by Gail Cleare
“How’s your mom? I want to get over to see her today.” He held the axe by its handle with the heavy metal head resting on the ground near his foot. She thought again about the power it must take to bring it down with enough force to pop the dense rock maple open like a peanut shell.
“I’m on my way back to the hospital. As of last night, she was still really sick. She’s not allowed many visitors.” Nell smoothed her hair, wondering if there was lipstick on her front teeth.
“Sure am sorry. She’s one terrific lady. Is there anything I can do… you know, to help out? Anything you need, groceries or… whatever?” He raised one eyebrow.
“Well, I do need some help with the dog.” Nell saw that Winston was watching their exchange. “Can he hang out with you while I’m at the hospital? I hate to leave him shut up inside all day.”
“Sure, no problem. We’re old pals. He lives over here half the time anyhow. I’ll bring him back to Ellie’s place later. Here’s my number.” Adam handed her a business card that said, “J. Bascomb & Son, Antiques.”
Nell thanked him and turned to walk back to the cottage, wondering whether he was still watching. She hadn’t noticed whether he was wearing a wedding ring. Not that it mattered, really. But wow, that was certainly one attractive man. Just as Adam’s father must have been at that age. It made Nell wonder again about her mother’s relationship with Jake Bascomb. Maybe it was more than a neighborly friendship after all.
Nell headed to the hospital. It was only seven thirty in the morning, so she didn’t call Bridget. Her sister was not the early-riser type. The best chance to catch her was later when she hit the hot tub.
Nell wondered what Maplewood had told Bridget about letting Mom go off to Vermont on her own. There was no excuse for it, however clever Mom had been at making her escape. She had her own apartment and lived independently, but someone was supposed to visit her every day to help with chores and make sure she was okay. What did they think had happened to her when she disappeared? Their negligence was infuriating.
Nell was sure her sister would get to the bottom of this. Bridget was indomitable when it came to confrontations. The only time Nell had known her to cave in was when the conflict involved one of her husbands. And when Bridget succumbed to Daddy’s relentless bullying and agreed to give up her baby for adoption. Her resolve seemed to melt.
Nell dialed David on his cell phone, hoping she would catch him on the commuter train to New York City.
“Hi, baby, how are you? How’s Mom?” David said.
She could hear the rattle of the train in the background, men’s voices, laughter.
“Good morning, Mr. Williams. I’m okay but missing my man.” She drove slowly along Lakeshore Drive with one hand on the wheel and the other holding her phone.
“Dave. Come on, partner.” A loud voice called from near her husband’s phone. The words “hearts” and “no trump” were discernable amid the background chatter.
“Are you playing bridge? Is this a bad time to talk?”
“It’s never a bad time to talk to you, sweetie,” David said absentmindedly. Then he laughed. “Okay, you caught me. Could I call you back in a while? Is everything all right there?”
“Everything is fine. I’m on my way to see her again now.”
“Great, great… kiss her for me, will you? And text me the address where you’re staying. Did you find out what she was doing way up there?” His voice faded, and the rhythmic clacking of the train swelled for a moment.
“Sort of but not completely. It’s kind of a long story…”
The connection buzzed, and his answer was swallowed by the distortion. She heard a man’s voice calling David’s name.
“Okay, talk to you soon,” Nell said, raising her voice.
“Bye, love you…” Static sizzled on the line, and the call was cut off.
“You too,” she answered though the connection had already ended.
Nell pictured her good-looking husband and children and their clean, uncluttered home. Everything in its place and easy to maintain. Totally under control, the way Nell preferred her life. No fighting or yelling, everything calm and everybody happy. Not like her teen years, when the sound of angry voices at home had been only too familiar.
When Bridget and Daddy went at it, Nell shut herself in her bedroom and played her Madonna album as loud as she could. The arguing didn’t seem to bother them, but it certainly bothered Nell. She loved her dad, and she loved Bridget. She didn’t want to have to take sides. Right then, she vowed to make a different kind of life when she had her own family.
