by Suzy Cox
She shook her head indignantly. More curls escaped. “A what?” she asked, upset.
“I mean, you must work real hard in there,” David backtracked. “I’ve never even seen you in the hallway or the cafeteria.”
“Maybe that’s because you weren’t looking hard enough,” she said. “Maybe I’ve been in all those places all along.” She put her hands behind her back and swung her hips.
“Look, it’s nice to meet you properly and all, but my date, Kristen, you know, the head cheerleader, she’s going to be here any second.” David looked at his watch.
“Really?” Library Girl asked. “Are you sure about that?”
David nodded like a dumb puppy. Library Girl walked over to the roof edge where Tess, Edison, and I were standing. She was a couple of inches shorter than me, with a birdlike build. Could my murderer really look like this?
“And how do you know? What did Kristen do? Leave a note in your locker asking you to meet her up here?”
“Yeah, she did actually,” David said, starting to look confused.
“Before the Scream King and Queen were announced?”
“Yes, but how do you know—”
“And was it on pink notepaper, like this?” She pulled an identical piece out of her pocket.
She had David’s full attention now.
“With little kisses and hugs under her name?” Library Girl asked.
“Yes, but …” Somewhere inside David’s head the cogs crunched into place.
“The note—it wasn’t from Kristen, was it?” Watch out, David was up to speed now. “It was from you.” He pushed his dirty blond bangs off his face. I noticed a purple bruise where the library door had hit. “But why? I’ve never really spoken to you before. Why did you pretend to be Kristen to get me up here?”
Library Girl sighed and sat daintily on the edge of the roof beside Tess. Ed shot me a WTF? look. I felt like I was part of some weird open-air play—the kind that takes place around the audience. How would I know when I heard my cue?
“But David, you and me, we go way back,” she said. “Don’t you remember me at all?” She swung her feet back and forth, banging her heels on the brick. It was weird to see her out of our usual uniform of plaid skirt and blazer. “We were at summer camp together in seventh grade, and we slow danced to Maroon Five. We had that connection.”
Now David was really looking at her like she was not playing with a full deck.
“It was only one dance, but you asked me my name. I thought, there and then, that you were the cutest boy I’d ever seen.” She smiled at the memory.
“Whoa,” Edison whispered.
“Um, I remember camp and the dance, but I don’t remember Maroon Five and I don’t remember you,” David said. “I’m really sorry, but it was, like, five years ago. And I sometimes have trouble remembering what I had for dinner last night.” He smiled apologetically.
Library Girl ignored him and continued her story. “Then I moved schools—to one downtown—and you stayed on the Upper East Side. To be honest, I thought I’d never see you again. I mean, how many kids live in Manhattan? I can go weeks without going to my old neighborhood. I lost contact with a lot of my friends from that time. So imagine how excited I was when—all these years later—you transferred to Saint Bartholomew! I could tell it was you right away. I’d know those sea-blue eyes of yours anywhere.”
Okay, so now she was creeping me out too.
“And that’s when I knew,” she said, looking up at him now. “That’s when I knew we were meant to be: It was fate.”
“Um, there’s obviously been a mix-up,” David said, trying to back toward the stairs and way away from the psycho sophomore. “Maybe I should go downstairs. Kristen’s gonna be pissed if I miss the Scream King crowning. And if you’ve ever seen her mad, you know we don’t want that on our hands.”
“Oh, I took care of her already.” Library Girl jumped off the wall and ran to block David’s path. “I left Kristen a little locker note too: one telling her you’d pick her up from her place at eight fifteen.” She looked at her watch and smiled. “Which would be around about now. I guess she’s waiting there, all alone. Boo hoo. The thing is, it’s taken me so long to get this time on my own with you, David,” she said quietly. “I didn’t want Kristen popping up and ruining it.”
“And I have tried to talk to you before,” she said. David was not getting away from her and down those stairs. “Like that time Camels on the Freeway played amateur night at Arlene’s—I came up to you after that and said how great I thought they were.”
