by Mary Manners
Colin’s eyes narrowed as he considered his answer. The last of autumn’s leaves rustled as the wind jostled them from an oak tree to die on the grass in the yard beyond. His gaze held hers while he leaned into her and brushed his knuckles across her cheek. “Do you feel anything for me, Tess?”
“Oh, Colin.” His touch was gentle, and the heat of his fingers stirred smoldering embers in the pit of her belly. “You know I do.”
“But you still have to go?” The question was simple—the answer, not so much.
Tessa gasped as her heart stuttered, and she hesitated before murmuring, “Yes, Colin, I have to.”
“Why?”
She tried to explain, and though the words made perfect sense in her head, in her heart they jumbled together like the pieces of a mixed-up jigsaw puzzle. “It’s the only way for me…the only way to know.”
“To know what?”
“To know where to find the same thing you’re looking for…to know what I’m supposed to do.”
He gathered her hair in his hands and leaned in to kiss her, and the clean scent of his aftershave filled her with longing. “OK, Tess. I…understand,” he murmured, his breath warm against her neck.
She doubted he did…any more than she did. She pressed a hand to his chest, felt his heart racing. “Do you love me, Colin?”
“I…” The words died away, but his gaze held steady and true.
She pulled back. “Don’t say it—not if you don’t mean it.” She leaned back in the chair, putting distance between them, and felt the chill rush back in. “I know it hasn’t been that long. I don’t expect—”
“Hush.” He pressed a finger to her lips. “Just sit with me, Tess. The rest will work itself out, OK?”
She nodded, forced the lump back that filled her throat. She’d be gone from him—from everything familiar—soon enough, and she didn’t want to waste the last hours mired in sadness. “Will you read to me?”
He nodded. “What do you want to hear?”
“More from Romans…more about hope.”
He sighed, stood to stretch kinks from his back and then slipped a few pieces of kindling into a chiminea near their feet. A strike of a match against the wood stoked warm flames to life. “That’s better, isn’t it?”
“Yes.” But the word was hollow. Tessa pressed her hands toward the warmth, rubbing her palms together.
Colin turned from her and headed into the house. “I’ll pour you a cup of coffee, OK?”
She nodded. As his boots thudded over the tile floor she turned to the small glass table and picked up the Bible he’d left. She opened the cover to find a note carefully penned by his sister. As she skimmed the words, tears welled in her eyes. She pressed a fist to her mouth to stifle a sob.
She didn’t want to love Colin—didn’t plan to fall in love—but the fissures that riddled her heart at the thought of leaving him told her that plan had gone right out the window.
She was all in, completely lost…but was he?
****
The wind blew cold! Tessa pulled her wool coat tight and dipped her head against the knives that stabbed her as she slipped from the cab that dropped her at the front of her new home…a high rise glass-encased building with at least a hundred close-knit units.
She bit back her fear of heights, and prayed she was on a lower floor. The slip of paper in her pocket said otherwise—Unit 2538—ouch! She should have mentioned something about the annoying phobia during the interview with Mrs. Stirnoff last August. But she’d been overwhelmed by the bustling bakery that was triple the size of Sweet Treats, and her desire to make a good impression had silenced her concerns.
Now she surveyed the busy street, dodging a cab that jumped the curb before swerving back into the traffic-jammed lane. Horns blared and shouts rang from car windows, despite the cold. Tessa’s heart stuttered. Where was the grass, the quaint town square? She hadn’t considered missing them as she boarded the plane out of Knoxville. Mostly because she’d been straining to gaze through the jet’s window, searching for a sign that Colin was still standing there beside the reflection pool in the main concourse, watching her through an expanse of windows.
As the plane taxied for speed and she felt the weightless jolt of liftoff, she wasn’t sure if the roiling in her belly was caused by the jerky motion of the plane—or a lingering effect of kissing Colin goodbye. From the moment she’d turned to walk away from him, Tessa felt like a piece of her was missing.