She remembered the night her sister came home and described peeing on the pregnancy test in the McDonald’s bathroom. Bridget pulled the white stick out of her purse and showed it to Nell. It had a big plus sign on it, which meant there was a baby coming. The girls held hands as they sat on Nell’s bed, facing each other.
“What will Daddy say?” Nell always worried about his temper. Sometimes she got mad at Bridget for setting him off.
“I don’t care,” Bridget said, her chin tipped up.
“Will you get married?” Nell wondered what Bridget’s boyfriend thought.
“No way. I’m going to college next year. Anyhow, he’s a jerk.”
“The boy knows?”
Bridget lifted her head, a determined look in her eyes. “Showed him the plus sign.”
“And he didn’t want to… you’re right, he is a jerk.” Nell squeezed Bridget’s hands, on the verge of crying. At fourteen, Nell had major fantasies about romance and love. The thought of that kind of betrayal broke her heart.
“Never mind.” Bridget had given Nell a hug. “I don’t even like him anymore. Why would I want to marry him? I’ll find someone much better, and we’ll live happily ever after and have three kids. Two boys and a girl. That’s it, you’ll see.”
So Bridget’s plans hadn’t worked out either. It occurred to Nell that both their lives were defined by regrets and the things that were out of reach. No matter how perfect her life might seem on the surface, Nell still missed the boundless future of possibilities she had pictured when she was a girl.
As she turned toward the center of town, Nell let herself daydream once again about winning a grant to go off and write somewhere, all alone. She had sent away for an application to the Iowa Writers’ Workshop once and got halfway through filling it out before she’d stopped and ripped it to shreds.
Nell could imagine the conversation with David if she had been accepted:
“Um… but who’s going to drive the carpool next week, honey?”
“Not me. I’ll be in Iowa City drafting a Pulitzer Prize winning novel.”
“But… won’t we run out of clean clothes?”
“I guess the housekeeper could do the laundry, David.”
“Yes, that might work. Good suggestion. Will you be home in time to make artichoke dip for the poker game next week? I promised to bring it.”
“No, I don’t think so. I’ll only be on chapter one by then.”
“Oh. Well. That will be a big disappointment. You know how the guys love your dip.”
“Gosh, maybe I shouldn’t go, then. Wouldn’t want to let them down.”
“No, no… I want you to be happy, Nell. If you really want to go, you should do it. We’ll get by somehow. It’s just a few weeks, isn’t it?”
“Actually, it’s two years. It’s an MFA program.”
Silence.
“Two years? Really? Well, I suppose Lauren might still recognize you when you come home. Ben will be off to college by then, though.”
“Would you like a divorce, David, so you can find someone else to have sex with on the weekends?”
“Sounds terrific. Just send the bills, I’ll take care of them and you can pay me back later. The Pulitz
er pays quite well, doesn’t it?”
“I think it’s ten thousand dollars.”
“Is that all? Does this plan seem wise, Nell? Wouldn’t your time be better spent here at home, cleaning the pool and power washing the house?”
A chuckle escaping her throat, Nell turned by the town green and drove into the hospital parking lot. Her shoulders relaxed, and she realized how tense they had been. It wasn’t fair to fantasize about David that way. He was a very sweet guy. Nell was the one with the problem, not him. She had stepped onto this path long ago, and she had to follow it. Running off to live by herself was a ridiculous thought. She wondered what Mom would say about it. Maybe Nell would ask her when she recovered.
Taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Nell flipped on the radio and listened to the news. The local weather forecast was for rain that night and the following day. But for the moment, the sky was still blue.
Chapter 10
Mary ~ 1998
Mary and her best friend sat on the swinging bench by the rose arbor and sipped their tea. Ginnie had brought a cake, and they each held a slice on a paper napkin.