“You did?” David asked, momentarily distracted simply because someone had heard of his stupid band.
“Or when you had that lit essay on Fitzgerald due. You spent hours in the library researching it, and I saved all those extra books for you to make sure you got a good grade.”
If what she was saying wasn’t so goddamn stalker, it might have been kinda cute.
“And when we walked past each other in Rockefeller Plaza all those times on your way to class, I always waved hello.”
“Really?” David was looking creeped out again. As Library Girl was speaking, she’d edged a few steps closer to him. He backed away even more—not realizing he was heading away from the stairs and toward the other end of the roof.
“Is it just me, or is she Girl, Interrupted wacko?” Tess asked. “Like, worse than all the cheerleaders put together?”
I couldn’t say anything. The words were stuck somewhere between my brain and my tongue.
“And we have so much in common,” she said. “Emily Dickinson’s my favorite poet too. I know you love her because you’ve kept her book out even though you’re racking up fines on it every day. I adore the Clash and the Stones and Nirvana. Every time I see you in a new band shirt, it’s like you’ve looked on my iPod and worn it especially for me. So I thought, I have to get David on his own so I can finally talk to him—we’re made for each other. I figured you hadn’t read my letters because they were in library envelopes. So that’s why I planted the Kristen note in your locker. To get your attention. To get you up here.”
“Oookay,” David said, taking another step away from her—and another one closer to the edge. Why wasn’t he looking where he was going? “I’m really glad you did, because it’s been super-nice catching up, but I think we should get back to the party now. Though you’re not dressed for it, are you?” He motioned down to her black dress. “Maybe we could talk another time? Like when I stop by the library maybe?”
Library Girl turned her back to him. Her shoulders slumped. “Maybe we could talk? Maybe you could stop by? Is that all I get? A maybe? I really hoped it wouldn’t come to this,” she said under her breath.
Uh-oh.
Library Girl whirled around. Her eyes weren’t soft anymore, they were blazing.
“I think someone just flipped the switch.” Edison had a worried look on his face I’d never seen before.
“You see, David, I really hoped this would work out between us. But now I’m not so sure. And I’ve come too far to let you just go back down those stairs and make out with some reality-TV star wannabe, after all the work I’ve put in.” She took two more steps toward him. David was way too close to the edge of the roof for comfort.
Tiny as she was, Library Girl stared him down. “I’m sorry …,” she said, and pushed David in the stomach so hard that he fell backward onto the concrete floor, less than a hand’s span from the nine-story drop. She was strong for such a little thing.
“But if you don’t want to be with me, I don’t want you to be with anybody else.” She raised her arm, ready to lunge again. Oh God, she had a knife. David was so shocked, he couldn’t get up.
“Charlotte, if you don’t want Blondie sharing your room in the Attesa, we need to do something—and fast,” Tess said, shaking me out of my trance.
This was it. This was my cue. I looked from the psycho sophomore to David and back again. He might have hurt me more than anyone else
in my entire death, but I didn’t want him to be murdered too. I had to do something.
And that’s when the burning started. In my toes, up my legs, my belly, my arms, my shoulders, until my head felt as if it were on fire. A familiar pink glow began to illuminate the rooftop. But it wasn’t a light. It was me.
David yelped. “Charlotte? B-But you’re, you’re …,” he stuttered. “This has to be a joke. A sick Halloween joke.” He looked desperately around the roof. “Are you in on this?” he asked Library Girl. “Who’s doing this? Make it stop, please.”
“It’s no joke, David,” I said, raising my arms and walking toward him, to show that I was a real ghost and not just a light show like the ones zooming around the ballroom below. Was it wrong to be kinda happy that he looked so terrified?
“I’m here to avenge my death,” I said slowly and deliberately. “I can’t rest until I know who killed me. I have to make my murderer pay.”
“Murderer?” David said. His face was even whiter than mine. “But I thought you fell under the F train. Charlotte, I thought you tripped.”
