Naomi recovered slowly from her illness. It took a couple of weeks before she was finally strong again. Aidan continued to look after her, pampering her like a baby as her strength and stamina gradually returned. It was well into October before he deemed her fully recovered.
The doubts and worry that her illness had stirred continued to plague him. He sometimes laid awake at night, staring up at the ceiling while Naomi slept contentedly by his side. He contemplated the fragility of life, and what he would have felt if he had lost her. He needed her desperately, and he could no longer imagine a life without her as his wife.
However, she seemed content to continue their relationship long term. He wondered whether he would ever be able to win her love, no matter how hard he tried. She had never expressed love for him, although her actions made him believe that she cared for him. He liked to think that, with enough time, she would come to love him just as he loved her.
He watched for signs that his hopes might come true. Naomi treated him with affection, doing countless little things that made him think she cared. He just didn’t know whether her affection for him was strong enough to make her agree to marry him.
He didn’t want to be rejected again, so he didn’t bring the subject up. He was hoping that, given enough time, she would open her heart to him and express her love. When she did, he would joyfully propose. He was eager for that day. He wouldn’t be truly happy unless he made her his wife, his to cherish and love for the rest of his life.
The opportunity came unexpectedly in mid November. Their lovemaking that night was tender and poignant. Every caress was imbued with feeling, every sigh and moan conveyed a wealth of emotion. Aidan turned Naomi onto her side and lifted one of her supple calves over his shoulder as he probed her welcoming heat.
He shuddered with delight as she clenched her inner muscles around him to hold him within her. In this position, she was fully open to his thrusts, and they both moaned with pleasure as he forced his way deeper. Their eyes met and held as he stroked into her welcoming body, butting against her womb with every probing invasion.
Their mutual tension mounted until they could barely breathe as he plumbed her depths with increasingly demanding thrusts. All the while, he held her gaze, willing her to understand how much she meant to him. They climaxed in unison, and she gasped as he bathed her womb with hot, pulsing waves of his seed.
When the last tremors faded, he finally withdrew from her and pulled her against his side. His heart was bursting with love for her, and he kissed her hair, glorying in the feel of her soft curves pressed against him.
“I love you, Naomi,” he said softly, stroking her hip with his fingertips.
“I love you too,” she whispered, her voice already growing drowsy.
It was the first time she had ever said the words, although he had told her how he felt often. Aidan went totally still for a long moment before he grasped her upper arms and lifted her onto his chest. He clutched the sides of her head and searched her startled eyes. Her expression was full of confusion.
“What’s wrong?” she questioned with a frown.
Aidan burst out laughing, giving her a gentle shake. “Wrong? Nothing’s wrong. You’ve just made me the happiest man in the world.”
He rolled to pin her beneath him and kissed her until her head was spinning. When he released her lips, his eyes were shining and he was grinning from ear to ear. He cupped her jaw and caressed her cheek with his thumb.
“Marry me, Naomi. Do me the honor of becoming my wife.”
For a brief moment, Naomi’s heart swelled with joy. To know that he loved her and wanted to marry her was the sweetest feeling imaginable. Then, reality crashed down around her, and her heart felt heavy in her chest.
Reading the emotions on her face, Aidan grew increasingly concerned as he waited for her to answer him, and his smile disappeared to be replaced by a watchful frown.
“Thank you for asking, Aidan, but I can’t marry you.”
Aidan tensed, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat. “Why not?”
Naomi closed her eyes against the pain on his face and drew a tight breath. They had been lovers for three months, and her monthly cycles had continued like clockwork. She couldn’t bear to tell him that she was barren. She didn’t want to see his expression turn to one of rejection or pity. She wouldn’t be able to stand it, knowing that he thought she was less than a woman.
“I just can’t,” she said dully.
Aidan watched her for another few moments before he rose to sit on the side of the bed. “That’s not an answer, Naomi. Tell me why.”