She focused her attention back on the building while the doorman came out to help her gather her bags. She’d get settled in, then head to Stirnoff’s Bakery. Amid the fluffy pastries, the generous cinnamon-apple pies and freshly-brewed coffee, she was sure to find a bit of comfort and conversation.
11
Tessa pushed back from the desk and massaged kinks from her neck. The business computer was uncooperative again, deleting files she needed in order to schedule advertising with the marketing firm rep she was due to meet with in less than an hour. The office was spacious and bright, a contrast from the cramped corner she’d shared with Kate, Grace, and Mattie back home.
Home…the single word caused a pang of longing that Tessa quickly squelched. No sense traveling down that road again. She had a meeting to prepare for—starting with the recovery of those files.
She hadn’t found the comfort—or conversation—that she’d hoped for at Stirnoff’s. Instead she found work, lots of it. There was no time to talk, no time to murmur about everything, and nothing, over a rich cup of gourmet coffee. She missed hearing Micayla’s coos and Mattie’s nagging, and wondered if Logan had begun work on the expansion of the police headquarters.
She pressed her palm to the stark office window and felt the cold as her breath fogged the glass. Outside, snow fell in fat, fluffy flakes, and in the street below people scurried about like mice in a maze. Snow usually lifted Tessa’s spirits, bringing with it the onset of the Christmas season, but now all the flakes signaled a long trudge back to the apartment through soggy, tire-sloshed, slippery puddles—that or a harrowing ride in a cab.
A huge electronic billboard across the cloverleaf interstate did battle with flashing traffic lights and the twinkle of Christmas bulbs decorating store windows. Amid the chaos, taillights from speeding cabs and retreating cars winked. She’d been so busy with work, she hadn’t even had time to shop. And the excitement she’d looked forward to…? Well…that amounted to a date with a dog-eared novel and leftover biscotti dipped in French vanilla coffee.
Tessa missed wearing an apron, brewing flavored coffee and sampling new varieties of teacakes while she and Mattie chatted. She barely saw the inside of the Stirnoff kitchen, and spent most of her days behind the desk in her office, crunching numbers and battling with the computer. She hadn’t baked a single sweet in nearly a month, and wondered who was making strawberry teacakes for Colin now. She frowned and pulled her sweater tight against the chill that seeped through the expansive windows, and rewound her conversation with Colin the night before.
“We’re in a warm spell here, Tess,” he’d murmured, his voice easing over the phone line like smooth honey, to soothe. “You’d love it. Even the grass is greening up a bit, perfect for walking in the square. If the temperatures hold, we might have the warmest Christmas yet.”
“Wow, I wish I was there to walk with you.” She shivered in her flannel pajamas and sipped chamomile tea, hoping it would help her sleep. “Another eight inches of snow fell here today, but people just scurry on their merry way. The weather doesn’t seem to discourage them at all.”
“And you’re managing OK without your car?”
“For now. I can walk or take a cab wherever I need to go—or the subway.” What she didn’t share was the fact that she’d gotten lost more times than she could count. But, somehow, she always managed to find her way back, though the adventure left her drained.
“I don’t like the idea of that, Tess…you in a car with a strange driver, or alone on a train.”
“That’s what I mean.” He hesitated, tried not to think about Bailey, and then quickly changed the subject. “Things settling down some as far as your job goes?”
“If only I could get the computer to cooperate.” She groaned. “It keeps devouring my files. It’s more stubborn than you, Colin.”
He laughed softly. “Your sisters say hi, and Kate wants to know if you got the photos of Micayla that she emailed.”
“I did. She’s really grown.” She’d made a screensaver collage, and the sight of it brought a smile to Tessa’s lips every time. “And that head of hair! She takes after Kate in that department.” Tessa slipped back against the couch and drew a quilt up to her chin. The apartment had a chill, though she’d turned the heat up a notch. “Do you stop by Sweet Treats often?”
