A Is for Abstinence

by Kelly Oram

I was busy nursing a glass of scotch when Cara sat down on the stool beside mine. “Skipping out on your own wedding reception?” I asked.

  “Just taking a quick breather.” She slapped her hand down on the counter. “Can someone get me a drink? Something strong.”

  “Mother-in-law?” the bartender guessed, chuckling as he slid a shot glass in front of her and filled it with vodka.

  Cara pounded the shot back like a pro. She winced from the burn of the alcohol and groaned. “That woman drives me crazy.”

  This time I laughed, too.

  Cara slung her arm over my shoulder. “Thanks for coming today. I know it couldn’t have been easy so soon after…”

  I was glad when her voice trailed off. “It’s okay. I’m over it.”

  Cara raised an eyebrow at me, calling me out on the lie.

  “No, I am,” I insisted.

  “Then what was all that back there?”

  I shrugged, downed the rest of my drink, and then gestured for the bartender to refill my glass. “Hell if I know.”

  “Have you been with anyone since Adrianna?” she asked.

  My shirt collar suddenly felt too tight. When tugging at it didn’t help, I took my tie off and unbuttoned the top button of my shirt. “More than you want to know about in that first week,” I said once I could breathe again. “But when it didn’t make me feel any better I just…lost interest.”

  “You lost interest?”

  I shrugged again. “I had something—thought I had something special with Adrianna. I guess the casual thing just seems…pointless now. Not worth the trouble.”

  “Wow.” Cara blinked at me in surprise, but her reaction was still sincere.

  I cursed when I realized what I’d just said. “She’s ruined me, hasn’t she? I’m broken now.”

  Cara stole a sip of my drink and then laughed a little. “Maybe,” she agreed. “I guess it depends on how you look at it. I bet if you asked Val she’d say Adrianna fixed you.”

  Val. As in Cara’s old best friend Valerie Jensen. As in the one and only Virgin Val. The girl my fiancée accused me of being in love with and cheated on me because of. What was it with everyone bringing up the past lately?

  “Good old Virgin Val.” I drew the name out in a long sigh. After a pause, I shook my head and took another drink. “How is she?” I asked slowly. Carefully. Grudgingly. My thoughts had turned to her more than once since my breakup with Adrianna. “Is she still a virgin, or did she actually find her perfect saint of a man?”

  Cara swallowed hard. It took her a minute to respond. “I don’t know,” she whispered.

  And then it hit me. “She’s not here today.” I knew Cara and Val had drifted apart after high school, but I couldn’t believe Val would blow off Cara’s wedding. “I’m sorry.”

  Cara shrugged. “I didn’t invite her.”

  At my surprised look, she stole my drink again. “I wanted to, but in the end I couldn’t do it. We haven’t spoken since that night at the Tralse concert. I couldn’t send her an invite because I was afraid she wouldn’t come. I’m sad she’s not here, but I’ll get over it this way. Her blowing me off would have broken my heart.”

  In a blink, the hotel bar was gone and I was back on that stage from over three years ago. That moment at the concert with Val had been one of the best of my life. It had been Tralse’s first-ever sold-out stadium show and we’d put on the greatest performance of our lives. The crowd had gone insane when I demanded Val join me onstage. She’d played along with me for once and had genuinely enjoyed herself.

  Val and I reached a truce that night. She’d surprised me more than anyone ever had as she stood in front of me in that maddeningly sexy skirt and made me beg on my knees for her forgiveness. I’ll never forget the look on her face as she struggled not to smile. That grin had been an unspoken acknowledgement of the friendship we’d developed that she’d never admitted existed.

  “Kyle?”

  “Huh?”

  I shook myself from the memory and tried to focus on Cara. Her eyes had glossed over so I handed her a cocktail napkin. Guilt swelled up in me as she dabbed at her eyes. Cara and Val’s friendship had been ruined because of me. I was the one who had come between them. “I’m sorry, Cara.”

  Cara squeezed my hand and shook her head. “It wasn’t your fault. We all made mistakes back then.”

