by Scott Rhine
Phrased in this manner, no Phib could refuse. Payment for debts was always required, assumed by the children if necessary. Isolchar accepted the memory fob. “Let this be a symbol of a new relationship between our people.”
Yeah, when you upload it, that virus will tell me exactly where you are. I don’t trust you farther than I can throw you.
Both Max and the captain smiled and bowed diplomatically.
Chapter 15 – Pleasure Cruise
The day of the launch arrived, and Max abandoned covering for Hans over brunch with Zrulkesh. “I tried to talk him into staying, but Hans refused to be on the same vessel as a Phib, let alone serve one. He jumped ship.”
The captain didn’t seem sad to see him go. “He was a lazy worker and a sloppy painter. With the others arriving in a few hours, we have better uses for his share of the food and air. A few of my normal crew members will be taking the cold sleep to conserve resources on this ridiculously long haul.” At the end of the meal, the captain patted his mouth with a napkin. “I’m afraid after this the governor will be dining at my table. There won’t be room enough for you as well. As a consolation and in gratitude for your finding the passengers, I grant you two one-day sessions with our astrogator.”
“You’re too kind, sir,” Max said, trying not to grit his teeth. After he had provided an extra diamond and a full load of paying customers, all he had earned was two meager visits over the span of eighty-seven days they would spend in subspace.
Emerging from the elevator on the cargo level, Max located Reuben. As he passed the dining-hall table, he signaled for one last private conversation in Hans’ room before everyone else boarded.
When Reuben arrived in the makeshift janitor’s quarters, he handed his assistant the lock picks. “Practice on the cage doors.”
“My fingers are sore from all this manual labor,” Reuben objected as he leaned over to try his feeble skills on the tiny animal cage.
Watching the entrances and his computer pad for Saurians, Max asked, “Have you run any tests on the original iron yet?”
“Just the carbon ratio. Either I messed something up, or there is none.”
Max nodded. “Probably from asteroids or melted-down stolen ships. If we measure the specific impurities, we’ll be able to tell which and possibly the system it came from.”
Reuben stuck out his tongue in concentration as he fiddled with the latch mechanism. “Why are they faking the manifest to make it look like it all comes from Jotunheim?”
“There are no industrial smelters on a low-tech world like Eden. Whatever mix they get, they have to make do with. Most of them will extrude the pellets or hammer it in a forge. Inferior metal may be too brittle for most full-gravity applications more strenuous than horseshoes.”
Reuben wrinkled his nose. “Who would be dumb enough to buy from these crooks?”
“Because of tech restrictions, there may be an upper limit on the metal that can be imported each year. Skyscrapers are an unlikely usage. I’m betting on bootleg weapons. If those break, the criminals will get what they deserve.”
“What if they’re making steam engines? A lot of people could die.” The lock clicked open and Reuben cheered.
“That reminds me,” Max said. “Steam engines are used for paddleboats, one of the best ways to navigate Eden. The spaceport sits in a bay protected by a natural breakwater, which guards it against storms and tsunamis. If anything goes wrong on splashdown or on the journey, you need to be able to tread water.”
“I—I’ll wear a life vest,” Reuben stammered.
“This afternoon, we train in the pond.”
Reuben bleated in distress.
****
Lisa arrived as part of an advanced contingent. A man pushed a cart full of luggage down the silver path behind her. Seeing Max in boxers and Reuben wearing nothing in the pond, she quipped, “Giving your pet a bath?”
“Swimming lessons. Very important on Eden,” Max replied, a little disconcerted as her eyes roved over him. “Do you need any?”
“Mmm, would I need to take off my clothes as well?”
Unabashed at his own hairy body, Reuben toweled off in an exhibitionist fashion. “You’re early. Any special reason?”
Her eyes never left Max’s torso. “Her majesty, the governor’s wife, wanted me to make certain that the picture window has been installed in her stateroom so she can see the jungle scenery.”