“Almost every morning while I’m on break. Mattie always has a hot cup of coffee waiting, but none of your sisters seems to be able to bake teacakes as good as yours.”
It gave Tessa a bit of satisfaction to know she did something for him that no one else could. “How’s business?”
“It’s been busy. Good thing Mattie hired Mrs. Sloane to help out.”
“Jason Sloane’s wife?”
“Uh-huh. She’s a hard worker, too. I’ll be the first to admit I had my doubts, but things seem to be going better for her and Jason. He’s been sober several months now, and got a promotion at the rental company.”
“Oh, that’s great news, Colin.” She reached for her Bible, flipping open to Psalms. “Do you want me to read to you tonight?” It had become a habit of theirs since she moved away. He called each evening and they chatted a bit, then they took turns reading a chapter or two from the Bible. Colin’s voice was a comfort, and Tessa imagined him in a chair on his back porch, the chiminea stoked to warm him while he sipped coffee and watched the stars come alive.
“Not tonight.” Colin drew a long breath. “Do you think you’ll make it home for Christmas, Tess?”
Would she? “I don’t know. I have to check my schedule. Things are pretty busy here, and I’m still adjusting.” And she was afraid if she left now it would be for all the wrong reasons. Feeling lonely was no excuse to run home.
“I miss your teacakes, Tess. I miss…you.”
A tap on the office door startled Tessa. She turned from the window to find the stern-faced intern named Jessica in the doorway. “The rep from Cutler’s firm is here to see you.”
Tessa nibbled a fingernail. She’d been so lost in memories, she’d forgotten all about the missing files. Any further thoughts of Colin would have to wait; she had work to do. “Send him in.”
****
Colin glanced at the Bible, closed on the table beside him. He hadn’t read in two days. He felt unsettled, as if something was missing. But he couldn’t put his finger on it. He propped his feet in front of the chiminea and thought about Tessa on the subway…in a cab. But he couldn’t urge her to come home simply because he longed to protect her. There had to be more than that…much more. It was pointless to worry, he knew, yet he couldn’t help himself. Things could change—lives could be taken—in an instant. He knew that better than anyone.
Except maybe Tessa. She knew the fragility of life, too. Colin sighed and let the coffee warm his throat as he sipped. He imagined his life without Tessa, and the thought twisted his gut inside out.
He loved her. Why hadn’t he told her so the night she’d asked, before her move? Why had the words tangled on his tongue? If he’d had the courage, she might not have left…
Now it was too late. He might never get the chance again. He reached for the Bible, flipped it open to Bailey’s message, skimming the words once more.
Maybe his prayers had been answered after all—only not in the way he’d hoped. Maybe he’d just have to find a way to go on without Tessa.
****
The meeting with the advertising rep went better than Tessa could have planned, considering the lost files. She did the only thing she could, and admitted they were gone for good. The rep promised to resend them as soon as he returned to his office. It would mean another late night spent working, but Tessa had nothing better to do.
She took satisfaction in knowing she was good at her job—excelled at it, despite the mountain she’d climbed to get here. She had no more doubts that she could take care of herself, make a respectable and successful place for herself wherever she chose to go.
She rebooted the computer, checked her email. Grace had sent several photos of Adam in the school Christmas play. He smiled into the camera, his blond hair tufted over striking blue eyes. Brent had one arm draped across his shoulders, and Grace’s belly rounded with the promise of the new life growing in her. What a happy family the three—soon to be four—made.
She found the files the rep sent, and quickly saved them to a flash drive, just in case, then continued to skim through emails until one caught her eye.
Discount airfares…she tapped her nail on the desk and bit down hard on her bottom lip. What if…?
Tessa clicked on the mail, found flights to Knoxville. One was scheduled to depart after she finished work Christmas Eve. She could surprise her sisters…and Colin. Couldn’t she? She’d fly out Christmas Eve and return early enough the day after Christmas to be back at Stirnoff’s on time.
