“And who says I didna notice?”
Revan had seen the hurt in her eyes, the unspoken sadness. He had wanted to ignore it, to forget it, but Nairn clearly had other plans. This time Revan did not think he would be able to evade a long, difficult discussion about Tess. Briefly he considered simply walking away.
“Dinna cast a longing eye at that door,” advised Nairn. “If need be, I will have it barred from the outside.”
“What occurs between Tess and myself is none of your concern.”
“Nay? Her kinsmen may not make that fine distinction. What ye are doing with that lass has ofttimes led to bloody, unending feuds. From what our father has told me in his last few missives, the Comyns and the Delgados arena ones to dismiss this lightly.” When the only response from Revan was a cold, angry silence, Nairn asked, “And what of the lass herself ?”
“I didna seduce the lass. I have told you that.” Revan took a long drink of wine in the hope of cooling his rising temper.
“Aye, and I am inclined to believe you.” Nairn relaxed in his chair, sipped at his wine, and studied Revan. “I have been watching the two of you.”
“Like one of those carrion of the Douglas’s,” Revan muttered.
Nairn ignored his surly interruption. “It was a bit difficult at first to believe that ye—er—seduced each other. Howbeit, I believe it now. Aye, all ye two needed was to be together for a while. I begin to think ye were fated to be lovers.”
“Why?” Revan demanded. He had reached that conclusion himself yet had no reason for it and wondered if Nairn could give him one.
“I should think ye would ken the why of it for yourself. ’Tis difficult to explain. There is something between you and that wee lass. A pull? A bond?” Nairn shrugged. “I see you and that wee brown lass together and ’tis right, ’tis proper. Ye ask me to explain what canna be explained. Ye also try to divert me from what I wish to speak on.”
“Ye wish to speak about Tessa.”
“Aye—Tessa. And—nay.” Nairn leaned forward, resting his arms on the table. “ ’Tis ye who troubles me the most. Let us ignore the chance that these Comyns and Delgados will be . . . shall we say upset? . . . and the fact that, after all these weeks, ’twill be assumed by all that ye have bedded the lass.”
“Aye. Let us ignore that.” Revan spoke through gritted teeth, infuriated by the way Nairn presented truths he had struggled to forget. “Why dinna ye cease playing about and say what ye mean to—directly?”
“As ye wish. Marry the lass.”
“Nay.”
“Why? ’Tis plain to any who see you together that ye care for that lass.”
“Mayhaps I do.” He ignored his brother’s short, scornful laugh. “It makes no difference. She is an heiress.”
“Even more reason to wed her. Ye have naught, and although being a king’s knight carries a lot of honor, it may never give ye much profit. Here is all ye could ever want within your grasp. Any other time ye would never have a chance to wed such a lass. Her kinsmen wouldna allow a landless knight with a light purse to even smile her way. Now they would accept you, welcome you, mayhaps even insist that ye wed her. Take it.”
“I willna wed for money or for land.”
“Then wed her because ye care for her. Curse you for a fool, ye love her.”
“And what if I do? Do ye think that is what people will believe? Nay. They will say I wed her for her land and her purse. That would shame her and me. As she herself has said—if and when she wishes to take a husband, she can buy one. Well, I willna be bought and I willna have folk thinking that she had to pay me to wed her.”
“That pride of yours will choke you some day. Aye, and very soon, too.”
“And what of Tessa’s pride?”
“Oh, she has nearly as much as you. I have little doubt of that. But, she isna such a fool as to cut herself on it. If ye refuse to wed her—”
“I willna sell myself or be thought to have done so.” It confounded Revan that no one else seemed to understand that or agree with his opinion on the matter.
“Then get out of her bed, curse you. Cease using the lass when ye mean to set her aside. Ye are so concerned about looking the whore if ye wed an heiress, ye dinna see that ye are treating her much like one.”
Revan leapt to his feet, his fists partly raised as he fought the urge to strike his brother. “I have never treated her like a whore nor thought her one.”
