by Lea Hart
Letting out a bitter laugh, she shook her head. “Not for long. I’m going to reel all those feelings in and stomp on them until they disappear.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want a relationship with a man who disrespects me.”
“I understand, and I’m sorry. But we have to find a way to work through this.”
“You want me to forgive you and move forward.”
“Yes, God damn it.”
“Fine. If you can do the same with me.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“In the very near future, I will allow myself the same indiscretion you just enjoyed. If it doesn’t bother you, then I’ll be open to talking.”
“That’s crazy.”
“Maybe, but it’s my only offer. You want me to me to forgive you, no questions asked, then get ready because I’m going to ask the same of you.”
“Fuck, Kelly, how the hell am I supposed to handle that?”
“Not sure you can.” She looked him over and felt sick to her stomach. “I just did and feel like throwing up.” Running her hand over her stomach, she let her shoulders fall. “I will not consider resuming our relationship until you get to experience the joy I just did.”
She walked into the bathroom and picked up his dopp kit and threw it at him. “I’m going to take a shower and expect you to be gone when I get out.”
“I’ll just sleep on the sofa.”
“No.”
“Kelly, I’m not going to be an asshole.”
“Either you find another room, or I will.”
“I hate this shit.”
“Me too, Cole. I didn’t go looking for my boyfriend tonight and expect to see his hands on someone else. It hasn’t been a fun week, and I was looking forward to spending time together and relaxing.” She ran her hand over her leg and felt herself choke up. A tear slipped out, and she lifted her chin. “You don’t get to break me, Cole.”
“Kelly, I love you, and that’s the last thing I want to do.”
“It’s probably too late.” Clearing her throat, she straightened her shoulders. “I’ll see you back in Vegas.”
“You don’t want to drive home with me?”
“No, thanks.” Another tear streaked down her cheek. “Goodbye, Cole.” She closed the bathroom door and locked it. Turning on the water, she hoped it would drown out the sound of her crying.
Why the hell she picked the men she did was a damn mystery she’d like to solve.
She got rid of her clothes and stepped into the shower, letting the water rain down on her head. As the enclosure steamed up, she started to picture what her life was going to be like without Cole in it and wondered if it wasn’t time to go back to Kansas City.
She knew in her heart that Cole couldn’t handle seeing her in another man’s lap, and she didn’t really want to bother looking for one who’d play along with the sham. Letting out a choked sob, she rested her head against the wall and decided her brilliant idea sucked and she’d be better off spending her energy on getting over Cole.
Because there was no way this shit was going to work itself out.
No way at all.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Cole walked into Bluenote Tattoo and saw Joe, his tattoo guy, finishing with a customer. He’d been home from Bakersfield for two weeks and still hadn’t managed a face-to-face with Kelly. She was ghosting his ass, and he didn’t know how long she planned on keeping it up.
He took a seat in the lounge and pulled out his phone, sending his usual afternoon text, hoping that today was the day she’d decide to work things out.
When he got no response, he shoved his phone into his pocket and crossed his arms. “Maybe tomorrow,” he said silently.
“What’s that?” Zach asked as he walked in with Seth.
Looking up, he gave both his brothers a nod. “Nothing, just talking to myself.”
“You’ve been doing a lot of that lately,” Seth commented as he collapsed into a seat.
Before he could respond, Joe walked over and took a seat. “So, what are the McCallan brothers having done today?”
“I’ve got a new piece that I want to have done over my chest,” Cole said as he pulled a paper out of his pocket.
Zach grabbed the paper and studied it. “Are you sure about this?”
Cole snatched it back and handed it to Joe. “Absodamnlutely.”
“This is serious shit,” Joe commented.
“Considering she’ll eventually carry my name, it sure as hell is.”
Seth leaned over and looked at the drawing and whistled. “You are taking this to a whole new level.”
“Go big, or stay the fuck out of the game,” Cole responded.
Standing, Joe gave the three brothers a grin. “Come on back and let’s do it.”
“You sure about this?” Zach asked. “She hasn’t spoken to you since you guys got back from Bakersfield. She may never get over it, and then you’re stuck.”
“I don’t care if it takes the rest of my life to convince her we belong together. She’s the only one I want, and eventually, she’ll understand that.”
“Hope to hell you’re right,” Seth said as he walked toward the back of the shop.
Cole pressed his hand to the plastic covering his new tattoo and then slipped on his shirt. Catching a glance of himself in the mirror, he nodded and told himself he was on the right track. Kelly wasn’t going to take his words seriously unless his actions followed, and what he’d just done was a way to show her how serious he was.
“You ready to hit it?” Zach asked.
“Yeah.” He buttoned his shirt and then saw a piece of plastic covering his brother’s neck. “Did you add to the piece you had or start something new?”
“Just added some details to the piece I had. It came out pretty cool, and I’ll show you tomorrow at the office.”
“Sounds good. Is Seth almost done?”
“Should be waiting for us out front. Where are we going to eat?”
