ then. I can do that,” she said as she rose.
Seth then looked at Lauren. “So, what do you say? Ready to go help me run the 2002 trivia game?”
She thought about it, about Maggie’s words, and her own fears and doubts. She reminded herself what was wise, but knew, in the end, her body was going to make the decision for her. She only had one more night with Seth. What kind of fool would she be to leave before building up another supply of memories to last her the rest of her life?
“Okay,” she told him, putting her hand in his. “Let’s go.”
5
ALTHOUGH SETH HAD THOUGHT the carnival idea was a stupid one, he and Lauren ended up having a great time. It was set up in a pretty meadow below the resort, and came complete with rides, cotton candy and stuffed animals. They manned their booth for a couple of hours, meeting a ton of people from their own graduating class, as well as from other schools. Then, once the next shift arrived, they strolled the grounds, hand in hand, eating corn dogs, riding rides and chatting with old friends. Many people remembered them as a couple, most remembered prom night and all looked surprised to see them so…friendly.
Hell, he couldn’t deny it, he was surprised himself. This weekend had gone better than he’d ever dreamed it would. Lauren was back in his life, and he wasn’t letting her get away again. He didn’t give a damn about geography or their jobs or what their friends or family thought. He’d lost her once, and it had crushed him for a decade. No way was he up for a second round of such misery.
“How about going on the Ferris wheel?” he asked, eyeing the brightly colored ride that rose above the midway. It wasn’t huge, not like the ones in theme parks, but was pretty tall given the private location of this event.
She resisted. “I don’t know…”
“Oh, come on, don’t be a chicken.”
She elbowed him in the ribs, then followed him to the ride. They waited in line, got into a swinging seat and held hands as it began to ascend. The countryside was in full summer bloom, green and hilly, and the late-afternoon sunshine made everything gleam with soft light. But they didn’t spend much time looking at the landscape. Because as soon as the seat swung off the loading platform and lifted them out of sight of the others on the ground, Seth turned to her and covered her mouth in a hungry kiss.
She kissed him back, shifting as much as she could, dangling one leg over his. It had only been hours since she’d left his bed, but he’d missed her like hell, and needed to claim her again.
If this had been one of those Ferris wheels with the large, closed-in compartments, he might have done more than kiss her.
When they finally broke apart, she smiled at him. “I’m a little dizzy.”
“From the ride?”
“Yeah, that’s it.”
/> “Same here.”
They laughed together, tilting until their foreheads met and he was looking down at their hands, clasped together on his lap. Though he wasn’t sure she was ready to hear it, or would believe it, he couldn’t wait any longer to tell her how he felt.
“I love you, Lauren.”
She stiffened, her fingers clenching. He didn’t let her go, squeezing tighter.
“I mean it. I’ve always loved you.”
The ride stopped as someone got off or on far below. They were swinging high above the carnival grounds, the earth spread out below them, just, as he thought their future was. Limitless, beautiful. Filled with possibility.
“You shouldn’t say that,” she finally replied, her voice soft, tight. She pulled her hands away and moved her leg until she was sitting stiffly beside them. “You can’t mean it.”
“Of course I mean it,” he insisted, not sure whether she was being serious, or she truly was retreating from him—from the declaration he thought she’d be glad to hear.
“That’s ridiculous.”
The first time he’d told a woman he loved her, she called him ridiculous. Nice. “Gee, thanks.”
She turned her head and looked at him, and he saw the moisture in her eyes and the way she couldn’t stop nibbling on her bottom lip. “Seth, we were kids. We haven’t seen each other in ten years.”
“You know what they say,” he replied, trying to keep his tone light, trying to understand why she hadn’t immediately admitted she loved him, too, when he knew she did. “Absence makes the heart…”
“Forget.”
He snorted. “Not even close.”
He couldn’t forget her if he tried. He would remember her face, her voice, her touch, even on his deathbed.
The ride started moving again, and as they swept toward the bottom, he was surprised to see Lauren signal to the operator that she wanted off.
Okay, this wasn’t just nerves. She wasn’t being shy or coy. Something was seriously wrong.
He didn’t want to confront her about it here, in front of all these people, so he followed her off the ride in silence, then took her arm to weave through the crowds. They left the carnival grounds, heading up the slope to the hotel. But rather than heading for the door, he steered her toward a side lawn, where he’d seen a gazebo.
She let him lead her there. Once they were inside, where he was sure they were alone and wouldn’t be interrupted, he said, “Tell me what’s wrong.”
She wouldn’t meet his eye. “Nothing’s wrong, Seth. It’s been wonderful. You just…you don’t have to tell me you love me to make me feel better about sleeping with you. I don’t have any regrets.”
His jaw fell. “You think I… Wait, you seriously think I was handing you some kind of ‘it was great baby, maybe I’ll call you’ line?”
She finally looked up at him, slowly shaking her head. “No, I know you weren’t.” Lifting a hand to his chest, until her fingertips rested right over his pounding heart, she continued. “I think you’re caught up in the past, confusing it with the present.”
She was his past. And his present. If only she would see it.
“This place is designed to do that, to make you travel back in time emotionally, if not physically,” she said. “We finally got the night we wanted, and you said the words you think you would have said then, even though the time and circumstances are completely different.”
“Don’t tell me what I feel,” he snapped, suddenly growing angry.
“Seth, you don’t even know me anymore.” She sounded weary, sad. “You were a teenage boy, I was the girl who got away. You’ve romanticized me in your mind. That’s all.”
