A Is for Abstinence

by Kelly Oram

  I got out of bed and pulled on a robe. As I tied it shut, I met Adrianna’s heated glare with a bored look. “Apparently someone needs to go over proper breakup rules with her. For instance, not barging into my house uninvited, and minding her own damn business about my playtime.”

  I smiled at the women again and pointed to the master bathroom. “Shower’s in there. Feel free to take your time. I’ll get a pot of coffee going.”

  I followed Adrianna into the kitchen and started up the coffee machine. Adrianna waited until after I swallowed a handful of painkillers before she started in on me. “Three women at once, Kyle?”

  It was hard to keep my temper in check. She shouldn’t even be here, much less acting like a jilted lover. “Not just any women,” I said, opening the fridge. “Professional cheerleaders. Gymnasts.”

  Hmm…leftover Chinese takeout. Cold chow mien would do for now.

  “How many women have you slept with this week?”

  I shoved a forkful of noodles in my mouth and shrugged. “I haven’t really kept count, why? How many men have you screwed? Aside from the one you left me for on my birthday, of course. I already know about him. Celebrity Gossip got a great money shot of you guys going back to his place after you broke my heart and humiliated me in front of half of L.A.”

  I pointed to the tabloid magazine cover of my fiancée cheating on me that I’d stuck to my fridge with magnets. I’m not sure why I’d displayed it like a Christmas card.

  Adrianna looked at the picture and her face fell. Her big brown eyes misted over and her bottom lip quivered.

  I had to look away. I hated her, but my love for her had been real. I was trying very hard to bury those feelings. If she cried, she was going to set me back.

  The coffee was ready so I poured myself a steaming cup, dumped a little sugar in it, and took my breakfast out onto my back deck. I needed some air.

  It was a beautiful Southern California day, and my Malibu estate was perched on the bluffs overlooking the Pacific Ocean. I took a deep breath, letting the smell of seawater, the cool ocean breeze, and the sound of the waves calm both my head and my nerves.

  Adrianna joined me, cringing as she looked around. Her pain was as obvious as my own. Last week, sitting out on this deck together had been just part of our morning routine. We’d sip coffee, I’d update her on the Lakers or something I’d read in SPIN magazine, and she’d bore me to death with wedding details. Sounds dreadful, but I hadn’t minded it. We were happy.

  Adrianna broke the silence first. “I made a mistake.”

  Her voice shook as she wrestled with her emotions. It was a fight to control my own as well. “Vindictively ripping my heart out of my chest in front of all of our friends, and throwing away a two-and-a-half year long relationship because of a song was a mistake?”

  “It wasn’t about a song, Kyle!” Her eyes finally spilled over with tears. “It was about the fact that you couldn’t sing it. It’s been more than three years and you’re still not over what happened.”

  “But nothing happened. You’re jealous of a girl I never even dated.”

  Adrianna hit me with a hard stare. “You don’t have to be in a relationship to be in love with someone.”

  “In love with…” I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation. I’d buried every memory of the girl in question as deep as was possible. “Babe, how can you think I’m in love with her? I didn’t even love her back then. Yeah, I hate singing the song, but I haven’t thought about her in years.”

  “But you haven’t let her go, have you?”

  I turned my gaze back to the ocean and sipped my coffee in silence. What could I say? Love might have been overstating my feelings for Val, but she was the only girl in a very long string of women that ever got away. Because, like an ass, I’d let her go.

  For months, Virgin Val Jensen had haunted my every thought day and night until I was forced to block her from my memory altogether. Once I was able to shut that Pandora’s box, I made sure to lock it up tight and lose the key. But closure was something Val and I had never accomplished.

  I pushed Val from my mind and focused on my current problem. “I loved you, Adrianna. Whatever condition my heart was in, you had it.”

  “I know,” Adrianna whispered, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. “I can see that now. I can see how much I hurt you, and I’m sorry.”

  She was sorry? I scoffed into my coffee. She wasn’t the only one who was sorry.