Library Girl dropped the knife and stumbled away from David, like a drunk person. She could hardly walk. She couldn’t take her eyes off me or stop shaking. Suddenly I got what the expression “you look like you’ve seen a ghost” meant. Not so brave now are you?
I motioned for Tess and Ed to Jab David away from the edge of certain death. They stood on either side of him and gave my confused ex a couple of less-than-gentle pushes to the safety of the center of the roof.
I turned to Library Girl, who was sitting in a crumpled heap on the floor, shaking. Really, was she going to give in this easily?
“You!” I said, pointing at her and floating over. “I am here for YOU.”
Too much?
“Please.” Her whole body quivered like a frightened animal’s. “Please don’t hurt me. I’ll do anything. Anything you want. Just don’t push me over the edge. Don’t kill me. There’s so much more I want to do with my life. It can’t end now.”
I crouched down, so I was on eye level with her. I wanted her to look at my face. Right now, I was so mad, I could hardly speak.
“You know what? There are hundreds of things I’ve never done,” I said. “And I can never do them now.”
Her eyes slowly rose up my face until they finally found the courage to meet mine.
“I never visited another country, or stayed out past eleven,” I said. “I didn’t get to watch the sun rise, or drink a cocktail that’s been properly mixed for me by a barman, instead of Ali swiping stuff from my parents’ liquor cabinet. I won’t get to see my friends graduate. I’ll never dance at my prom. I can’t ask my mom for advice when things get tough, and I’ll never give my dad another hug. I’ll never download the Arctics’ next album or wear something other than my horrible school uniform again.” I felt my voice catch. “I was only sixteen—sixteen—I had everything to live for. But I didn’t get to live my life. So you tell me: Why should I let you live yours?”
Library Girl’s eyes welled and she began to sob. Whatever. Her waterworks were not going to get to me.
“Don’t talk to me about missing out,” I said. “Not when someone took my life before it had even begun.” I was beyond angry now. “All I want from you is the truth. I need to know what happened to me.”
Her eyes were defeated and red. “I didn’t have anything against you as a person, Charlotte,” she started. “But I knew he would never notice me with you here.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, we may have just cracked young Feldman’s case,” said Tess. Edison motioned for her to shhh.
“Go on,” I said. Oh God, I thought.
“There was a day, weeks before you died … David came into the library,” she said. “He gave me the biggest smile.” She actually grinned herself at the memory, through the shakes. “I thought, finally, finally, after all these years, David knows who I am. I’d tried so hard to get his attention, but it was like I was invisible.”
“I know the feeling,” Tess said.
“I knew that if I could just get him to talk to me, he’d realize we were meant to be together,” she said. “And now he’d noticed me—it was my time. So while he was studying, I went over to say hello.” Her face clouded over. She looked over at David, who sat crumpled in the center of the roof. “But by then you had snuck in. David was sitting with you, and you guys were”—she looked disgusted—“making out. I told you to stop, threatened you with calling a teacher and getting a detention, but neither of you seemed to care. You carried on kissing. And when you walked out of the library, you were holding hands. That was when I knew—if I was going to get to him—I had to get you out of the way.”
I’d been waiting seven days to hear someone say those words—every night when the world was asleep, I lay there agonizing about who my murderer could be—but now that Library Girl was saying them, they didn’t feel like the prize I expected. Instead it was like I was having to deal with my death all over again.
“Go on,” I said slowly.
Library Girl sat upright. “I started following you, every day for a couple of weeks …”
How hadn’t I seen her? Why hadn’t I turned around or caught her out of the corner of my eye. I guess that, even if I had, I wouldn’t have noticed her. What she said was true: Compared with the Tornadoes or the drama club or even Brian and his sugar-sandwich-induced bulk, she was one of the invisible people.
“It wasn’t difficult.” She twisted a stray curl around her finger. “You always took the same route home. At first I didn’t know what I was going to do to you. I thought about putting pills in your coffee—you always had a cup of that in your hand—but then I figured that they’d do an autopsy and the cops would pick up the drugs and know it was murder. And I couldn’t have that. How could I get close to David if I was in jail?”