“Ye are the only one who will see that fine distinction. She was a virgin and is of a good family. When a man beds such a lass, he should wed her. Ye ken that as well as I do, yet ye merrily go to her bed each night with no intention of marrying her. Ye canna say ye believe that is right?”
“Ere I bedded her I told her I wasna a man to offer her marriage. She understood that.”
“Are ye certain?”
“Aye. She told me that she hadna asked me. She also reminded me that she had offered me no promises, either. That was when she spoke of buying a husband if she ever needed one. Tessa understands that I can offer her no future.”
“Mayhaps she does understand,” Nairn murmured.
“But is that how she wants it to be? Have ye ever asked her that, asked her if she can be happy with naught but a brief affair? I think not. Do ye wish to hear how I see it?”
“I dinna believe I do, but ye will tell me anyways—aye?”
“Aye. I believe she has agreed to your rules because she had no choice. The lass is in love with you. I would wager all I own upon it. She probably loved you when she first accepted you as her lover. Her choice was to have nothing or accept what little ye were offering. Mayhaps she even hoped to change your mind. What she couldna see was that those rules of yours are set in stone, that even if she touched your heart, ye would never change them. Mayhaps, Revan, ’tis past time ye told the girl. ’Tis only fair to let a person ken that they are in a game they can never hope to win.”
“I have never let her think those rules would change.”
“Nay?” Nairn shook his head. “Ye can be very blind at times, brother of mine. Well, go to her, then. I doubt it matters much now exactly when ye set her aside. ’Twill hurt her whether ye do it now or when ye leave her with her kinsmen.”
That stung and Revan reacted to it with anger, giving Nairn a mocking bow. “Thank ye. I will rest so much easier kenning that I have your kind permission.” He started toward the door.
“There is one last thing I would say, Revan.”
Revan yanked open the heavy door, then glared at Nairn. “There is some other crime ye neglected to lay at my feet?”
“Being an utter fool isna a crime, although I oftimes think it ought to be. Nay, I but mean to remind you that what ye so callously toss aside willna be left to rot. I have had the pleasure of her company for but a short time, yet I can say, with full confidence, that she will not be left to pine for you. ’Twill not be her good blood and purse alone that draws the courtiers to her, either. In fact, once ye cast her aside, I may well think on courting her myself. But then, that shouldna trouble ye overmuch. Ye will still have your pride, will ye not, Revan?”
With a soft curse Revan left. Nairn sighed and picked up his tankard. He took a long drink of wine and, when he had finished, found his sergeant-at-arms, Thorson, at his side.
“Ye have finally had a word with the lad about the lassie, havena ye?” Thorson helped himself to a tankard of wine.
“Aye. ’Twas like talking to these stone walls. I even tried to pinch at his jealousy by pointing out that she willna be left alone for long. I even said I might take to courting her myself.”
“And would ye?”
“Well, if I thought she had truly shaken the ghost of my brother, I just might. Aye, I just might. Howbeit, I still cling to the hope that my young brother isna quite the idiot he acts like.” Nairn exchanged a grin with the older man.
Tess slowly sat up in the bed when Revan strode into the room. She had almost buried her hurt. Her determination not to let i
t spoil what little time she had left with Revan had been the greatest help. The sadness lingered, weighting her heart, but she refused to give in to it. A flicker of hope remained as well, although she cursed herself for a fool for clinging to it. Nevertheless, a part of her refused to accept the end until Revan himself said a final fare-thee-well and walked away. She just prayed that she had the wit to stop hoping then.
She watched him as he washed up. He did not look to be in the best of tempers, and she wondered why. After she had worked so hard to control her own emotions so that she would not ruin what little time they had left together, she did not want him to ruin it with his moodiness. When he sat down on the edge of the bed to tug off his boots, she reached out to lightly stroke his arm. He briefly glanced her way, then continued to undress.
“Has something gone wrong?” she asked.
“Nay. I just had a quarrel with Nairn.” He managed a small smile for her as he shrugged off his doublet and began to undo his shirt. “Losing it has put me in an ill mood. I will shake it soon.”