  “I made the most,” I muttered.

  We fell into silence, both lost in thought, each probably remembering that whole crazy affair and wondering how we could have done things differently. I had the added pleasure of comparing the one that got away with the one I should have thrown back.

  “Hey, Cara, what’s your biggest regret in life?”

  Cara’s response was quick. “Losing Val.”

  I smirked. Her and me both.

  You would think my failed engagement was my biggest regret, but you’d be wrong. I’d spent the last two weeks looking back on my relationship with Adrianna and I realized now that I was better off without her. I’d hooked up with her to take my mind off of someone else and kept her around because it was easier.

  I did grow to love Adrianna, but it had never been one of those life-altering, earth-shattering romances they make movies about. Three years from now there wouldn’t be a song I still couldn’t sing because I couldn’t stand to think of her. I never even wrote her a song. Val was different. Even though we’d never had a real relationship, the girl got under my skin and messed with my head the way no one else ever had.

  I felt Cara look at me, but I kept my gaze trained on my glass.

  I never talked about the last time I saw Val—the night we said good-bye. I never told anyone but Shane about the kiss we’d shared that night. Only Shane knew that she’d offered her whole heart to me with only one condition—and that I’d been too scared, stubborn, and prideful to accept it.

  Not knowing what else to say, I kicked back the rest of my drink in one shot. “Congrats on the marriage, Cara. It was a hell of a wedding.”

  Cara squeezed me in a tight hug. “Thanks for being here,” she said again. “I know it was hard for you to come.”

  “Not at all,” I lied. “Besides, this is your day. It’s not about me.”

  Cara nudged my side with her elbow. “For once,” she teased. “Come on, rock star. We’d better get back in there before Shane starts to think I finally fell for the great Cheerleader Seducer.”

  I laughed and tried not to look too proud. “Shane told you about that, huh?”

  Cara gave me the sigh that made her so famous on her soap opera as she dragged me back into the reception hall. “My dear, sweet Kyle. Shane tells me everything.”

  Cara never ceases to amaze me. She and Shane only closed on their new house two weeks ago, and somehow she’d thrown together a housewarming party as glamorous as her wedding. The 3.5 million dollar spread up Laurel Canyon was almost as sweet as my place in Malibu, and tonight it was decked out with so many fresh flowers and twinkling lights you could both see and smell it from miles away. The potted orchid in my hands seemed rather ridiculous now.

  “Kyle!” I hadn’t been in the front door two seconds before Cara threw her arms around me and kissed my cheek. “You made it!”

  “Congrats on the new house.” I handed over the flower. “The guy told me it’s supposed to be a symbol of wealth, beauty, love, and elegance.”

  “My kind of flower.”

  Cara grinned. Her happiness made her sparkle with radiance under the soft light. It could have been the glittery makeup causing her to sparkle, but the glow was definitely happiness.

  “And for Shane…,” I said, holding up a six-pack of Corona.

  Cara gave me a look. “Beer?”

  “Hey, this is the good stuff,” I defended myself. “Plus, I thought you’d kill me if I showed up with the vintage pinball machine I wanted to get him.”

  Cara laughed. “You’re right. Thank you. I think Shane’s out back.” She pointed to the beers in my hand. “Do not
use those as an excuse for the two of you to sneak off and disappear all night. As I have warned him several times, he is a host this evening. He has to mingle. And as for you, I have someone I want you to meet.”

  Was it too late to get my keys back from the valet? I turned around and tried to walk back out the door.

  Cara grabbed me by the collar of my leather jacket. “Oh no, you don’t!” At my frown, she said, “Come on, Kyle. She’s gorgeous and really fun. You’ll like her. I promise.”

  “Like the last one?”

  Cara rolled her eyes at me. Last time she’d tried to set me up with some woman she met in her yoga studio. I’d had to get a restraining order.

  “No, not like the last one. Candy is a friend of mine,” Cara insisted. “Prescreened and certified nonpsychotic.”

  “Candy?”

  Cara waved a dismissive hand. “This is L.A. You know how it is.”