“It’s not that he’s a bad man,” Mary said. “In fact, he was a leader in our community and a deacon at the church. It’s not the Alzheimer’s, either, though that part is awful. It’s something more personal. I don’t even know how to talk about it.”
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I didn’t mean to pry.” Ginnie reached down and squeezed her hand. “We’re just so glad to have you here whenever you can get away. I hope you believe that.”
“Oh yes.” Mary smiled. “And I’m glad to be here too. I want to tell you everything—it’s just hard. It has to do with his attitude toward me all these years and the way he’s treated our daughter… it’s shameful. There’s no excuse for it.”
Ginnie kept a discreet silence, raising her eyebrows and waiting.
“Oh, you know men.” Mary laughed and rolled her eyes. “They always have to be the boss, and they always know best about everything. Even when they’re one hundred percent wrong.”
They both laughed. Mary thought how good it was to have a friend to talk to about her secrets. It made carrying them around so much easier.
“I can relate,” Ginnie said. “Jake is the same way sometimes. But then others, he drives me crazy by expecting me to make all the decisions while he just floats along. If by some unlucky chance I make the wrong choice, God forbid, then watch out. He’ll raise a ruckus they can hear all over the neighborhood.”
“Which is worse, I wonder?” Mary sipped her tea. “Micromanaging all the time or making us take the responsibility then criticizing our decisions?”
“I know with Jake it has a lot to do with his mood. He has a dark side, you know.”
“Yes. So does Thomas.”
“I can picture two women back in caveman days, having this same conversation. ‘Wolf Tooth in bad mood today, sister, ugh, watch out for club on head.’” Ginnie grinned.
“I think you’re right. It’s a peculiarity of the sex. They just can’t work things out without howling and bashing trees for a while first, like gorillas.” Mary made a monkey sound, and both women burst out laughing.
Mary’s smile faded first. “Actually, it’s been building up to this for a long time. We got engaged before we shipped out, and I didn’t really know what I was getting into. I was in love.”
“Does any woman ever really know what she’s getting into?” Ginnie raised one eyebrow.
“Good point,” Mary said, thinking of her sister’s failed marriages. “Somebody must, I assume. Or where did all the happily-ever-after stories come from?”
“Dreams? Wishful thinking? Lies their mothers told them?”
“Or lies their fathers told them, more likely.” Mary looked up over the rim of her mug at Ginnie.
“Well,” Ginnie said, finishing the last of her cake, “at least we aren’t considered our husbands’ possessions anymore, and you wouldn’t be ostracized from society for getting a divorce if you want one.”
“True. But my daughters might ostracize me from their hearts, I’m afraid.” Mary’s voice tightened and cracked as she held back the sudden urge to cry. She held her breath for a moment, eyes closed, then opened them again to see her friend watching and waiting.
“You haven’t told them how things are?”
“Not yet.” Mary leaned over to put her empty mug on the little wicker table next to the swing. She wondered how that sounded. It was so dishonest, shameful.
“That’s a hard one. You must be terrified.”
“I’m having trouble knowing how to start the conversation at this point.”
“Yes, I can see why.” Ginnie put her hand on Mary’s and squeezed. “There’s a lot to tell. It’s been going on for a long time. And you have to be so careful what you say.”
They sat in silence, listening to the birds and watching the light move in the trees.
“Ginnie, I’ll never say a word about you and Jake and the baby. You know that, don’t you? Please don’t ever worry about that.” Mary looked her friend deep in the eyes.
“Well, that’s good to hear.” Ginnie’s voice sounded a little shaky too. “It’s all wrapped up together, you know. And it could fall apart fast if someone were to pull the wrong string.”
“I don’t want to hurt you or Jake. You’ve both been so kind to me. Beyond kind, really. I’m so grateful.” Mary realized how true that was, how indebted she was to them. They had made her feel at home in Hartland and helped her withstand the torment of caring for a dying man she didn’t love anymore.