Naomi stared at his forbidding back and blinked back her tears. She sat up, pulling her knees up to wrap her arms around them forlornly.
“Aidan, I do love you, and I would love nothing better than to marry you, but I can’t. That’s all there is to it.”
Aidan shot her a frown from over his shoulder. “Can’t or won’t?”
Naomi struggled not to shrink away from the accusing light in his eyes. She swallowed hard. “Both, I guess,” she said quietly.
Aidan hated to ask, but he had to know. The thought that she still loved her dead husband more than him tortured his thoughts. “Is it because of your husband? I know you must have loved him very much. Do you feel like marrying me would be dishonoring his memory or something?”
Naomi frowned and shook her head. “No, of course not. It’s nothing like that. My decision has nothing to do with guilt.”
Her answer was far from satisfying, and Aidan growled low in his throat. He turned his back to her once more, running an agitated hand through his hair.
His emotions were roiling in the pit of his belly, a mixture of pain, jealousy, anger, frustration and confusion. Sensing his feelings, Naomi bit her lip and rose on her knees behind him. She wrapped her arms around him and laid her cheek against the back of his shoulder with a shuddering sigh.
“Aidan, please don’t be angry with me. I do love you, more than you know. Please don’t ask something of me that I can’t give you. I’ve told you that I don’t intend to ever marry again. Can’t we just forget that you ever asked me and go back to the way things were?”
Aidan pulled her arms from around him and whirled to face her. He gripped her upper arms so hard that his fingers bit into her skin as he looked at her with anguished eyes.
“No, we can’t. I can’t go on like this, sneaking in and out of your bed, pretending that what we have is enough for me. I want you to be my wife, Naomi. I want to build a life with you, to raise a family with you. If you truly loved me, you would want that too.”
Naomi gave him a bittersweet smile as she stroked his cheek. “I do want that, Aidan. But sometimes in life, we have to be happy with what we can have and forget about the things that are out of our reach.” She watched as his lips firmed into a thin line of disagreement, and she leaned into him, compelling him to meet her eye. “Aidan, listen. I love you. I do. I am grateful for everything you’ve done for me and for every moment I have with you.”
Aidan shook his head slowly. “You’re grateful? Naomi, I’m not interested in your gratitude. I want all of you.”
“You can have me, Aidan. For as long as you want me, I will be yours.”
His features hardened even further. “I want a wife, not a mistress, Naomi. Just being your lover is not enough for me.”
Naomi searched his eyes and then sank onto her heels with a sigh of defeat. “I understand.” She swallowed hard before continuing. “I’m sure there are plenty of lovely young ladies who would be happy to marry you, Aidan. I wish you every happiness when you find one.”
Aidan’s face registered his shock and disbelief. “That’s it? You say you love me, but you’re happy just to send me off to find another woman to marry?”
Naomi felt the first stirrings of anger as she stared at him. “You needn’t be so peevish about it. I never said I was happy to let you go. It’s just that I understand your desire to take a wife and have
a family of your own. I can’t be the woman to fill that need, so I won’t stand in the way of another woman who will.”
Aidan rose from the bed with an angry growl. He paced the confines of the tiny cabin, his frustration and anger warring for dominance as he clenched and unclenched his fists. Finally, he came back to the bed to scowl down at her.
“For your information, Naomi, I wasn’t even looking for a wife until you showed up.” He hauled her onto her knees until her breasts were pressed tightly against his chest. The feel of her in his arms soothed a small bit of his anger, and he struggled to make her understand his feelings. “I was content with my life before I met you. But from the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew I needed more. Don’t you understand? My life isn’t complete without you. You make me happy and whole and fulfilled.”
Naomi didn’t try to keep her tears from overflowing, and they streamed down her face as she held his gaze. “Then let’s just carry on. I feel the same way.”
“We can’t just carry on! Even now, you may be carrying my child.”