Something in the tone of his voice told her that he was not being completely truthful. She did not press him, however. If he wanted her to know, he would tell her. At the moment his secretiveness about what had occurred after she had left the great hall was the least of her concerns.
When he finally slipped into bed and tugged her into his arms, she discovered that her emotions were not as controlled as she had thought. For a moment they overwhelmed her, tearing her apart. She clung to Revan as if she could hold him at her side by force alone. Now that she knew he meant to leave her behind at Donnbraigh, her kinsmen’s keep, she saw each moment in terms of his walking away. It would be a slow bloodletting, hour by hour, until he finally left her. She was no longer sure she would be able to pretend that it was not torturing her. It could require far more strength than she could ever muster.
“Tess?” He sensed the desperation in the way she held him. “Ye do ken that ’twill be safer for ye to stay at Donnbraigh than to be dragged into the battle between the Douglases and King James, dinna ye? Ye do understand?”
“Aye. I understand.”
The way she said those three words made Revan think she was not really referring to the need to keep her safe. “I have been in more battles than I care to recall, and ye must believe me when I tell ye that ye will be far better off set at a goodly distance from it all.”
She wondered why he was trying so hard to make her accept that her safety was the only reason he would leave her behind. He undoubtedly did have an honest concern for her well-being. However, no matter what he convinced her of now, the truth would be painfully clear when he did not return for her after the battle. He had to know that she would not be fooled for long. It irritated her a little that he did not simply tell her the blunt, cold truth, even though she did not really wish to hear it.
“I have heard enough tales about battles to ken that, Revan. I havena argued your decision much, have I?”
“Nay, but I sense your disappointment.”
“Aye. I am disappointed.” It was a paltry word to describe all she was feeling.
He cupped her chin in his hand and turned her face up toward his. The dim light from a branch of candles next to the bed made it difficult to read her expression. Despite that, he felt her hurt. He tried to dispel his guilt by reminding himself that he had given her no promises, had told her at the start that he was not a man for marriage. It did not help much. He knew she would not blame him, but he blamed himself. The situation had slipped beyond his control. He was no longer sure he had had any control to begin with. If it was fate at work, then fate was exceedingly cruel. It had thrust into his arms the one woman he could not accept no matter how much he might want to.
“But ye will be safe.”
“Aye. I ken it.” Safe, she thought. Aye, safe; but wretchedly alone.
Tess slid her hand up from his back to behind his head. She pressed his mouth against hers. From the first touch of his lips upon hers, her passion began to stir to life. She let it flow freely through her. It would overwhelm all the rest of her emotions, push them aside, if only for a little while.
For a moment she wondered if it was wise or right to continue to be his lover. He intended to leave her behind. That tainted what they shared. It was no longer lovemaking, but Revan using her to sate his lusts until he set her aside. Many might consider her the greatest of fools for still letting him share her bed after he had made his plans for her so clear.
Even as he deepened the kiss and her desire rose, she had the sudden urge to violently reject his loving. Her pride was rebelling, and she knew it. It was her pride making her think such things. She held Revan tighter, fully returning his kiss, and refused to let her pride win. For a few days, for whatever meager time was left to her, she would swallow her pride. It could chastise her later, after she was alone. For now she would take whatever Revan had to offer, no matter how fleeting. Once she was returned to her father’s family, she would have many a long, cold night to soothe her stung pride.
Revan made love to her tenderly, slowly, yet with a hint of the desperation she felt. He covered her with kisses from her forehead to her toes. Even as she slipped into the mindless realm of her all-consuming passion, Tess marveled at how he could make love to her in such a way yet set her aside. Instinct told her there was far more behind his caresses, his kisses, than passion, but he meant to turn his back on it all. As she succumbed to her desires, she felt an urge to weep.
