by Mia Ross
Well-and-truly amazed, she whispered, “You’re serious.”
“Yeah, I am. Muffin.”
Rolling her eyes, she laughed at his latest attempt at a nickname for her. “Try again.”
“Puddin’.”
“What’s with the food names?” she asked as she closed and locked the door.
“I’m starving. I got up late and had to pick between breakfast and shining my shoes.”
Ruthy wouldn’t open the diner until noon, but her ever-popular Sunday brunch was already in progress. Caty grabbed a fresh blueberry muffin from one of the cooling racks and handed it to him. “Eat fast.”
Four bites was all it took, and he managed those while opening her door and starting his truck.
“That’s incredible,” she commented while they drove to church at the snail’s pace speed limit.
“I love blueberry muffins.”
Caty made a mental note to ask Ruthy for the recipe. Then again, she thought, considering her own lack of finesse with all things culinary, she’d do better to buy them already made. Matt would probably prefer to enjoy them without risk of food poisoning.
“After I talked to you yesterday, I went out by that old oak tree.” He parked the truck, then turned to her. “I sat there a long time, and I think I figured out what all us Sawyers have in common.”
“What did you come up with?”
“Love. We love each other, even though we make each other crazy. We also love that farm, because it’s just as much a part of our family as any person ever was. That’s why we’re all killing ourselves to hang on to it.”
“Good job,” she approved, patting his cheek. “You got it.”
“There’s one more thing we all love. Even the kids and Tucker.”
He’d solved her riddle, so this other thing was something she hadn’t considered. “Really? What’s that?”
Leaning in, he brushed his lips over hers and smiled. “You.”
It was easy to return both the smile and the kiss. “And I love all of you. I just have one question.”
“Shoot.”
“Does this mean you’re staying here in Harland?”
The long, promising kiss he gave her was all the answer she needed.
* * *
Matt made it through the entire service without squirming once. He held the hymnal between them, and Caty noticed his voice got stronger with each song. When they came to “Old Rugged Cross,” his baritone rang out loud and clear. She recalled it being one of Ethan’s favorites, and she could feel him there with his son, bursting with pride.
Matt’s presence didn’t go unnoticed in the small congregation. Pastor Charles, bless him, didn’t single Matt out, but he smiled in their direction several times. There was a warm, generous vibe in the little white church that morning, and Caty suspected Matt was drinking it in the same way she was.
It was a cool morning, so the back doors were closed. One of them creaked as it opened, and Caty glanced back to see who was coming in. She didn’t know the man, but he looked vaguely familiar. While she was trying to place him, she noticed the horrified look on Ruthy’s face. When the woman’s eyes connected with hers, Caty knew who he was.
Brian Jameson.
Her heart jumped into her throat, and she felt her face burning with embarrassment as she faced forward. Ruthy had recognized him instantly. How many other people had, too? Matt reached for her hand, but she yanked it away and shifted as far from him as she could without crushing Lisa.
Sighing, he folded his hands and let them dangle in front of him. When the service was finally over, Caty bolted out the side door without a word to anyone. Matt had the sense to let her go, but he easily caught up with her outside. She couldn’t outrun him in her pretty new shoes, but she refused to even look at him.
“Just talk to the man,” he said quietly. “He came all the way here from Raleigh to see you.”
“How dare you,” she spat, whirling around to glare up at him for all she was worth. “You knew how I felt, why I felt that way, and you went behind my back to find him. It was my decision, Matthew, not yours.”
To her astonishment, he didn’t retaliate. Didn’t tell her she was being foolish or immature, which even in her state she fully recognized. He didn’t say a word, leaving her wide-open to keep on going.
“Is this why you came to pick me up?” she asked. “So I couldn’t leave?”
“That would’ve been pretty clever, but no, I didn’t plan it that way.” His eyes were locked with hers, and she saw he was telling the truth.
“Why would you do it at church, of all places?” she demanded, sweeping a hand at the crowd of people, who were clearly eavesdropping while trying to look as if they weren’t listening.
“Oh, I don’t know.” Folding his arms, he gave her a look that was something between a scowl and a smile. “I thought it might keep you from making a scene.”
“I haven’t even started making a scene!” When she heard herself shouting, she took a long breath to cool her temper. “Why is my meeting him so important to you?”
“I’d give anything to talk to my father again,” he said in a quiet voice filled with remorse. “I didn’t want you to regret never knowing yours.”
I wouldn’t, she wanted to snarl, but she wasn’t sure it was the truth. Brian’s unexpected appearance had unnerved her so completely, she felt as if her world had flipped upside down. That seemed to be happening to her a lot lately, and she’d had more than enough of it.
“How on earth did you find him?” she asked.
“Started with the address on that letter he sent you. His folks still live there, and they got me in touch.”
“The envelope burned up in the fire,” she pointed out.
When Matt just tapped his temple, she fought the overwhelming urge to find a stepladder and strangle him.
“I do not want to talk to him now,” she seethed, glimpsing him out of the corner of her eye.