My glow faded a little. My energy was shrinking. I hadn’t won even if her words gave me my Key. It was horrible to hear this.
“I knew I had to make it look like an accident so that no one would be suspicious,” she said. “But what kind of accident could it be? Then I saw you and David after class one day. You were walking across the road and you tripped …”
“I remember it. I grabbed your arm.” David’s voice was taut. I’d almost forgotten he was here.
“You were both giggling—laughing at your clumsiness—while he teased you about how that happened all the time and how you would hurt yourself one of these days if he wasn’t there to catch you when you fell. And that was all I needed to know. I had my method, my alibi. I thought about pushing you under a cab, but that might not have killed you.” She shuddered. “What if you’d just been injured and David spent the rest of his life caring for you, like Cary Grant in An Affair to Remember? I’d never get between you then.”
I hated how much she’d thought this through.
“No, a cab wouldn’t do. I needed something faster. Something heavier. Something fatal. Like a subway train.” Library Girl smiled at her own ingenuity. “So I waited until you were traveling home on your own that day. It helped that you were wearing those stupid high-heeled boots that you couldn’t walk in.” She looked at my feet, noticing for the first time that I was wearing them still now.
She lifted her eyes back up to mine; they were cold now, expressionless. I knew then for sure, before she even admitted it, that she’d done it, she was the one.
“Then I got right behind you, on that crowded platform, and when the train came in, I pushed. And that’s when you—”
I screamed. A horrible, loud, last-noise-on-earth scream. It was a noise I’d only made once before. Then. For a second I was back there, back on the platform. As the wind sucked back my hair. The F train chugged. My foot felt wet. Headlights in the dark. A sharp push. Someone screamed. Heat. Then nothing. Until I came to and saw Nancy’s face.
Until I realized my life was over.
I looked over at Edison. I forgot the platform, the confusio
n, and Nancy. Instead I remembered what he’d taught me at the river. I remembered the lights dancing on the water, the gulls bobbing up and down, the silence of the night, and everything he said. His most important lesson of all.
The burning inside me began to change. All my pain and hurt and anger—at Library Girl and Kristen and Jamie and Kaitlynnn and the Blondes and David and even Tess—traveled down inside of me, until I wondered if there was anything left.
Then it started to rise.
I got hotter and hotter and hotter until I thought I was burning. The light around me turned from pink to a toxic neon green. Ectoplasm began to drip from my arms. I felt my spirit grow and rise off the roof.
This wasn’t apparition, this was different. I was stronger than I’d ever been.
And I was going to take this bitch down.
Chapter 30
“YOU ARE MY MURDERER.” MY VOICE WAS louder than before. It echoed around the skyscrapers, like thunder in a summer storm. “What gave you the right to steal my future?”
I was at least nine feet tall. I raised my arms high and green streams of light shot out of my palms, the lime glow reflecting in the windows of the buildings around us. David let out a whimper and covered his eyes. I loomed over Library Girl, my ectoplasm dripping on her freshly laundered dress.
“The cops might not know what you did,” I said, “but I do, and I am going to make you pay.”
Library Girl said nothing. She just sat in the same upright position, gently quivering.
“Um, Charlotte,” Tess said, bending down and waving an apparited hand in front of Library Girl’s face. “You can stop with the second-rate Stephen King script regurgitation. You got her confession. Plus I think you may have finished her off already.”
“What?” I boomed.
“She seems to be in a catatonic state of shock.” Tess Jabbed Library Girl’s arm, but she didn’t react. “I think you’ve scared her cuckoo.”
Oh.
I floated down to her level. Library Girl’s eyes were glassy, her pupils unmoving. The only sign she was still alive was the gentle rising and falling of her chest and the occasional blink. I’d made her pay all right. The entrance fee to the nearest psychiatric unit.