Reuben stepped out of the pond, towel over his shoulder. “Yeah. Bulletproof glass.” If there were more customizations, he would be roped in to do the scut work. Goats always were. “I just remembered some reading I have to do.”
Max tried to follow, but Lisa stepped between. She whispered, “We ran your prints from the gun.” One side of her mouth twitched up in a grin. “The Order of the Dolphin?”
He wrapped himself in the second towel. “Pardon?”
“You’re too modest. The Turtles nominated you for their highest non-native medal!”
He sat on the bench in the gazebo. Water that dripped off him would be reclaimed into the pond. “Oh. That.”
She sat next to him, her dress tightening as she bent. The silver fabric shimmered with active rainbows like oil on water. “So blasé. This is big. When we reach Eden, you should let them pin it on you. It will be great publicity and better race relations.”
“I don’t like cameras,” he muttered, his eyes drawn briefly to a swirl of color in the fabric covering her chest. He had been away from Humans too long.
She placed a hand on his. “Well, they love you.”
That phrase on her lips sent a thrill through him. “Would you like a real tour of the place?”
“Is this an excuse to get me alone?” When he fish-mouthed, she toned down the sex appeal. Gently, she said, “Thank you. I’d like that. I don’t have many friends, and I’d be a fool to turn down a distinguished gentleman.”
Glancing at his bare legs and the round, puckered scar on his side, he said, “I just need a moment to dress.”
He rushed back to his stateroom and changed into his formal dining apparel. While he trimmed his beard in the bathroom, he could hear Jeeves cleaning in the main room. This made him smile. The shy creature was slowly coming to trust him. Although, the screwdriver kept vanishing from under the pillow to appear on the top shelf of the closet. His butler had definite ideas about where things should go.
When he finally opened the door to his room, Lisa was leaning against the wall waiting. “You clean up nice. Pressed pants and everything.” She pushed past him into the room. “Oh, dear. Tell me you’re not gay.”
Max blinked, stunned by both the presumption and the statement. “What?”
“I’ve never seen a room this neat.”
Looking both ways, he closed the door to his room so they could speak in private. He lowered his voice. “It’s a secret.”
“I live for secrets,” she said. “Would it help if I told you one of mine?”
He raised a hand. “I don’t want to pressure you.”
“It’s okay,” she said, sitting on the edge of his bed. “The media already found out, but the other scandal was bigger. His wife only suspects. I had a long-running affair with the governor. Since his wife stood behind him publicly and vocally through the crisis, he owes her. He broke off our relationship before this trip. Since I’m tainted by his actions, I can’t get another posting. My career is ruined. I have to see him every day and pretend nothing happened.” She paused to take a ragged gulp of air, holding back emotion.
“That’s awful. I’m sorry.” He sat beside her and slipped a comforting arm around her back. She nestled in, pressing into his chest. She was so soft and warm. “Y-You deserve better. If you don’t mind my asking, what was the scandal?”
She rolled her eyes. “Building the new supertransports to move colonists from Earth to other worlds is critical. Without a way to bleed off more population, we’re doomed to the same collapse spiral as before.”
“D
idn’t the last supertransport, the Mayflower, disappear due to a misjump?” The legend of the crude ship made from a hollowed-out asteroid ranked second only to the Titanic.
“On the way home from Soho, loaded with radioactives and metals, not people.”
“I’ve been there. The heavy neon in the atmosphere makes for some spectacular lightning storms. It’s very romantic.” Max gazed into her eyes until she looked away shyly. “What could have induced the big shipyards to construct the superclass vessels again?”
“The councilman had intelligence obtained from raids on the Phib worlds that they pirated the Mayflower, along with a long list of other ships over a span of three decades. No misjump. We leaked that information to the press, even though it was considered classified. Members of an opposing party accused him of doing it to profit from the government contracts. Nothing was ever proven. He acted in the best interests of our people.”
Max said, “I can’t believe anyone thought you were less interesting than leaks from century-old Phib documents.”