Naomi tensed in his arms and pulled away with a grimace. He let her go, watching as she wrapped her arms protectively around her middle and turned away. She shook her head in resolute denial. “No Aidan, I’m not carrying your child,” she cried adamantly. “I can’t be. It’s not possible. Richard and I…”
Naomi stopped herself from finishing her sentence. She had been about to blurt out that she and her late husband had tried and failed to have children. She squeezed her eyes closed. She simply couldn’t tell him that.
Through his bitterness, hurt and anger, Aidan completely misinterpreted her withdrawal. When she mentioned her late husband, his worst fears were confirmed. She was obviously still mourning her lost love.
“I see,” he said flatly.
He stared at her only a moment before turning to retrieve his clothes. He dressed quickly, yanking on his garments and buttoning them as fast as he could. He couldn’t bear to stay and see the look of longing on her face for another minute, especially knowing that she was thinking of her dead husband. Aidan could no longer compete with a ghost, and he was done trying.
Naomi turned to face him, puzzled by his abrupt change of mood. She realized he was about to go, and she felt panic well in her chest.
“Aidan, please don’t leave like this. Can’t we please just talk this through?”
“There’s nothing left to talk about, Naomi. I finally understand. You have been stringing me along, content to have me as your lover, to appease your loneliness over your dead husband. And now, the mere mention of the fact that you could be carrying a child, my child rather than your husband’s, makes you shrink with dread. Well, I’m finished being a stand in, Naomi. You’ve made your feelings clear on the matter, and there isn’t anything else to say.”
Naomi stared at him with mouth agape, horrified by his misunderstanding of the situation. “You’re wrong, Aidan. You don’t understand! That’s not what I meant when I said I couldn’t be carrying your child. You have to let me explain.”
She raced across the room, tugging on his arm when he would have opened the door. She gripped both his arms and shook him as hard as she could, frustrated when she couldn’t even budge him. He gave a resigned sigh and turned to face her with a raised brow.
“That’s not how it is at all,” she protested. “I love you more than I ever loved my husband!”
Aidan frowned down at her, disbelief obvious on his face. “Really? Then prove your love for me, Naomi. Marry me.”
Naomi released a frustrated squeal and stomped one bare foot on the floor. “I can’t marry you, you stubborn man.”
Aidan grasped her arms and pushed her slightly back. “Then, it’s just like I said. There’s nothing left to talk about.”
Without another word, he yanked open the door and stalked off into the night.
Naomi stood in the doorway watching him go. She was naked and shivering, but she didn’t care. “Aidan, wait! You don’t understand, let me explain. Aidan, come back here this instant!”
Aidan disappeared into the trees, leaving her distraught. Naomi closed the door and leaned back against the cold wood. Her knees buckled, and she slid down to a sobbing heap on the floor. Galahad trotted over and licked her face in an effort to console her. She petted him absently, but for once, she derived no comfort from the gesture.
Her mind raced as she thought about what to do. She could go after Aidan, explain her reason for refusing to marry him, and beg him to take her back. But would it solve anything? It would only prolong the misery. Sooner or later, a man like Aidan would want to marry someone, settle down and raise children. Didn’t all farmers want lots and lots of children, strong, healthy sons who could help on the farm? She could never provide him with those sons, so there was no use in chasing after him.
When the chill from the door and floor finally seeped into her bones, Naomi rose to her feet and padded to the bed. She rolled into a tight ball beneath the covers, staring at the ceiling with dull eyes. She had known this day would come, sooner or later. There was no point in fighting the inevitable. She heaved a defeated sigh and closed her eyes in a futile attempt to find sleep.
*****
The next two days were touchy around the McKenzie farm. Brian and Liam learned to be careful when they spoke to Aidan, or he was likely to bite their heads off. He was anything but his usual, cheerful self. He carried out his labors mechanically and listlessly. It was clear his thoughts were elsewhere.
Although his brothers knew he had slept at home for the previous two nights, Aidan seemed even more exhausted than before, and dark circles appeared under his eyes. By the third day, Brian and Liam were getting truly concerned. Seated around the supper table, they repeatedly tried to draw him into conversation without success.