  Yes, I knew how it was all too well. “Maybe now would be a good time to tell you that I’ve had a change of heart. Jumped the fence. Swapped teams. Whatever you want to call it. Women no longer interest me, so there’s no point in trying to introduce me to every single woman on the planet anymore.”

  Cara folded her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow. “Gay? That’s your excuse this time?”

  “Yup. I’ve rediscovered my sexuality.” I patted her shoulder. “I’m so sorry to disappoint you, Cara. Give my apologies to your friend.”

  “No worries.” She flashed me a brilliant smile. “If it’s men you seek now, then I have two people I’d like you to meet tonight. Edwin will be thrilled. He’s a big fan of yours.”

  I turned and banged my head against the wall. “Cara, please. I came to the damn party. Can’t that be enough?”

  “I’m worried about you, Kyle.”

  I stopped abusing my forehead and turned back around. “I’m fine. I’m just sick of dating. All the women people have pushed at me since Adrianna are all the same. I want something real. I want what you and Shane have, and I’m not going to find it with Muffin or Lollypop, or whatever her name is.”

  “Candy.” Cara sighed.

  She looked up at me with a calculating expression that I found highly disconcerting. I loved the woman dearly, but she was a meddler, and her schemes had a tendency to end in disaster.

  “Can I go find Shane now?”

  “Promise the two of you won’t disappear?”

  “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

  Cara narrowed her eyes. “You will hope to die if you let my husband ditch this party. I will bring you so much pain I’ll have you begging for mercy.”

  “Understood.”

  Cara gave me another warning look, then stepped aside. “Check out by the pool.”

  The backyard was even more spectacular than the house. The people who went crazy with the twinkle lights had not forgotten about the trees and bushes around the edge of the lawn. There was a fire ablaze in a pit on the deck, and the pool was lit up. Candles made the water lilies floating on top of the water glow and caused shadows to dance around the yard. And then there was the view. The house was perched on the side of the hill, and the entire city of Los Angeles spread out for miles below.

  I found Shane standing near the gazebo, looking absolutely miserable as he nodded along to some conversation he wasn’t paying the least bit of attention to. When I waved and held up the six-pack, his eyes lit up with relief and he practically ran across the yard to me.

  “You’re a saint! I thought for sure you’d bail.”

  I laughed. He was truly desperate. “Please tell me this place has a secret man cave somewhere.”

  Shane took one of the beers and snapped the top off on the deck railing. After he chugged half the bottle, he headed back in the house. “This way.”

  “We just can’t get caught by your wife. She promised to make me suffer if I let you skip out.”

  Shane laughed, but he still stopped heading toward the living room and took me to a stairway on the other side of the house. “She knows I hate this crap. Her bark is worse than her bite, I promise.”

  “Says the man peeking his head around a corner to make sure the coast is clear.”

  Shane flipped me off, then pushed me up the stairs. “Hurry. There’re enough people here that she’ll never miss us, but if she sees us leave, we’re dead.”

  We made it safely to Shane’s den. There was a pool table, a minibar, and a killer entertainment system. I smirked as I eyed the room. Should have gone with the pinball machine after all.

  “Now this is more like it,” I said, falling to the leather sofa.

  Shane cracked open another beer and handed it to me.

  “Hey, does that door lock?” I asked. “I really have to stay hidden. Your wife’s trying to set me up again. Jolly Rancher or Snickers or something.”

  “Candy.” Shane shuddered. “Run while you can, dude. That one is crazy.”

  A comfortable silence settled between us as we each sipped our beers.

  “So, how’s the married life treating you?” I asked.

  Shane let out a breath and bobbed his head. “It’s good. Not a lot different than the last three years we’ve been living together, but Cara seems happier.”

  I had to agree. “She did have a certain glow about her tonight.”

  Shane smiled. “The woman loves to entertain.”

  I finished my scope of the man cave and noticed that the far corner of the room was all devoted to Shane’s music. Framed photos hung on the walls with some of our band’s awards, and his instruments all stood on their stands, polished and shiny.

