by Kara Liane
I haven’t let him stay overnight at the house yet, but I can tell he’s itching for an invitation. I don’t think it’s appropriate at this juncture. I hope tomorrow at my birthday dinner with the kids, we can sit down and finally talk to them about our potential relationship. I don’t want things moving too fast for them.
My handy man has helped me around the house with a few more projects—I swear he’s purposely finding stuff just so he can help me fix it. And we’ve enjoyed watching reruns of his guilty pleasure—The Golden Girls; I can learn a lot from each of their characters.
This is surely going to be an exciting month within our group because Shanna is due at the end of the month; Tyler’s junior prom is in a week; Caleb said his one case is finally settling; and, camping season is starting. We’re avid campers, so this is another thing I hope to share with Caleb.
Caylan won’t be too far behind Shanna since she’s due mid-May, but that poor girl has already run out of room in her ever-growing belly. Shanna isn’t carrying as much—the lucky duck. Call it momtuition, but I think Caylan is having a boy and Shanna a girl; I guess we’ll have to wait and see!
I’m so excited for my son because he has a prom date. In his inclusion classroom, which is comprised of both gen-ed and special-ed students, there’s a girl named Ellie who asked him out. She’s used to his sensory issues and tics, and I had the chance to meet her when they recently went to the movies. She’s a lovely girl, and I’m ecstatic she’ll be his date.
I’m so grateful she doesn’t treat him like he’s different—to me, he’s not different. He just happens to have autism. And while some may feel that’s a handicap, affliction, or the kiss of death, I don’t view it like that. I think it makes him the most incredible person I know. Throughout elementary school, I had to take him to a number of specialists, and he was in various therapies such as OT, ABA, and CBT. Eventually, in middle school, he became more mainstreamed in his classes, and his education plan changed drastically. I have high hopes for him for the future now that he’ll be finishing high school next year.
Tyler’s so smart and super talented. He’s a whiz with computers, so maybe he’ll explore that in college if he decides to go. Caleb loves to talk computers with him since he grew up working on them.
Speaking of Caleb, I don’t know much about this big case that’s finally settling, but what I do know is he’s been preoccupied with it; which is understandable. Ever since the wedding, he’s had to throw himself into work more so than usual—you won’t hear me complaining. He’s very dedicated to his job, and obviously I value and admire that quality. He’s certainly proving to be a role model for my kids.
So, that’s been me in a nutshell lately. Oh, and most importantly, I decided I’m not going to wait for the other shoe to drop. For once I’ll be happy…with a man, no less, and there’s so much to look forward to!
Chapter 19: Has a Nice Ring to it
Caleb
Tonight is Liz’s birthday celebration with all of our friends. I couldn’t very well let her birthday pass and not do something extravagant. I’m excited because I have two presents: one for tonight and one for tomorrow. I only hope the surprise tonight will solidify our relationship. No one knows about my plan; Alexi only knows part of it, the part where he lets me borrow his lake house for next weekend.
I’m sitting in my kitchen, eating away from the plastic container with a new batch of Liz’s cookies. She even took the time to put hearts on the top in purple royal icing; see, I’m learning some more baking shit. I’m vaping too—this time it’s a peanut butter flavor. I’m trying to shake the feelings of being nervous, anxious, and overwhelmed; they’re coming at me all at once. Tonight is an important night—one of the biggest of my life. I take off my glasses and rub at my eyes. I need to go put my contacts in before it’s time to pick up my woman.
As I place my glasses back on my face, and her gifts sitting on the counter come into focus, I smile to myself. I love this woman, and I’m finally going to make it official.
***
We arrive at Tai-Phoon, and everyone is already here: Shanna and Anthony, Brent and Ev, Addison and Gil, and Caylan and Alexi. I wanted to make a grand entrance with the birthday girl, so we arrive fashionably late. The table has a beautiful decorative birthday centerpiece in the middle thanks to Caylan. Everything is perfect!