She clicked on impulse, printed a confirmation, and tucked it into her pocket. Smiling, she slipped on her coat, grabbed a stack of files, and headed for the exit.
12
Colin tucked the airline ticket he’d purchased into his pocket and headed toward gate ten. The airport was jam-packed with people hoping to make it out in time for Christmas dinner. He slung his duffel over one shoulder and found a seat.
It was late, and a storm moved in. The warm-snap was over, and Knoxville was due to have a white Christmas after all. He tapped his pocket, checking for the pretty diamond solitaire he’d tucked there. He’d told no one that part of his plan. If he fell on his face, none would be the wiser.
Tessa had been elusive when he asked about her plans for Christmas.
I’ll probably just catch up on a little work, and then maybe take a walk to admire the Christmas lights along the shop fronts.
He thought of her all alone and swallowed hard. Well, that was due to change. He glanced at the departure board, saw his flight out was still on time. Good thing, since a strong wind kicked up snow outside the window and New York City was getting hammered, as well. He prayed his flight would depart as scheduled.
****
Tessa settled back in the seat and gazed out the plane’s window. Snow blanketed the tarmac, and more fell from a tumultuous sky. The gush of de-icing spray washed over the jet’s wings as the maintenance crew struggled to make the equipment operable.
The pilot’s voice came over the intercom to assure the passengers the plane was still scheduled to depart on time, and third in line for takeoff. Tessa closed her eyes and sighed. It was late, but she was headed home—if only for a day.
Wouldn’t Colin be surprised to see her tonight?
****
Delayed.
Colin stifled an oath when new information flashed on the departure screen. Snow had thickened outside the windows, and the tarmac was covered. But even worse, New York City was experiencing a white-out. He stalked to the service desk, tried to sweet-talk the attendant.
It did no good. They’d bring in whatever flights they could before the storm made landing impossible, but no more flights were going out tonight.
It was over…he was done. Or maybe he’d just hop in his car and drive to New York instead, try to beat the storm before the worst blew in. Then he remembered his car wasn’t in the lot. He’d helped Mattie, Grace and Kate—bless their generous souls—drop off baked goods at a Knoxville shelter before they brought him on to the airport.
He gazed out the window, watched snow begin to drift as he considered his options.
A plane landed gracefully, taxied down the only runway that remained open. Red lights glowed through swirling snow as the screech of landing gear filled the air.
He watched for a moment, mesmerized, and thought how lucky the passengers were to have made it. They’d be with family tonight. Shadows danced through the cabin as they emptied overhead bins and made their way toward the arrival gate.
Colin raked his gaze from the glass, grabbed his bag and strode toward the exit. He took his time through the concourse—there was nothing to hurry home to but the cold, dark night. He’d call a cab from the transportation kiosk. No way would he ask the sisters—or Logan or Brent—to drive back out in this mess to get him. He was glad he hadn’t mentioned to Tessa that he’d come to see her tonight. He couldn’t bear her disappointment when the plans fell through.
Tessa's Teacakes
He wove his way through the crowd, dodging would-be passengers stranded for the night, to the escalator that led to the transportation hub. He’d be lucky to find an open phone.
“Colin?” He turned, and like an apparition Tessa stood there gaping at him, her walnut hair swept into a tail that brushed her neck, her honey eyes shimmering with tears as she clutched a single small bag. “What are you doing here?”
“I was coming to see you, but the flight—” He dropped his duffel. “Wait. What are you doing here?”
She smiled and held out a hand. “I came home to see you. I wanted to surprise you.”
“Well,” he took her hand and splayed it over his heart. “I think you’ve managed that.”
“I’ve missed you, Colin.” Her bag slapped the floor as she rushed into his arms. “Oh, how I’ve missed you.”
****
The scent of him soothed Tessa as she leaned in and pressed her cheek to his chest. “I couldn’t imagine being away for Christmas…for anything, anymore.”