  “I made a mistake, Kyle,” she pleaded. “When you refused to sing that song, it hurt. Brian made me feel better in the moment, but he meant nothing. I was angry and upset and scared of having to compete with a memory forever. But I knew I was wrong when I realized what you were doing up on that stage.”

  “Yet, you still went home with him that night.”

  Adrianna threw her hands up in exasperation. “Well, you stomped out without talking to me! You sang that awful song and told me to have a nice life.”

  “Right. Which usually means the person saying it doesn’t ever want to see the person they say it to ever again. So what are you doing here right now? Why storm into my bedroom and kick out my company like you have the right to do it?”

  Adrianna reached across the small patio table and took my hand in hers. “Because I love you. We can get past this, Kyle. We both made some mistakes this week, so let’s just agree to—”

  “You made mistakes this week,” I corrected, pulling my hand out of hers. “I did nothing wrong. I didn’t go to bed with anyone until after that picture ended up on my fridge. My fiancée cheated on me. I’m entitled to cope with that however I want.”

  I got up from the table and leaned over the balcony railing. After taking a deep breath I faced her again. “I might have been able to forgive the kissing, but you went home with him. And don’t say it was because I left. I kept my cell turned on all night. I waited for you to call. I would have sold my soul to the devil for one lousy text, I was that desperate for you to come back.”

  Adrianna joined me at the railing, desperation in her eyes. “I was hurt!” she said. “That song you sang—”

  I’d tried so hard to keep a leash on my temper, but now I didn’t want to. She had some nerve. “You were hurt?” I shouted. “How do you think I felt? At any time in the past two and a half years, you could have asked me about Valerie. Instead you chose to hurt and humiliate me in front of all of our friends. And the worst part is, you enjoyed it. I saw the look in your eyes when you realized I was falling apart inside.”

  I paused, giving her the chance to defend herself, but her guilt kept her silent.

  I turned my head back to the view. “If you cared about me half as much as I cared about you, you would never have been able to treat me like that. Much less revel in your victory.”

  “Kyle…”

  I heard the sob in the word, but I refused to look at her. She didn’t deserve my compassion or forgiveness. “We’re over, Adrianna. Leave your key and my ring on the counter on your way out.”

  She hesitated a minute but left without another word. I waited until I heard the front door slam before heading back inside. I was relieved when I found a note next to the empty coffee pot from the Laker Girl trio, and even more thankful to see Shane standing there raiding my fridge. He went for the carton of leftover takeout I hadn’t eaten yet.

  “A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar,” he said as he turned around and leaned against the counter. “Which one do you take home?”

  “Why settle for one when you can have all three?” I joked.

  Shane shook his head and shoved a forkful of sweet and sour pork in his mouth.

  “And I didn’t pick them up in a bar.” I stole the carton of food and the fork from his hands. I took a big bite and grinned at the man with cheer I didn’t feel. “They were cheerleaders. Laker Girls, to be exact. I picked them up at the game.”

  Shane raised an eyebrow at me. He tried to hold a straight face but eventually broke down
in laughter. “That’s impressive, even for you.”

  “I guess it’s nice to know I’ve still got it.”

  I sighed and plopped down at the kitchen table with my cold Chinese. Shane settled for a banana and a glass of milk and joined me. His tone sobered a little as he asked, “How’d Adrianna handle it?”

  “About how you’d expect her to.” I rubbed my hands over my face in an attempt to push away my headache. I was pretty sure the pounding had more to do with Adrianna than last night’s tequila. “I’d say I felt sorry for her, but…”

  “Yeah, I heard. Brutal. You okay?”

  I glanced at Shane over the carton of pork. “I don’t need to cry on your shoulder if that’s what you’re asking, you douche.”

  Shane snorted. “Well, could you at least tell my fiancée you need to? She sent me over here to make sure you’re still planning to come to the wedding this weekend, but she only gave me permission to stay for twenty minutes. There was some sort of centerpiece catastrophe this morning and she’s freaking out. I really don’t want to deal with a centerpiece crisis.”