“Want to hit Gordon Biersch?”
“Works for me.”
Cole followed his brother and let his hand trace over his new piece, allowing himself a moment to think about the moment he’d show it to Kelly. God willing, she’d see it for what it was and know he meant to make things work.
Cole set down his beer glass and then leaned his elbows on the table. “Have either of you talked to Dad or Uncle Shane?”
“I checked in with Uncle Shane the other day,” Zach responded. “He said Dad was starting to settle in and seemed to be more lucid than he has been in years.”
“Probably the longest time he’s been without a drink in thirty years,” Seth said as he picked at the fries on his plate. “Bet he’s the same angry asshole, though.”
“He sure was during my visit,” Cole said as he sat back. “Are you two ready to hear something shocking?”
“Sure,” they responded in unison.
“I’ve decided to forgive him for the piece of shit he was and do my best to let go of all the resentment I’ve carried around for over twenty years. I let his crap poison my mind and screwed up the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“So…he gets a free pass for the shit he did?” Zach asked.
“No, according to Kelly, forgiving is not forgetting; it’s letting go of the anger and resentment you carry around because of someone’s else’s words or actions. Jack McCallan is paying the price for the life he led, and the three of us don’t need to.”
Seth nodded and then finished off his beer. “It’s a hell of a lot healthier than holding onto it.”
Zach ran his hand over his glass and then looked up. “How the hell do we break genetics and not carry this shit into the next generation?”
“Maybe by having conversations like this. All three of us made it through the Marines, and there’s no way that could’ve happened if we didn’t have our heads on straight.”
Seth snorted. “There were a lot of c
razy dudes I served with, so let’s come up with another theory.”
“True that,” Zach responded.
“Well…we have a successful company and haven’t done jail time,” Cole said as he signaled the waiter for another round. “Aunt Colleen told me some stuff about Mom, and it’s got me spooked because I wonder if one of us could eventually suffer from the same thing.” He ran his hand over the table and looked at Seth. “You’ve been in touch with her…is she…relatively sane?”
“I’ve only had a couple of very short conversations with her. She always jumps off the call as soon as she can, and I think facing the fact that she abandoned her kids is too much for her to handle.”
“Let’s assume since we’ve all made it into our thirties that we’re in the clear,” Zach commented as the waiter dropped off their new round of drinks.
“Damn straight,” Cole said as he lifted his glass and tipped it against his brothers’ glasses. He knew it was time to let the worry go about his mom’s sanity because there was nothing he could do about it. His best option was to let it rest and focus on the important thing, and that was getting Kelly to forgive him, so they could move forward.
Because one way or another, he was going to get his queen back to the damn castle.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Cole stood in the hall and watched Kelly sit on the corner of Terrence’s desk and wondered if she was going to cross the line and finally allow him to experience what she did. They were now in week four of the standoff, and he wanted it to end.
Not only did he miss the shit out of his girlfriend, but he fucking loved her beyond reason and couldn’t stand not being in her company. She had refused every invitation he extended, so when Jared told him the software she’d installed was malfunctioning, he knew it was the opening he needed.
Unfortunately, she had been avoiding him since she arrived, and he was about to make sure that shit ended the moment she was done with Terrence.
He rested against the wall and watched her long leg swing back and forth as she leaned forward. “Do it, babe; just get this over with,” he whispered. Desperation clung to his chest as he watched her and when she leaned back and then stood, he felt like yelling.
Torture.
Plain and simple.
Why wouldn’t she just put him out of his misery?
She walked out of Terrence’s office and headed in his direction. “No more hiding,” he murmured. When she stopped in front of him, he fisted his hands, so he wouldn’t pull her into his arms and hold her until she gave him another chance. “Hi, babe.”
“Cole.”
The fake smile she gave him almost killed him, but he rallied and didn’t react. “Dinner tonight?”
“No, thanks, I have plans.”
“Who the hell with?”
“Not your business.”
Grinding his teeth, he took her hand and led her into his office, closing the door soundly. “Cut the shit, Kelly. This is not part of the deal.”
“And what deal is that?”
He stepped into her personal space and rested his hands on her shoulders. “We’re together, despite the roadblock we’ve hit. It’s been long enough, and I’m asking you just to pick someone and get this over with.”
“I’ve told you several times that I’m not interested in going through with it. Why you choose to ignore that is not my concern.”
“If you don’t, then we can’t move forward, so I’m begging you for the love of all that is good and right to please do it.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Too fucking bad, it was your idea, and now you need to follow through.”
“No.”
Letting out a frustrated growl, he leaned against his desk. “Then come up with something else that will allow you to forgive me.”
She lifted her hand and checked her watch. “I have to go.”
‘What the hell is more important than working this out?”
“I have a tennis date with Lawrence.”
“Fuck, I hate that guy.”
“Roll around in that feeling and then multiply it by fifty and you’ll have a flavor of the joy you gave me in Bakersfield.” She turned and walked toward the door. “See ya.”
