by Natalie Ann
Walking around downstairs, he couldn’t find his phone and realized he must have left it in his room next to his wallet when he went to kiss Rene.
If she’d fallen back to sleep he didn’t want to wake her, so he walked as quietly as he could and eased the door open. Surprisingly she wasn’t in bed, but the bathroom door was shut.
He turned to leave, then stopped when he heard her voice, low, but not low enough. “Don’t you dare have two lines. Don’t show up. Please don’t show!”
What the hell? For the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what she was talking about and decided maybe he shouldn’t intrude.
He took another step toward the door and heard her screeching, “Shit! Are you kidding me?”
He started to laugh. He’d never heard her swear before, but when he heard her crying he realized something was truly wrong.
Rushing toward the door, he pulled it open without even knocking and saw her sitting on the lid of the toilet, her head in her hands, bawling her eyes out. “Cole! What are you doing here?”
“Are you okay? I came to get my wallet and heard you swear. You’re crying. What’s wrong?” His eyes moved to the sink and he saw the pregnancy test sitting there and felt his heart sink, then the color drain from his face.
“I’m so sorry. I messed up. I’m always messing up. Why can’t I do anything right?” she wailed and buried her face in her hands.
He was starting to sweat now, but pushed it aside. Part of him was shocked, the other part hurt. She was obviously pregnant with his child and she was crying her eyes out over it. Not in joy, either.
“Come here,” he said, pulling her up and hugging her.
“I can’t believe I messed up. I don’t know what I did wrong. I’ve never missed a pill a day in my life. I’m not on any other medications, either. Why do bad things always happen to me? Why can’t I get anything right in my life?”
Yep, there was the hurt again. Bad things?
He eased her into the bedroom and sat on the bed, pulling her onto his lap. “We did this together. I’m guessing you’re pregnant?” he asked, wanting clarification.
“Yes!” She started to sniffle and buried her face in his chest this time. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. How late are you?”
“Four days. But I’m never late. Ever. Ever.”
“Can that be a false positive?” He’d heard of that before, right? Wasn’t that a thing? He wasn’t sure he wanted her to say yes, though.
“I don’t think it is. Trust me.” She dropped her head back and groaned. “I’m an educated medical professional. How does this happen?”
“Things happen, Rene.” He almost said, “Mistakes happen” but caught himself. No child could be a mistake, planned or not.
“I’ve been on the pill for years for medical purposes. I told you that. This is the first time I’ve been even a day late, let alone four. I just kept hoping I’d get it, and then yesterday decided I’d better take a test.”
“How long have you been on the pill?” he asked, confused over what she just said.
“Since I was a teen. Just low—” She dropped her head down and screeched. “Low dose. Damn it. Lose dose! I was low dose because it wasn’t for birth control but cysts. Why didn’t I remember that? Why didn’t I think of that?”
“Because sometimes we don’t think of everything.” He pulled her close. “Take a deep breath. It’s going to be fine.”
“You need to go to work or you’re going to be late.”
He choked back a laugh. “You can’t drop this bombshell on me and expect me to just go to work. I’m staying here with you.”
“But you’ll get in trouble. I don’t want you to get in trouble.”
He lifted her chin and kissed her tear-streaked cheek. “I’ve never used a sick day. I think I’m entitled to a mental health one today. Lie back down while I go make the call. Then I’ll climb in bed with you and we can just hold each other.”
“What good is that going to do?” she asked, making a disgusting sniffling sound.
Damned if he knew, but it felt like the thing to say. Hell, it felt like what he wanted and needed right now. “Comfort, Rene. Let’s just lie here and rest and relax. Okay? We can talk if you want, or we can sleep. We can do whatever you want.”
“I want to cry.”
Pain in his chest again, but he pushed it back. “You already are.”
“I’m sorry,” she said again. “You must think I’m a horrible person to feel this way. Women around the world would be thrilled.”
“It’s a shock. To both of us. Maybe once you calm down, you can feel a bit thrilled, too.”
She snorted. “Don’t know about that. At least not today.”
“Lie down. Let me make a call, and I’ll get undressed and lie with you. It’s going to be fine.”
He wasn’t sure if he said that for her or for himself.
***
They both ended up falling back to sleep. Rene cried herself to sleep, then woke up first and wanted to bang her head against the wall. Talk about doing something wrong. Her reaction was horrible.
There was Cole, trying to calm her—even though she’d seen how white his face was—and she was talking about how horrible it was she was pregnant with his child.
She knew she needed to do some fast talking. The only problem was, she was never good at it.
She ran her hand down his arm and back, trying to wake him. She was better at talking from the heart and being honest. If it came out bad or wrong, at least she could try to explain herself now.
“I’m sorry, Cole, for reacting that way,” she said when he opened his eyes.
“It’s a bit of shock.”
“Yeah, but some of the things I said could have been insulting. At least in your eyes. That wasn’t my intent. I was only thinking of myself and that was wrong.”