We all exchange hugs, claps on the back, or kisses on the cheek. Liz rubs at Shanna’s and Caylan’s bellies affectionately, and I swell with pride knowing how loving, caring, and nurturing she is and that she’s all mine. The women immediately begin to chatter, and I’m sitting next to Alexi watching everyone and thinking about how damn lucky I am.
Alexi nudges me and asks, “What’s got you so fucking smirky tonight?”
“Dude, is that even a damn word?” I challenge him.
“Fuck you! It’s a word if I want it to be. You look happy, though, I must say,” he remarks.
“Well, you of all people should know what the right woman does for you. And I’m not smirky…I’m ‘twitterpated,’” I correct his mistake.
“What kind of hokey shit is that you’re spouting? Man, you’ve lost your fucking mind,” he chastises.
We’re still trying to keep our voices as low as possible. I know Alexi is kidding around, and even if he wasn’t, I don’t care. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest when my friends give me shit because I’m the one who used to get the ladies with my sweet demeanor. Now, I just need and want one lady.
“You’ll see.” I punch Alexi in the upper arm, and he sits there brooding away.
The girls all squeal and start pulling out their phones to take selfies, and we guys grumble. Women and their selfies, I’ve never understood it.
Liz laughs as she says to the group, “Umm, I’m not a big selfie person. I guess you can say I have low ‘selfie-esteem.’”
All the girls laugh at her joke, and I chuckle. God, she’s so damn charming—my mystical unicorn.
The waiter arrives, and I explain that I’ve already taken the liberty of ordering for our party ahead of time. The waiter disappears to go round up my requests. They’re supposed to bring out platters of various dishes so we can all eat family-style.
Our server returns with our drink orders, and I’m having champagne brought by for toasting purposes; the two preggos will get water, of course.
Our once-upon-a-time former waitress Courtney doesn’t tend to us anymore. She had her heart set on Alexi and messed around with some of the guys in our group of friends. She spread her legs for anyone, and I don’t like devaluing women like that, but in her case, it’s the truth. We never even had to ask her to stop serving us; thankfully, she decided on her own after Alexi married Caylan—it finally shut her up. She cornered Caylan one night in the bathroom a few years ago, and she should’ve been fired. I’m certain she performed a sexual favor or two to keep her job.
Speaking of that evil woman, I just saw Courtney staring daggers in our direction before she scampered off somewhere—jealous twat, if you ask me!
Our food and champagne arrive, and I let everyone pile their plates high. I notice Liz isn’t drinking the bubbly alcohol, and I laugh because I remember how it affected her at the wedding. I want nothing more than to find a dark corner or a restroom to ram into her delicious body, but I suppose she wants a clear head. That’s probably good considering what I have planned for this evening.
We all enjoy eating, and I keep the drinks and food coming until everyone is stuffed and satisfied looks grace their faces.
I’m confident in my plan, having worked out all the details with expert coordination. I arranged for the kids to stay next weekend with Alexi and Caylan, while I whisk Liz away to Alexi’s lake house in the Poconos for a lover’s getaway; that’s part two of said plan. Part one is to give her the gift I have in my suit jacket pocket, and part three is having dinner with the kids tomorrow night. I’ll give her my other present then.
My moment is upon us. I pick up my
knife and lightly tap my champagne flute so it makes a clinking sound, effectively getting everyone’s attention at our massive round table. Our group quiets down, and all eyes are on me. I’m grinning and can’t contain my jubilance.
I clear my throat and begin my long-winded speech, “As you all know, we’re here to celebrate a very special woman’s birthday.”
I turn to Liz, staring at her tenderly. She smiles, and my eyes smolder knowing I’ll make love to her right after dinner when we get near a bed.
I continue speaking as I turn back to our group, “Liz is the kind of woman every man prays, wishes and hopes for. She’s an incredible friend, stellar mother, outstanding nurse, and dream-worthy companion. I never thought I’d find someone like her. Since she’s come into my life…she’s made my world perfect. She. Is. Everything. And so, I want to give her everything.”