“This discussion isn’t over.”
When she walked out without responding, he dropped his head. “There has to be a better way.”
***
Cole sat in his truck across from Kelly’s house and knew waiting for her and Lawrence to return from their tennis game might not be the best solution he’d ever dreamed up.
Unfortunately, it was all he’d come up with.
Tapping his fingers against the steering wheel, he tried to take deep breaths and think of something he could say to convince Kelly to forgive him. Since she wasn’t willing to go through with her tit for tat plan, she had to be willing to try something else.
Leaning forward, he looked out his windshield and saw Kelly walking hand in hand with Lawrence. “Hell, no,” he muttered quietly as his stomach roiled up.
His girl was holding another man’s hand, not to give him a dose of his own medicine, but because she wanted to.
How the hell was that possible?
Feeling rage boil in his gut, he instantly comprehended what she had experienced when she discovered Danielle on his lap and, for the first time, fully appreciated how she felt.
How the fuck he did that to her was inconceivable.
She was his heart and soul, and he allowed a thoughtless moment to cost him her trust. Bowing his head in surrender, he let the shame wash over him.
Hearing Kelly’s voice, he lifted his head slowly and saw Lawrence’s ecstatic expression. “Enjoy it, sucker, because it’s not going to last another minute.” Putting his hand on the door, he jumped out and stormed across the street. “Kelly!”
Her eyes flew up, and she put her hand against her chest. “Cole, what are you doing here?”
“Making sure Lawrence doesn’t get any stupid ideas.”
“Now, see here…” Lawrence sputtered.
Putting his hand up, he pushed past him and took Kelly’s hand. “I get it; I really fucking get it. I know you have no reason to forgive me, but I’m begging you to because you are the only one in the world for me.”
“Cole…”
“She’s not interested,” Lawrence said caustically.
Spinning around, Cole got in his face. “If I were you, I’d leave. It’s never a good idea to get between me and my woman.”
“You can’t show up and bully her. I won’t have it.”
Kelly put her hand on Lawrence’s arm, and Cole gritted his teeth. “We have some things to work out, and I’d appreciate it if you would leave so we can.” The words felt like rocks in his mouth, but he knew that if he didn’t rein it in, then his problems would get much bigger.
Scowling, Lawrence took Kelly’s hand. “It’s up to you, darling. I’ll stay as long as you need me.”
“I appreciate it, but perhaps it’s best if I speak with Cole.”
“Are you sure?”
Kelly looked up at Cole and nodded. “Yes. I appreciate your gallantry, but I’m fine.”
Cole gave Lawrence a nod and tried not to gloat. Keeping his mouth shut, he stepped back and watched Kelly give him a warning glare as she walked past him, leading Lawrence to his car. He folded his hands over his chest and took deep breaths as she gave the man a kiss on his cheek.
Tamping down his desire to pummel him, he tried to think calming thoughts and failed miserably. Letting his hands go, he looked up to the sky and asked for divine guidance in helping him find a way to fix things.
Kelly walked back slowly, and he couldn’t tell where her head was at. Was she angry, defeated, or just too tired of his ass to care about any of it? “Kelly, I…”
She put up her hand and walked past him, opening the front door. “We’ve given the neighbors enough of a show; let’s talk inside.”
Nodding, he walked past her and hiked up
the stairs. Looking around, he saw a picture of them was still on the bookcase and decided to take it as a good sign.
Kelly walked into the kitchen and grabbed two bottles of water and handed him one. “That was quite a show.”
“Didn’t mean it to be one. I’m desperate and want to fix things.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you and will not rest until we’re back together.”
Slumping onto a stool at the island, she set her water down. “Cole…”
“You told me how important forgiveness is, and I’m asking you to follow your own advice and please forgive me.” He set down the bottle of water and started unbuttoning his shirt.
“Cole, seeing your chest is not going to help.”
“I want to show you something that will hopefully show you that I mean what I say. He slipped the dress shirt off his shoulders and watched her eyes dilate. At least she still found him attractive. Taking a step closer, he took her hand and put it over his new tat. “Your name is over my heart since you own it.”
“Oh, Cole…”
“Do you like it?”
“It’s beautiful.” She traced her fingers over the king and queen chess pieces with their names and then looked up. “Putting my name on your body is crazy.”
“No, it’s not. You are the queen of my heart, and it’s never going to change.” He covered her hand and held it securely against his chest. “I let my demons get ahold of me in Bakersfield, and I’m sorrier than words can say. It will never happen again, and I ask for a chance to prove it to you.”
She leaned her head against his chest, and he let out a breath. “Please.”
“How do I know you won’t act out again?”
He lifted her face and felt a tear slip down his face. “Because what I feel for you no longer scares me…it strengthens me. I’m not running from what we have; I’m holding onto it and allowing it to make me stronger.”
“I want to try, but…”
“What can I do or say so you give me another chance?”
“Promise on your life you will never cheat. If you want out, then use your words.”