“Aidan!” Brian shook his arm gently to gain his attention.
Aidan blinked and turned to face him. It was obvious he hadn’t heard his brother speaking to him. “I’m sorry. What?”
“I was asking whether you thought Mrs. Tisdale needed any supplies from town. I have to go in tomorrow for some lumber, and I would be happy to pick some things up for her if she needs them.”
Aidan scowled blackly and looked down at his plate again. He pushed his food around with disinterest.
“I have no idea. I haven’t seen her for three days.” The thought that someone should look in on her to make sure she was faring well had crossed his mind, but he couldn’t bear to visit her, knowing that she didn’t want him. “Why don’t you stop by and introduce yourself? Make sure she’s doing alright and ask her if she needs anything.”
Aidan looked back down at his plate. Brian and Liam exchanged worried glances, wondering what had happened between Aidan and the Widow Tisdale.
“Alright, I will,” Brian said.
*****
The next day, Naomi sat at her kitchen table, staring into the fire. The past four days had been hell, the nights even worse. To top off her misery, she had started her monthly courses. When she saw the blood, she had burst into tears. The miniscule hope that by some miracle she might be carrying Aidan’s child had been dashed into a million pieces. She didn’t even know why she had dared to hope in the first place.
The sound of a wagon approaching caused her to jump up and run to the door. She threw the door open with a smile of welcome.
“Aidan!”
As soon as she saw the driver, her heart sank. Her radiant smile fizzled to be replaced by a look of despair. The driver set the brake on the wagon and hopped down, removing his hat as he walked toward her with a smile.
He was exceptionally handsome, with black hair and translucent green eyes. His smile caused two deep dimples to appear in his cheeks, and his features were perfectly proportioned. His height and build reminded her of Aidan, and she felt her heart constrict.
“Hello ma’am. Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m Aidan’s brother, Brian McKenzie.”
Naomi shook his proffered ha
nd and smiled as politely as she could. She looked closer and noticed the resemblances between him and his older brother. He was just as Aidan had described him.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. McKenzie. I’ve heard so much about you from your brother. I’m Naomi Tisdale. Would you care to come inside for a cup of coffee?”
“No thank you, ma’am. I just stopped by on my way into town. Aidan said you might have need of some supplies. I would be happy to pick some things up for you, if you like.”
The fact that Aidan had sent his brother to check on her rather than coming himself caused her chin to tremble slightly. Obviously, he wanted nothing further to do with her. Naomi plastered a weak smile on her face to cover her distress and shook her head.
“Thank you, Mr. McKenzie. That was very thoughtful of you, but I don’t need anything just now. I appreciate your brother’s concern, but you can assure him that he needn’t worry about me anymore. I’m quite capable of seeing to my own needs.”
Brian studied her for a moment, sensing her underlying distress. He looked as if he were about to say something, but he stopped himself. Finally, he shrugged and smiled.
“Alright, ma’am. If you don’t need anything, I’ll be on my way. It was a pleasure to meet you, and I look forward to seeing you again sometime soon. If you do need anything, please feel free to ask. We would be happy to help out in any way we can.”
“Thank you so much, Mr. McKenzie. I’ll remember that.” She watched as he climbed back onto the seat of the wagon. “Goodbye now. Have a good day.”
Naomi waved as he drove away before returning to the cabin. She closed the door and leaned her forehead against the rough wood, clenching her eyes against threatening tears.
“Enough weeping, you silly ninny! You can’t spend the rest of your life crying all day.”
She took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders. She had better get started peeling potatoes. Supper wouldn’t make itself.
Chapter Ten
When Brian returned from town with a load of lumber, Aidan was waiting impatiently at the barn. He didn’t even wait for him to come to a complete stop before he questioned him.
Second Chances: Aidan's Bride (The McKenzie Series #1) Page 17