I glance her way again as she’s seated to my left. Tears shimmer in her eyes and the eyes of the other women. I take a deep breath and…here goes.
“Liz, I love you more than I ever thought was possible to love another person. I love your kids. I want you four in my life each and every day. You’ll never want for anything. You’ll never be without my love, devotion, support, friendship, and heart. I’ll love the kids like they’re my own,” I express with tears of my own starting to form.
I hear some gasps from the table as I reach into my suit jacket and pull out the ring box. I go down on my knee in front of Liz. I grab her hand, squeezing it, and smile as I try to put everything into my next set of words.
“Liz, will you do me the honor of marrying me and making me the luckiest guy ever?” I ask with my heart and future in her hands.
As I look at her face, though, expecting to see a yes forming on her lips, instead, my stomach drops out. The look she’s wearing is not one of happiness and acceptance. It’s one of confusion. The grooves in her forehead are deep-set as she continues to process my words. She’s shaking her head in what appears to be disbelief.
What’s going on?
***
Liezel
So many thoughts are running through my head as Caleb kneels at my feet while I sit rigidly in my chair.
First, I can’t believe he said he loves me. I’ve been wanting to hear the words for so long, but I thought we’d do that type of thing in private. Second, what he said is what every woman wants to hear—I’m no exception, but…is he nuts? The timing is so far off, I’m still trying to figure out if this is some kind of joke.
Third, I haven’t even discussed us with my kids yet. However, I take full responsibility for that one and never should have waited this long.
We haven’t even said we’re officially an item to each other. How the hell can he have us already walking down the aisle in his mind? Now I’m a little pissed off. I love him, but this is moving too fast!
I’m second-guessing everything! Old habits die hard as the self-deprecation creeps in once more in my vulnerable state.
It’s so unfair to my kids. How could he not include my kids on this? I mean, thank God he didn’t have them here because I wouldn’t want them to witness this. They’re my priority; their thoughts and feelings come first, and I’d want to make sure they’re comfortable with everything before Caleb and I even explore the possibility of getting married.
My marriage to William was an absolute nightmare. How do I know this potential one with Caleb would last? What am I saying? There is no potential—that’s not in my realm of thinking or vocabulary right now. Sure, I’ve fantasized about it, but it’s just that…a fantasy. Ugh, we’re so at opposite ends of the field on this, I don’t even know where to begin to explain myself to him.
Lastly, to put me on the spot like this in front of my boss and our closest friends is absurd. I’m flawed—doesn’t he get that? I can’t be anyone’s wife right now; I’m barely over being William’s wife. Hasn’t he noticed how I wince every time he says I’m perfect? That’s why I really question if he knows me at all.
Is he in love with me or the idea of me? Because this spectacle he just put on is only showing me that he lives in a different kind of fantasy world.
I frantically dart my eyes around at our friends, and I must look like I’m about to throw up. Shit, that’s exactly what I want to do! I yank my hand out of Caleb’s, severing him from me. I move my chair back, and it screeches across the floor as I make a run for the restrooms. I don’t care how or what I look like. I’m sure I’m a blur practically sprinting through the mass of tables, people, and servers. Making it into the first empty stall of the restroom, I upchuck my dinner into the toilet.
I’m crying and throwing up at the same time. This is miserable and awful. I feel someone rub my back, and it’s Addison—she’s such a dear. With her medical background, she’s very much used to bodily fluids. Bless her heart for trying to soothe me. Someone must have handed her a wet paper towel because she places it on the back of my neck and continues to let me heave.
I hear Everly, Caylan, and Shanna talking in hushed tones outside the stall. I’m so embarrassed, hurt, upset, and crushed. I can’t believe Caleb put me in this position. I slink back from the toilet and take the paper towel from my neck to wipe down my face, then I sit on the cold, tiled floor.
“It’s going to be okay, Liz,” Addison coos.
I’m sniffling, trying to find the words to argue with her, but I don’t.