  Shane picked up the cheer squad’s note and chuckled. It was covered with lipstick kisses and cell phone numbers. “Unless, of course, you’d rather hang me out to dry for a better offer.”

  I groaned. “Honestly, I think I’ve had my fill of all women for a while. Promise me a day of nothing but mindless action movies, video games, In-N-Out burger, and a case of beer, and I’ll cry real tears for your psycho fiancée.”

  Shane gripped my shoulder and bore a solemn look into my eyes that made me laugh. “My hero.”

  There’s only one thing worse than weddings, and that’s alcohol-free weddings. Cara’s father was a sober alcoholic for eight years now, so they’d banned all alcohol from the reception. I respected their decision, but I seriously needed a drink.

  At least the DJ was decent. Of course, this was Cara’s wedding, so I wouldn’t have expected otherwise. She’s always had excellent taste in music, and I had no doubt she went bridezilla on the playlist.

  Actually, as far as weddings go, this one was pretty amazing—lack of alcohol notwithstanding. The food was great, the music rocked, the guest list was small, Cara was a gorgeous bride—and hey, it was in Hawaii. If only I could get someone to bring me a damn glass of whiskey to help me forget the fact that two weeks ago I was cake testing with my own bridezilla.

  “Why did I come to this thing?”

  It was a rhetorical question, but my ex-bandmate Dustin answered it anyway. “Because it’s Shane.” He took a swig of his soda and cringed. The poor guy didn’t want to be sober right now any more than I did. Of course, he never wanted to be sober. He let out a burp and then added, “You know Cara would have thrown an epic hissy if you’d bailed.”

  That was true. Cara made a huge deal about having all of us here. It was the first time the guys had all gotten together since Reid’s funeral. The whole band together was the only wedding gift she’d asked for from any of us. It was awkward as hell, but Cara was right: We needed to be here for Shane today. Plus, between you and me, I was afraid of the woman. If she said jump…

  “Hey, man, at least you’re going to get something out of it.” Dustin nudged my shoulder and nodded across the room. “The maid of honor has been mentally screwing you since you showed up.”

  I followed his gaze out to the dance floor where the woman in question was engaged in the obligatory dance with the best man. Shane’s younger brother was staring at her chest while she stared at me. When I met her eyes, her face heated up with desire. I knew that look well. I wouldn’t even have to make conversation with her. I could just nod my head toward the exit and she’d follow me up to my hotel room.

  She was hot. No question about it. She was an actress on that soap opera with Cara. I’m pretty sure she got the part for two reasons—the two reasons that her barely-not-a-teenager-anymore dance partner was still ogling.

  “Maybe I should go save her from the twerp.”

  Dustin slid a curious glance at me but didn’t say what was on his mind. Instead he shrugged and said, “If you don’t, I will.”

  I looked at Dustin again and saw something that pissed me off. Pity. The guy was pushing me toward the easy lay because he felt sorry for me. Suddenly determined to prove to the world—and especially to Dustin—that Kyle Hamilton is not a man to be pitied, I made my way out to the dance floor. Screw the fact that this was the “first dance,” or whatever. I was cutting in.

  “Excuse me. Would you mind if I—”

  “I’d love to!”

  The maid of honor was already in my arms before poor Ben even realized I was there. I shrugged off his glare and pulled the beautiful woman close. She smelled good and wore a dress that left almost nothing to the imagination.

  She batted a pair of big brown eyes up at me and chewed on a very full, pouty, sexy bottom lip. “I was hoping you’d ask me to dance,” she said.

  I’d done this so many times in the past that my responses were automatic. “How could I resist the most beautiful woman in the room?”

  “You’d better not let Cara hear you call me that today.”

  “It’ll be our secret.”

  I winked and she gave me a sultry smile before she laid her head on my shoulder. The way her chest pressed against me was no accident. This woman was as familiar to the game as I was—a pro. Still, it was only polite to at least make some small talk before dragging her upstairs. “So you work with Cara?”

  “Yeah.” Maid of Honor looked around the room and then gave me another flirty smile. “What do you say we move this dance somewhere more private? I have a room upstairs.”