“Fine,” Matt agreed tersely. “What about me?”
“Don’t push it, Sawyer.”
With that, she gathered up what was left of her dignity and stalked away. The fact that no one stopped her to talk told her they all knew perfectly well who their Sunday visitor was. Caty couldn’t decide if she was more furious with Brian for being there, with Matt for arranging it, or with herself for being such a horrible coward.
She dreaded the first time someone got up the nerve to ask her about her father. It would be sooner rather than later, she knew. In Harland, this kind of drama wouldn’t stay under wraps for long. Half expecting Matt to pull alongside her in his truck and offer her a ride back to the diner, she mentally prepared a scathing reply. When he didn’t, she was kind of disappointed.
Of course, if he did happen to show up right now, they’d just resume their pointless argument where they’d left off. She couldn’t blame him for staying out of firing range.
* * *
Matt knew he’d blown it, big-time.
Angry wasn’t the word for how Caty had looked at him. He wasn’t sure there even was a word for it, but he wasn’t in a hurry to see that expression again anytime soon. His first assessment of her all those weeks ago had been dead-on. She was a real handful.
Then again, he mused with a grin, that was part of her charm.
Right now, Brian Jameson was standing alone beside a tree, watching his daughter all but run away from him. Bracing himself for a difficult conversation, Matt strolled over, hoping he looked friendly and unconcerned.
“Matt Sawyer,” he said, offering his hand. “Good to meet you.”
With a half smile, Brian shook his hand. “Thanks. I think you’re the only person here who feels that way.”
“Don’t worry abou
t them. They’re just nosy.”
Motioning toward a secluded picnic table, Matt led Brian away from the people milling around the church entrance, trying to get a look at him without appearing to gawk. Brian relaxed a little but didn’t sit down, so Matt remained standing.
The poor guy looked completely miserable. “I shouldn’t have come.”
“When we talked, you said you’d think about calling her,” Matt pointed out as patiently as he could.
“I know, but I was afraid she’d just hang up on me. This was so much better,” he added in a sarcastic tone that instantly reminded Matt of Caty.
“I’m curious about something,” Matt began. When Brian nodded, he continued. “Why didn’t you go see her when her mother died?”
All the color drained from his face, and the man sank to the bench as if someone had sucker punched him. “Lynn is gone? When? What happened?”
“Caty was nine, and it was a car crash.” Feeling like the grim reaper, Matt sat down opposite his guest. “They were in Raleigh at the time, so it must’ve been in the papers.”
“I was traveling for work a lot back then. My parents probably didn’t mention it, thinking it would upset me. Even after all that happened, she meant the world to me,” he added eagerly, his expression begging for understanding.
“What about your wife?”
He sighed. “Not so much. We divorced just after Caitlin was born.”
Matt was dying to know how this seemingly decent man rationalized cheating on his wife and fathering a child with another woman. Unfortunately, it wasn’t any of his business.
“You’re welcome to come out to the farm for lunch if you want,” he said.
“No, I should get going.” Taking out his wallet, Brian handed him a business card. “Please tell Caitlin she can call me anytime. If she wants to see me, I’ll gladly come back,” he added in a shaky voice.
Matt noticed he used her full name. That was probably how he’d thought of her all these years. His little Caitlin, wrapped in a pink blanket, growing up without him. “I’ll do that. And I’m sorry if I made a mess of things.”
“You didn’t,” Brian assured him with a sad smile. “I managed that all on my own. But that’s not Caitlin’s fault, and I’d love to get to know her if she’ll let me. She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
“Yeah, she is. Inside and out.”
Pride filled Brian’s green eyes, and they glinted with tears. “I’ve missed so much with her. I’d hate to miss any more.”
“Give her time to think it through. She’ll come around.”
As Brian walked toward his car, Matt hoped he was right. The first time around, Caty had had nothing to do with locking her father out of her life. This time, she had a choice.
Brian was her only family. If she couldn’t forgive him, Matt worried that someday Brian would be gone and it would be too late. From painful personal experience, Matt knew that kind of guilt stayed with you forever.
After a while you learned how to carry it around, but it never went away.
* * *
By noon, Caty’s little apartment had begun to feel claustrophobic. Brooding had never suited her, and she was dying to go somewhere else. Ordinarily, she’d be at the farm helping with lunch, but she wasn’t ready to face Matt. With no particular plans, she went out to her car and put the top down. Maybe a long drive would help clear her mind, and she’d know what to do about the two incredibly aggravating men in her life.
Before long, the beautiful day lifted her spirits, even though her mind was still twisted in knots. Raised with impeccable Southern manners, she knew she’d been unconscionably rude to Brian. He’d driven so far—seeing her must have been very important to him. She should have at least spoken to him, given him a chance to explain.
Life and law school had taught her there were at least two sides to every story. She’d judged him without ever hearing his side, and that was wrong. Not as wrong as what he’d done all those years ago, but wrong all the same.
