by Natalie Ann
He wanted to laugh, but didn’t. He almost turned the light on to look at her face, but didn’t want to embarrass her. He had a feeling she might be close to tears and it was killing him to think that.
Instead, he took matters into his own hands and reached over, then pulled her across his chest. “You’re shivering. Why didn’t you say you were cold?”
She snuggled into his side and then all but crawled on his chest. “I didn’t know I was. You’re hot.”
He laughed. “I’ve heard that before.”
This time she giggled. “I thought we said no comments on other people.”
Leaning down, he kissed her forehead, then ran his hand down her back to her butt, cupping her slightly. She was in one of his T-shirts right now and he liked that. “Very true.”
“I won’t stay here long. Just until I warm up.”
Her voice was already sounding drowsy. He was okay with it. She could stay against him all night if she wanted. If it would relax her.
The only problem was; it was terrifying him. Sure, he’d spent the night with other women before. Some cuddled, some didn’t, and neither bothered him. He’d always been comfortable in his own skin and could adapt to anything for a night.
But having Rene curled against him in comfort, her body sliding into sleep, brought on more than he’d even felt before. More emotions than having a bedmate for a night.
She was there, and she was drawing him deeper into a place he always told himself he’d never go. Now he had to figure out what to do about it.
Stupid Things
A few days later, Cole was getting off of shift and decided to stop in and see Celeste. He hadn’t seen her in several days and he was hungry.
“Hey. Long time no see,” Celeste said when he opened her back door.
Her guests were nowhere in sight, and she was just cleaning up from her baking. She’d start cooking breakfast soon, he knew from experience. “I’ve been busy.”
“Too busy to see your sister? Or too busy getting it on with the woman in your life?”
“You know,” he said wincing, “this is why I stay away. Sometimes you’re just too crude for a woman who won’t even swear. Where do you get that from?”
“You,” she said, walking forward and handing over the mug of coffee she’d been preparing for him. “Take your jacket off and let’s visit. Unless you’re tired and want to go sleep; otherwise I’ll make you some food.”
“No, I’m good for the moment. So what’s new?”
“Nothing here. What’s new with you?”
She started to move around the kitchen, grabbing a pan and opening the fridge. Bacon and eggs, perfect. “Not much here either.”
“Oh please, Cole. Just tell me what’s on your mind.”
“If you think there is something on my mind, then just say it. Isn’t your crystal ball working this morning?”
She snorted at him. “Fine. I’ll take a guess. It’s not hard to figure out. So how are things with Rene?”
He took a sip of his coffee. There was no use denying that was what was bothering him. Before Rene had left on Sunday, he’d convinced her to take a nap with him. She had planned on leaving early, but he wasn’t ready to say goodbye to her yet.
Normally he was in a hurry to move on from someone’s bed the next day, or push them out the door of his own home, but not with Rene. He wasn’t liking the way it made him feel. Or the thoughts filling his head.
“They’re fine.”
“If they were so fine, you wouldn’t be sitting here quiet right now, brooding over something.”
“I’m a little out of my element.” There. He’d said it and the ceiling didn’t come crashing down on him.
She finished up his breakfast, letting him ponder his thoughts in silence, then placed the dish down and sat across from him. “Everyone gets out of their element at some point.”
“I don’t want to, though.”
“We don’t always get what we want, Cole.” He dug into his breakfast and ignored her. “What do you want then?” she asked, letting out a sigh.
“I don’t know,” he said. It was the truth.
“Do you want to go back a few weeks, before you started dating her?”
“No.” Again, the truth. He wouldn’t take back any of the time he’d had with Rene. Not one second, and he couldn’t say that about a lot of people.
“Would you change how things are with the two of you right now?”
“I don’t know.”
He hadn’t talked to Rene in a few days. Not since she kissed him so sweetly before she’d left.
Neither of them planned on napping long, but one thing led to another, a lot of rolling around was done on the bed, then they both collapsed into a deep sleep. By the time he woke up, he only had about an hour to shower and change for work.
Rene ended up staying while he got ready, then he kissed her quickly and they both pulled out of his driveway together.
He’d never had someone stay at his house before he went to work. Part of it felt odd, the other part felt just right. Homey, even. Which was more terrifying than when she lay next to him on Saturday night and he held her while she slept—while he lay there staring at the ceiling trying to figure out what was going on in his life at the moment.
“So what do you know?” Celeste asked him, grinning from ear to ear.
He didn’t like the humor on her face. “That I shouldn’t have stopped by today.”
“Don’t be a brat,” she said. “Cole, Rene is different from anyone else you’ve been with before. We both know that, we’ve talked about it before. It’s only normal to feel some unease.”
“That’s a good word for it.”
“When was the last time you talked to her?”
He hated to admit it’d been almost three days. “Sunday before work.”
“You haven’t stopped in to see her this week? Or called her at all? She hasn’t contacted you?”
“No to all your questions.”
“Ah,” Celeste said. “So you thought you’d give yourself some space and found she may be doing the same, and now it’s eating you alive, isn’t it? You don’t know why she isn’t talking to you either, do you?”