  I smirked. So much for politeness. “Don’t you have some sort of wedding duties to uphold as the maid of honor?”

  She shrugged. “It’ll be at least forty-five minutes before they cut the cake and toss the bouquet.”

  My eyes fell to her chest. I know I was just bustin’ on Ben for that, but I couldn’t help it. It was such a nice chest—expensive, no doubt—and the rest of her was just as perfect. I tried to imagine all the things I could do with a body like hers, tried to get myself psyched for it.

  I slid my hands low, enjoying a PG-13 sneak preview of events to come. Maid of Honor shivered with pleasure. She tilted her chin up, parting her lips slightly. It was a clear invitation, so I kissed her.

  The kiss was pretty heated. She was in to it. She was definitely in to it. But I wasn’t. There was nothing there for me. No fire. No spark. I was only going through the motions. I knew going up to her room with her would take the edge off, but for some reason it still didn’t seem worth the hassle.

  I stopped kissing her, surprised by my thoughts. Casual sex with a beautiful woman didn’t seem worth the hassle? What the hell?

  “Is there a problem?” she whispered as she swept her lips over my throat.

  Was there a problem? I had no idea. I had no clue what was going on right now. I’d never experienced anything like this before.

  Maid of Honor stopped her oral assault on my neck when someone cleared their throat. The bride and groom had twirled their way over and were watching us with amused looks on their faces.

  “I see you’ve met Aphrodite,” Cara teased.

  Maid of Honor’s name was Aphrodite? What kind of name was Aphrodite? A stage name. Because she’s an actor. Like the jerk that banged my fiancée. I hate actors.

  “We haven’t met properly.” Aphrodite giggled. “Would you guys mind holding off on the cake and bouquet and all that for a while? Promise we won’t be gone long.”

  I waited for Cara to explode into a rage, but she didn’t seem surprised by her friend’s request. She rolled her eyes and said, “Thirty minutes or I’ll throw it without you.”

  Aphrodite beamed and made air kisses at Cara. “Love you, babe. You’re the best!”

  She grabbed my hand but I pulled back before she could drag me out of the room. When she questioned me, I wasn’t sure what to say to her. I
wasn’t sure what my problem was. But then I found myself saying, “Actually, I think I’ll stay here.”

  I shocked Shane, Cara, and especially Aphrodite speechless. Aphrodite gaped up at me with those big blue eyes as if she couldn’t quite comprehend what was happening. “Sorry,” I told her. “You’re a beautiful woman and all, but it’s not going to happen. At least not with me.” I pointed to my lonely bandmate and added, “Dustin would probably give you a go, though.”

  Aphrodite’s eyes bugged and I knew what was coming. I didn’t even try to avoid the slap when she raised her hand. I deserved it. She called me a very impressive string of curses and then stomped off to the ladies’ room.

  I turned to my two bewildered friends and gave them my most sheepish smile. “At least she didn’t have a glass of champagne in her hand. I hear that stuff stings when it gets in your eyes.”

  They both continued to stare at me slack-jawed, waiting for an explanation I didn’t have.

  “What the hell was that?” Cara asked.

  I cringed, realizing I might have really upset the bride on her big day. “Sorry if I just ruined your wedding or something. I didn’t mean to insult your friend. I just wasn’t feeling it.”

  I waited for the kind of emotional outburst that Adrianna would have definitely had if she were in Cara’s position, but Cara burst into laughter. “I never, ever thought I’d see the day!” she cried, gasping through her giggle fit. “Kyle Hamilton getting slapped for refusing an offer instead of making one.”

  “Quick, call Guinness!” Shane chimed in. He was laughing so hard he had to grab onto my shoulder to keep from falling over. “This has to be some sort of record.”

  They didn’t mean any harm, but I still got irritated. I knew it was ironic as hell, but I just couldn’t share their humor. This wasn’t funny to me. It was disturbing. What the hell was wrong with me?

  I sighed and forced a smile on my face that I knew wouldn’t fool anyone. “Congratulations, you guys. If you need me, I’ll be in the hotel bar.”

  . . . . .