  I emptied the last of my beer, then wandered over and picked up a bass guitar. My voice was my main instrument, but I played a little piano and could get by on bass, electric, and acoustic guitars.

  My fingers curled around the neck of the guitar. I hadn’t picked one up in months, but plucking at the strings was instinctive.

  “Hey, remember this?” I asked, laughing a little to myself. I plugged the guitar into an amp and ripped out the bass line to Metallica’s “Orion.”

  Shane laughed. He plugged his guitar in too and nodded at me. Before we knew it, we were jamming the way we used to back in high school. One song became two, became three. Metallica, Pink Floyd, The Beatles. Hell, we even got some Chili Peppers in there.

  Then, suddenly, for no reason, I wailed out the intro to “Cryin’ Shame.” Shane didn’t question me; he just followed along and I fell into a zone. When I opened my mouth, the words came out impassioned—filled with confusion, anger, and even desperation. I sang my heart out as I hadn’t done in years.

  She’s smokin’ hearts with a burnin’ flame

  She’s got a wild side without a name

  And when she’s riled it’s a cryin’ shame

  Yeay! Yeah! Yeah! I’ve got it bad

  Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I’m goin’ mad

  ’Cause in your head you’ve got it right

  Won’t go to bed without a fight

  You think you’re wise, you think it shows

  So show me wise without those clothes

  She’s playin hardball and it’s nothin’ new

  Short skirts so enjoy the view

  She’s a cold blooded tease baby through and through

  Yeay! Yeah! Yeah! I’ve got it bad

  Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I’m goin’ mad

  ’Cause in your head you’ve got it right

  Won’t go to bed without a fight

  You think you’re wise, you think it shows

  So show me wise without those clothes

  Come on legs don’t go to waste

  I could be your only savin’ grace

  Put those morals on the backburner

  Something tells me you’re a fast fast learner

  Yeay! Yeah! Yeah! I’ve got it bad

  Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I’m goin’ mad

  ’Cause in your head you’ve got it right

  Won’t go to bed without a fight

&n
bsp; You think you’re wise, you think it shows

  So show me wise without those clothes

  When it was over, I stood there: chest heaving, heart pounding, hands shaking. I wasn’t sure where that had come from or why it chose that moment to burst out of me, but it had been a release I’d desperately needed.

  “Feel better?”

  Shane was watching me with a curious look.

  I took a deep breath and attempted to pull myself back together. “A little,” I admitted as I set the guitar back on its stand. “I don’t know why that song haunts me so much.”

  “It’s not the song that haunts you,” said a soft voice, startling both Shane and me.

  We whirled around at the intrusion to see Cara standing in the doorway to the den, clutching some kind of book to her chest. Her eyes were misted over.

  Shane panicked. “Babe! Hey! I was just giving Kyle the grand tour. I swear we were on our way back downstairs.”

  “I’m sure.” Cara gave us a knowing smile and shook her head. “It’s okay…this time.”

  She stepped in the room and shut the door behind her. Shane rushed to her side, whispering apologies and gratitude and other stuff I didn’t need to hear that made Cara giggle and stick her tongue in his mouth. They’ve always been gross like that.

  I cleared my throat, and Cara smiled at me. “It sounded good,” she said.

  I shrugged uncomfortably, having no idea what to say.

  She held out the gigantic book in her arms. “I have something for you.”

  “What is it?”

  She laid the book on the pool table and opened it to the first page. “This is the keepsake journal I made during the S is for Sex tour.”

  “You made a scrapbook?”

  I slid up next to her and stared down at the pages as she slowly turned them. They were filled with pictures, magazine clippings, ticket stubs… Each page brought back a minefield of memories.

  “It’s not the song that haunts you, Kyle,” she said again. “Remember this?”

  She flipped to the last page in the book where a small, clear pencil bag was clasped into the book’s rings.

  Something twisted inside me at the sight of my old abstinence bracelet laying in the bag. I pulled the leather band out of the pencil bag and ran my fingers over the small silver A charm. “I thought I lost this.”