Ginnie put her arm around Mary shoulders. “I know you are, and don’t worry, I trust you. Just go slow and careful, and it will all work out. You can invite the girls up here to visit when you’re ready, and we’ll all get along like one big happy family.”
“I thought we decided that happy families are a myth.”
“No, happy housewives are a myth,” Ginnie said. “The men and kids are deliriously happy as long as supper is ready on time and there are plenty of clean socks in the drawers.”
“Nell sort of fits the happy-housewife description, but Bridget doesn’t at all. I still see signs of misery in her.”
“She needed her father’s approval, don’t you think?” Ginnie spoke straight to the point.
“The nasty old fool destroyed her self-confidence just when she needed it most.” Mary felt her face flush as she clenched her fists.
“Well then, let him have it. Bonk him on the head with your saber-tooth club. Fight for cavewomen’s rights.”
“Ginnie, I can’t fight him. I’m a nurse, sworn to take care of the poor sick man.” Mary set the swing rocking with her foot. “I made another promise when we married. ‘In sickness and in health…’”
“Right. Sorry about that.”
“But that doesn’t mean I can’t whine about it a bit, especially when I’m sitting in a safe place with my best friend in the world.”
“Venting is highly underrated by men, don’t you think?” Ginnie had a serious tone, but her face looked mischievous. “They always feel compelled to jump up and fix everything.”
“Yes, there’s nothing like a good whine to make me feel much better.” Mary played along, making it sound like a joke even though it was true.
They swung for a while in peaceful silence. The only sounds were the sputter of feathers in the trees and buzzing in the roses as the sun slowly shifted across the sky.
Chapter 11
Nell ~ 2014
Nell parked in the hospital lot and carried her bag of goodies inside. She saw Jake had beaten her to it. He sat in the chair next to the bed, his head bowed and resting on his hands. Mom was awake, looking at him. The ugly gray breathing tube was still attached to h
er mouth. She stroked Jake’s hair gently, her hand barely moving.
Watching them, Nell felt like an outsider. Should she knock? Clear her throat? Just walk right in? Her foot tapped the floor as she hesitated.
The same nurse Nell had met the day before was on duty. Jennifer came out from behind the desk and put her hand on Nell’s shoulder. When Nell turned to respond, the woman’s eyes were wary.
“I won’t make a fuss.” Nell spoke quietly. “But should he be in there? He’s not family, you know. Doesn’t she need to rest?”
“Her fever is down, and her blood work looks a little better. I’ve had my eye on him. He’s been behaving himself.”
Nell felt her face pull into a sullen pout. “But it’s my turn now.”
The nurse smiled, patting Nell’s arm. “All right, I’ll get rid of him for you.” Jennifer went inside the cubicle and said something in a low voice, hustling about to check on the machines and tubes, taking her patient’s vital signs and writing them on the chart.
Jake gave Mom’s hand a final squeeze and wiped his face. Nell saw he had been crying. He stood up and unfolded to his full height, making the woman in the white bed look tiny as a child. The room suddenly seemed crowded. Ducking his head as though to make himself smaller, Jake sidled out the door and into the hallway. He raised his eyes and noticed Nell standing there. She pinched her mouth tight. Glaring at her fiercely, he nodded in her direction and strode off without a word.
Nell’s mouth fell open in indignant surprise. Grouchy as always. What was his problem, anyhow? Maybe he was being defensive, afraid she blamed him for what had happened to her mother.
But if anyone had a reason to be mad, it was Nell. Jake had obviously been neglecting his darling “Ellie” recently, or she wouldn’t have gotten so sick and ended up in the hospital. What kind of a friend was that? Nell did blame him.
Jennifer came out of the cubicle and waved Nell inside. Mom’s eyes were closed, and the ventilator was moving her chest up and down. Nell made a small sound as she settled into the bedside chair, and her mother’s eyes fluttered open, filling with love. Nell reached for Mom’s hand and stroked the fingers gently.