It was exactly that. He needed a day or so to process things better. Then one day turned into two, and when he hadn’t heard from Rene, he figured he’d wait for her to reach out…and here he was Wednesday morning and nothing.
“We aren’t in each other’s back pocket, you know? Don’t tell me you and Caleb talked all the time after a few weeks.”
“Caleb is different. I’m lucky he talks at all. Still, once we started sleeping together, we didn’t go too awfully long with no communication at all.”
There was no use denying Rene and he were sleeping together. No one knew Rene was a virgin, and he wouldn’t bring it up. That’s all his sister needed to know. She’d start to make more out of everything than she was now. Celeste had always been romantic and whimsical, and she’d start to say it was a sign, or heaven forbid, fate.
“And when you did go without communicating, who took the first step?” he asked.
“It was about equal. Sometimes him, sometimes me. We weren’t playing games, but rather feeling each other out. Caleb is a man who needs space, and I was wise enough to give it to him. Rene isn’t that way.”
“Maybe I am,” he said.
“You know you aren’t. Not like Caleb. Not like a lot of men. You keep things light and fun, but you never avoid anyone. I get the feeling you’re avoiding Rene. The question is why?”
He finished up his breakfast, then stood and put his dish in the sink. This was getting deeper than he wanted right now. “I need to get home and sleep, then do some laundry. Thanks for breakfast.”
“Stop over and grab some leftovers later if you’d like. And, Cole, love makes people do some stupid things and act in ways they normally don’t. Just remember that.”
“I’m not in love,” he argued.
See,
whimsical and romantic. Just like Rene tended to be years ago, and he was afraid she might still be.
“But you aren’t acting normal and it seems to me you’re doing something stupid,” she said, grinning from ear to ear.
“What’s that?”
“Giving Rene a chance to think you don’t care when you and I know differently.”
***
“Is Cole working?”
Rene turned her head when Amber stopped her on the way to an exam room. “He goes in tonight, why?”
“My last patient said the State Police chopper just took off in a hurry.”
“Then he’s working right now,” Rene said.
She hoped it didn’t come off short. She hadn’t talked to Cole in days and didn’t know why. Whatever the reason, she was giving him the space he might need.
She wasn’t hurt over it. Not really. She wasn’t thinking that she was too clingy, that she stayed too long on Sunday…leaving when he did. That she was too inexperienced for him or didn’t know how to handle a more serious relationship. Or that it was just a passing fling that wore off and she was too stupid to even recognize that.
No, she’d be crazy to think those things when he’d given her no reason to.
Except right now, she was positive she was certifiably crazy, because every one of those things and a few others had been filling her brain. The more she thought or tried to rationalize it, the worse her imagination got.
“His shift doesn’t start for a few more hours though, right?” Amber asked.
Rene looked at her watch and wondered how Amber knew that. “No. But if the chopper is out, it’s him. He’s the only one who flies.”
Amber nodded. “I’ll see if Ava can find something out. With Max gone, it’s quiet here. I hate when he goes away on vacation. Well, that isn’t true. It’s good because it gives us time to hang out and chat. Not that you’ve been very chatty with us this week.”
Rene had kept her lips sealed the last few days. Yes, it was nice with Max gone and the only things going on were checkups and minor cosmetic office procedures. She was learning all sorts of things, so that was a plus.
Only it left too much time for the girls to chat. Too much time for them ask about her and Cole. Why he wasn’t stopping over to see her at lunch. Why he wasn’t calling her. It was easy enough to say he was sleeping, but by now they weren’t buying it. And neither was she.
“I’m sure you’ll find something out,” Rene said, going into her exam room.
When she came out twenty minutes later, Amber was waiting for her. “There’s been a kidnapping. An Amber Alert for a teenage girl, and they know the guy is heading toward the border and into the mountains. That’s probably why Cole was sent out.”
“Thanks for letting me know,” Rene said, walking into the next exam room. It didn’t matter that her pulse had picked up when she heard he was called in, or that she had more information now. She had to put it all on the back burner and focus on her patient.
But three hours later, she’d eaten dinner and was watching TV and still she couldn’t calm down. She had no clue what was going on. The news wasn’t giving much in the way of an update, other than backup had been called in and they were worried that if they didn’t catch the man now, once he crossed the border he’d be long gone.
When the late news came on and said shots had been fired, the kidnapper had been killed and the teen injured, Rene breathed a small sigh of relief, knowing that Cole would be back at some point.
Now she wished she’d never sent the panicked text earlier saying “Please let me know you’re okay.” He’d probably only get annoyed with her for hovering or clinging.
She crawled into bed and willed herself to sleep. Maybe tomorrow she’d have a better grip on her emotions.
How Does It Feel
Sleep hadn’t helped. Rene was still confused and hurt. She knew Cole had a job. She knew he had a life. She just wished he’d responded back to her text last night with something. Anything.