CHAPTER 14
Nairn cursed and swatted at the hand shaking him. It did not stop, simply gripped his naked shoulder harder and shook him more vigorously. He sat up on his bed, one fist raised to clout the intruder, only to pause and frown when he recognized Thorson. The man looked very concerned, and Nairn felt himself wake up even more.
“We have trouble, lad,” the graying soldier said and held out Nairn’s braies.
“The Douglases?” Nairn quickly stood up and put on his braies.
“ ’Tisna an attack, but—ye ken those three corbies who have squatted on the border for nearly a fortnight?” He leaned against the bedpost as Nairn tugged on his hose and shirt.
“Aye? What of them?”
“Well, there are more of the devils now. Twenty at my count. They dinna all wear the Douglas colors, either.”
“Some of Thurkettle’s dogs, no doubt. They have somehow discovered that Revan and Tess are here. But how?”
“One of them must have seen his horse. ’Tis all I can figure. They couldna have seen either the lad or the lass over the walls, and I feel certain we have no spy within the keep. Nay, they had to have espied his horse.”
Not waiting to finish dressing except to yank on his boots, Nairn strode out of the bedchamber he had been using while Revan and Tess shared his. Their last night with him was going to come to an abrupt end. Thorson at his heels, Nairn marched into their chambers, over to the bed, and paused to stare at the couple sleeping there.
The pinch of jealousy was sharp but brief as Nairn studied Revan and Tess. She was curled up in Revan’s arms, her lovely hair splayed out over his chest. Revan held her close even in his sleep, his cheek against the top of her head.
“Have ye ever noticed, Thorson,” Nairn drawled, “how the greatest of fools can often find the sweetest havens?”
Thorson smiled faintly when Nairn glanced at him. “Mayhaps he will prove himself less the fool than he portrays now.”
“I pray ye are right, old friend. ’Twould be sad, indeed, to watch one’s own brother fatally cut himself upon the point of his own pride.” He grasped Revan by the shoulder and shook him. “Wake up, idiot.”
Revan blinked, then glared sleepily at his brother. “What do ye want?”
“The number of the carrion roosting on my border has grown—to nearly twenty.”
“We have been discovered.”
“ ’Twould appear so. Thorson is certain they espied your horse despite all of our care to hide it. They arena al
l Douglas men, either. We could make a stand.”
“Nay. In the end I must still leave, and there will be more of the dogs sent out or waiting for us at Donnbraigh. Naught would really be gained by fighting this lot, and it would pull you even deeper into our troubles. ’Tis best if Tess and I try to slip away unseen. We have become quite skilled at it.”
“Then we will get your horses ready and pack a few supplies for you.”
The minute Nairn and Thorson were gone, Revan shook Tess awake. He felt guilty when he saw how tired she was, for he had woken her up several times during the night. Time and again he had sought to banish the sadness he could sense in her with his lovemaking. Greediness had also prompted him, a greediness born of the knowledge that soon he would no longer be able to reach out in the dark and find her there.
Tess stumbled out of bed and over to the washbowl. Splashing the cold water on her face helped her wake up enough to get dressed. As she tugged on her cleaned and mended lad’s clothing, she glanced longingly at the gowns Nairn had borrowed for her use. There had been a sense of normalcy in wearing them. For a little while she had been able to forget the danger and intrigue she was trapped in.
“ ’Tis still dark,” she mumbled as she laced up her doublet.
“I fear we have been discovered, dearling.” He yanked on his boots, then began to stuff their belongings into his saddle packs. “There are now twenty men or more squatting on that border and staring at Nairn’s keep. We are going to try and slip away while the dark can still hide us. In truth, they probably expect us to try and leave at first light and will be waiting for us then.”
“Do ye think they might try and attack Nairn?”
“If they were certain we were here, and Nairn willna give us up—aye, they might do so. But we will be gone, so I believe Nairn will be safe. If we leave without being seen, they canna even accuse him of aiding us. Leastwise, not with any certainty. ’Tis my belief that they willna waste time or men here if they are certain we arena within these walls. Our leaving will be Nairn’s best defense. Are ye ready?”
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