After a few minutes, Addison helps me up from the floor, and we exit the stall. I look at my girlfriends and begin to cry all over again. Each one passes me to the next for a hug, letting me wet their outfits with my unstoppable flow of tears.
Everly, being the outspoken one she is, asks, “You want me to kick him in the balls for you, or would you like to do the honors? Some birthday, huh, girl?”
I swallow and nod. I don’t want anyone to kick my man in the balls. God, is he even my man anymore? He may not be now that I clearly refused his proposal. That’s why I’ve been saying all along he needed to move on to find someone his own age, and this is niggling at me more than ever, no matter what Caylan said about him being into older women. I know I’m in a vulnerable mindset.
I’m grateful we’re the only patrons in this restroom. I’d hate for more people to observe my suffering and humiliation. I shake my head, still in denial and disbelief. I don’t even think I cried like this after William died. In fact, I know I didn’t. I’m already mourning the loss of a relationship—for him to propose would mean he considered us in a relationship. Well, that was news to me, buddy, I huff in my mind. Step one, share that tidbit of information with your damn girlfriend before you try and give her a ring!
Caylan strokes her rounded belly and bites her lip. “None of us knew this is what he had planned. I mean, I knew there was a surprise, but not this. I don’t like spoiling things, but if I had an inkling, I might’ve tried to give you a heads up of some sort. We’re just as shocked as you that he popped the question. I thought the big surprise he teased us with was him wanting to take you away to our lake house next weekend. We were supposed to watch the kids for you.”
I laugh bitterly at the mention of the lake house. It’s a beautiful place—romantic—and already holds memories for me since it’s where Alexi and Caylan got married. It’s also where I really noticed Caleb for the first time as a groomsman while I was a bridesmaid.
“I can’t believe him. We’ve never even said ‘I love you’ to each other,” I say to no one in particular.
“Well…do you love him?” I hear Shanna softly ask.
“I do, but I don’t know if he really loves me or just the idea of me. We still have so much to learn about each other. This is so bizarre and much too soon,” I reveal to my girlfriends, publicly unearthing the main crux of my problem in this makeshift confessional.
“I’m sorry, sweetie,” Caylan says with sympathy and great concern.
“Well, I suppose I can’t hide in here all night. Time to face the music. I’m sorry if I ruined everyone’s ev
ening and made it uncomfortable,” I explain as I wipe my face again.
I get a chorus of “Don’t be sorry,” “Our night isn’t ruined,” “We’re on your side,” “We love you,” responses all at once. I love them dearly for being here for me and not judging. There’s no sides in this, though. There’s only right and wrong, and the proposal is so wrong.
“We’ll let you have a few moments alone to collect yourself. It’s gonna be okay,” Addison tries to assure me.
I nod my thanks, and my girlfriends exit the bathroom. I swish some water in my mouth and splash my face with the cool liquid. Screw the ruined makeup, I look my two-days-shy-of-forty-five self anyway.
I’m smoothing some fly-aways in my hair when a svelte blonde with big boobs and a tiny waist walks in sporting the uniform for this place, indicating she works here. Her nametag says Courtney.
I don’t pay her much attention, but she’s standing there staring at me. Do I know her? I don’t believe I do. She looks familiar because I’ve probably seen her working here the times we’ve come in, but she’s never waited on our group that I can recall.
“Since you said no to Caleb’s proposal, thanks for putting him back on the market, hun. I think you’ve got at least twenty years on me in age, so it was smart to give someone else a go at him. He’s better off with someone his own age,” she throws my way.
I’m frozen in place. Unable to speak, move or formulate a comeback. She tore me down in an instant. All my insecurities cave in on me at once—there’s an avalanche occurring, and I’ll be buried alive. This is what I feared everyone would think. I’m certainly not old enough to be his mother, but is that what others see?
Courtney—the bitch—fluffs her high pony tail and flicks it over her shoulder. Then she gives me a serpent’s smile and disappears out the door. I’m left tattered, battered, and bruised with her sickly-sweet, cheap perfume hanging in the air. I reach out to the counter for support and decide I need to throw up again.