“You’re right on both counts. They were insulting and you weren’t thinking of me.” That didn’t make her feel any better. Tears started to fill her eyes and she went to get up, but he reached out and pulled her back. “No, don’t leave. We’re going to talk honestly now. We have a child on the way and we have to be mature about this. Let’s get all the immature stuff out of the way.”
“That’s harsh,” she said.
“Is it? You don’t think I’m not stunned? You don’t think I’m not scared?”
“You? You aren’t scared of anything. You’re not the one going through this,” she said.
“There you go again, making assumptions. I’m not physically going through it, no, but I’m not leaving your side either. We’re in this together.”
Her heart started to race, not sure what he meant by that. “Okay. I like to plan things. I need to make a doctor’s appointment first, then go from there.”
“I’d like to go with you to the appointment.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s my child, too.”
At least he wasn’t running screaming from the room, like she pretty much wanted to do. “I’ll see what appointments are available.”
“I want you to move in here.”
“No,” she said.
He lifted his eyebrow. “I want to be there to help you. I can’t do that if we aren’t living together.”
“It’s too early. What will people say?”
“Does it matter what they say? You’re pregnant, end of story.”
“Not yet. I’m not ready to move in yet.”
“Then I guess you’re not going to like my next thought.”
“What’s that?” she asked slowly.
“Marriage.”
“You’re joking, right?”
“You don’t have to look appalled. Back to insulting me.”
“Cole, we’ve barely been together three months. Again, what will people think?”
“They’re going to think you’re pregnant and I’m doing the right thing and taking responsibility for it.”
“No. In this day and
age you don’t need to get married just because you’re pregnant. That’s not the marriage I want. No. Not doing it,” she said firmly.
His face turned hard, his eyes like steel. She probably insulted him again, but darn it, it was her life, too. “What do you want then?” he asked.
“I don’t know.”
“That’s not helping me, Rene. I’m trying to help. I need to do something. I need to help.”
“You did something already. You knocked me up.” Her hand flew to her mouth. “I didn’t just say that.”
He laughed. “Yeah, you did. And yeah, I did.” He pulled her close. “We’ll table this conversation. I’m behind you one hundred percent in raising this child. Just know that.” Then he pulled back. “You are keeping our child, right?”
“Of course I am,” she said, all indignant.
“Well, you were the one wailing over it earlier.”
“I was in shock. I’m still in shock.” She put her hand to her stomach. “But this is my baby. No, our baby. Our child. And that’s all I know at the moment.”
Get a Grip
“Sorry about the timing of this,” Rene said when Cole met her at the doctor’s two and a half weeks later. “I’m sure you’re tired and need to sleep.”
He was tired and got stuck at work later than normal, but he wasn’t missing this appointment, either. He’d barely had enough time to go home, shower, change, and drive here. “I’ll sleep after. No worries.”
He reached his hand out to hers and laced their fingers together in the parking lot. Early May still had some briskness to the air, but it felt good at the moment.
“I appreciate it,” she said, looking down.
“Is everything okay?”
Since she’d said she was pregnant, she’d been acting different around him and he wasn’t sure what was going on. The only thing they’d agreed on was that they weren’t going to tell anyone about the pregnancy just yet. Otherwise, they’d been going on like normal, or so he thought.
“Yes.”
“Why don’t I believe you? Do you feel okay?”
Since he was into his nights again, they hadn’t seen much of each other, so he could only go by what she’d said the few times he managed to see her quickly on a break. This was part of the reason he wanted her to move in with him. So he could see for himself.
“I feel good. Just tired. Maybe a little emotional.”
His ear perked up. “Why? Tell me.”
“Hormones, Cole. Nothing more.”
“Are you sure?” He needed to know. If there was something he could do, he was going to do it.
“I’m positive and it’s nothing you can fix, so get that thought out of your head. Living with you isn’t going to make me less emotional. It might make me more with your pestering.”
He forced a grin. He’d kept bringing up their living situation, but she was having none of it right now and he hated it. But he couldn’t force her, he knew that. He was starting to realize the more he brought it up, the more she was digging her feet in the sand.
They made their way into the doctor’s office. He took a seat while she checked in and then returned with a clipboard for paperwork. She filled out everything, then handed it to him. “What’s this for?”
“They want information on you. You know, the father,” she whispered.
“Oh.” He grabbed it, read through and filled out what he could remember.
About ten minutes went by while Cole sat there squirming. He’d never liked going to a doctor’s office before. It wasn’t like he had a phobia of them; he’d spent enough time in them with Celeste. It was just nothing good or happy ever seemed to come out of them for him.
“Rene Buchanan.”
She stood up and turned to him. “Are you coming in with me?”
“Can I?” he asked. He wanted to, but didn’t want to be too pushy. He knew he had been lately and she wasn’t so thrilled over it.
“If you want. I mean, if you want to be there.”
“I do,” he said, standing up with her and carrying the clipboard with him.
“Let’s get you on the scale right now,” the nurse said.
“Don’t look,” Rene told him.
“Seriously? I bench press more than you weigh. Get a grip.”