Maybe he was busy still. Who was she to judge? It’s not like she could stop and text if she were called out in an emergency. Once she reminded herself that, she calmed down. Or maybe not.
Instead she drove into work and got busy, pushing Cole from her mind. So when Ava paged her to say Cole was up front just before her lunch break, she was more annoyed with herself over her excitement. Stupid traitor of a body.
She took a deep breath, composed herself, and walked to the front, shoving back any anxiety or nervousness…even joy. She was going to play it calm, cool, and collected.
“Hey,” he said, looking relaxed. Probably more relaxed than she’d be on a few hours of sleep.
“I thought you’d be sleeping by now,” she said, standing her ground and not moving forward to hug him like she desperately wanted to do. Now she knew she’d overreacted, worrying about him yesterday. He was perfectly fine and not thinking anything about her frantic-filled text.
“I took a quick nap. If I sleep longer than a few hours, then I’ll be up all night. My night rotation is over, so I can get back to a normal routine for a few weeks.
Hmm, maybe that was what this was all about. Now she was feeling completely foolish, overreacting over the last few days. Even the last twenty-four hours. “I heard about yesterday on the news. Well, I actually heard earlier in the day that you were called in.”
“How’d you hear that?” he asked, looking around the waiting room.
“A patient said the chopper took off and I knew it was you.”
“Yeah.” He stopped and glanced over at Ava, who was watching them intently. “Do you have an office we could go to and talk?”
“Sure. Dena and Amber might be in there, though. I share a space with them,” she said, ushering them out of the reception area.
“Oh. Is there somewhere private we could talk?”
She stopped in the hallway. Now she was really starting to sweat. Great. He was going to end things with her, wasn’t he? That stupid text last night had to have been too much for him. She was going to just play it off cool if he brought it up. She was concerned, that’s all. Nothing more.
“Is everything okay?” she asked, calmly.
He looked around, didn’t see anyone, and then said, “Yeah. Sorry I didn’t text you back last night.”
“I figured you were busy flying the chopper,” she said, smirking.
He let out a laugh, his eyes not looking so troubled anymore. “I was. Then by the time we got back, there was paperwork to fill out and then I was sent out on patrol. I never got a break until I was off shift. Then I just went home and crashed. I didn’t even see your message until I got up.”
“No worries,” she said. “I know you’re busy at work, just like me. No different than if I’m called in. I guess with the excitement and buzz on the news and around town, my imagination got the best of me.”
“Were you worried?” he asked.
She was going to lie, but then figured why bother at his point. “A little. I’ll get used to it, I’m sure. Like everything else, it’s all new. But here you are, and hey, it’s my lunchtime,” she said smiling bright. “Can I treat you to lunch?”
He leaned down and gave her a hesitant kiss on the lips, then a brief hug and it felt so right just then. Better than it should feel. “That was going to be my suggestion to you.”
“Hey, there’s the hero,” she heard behind his back. “Come to get a smooch from your girlfriend?”
Rene pulled out of Cole’s arms quick and looked around him to see Amber. “What do you mean by hero?”
“What, Cole didn’t tell you that the kidnapper was shot from the chopper by a sniper?” Amber said. “Boy, Cole, don’t you tell your girlfriend anything?” Amber grinned at them.
“No,” Rene said, looking up at Cole’s face. “The paperwork you were talking about?” she asked, lifting an eyebrow.
“Yeah. I’ll fill you in at lunch. Come on, grab your jacket and let’s go.”
Rene
watched as Cole shot Amber a fast look, but she grabbed her jacket and left.
***
Cole had debated stopping over to see Rene at work, but he didn’t want to wait any longer. Since he knew Max was out of town, he figured it wouldn’t hurt.
He’d avoided her for days and all it did was make him feel guilty. It didn’t change anything at all about the way he was feeling about her. If anything, it made him feel worse that he was looking for things that weren’t there.
Then when he read her text this morning and knew she was worried about him, that just reiterated everything he said he didn’t want in his life. He didn’t want someone worrying about him when he went to work each day. He didn’t want someone wondering when or if he’d be home. He couldn’t bear any more weight on his shoulders.
Yet all those things he didn’t want hadn’t changed a lick of how he was feeling this morning, or his urgency to go see her.
He had no clue how Amber knew the details of the death last night. It wasn’t released to the news outlets, and he’d hoped it hadn’t gotten back to Rene. Or, at the very least, that it could come from him first.
Not that he’d been in danger at all, but he still wanted to feel her out. See how she handled it all.
So far it seemed she wasn’t fazed in the least about their lack of communication the past few days. Then he started to feel foolish that he was stressing so much over it when she wasn’t. Talk about a kick in the balls to his ego.
He couldn’t remember the last time he was in that position. Never, now that he thought about it. He never worried if someone was trying to figure him out, or brushing him off, even making plans in regards to him. Now it seemed that was all he did.
“About last night,” he started to say.
“You shot someone?” she said, her voice cracking.
Great, now he’d have to worry if she’d look at him like he was a killer on top of things. What the hell was going on in his life right now? This worrying shit sucked the big one.