He stepped back, feeling as though he’d been slapped. She really was accusing him of never loving her, when all he’d thought of for years was how much he’d give to have her in his life again.
“You’re wrong,” he told her.
Then, knowing one way he could prove it, he reached into his back pocket, drawing out a handful of faded, worn-looking envelopes. “These are for you. I had planned to give them to you later, so we could have a laugh over what a sappy kid I was. Now…hell, read them, keep them, trash them. Do what you want. But don’t ever tell me I don’t know how I feel.”
Not trusting himself to say anything else, or to even look at her, for fear he’d make things worse, he spun on his heel and stalked out of the gazebo, leaving Lauren alone.
Maybe she’d read his letters—the ones he’d written to her over the years—and maybe she wouldn’t. Either way, he’d given it his best shot. The ball was in her court.
* * *
LAUREN STOOD IN THE GAZEBO for a long time after Seth had gone, wondering how things could have gone so suddenly wrong. They’d been having a wonderful day. He’d been sexy and charming, she’d been happy and carefree.
Then he’d told her he loved her…and she’d turned into a hard-hearted bitch.
She just couldn’t stop thinking about what she and Maggie had been talking about at breakfast. About how it couldn’t possibly be love, not after all this time, not based on a teenage romance.
“But what if it is possible?” she mumbled, not sure who she was asking.
She had loved Seth ten years ago, she knew that for sure. And she had continued to love him for a lot of years after he’d left, even when she’d tried desperately to hate—or at least forget—him.
And now?
“I still love him.”
Truthfully, she’d never stopped.
But could a guy really be the same? Could their relationship have meant as much to him as it had to her? She’d always known Seth was special—that he had heart and character. Still, could he have loved her with the kind of real, lasting love that endured separation and time?
She glanced down at the stack of pages in her hand, curious about what he’d left her. Seeing several envelopes with her name on them, she walked to the bench and sat down, more curious than ever. She recognized Seth’s handwriting on the outside, and her own old address in Chicago. But these letters weren’t postmarked, they’d never been mailed.
She opened the top one, and pulled out a piece of notebook paper covered in Seth’s sloppy, teenage handwriting. It was dated May 2002. Right after he’d disappeared.
Every word in it broke her heart.
Tears rose in her eyes as she read his story, in his own hand, his own writing, told while it was still going on. He’d been confused, furious, afraid and lonely. And missing her. Oh, how he’d missed her.
How he’d loved her. He said so, again and again, with every tender phrase, every tender reminiscence of things they’d done, every wish for a moment they’d never shared—and he’d feared they never would.
“Oh, God, Seth,” she whispered, tears falling down her cheeks as she finished the letter and reached for the next one. And the one after that.
There were seven in all, and they spanned a period of several years. The first had been written in South America. The last in L.A. just eighteen months ago. Even after he’d thought she’d refused to contact him, that he’d never see her again, he’d still written, as if she were his conscience and his confessor…and his long lost love.
She watched him grow up, watched him age, his handwriting maturing, his messages going from angry but hopeful to melancholy and resigned. He’d truly thought he would never see her again, and that she would never read these words, so he’d felt free to pour out his heart on the page.
And every word, every letter, told the same story: he loved her. He’d always loved her, with the kind of real, mature, lifelong love she’d been telling herself he couldn’t possibly have felt.
She should have known better than to compare Seth Crowder to any other guy—or man—she’d known. He was unique, always had been, and she’d done him a genuine disservice in forgetting that, even for a few hours.
She had never felt more awful about herself than she did at that moment.
“Lauren? Is that you?”
Looking up, she spied a very attractive young woman with curly brown hair and big green eyes. It took her only a second before those eyes became familiar and the curve of the cheek did, as well. “Emily,” she said, rising to her feet, clutching Seth’s letters.
“Are you okay?” Seth’s sister asked, stepping into the gazebo. She obviously saw the tears Lauren hadn’t wiped away. “What happened?”
“I’ve been really stupid,” she said between sniffles. Then, thinking the worst, she asked, “Did you come to tell me Seth’s leaving?”
Emily came over and draped an arm across her shoulder, offering Lauren comfort and support, the way Lauren had offered it to her when she’d been a little girl. “Of course not. He got roped into helping with the slide show at the dance so he’s in the banquet room setting up.”
“Oh, thank God. I need to talk to him.”
Emily didn’t let her go. “I think you need to go dry your tears first. And maybe get ready for the dance. I have a little something for you to wear to it.”
Hearing the mischievous tone in the younger woman’s voice, Lauren raised a curious brow.
“Come on, I’ll help you get ready.”
* * *
SETH REALLY HAD NO DESIRE to go to the “reunion formal” that night. What he wanted to do was find Lauren, get her alone and make her at least admit the possibility that he wasn’t such a shallow jerk, that he could actually still love her after all these years. That he’d loved her then.
That she loved him.
But she wasn’t answering her phone in her room, nor did she open the door when he knocked. He’d gone back out to the gazebo, but hadn’t seen her there, either. Finally, he’d checked with Em and made sure she hadn’t left altogether. Honestly, if she had, he didn’t know what he would have done. Maybe borrowed Em’s car, driven to Chicago to her parents’ house and pounded on the door until someone let him in?
In the end, though, when his sister assured him Lauren would be showing up at tonight’s dance, he just waited. He went to his room and took a shower before dressing in the tux he’d brought along for tonight’s formal event.
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