The road curved to the left, and she followed it to the gates of the cemetery. It had been a while since she’d visited her mother’s and grandparents’ graves. Going there always made her feel better, so she turned into the gravel driveway. She crested a small hill and paused, unable to believe her eyes.
There, beside her mother’s stone with a huge bouquet of red roses in his hands, stood Brian Jameson. She heard a few murmurs of his voice on the breeze, then nothing. Tears were rolling down his cheeks, and she couldn’t help feeling sorry for him.
If he’d been a stranger, she would have empathized with his loss. God knew she’d experienced enough of it to relate to how he was feeling. A sudden realization hit her, knotting her thoughts even tighter.
Until today, he hadn’t known her mother had died.
All these years, he’d respected her wishes and stayed away. Matt’s phone call must have been a shock, but Brian had climbed in his car and driven to meet his daughter with no guarantee of the outcome. He must have known she might reject him. Why would he take such a risk?
The answer was obvious: he loved her. The little girl who still lived inside her skipped up with the idea that he wanted to get to know her. Then Caty’s logical grown-up mind took over. It simply couldn’t balance that possibility against the adultery thing.
Tired and confused, she drove past the touching scene and back out to the highway. When she realized she was headed for Ryker’s Ridge, her mind looped back to Matt.
Her temper began simmering again, and this time she let it bubble. He’d deliberately gone against her wishes, deciding he knew what was best for her. Why? she fumed, still too furious to remember his explanation.
Asphalt gave way to dirt, and she followed the winding road up into the hills. At the spot where they’d enjoyed that intimate, soul-baring conversation, she got out and walked over to the rock where she’d been sitting when he’d opened his heart to her and she’d been crazy enough to walk in. A gentle breeze touched her cheek, and his sorrowful voice echoed in her mind.
I’d give anything to talk to my father again. I didn’t want you to regret never knowing yours.
Understanding washed over her, and some of her anger dissipated. Matt had gone over the line contacting Brian that way, but this time it wasn’t because he was arrogant and wanted to be right. He’d done it for her. Just as he’d fixed her roof and replaced her locks. The same way he’d taken the first steps that had brought the two of them together. And climbed into a raging fire, then begged God to spare her life.
For all his faults, Matt loved her. He’d proven it time and again, so she knew it was for real. Brian’s actions today clearly said he loved her, too. Maybe, if she gave him a chance, they could overcome the past and build some kind of relationship. But first she’d have to forgive him. She wasn’t sure she could.
Where did that leave her? she wondered as she drove back into town. With a tangled mess and no clear solution. She was accustomed to examining issues from all angles to differentiate right from wrong. The trouble was, when it came to people, things weren’t quite so black-and-white.
There was a lot of gray in the world, she’d discovered over the past few months. She really hated gray.
Chapter Fourteen
Even though he was dog tired, Matt lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He’d gone over and over everything in his mind, wondering if he could have handled the situation with Brian differently. The answer was yes, but he still thought he’d done the right thing. He just had to give Caty a chance to realize that, and things would be good between them.
It had occurred to him that she might never forgive him. He’d invaded her very private ground, and he didn’t blame her for being angry with him. Because it was still uncomfortable, he was hesitant to formally ask God for help
with the sweet, headstrong woman he’d so unexpectedly fallen in love with. Around one, though, he finally relented.
“Please help her forgive me. I was just trying to help.”
There was no flash of lightning or boom of thunder to tell him “message received.” Sighing, he rolled over and tried to put it out of his mind. Stubborn as she was, it wouldn’t surprise him if Caty’s turnaround took a while.
Patience wasn’t his strong point, but it wasn’t as if he had much choice. He’d gone over the line, and it was up to her to forgive him. Or not. He really hated not being able to fix things, but in this case, he just didn’t know how. Machinery, no problem. He grabbed hold of it, tearing it apart until he’d figured out what was wrong. He couldn’t do that with emotions. That’s why he’d always steered far clear of them.
Until Caty. She had a knack for making him feel things. Happiness. Frustration. Blind, desperate fear. It was the last that had forced him back to the path his father had always wanted him to follow. No matter what happened, Matt would always be grateful to Caty for making it happen. He and God had a rocky history, but it was good to know God was still on his side.
Just after Matt drifted off, he heard a faint tapping on his window. Thinking it was a tree branch, he ignored it and tried to get back to sleep. When he heard it a few more times, he groaned and hauled himself out of bed to snap off the irritating branch.
At the window, he realized there was no breeze blowing through the tree.
“Hey, there.”
Looking down, he saw Caty standing below him with a handful of gravel. Despite the nasty day he’d ground his way through, he felt a grin pop up all on its own. “Hey, yourself. What’re you doing here?”
She dropped the gravel and then looked back up at him. “I need to talk to you, but I didn’t want to wake everyone else up knocking on the door.”
Her phrasing and apologetic tone made him smile even more. She needed to talk to him, and she didn’t sound mad about it. Maybe, just maybe, that meant he was off the hook.
“It’s unlocked, y’know.”