The nurse giggled at him. “That’s kind of sweet. Most spouses start picking on their wives at this point.”
He looked at her to see if Rene would deny they were married, but she didn’t. He didn’t know what to make of it, and chose to push it aside. It was probably nothing.
After her weight and height had been documented, they were ushered into an exam room. “Bathroom is through the door. We need a urine sample, and then you can undress from the waist down. The opening goes in the back, and there is a sheet right on the bed to cover yourself with.”
Rene’s face turned red, his probably wasn’t much better. “I can leave if you want,” he said after the nurse walked out.
“Your choice. Since you helped get me in this condition, I don’t think it’d be a big surprise that you were in the room.”
“Yeah, but I’m not used to having an audience when I’m with a woman and she is partially dressed.”
“Are you blushing, Cole? Isn’t that so sweet.” She gave him a kiss and a quick hug. It made up for the testiness she’d been giving him lately. Not that he didn’t have it coming, because he figured he did. Which was why he was trying to watch what he said right now.
Too many years of his parents arguing, his father never listening, and his mother crying over being alone kept popping into his head. If he’d learned one thing, it was to back off before it got to the crying point. That’s what he was doing.
Rene was situated on the exam table, a sheet over her lap, and he was in a chair up by her head. He wanted no part of the seat that gave him a view down below.
The doctor came in, an older man, but not so old he looked like he needed to retire. Questions were asked, vitals were looked at, and everything seemed to be going smoothly.
“If you’re positive on the last date of your menstrual cycle then I’d say you are close to seven week’s gestation. But lie back so I can have a look. Maybe we’ll hear the baby’s heartbeat today, too.”
Cole watched as the doctor sat on a stool to the side of Rene, then felt himself blush when a long wand was pulled out, a condom put on it and then lubricant. What the heck was going on? He started looking for a fast exit.
Rene reached over and grabbed his hand, giving it a little squeeze. “Relax, don’t be jealous.” He burst out laughing. “You’re enough for me.”
The doctor laughed too. “You’re the first woman I’ve ever heard say that before. Good for you.” The doctor turned to Cole. “This won’t hurt her in the least.”
Shit, he hadn’t even been thinking of that and now he was. Maybe he should go out and get his badge, just to let the doctor know he’d better not hurt her. A little intimidation never hurt.
When Rene jerked up a bit, he went to stand, but she gripped his hand. “It’s just cold, Cole. Relax, you don’t need your gun.”
Damn her for knowing what he was thinking.
The doctor stopped and looked up quickly.
“Ignore Cole,” Rene said. “He’s in law enforcement and is a bit overprotective.”
“You’re not the first overprotective father I’ve had. But it’s the first time the mother had to stop him from getting a gun.”
The doctor went back to his exam, moving around and pointing out objects on the screen which really didn’t mean much to him other than it looked like a blob. But it was his blob and that meant something.
“Let’s see if we can hear the heartbeat.”
A minute later there was a faint noise, but it was enough. Enough for him to look over at Rene and see the tears in her eyes, matching the ones gathering in his.
***
Back in the parking lot, Rene stopped at his truck, gave him a big hug and kiss and said, “All good?�
�
“Yeah. Better than good.”
“Me too,” she said. “I’m still scared and nervous, and since I know all the things that could go wrong this early, it’s probably worse for me, but it’s exciting, too.”
“What could go wrong?” he asked, looking panicked.
So stupid to say that to him. He’d already been hovering over her nonstop and she had to go put her foot in her mouth with that statement. “Don’t worry about it.”
“I am. Now more so. You’ve got to have a book on this. Give it to me.”
She laughed. “No. It will only drive you insane and that will only drive me more insane. So, no.”
“Rene—”
“No. And no, I’m not moving in with you either. Don’t ask again.”
He was really adorable when he was frustrated. Especially when he ran his hand through his hair like he was now, along with his jaw tightening.
“Can we get dinner tonight?”
“If you’d like. I can cook and we can talk. But no talks about moving in or anything like that.”
“What are we going to talk about?”
“Anything but the baby. What did we talk about before the baby?” she asked, tilting her head at him.
“Stuff. Sometimes we did more rolling around on the bed than talking.”
“Yep, and I expect that tonight, too,” she said, smiling at him. She didn’t know why he was keeping his hands off of her lately and figured they’d better nip it in the bud now.
“I don’t want to hurt you or the baby,” he said.
That was what she figured was the problem. “You won’t. But I will hurt you if you think I’m not having sex for the entire time of this pregnancy.”
His lips quirked a bit. “That’s good to know. Not sure I could last, either. Of course, we know there are other things we could do.”
“No. I’ve spent too much of my life doing other things. I want the real deal now.”
That smile again. The one that told her maybe the two of them could be back to the way things were before they conceived a child. Back to the fun and games and carefree relationship they’d had.
She wasn’t stupid. She knew it could never go back fully. Too much had changed. Too much was going to continue to change. But going back a little like before would be a step in the right direction for both of them.