She chuckled throatily. “You talk a good game, but how well can you use that mouth without words?” Somehow her arm had slipped around him as well.
The social dance of words had just become a jujitsu match. Her eyes held him paralyzed as Lisa licked her lower lip like a predator.
A bodyguard tapped on the door, interrupting the moment. “Ms. Troutwine, the governor needs your report.”
“Damn. Be right there,” she said with reluctance.
Max showered, setting the water as cold as it would go.
****
Lisa assumed the role of cruise director, scheduling everyone’s work and free time in order to maximize shared living and dining space. For two hours each day, Max was supposed to act as doctor to the crew, while the new physician, Dr. Corwin Dubois, attended to the Humans. Aside from the few aliens in cold sleep and the copilot, Max didn’t have any patients until he added a still to his broom-closet office. Saurians could appreciate the application of corn mash and potato peelings in this fashion.
Lisa also invited herself along on the morning exercise routine around the outer ring, though she preferred rock climbing. When she heard Max was teaching a seminar on Eden, she said, “The governor needs a briefing like that. A native’s point of view would be invaluable.”
In the end, she invited all the passengers traveling to the primitive world. Since the bodyguards spoke only their native Lunar languages and the governor’s Banker was shaky, the lecture had to be given in English. “Everything about Eden is dramatic, even crop fertilization. The greenest areas are those lands recently hit by a tsunami. That’s how the first cryptids washed ashore. Decomposing marine life makes the best fertilizer. The second-best fertilizer is volcanic ash. The only truly stable place on the planet is the desert where I was born.”
His survival and hunting stories had Lisa and the men riveted. The governor liked the golf rules stipulating that one had to herd the giant frogs off the course without harming them. Max demonstrated “hypnotizing” a poison-arrow frog by rubbing its belly, using Isolchar as a stand-in. It worked, and the Phib dropped the class soon after, humiliated. Reuben slipped out in order to tend animals and pepper plants.
“You’re a natural teacher,” Lisa insisted. “You said you were running out of evening entertainment. In gratitude for your generous favor, I can share my holo collection.”
“Thanks. I am about fifty years out of date on pop culture. A little exposure couldn’t hurt.” He flipped through the huge catalog on her computer pad. “This is every major release and top-rated show in the last five years. Wow.”
“I never have vacations, so I usually catch up on my serials during long trips. However, I don’t have a video screen in my stateroom.”
His mother had raised him to be polite, so he instinctively offered, “You can use my screen.”
“I’ll stop by and show you my files after dinner,” Lisa purred.
****
Warning bells went off for Max when Lisa arrived in her oversized workout sweats and slippers. Since she wore no makeup or jewelry, this couldn’t be considered a date. Her smile was open and friendly, so he invited her in as a fellow passenger.
“The governor and others are having formal dinner upstairs,” she explained. “I just need to unwind.”
To watch the racy but hilarious sitcom, he had to sit next to Lisa on the bed. The waist of her baggy pants dipped just low enough to offer a glimpse of a lacy, black thong, and the loose collar of her shirt told him her bra strap was the same color. She had pulled her hair back to provide a tantalizing view of her neck and shoulder. For the first fifteen minutes, he managed to keep his eyes on the screen for most of the time. Her laughter was musical. Whenever he didn’t get a joke or innuendo, Lisa would explain.
The scent of her hair made it hard for him to think straight. He hadn’t been alone with a Human woman in so long. To avoid fantasizing, he watched her lips until he realized she had stopped talking.
“Is there something you want to ask me?” Lisa asked softly.
I need another cold shower. “Eh … it’s sort of something I have to show you. Nobody believes me otherwise.” Excited at sharing the secret of Jeeves, he said, “Mess up my bed sheets any way you like.”
So she did.
Ten minutes later, gasping and exhausted, he pushed her away. He never thought kissing could go on that long. Thank God for scuba training. When she leaned against him on the bed, the sweatshirt rode up, allowing the arms he had around her to touch bare skin. Every sensation was electric. He didn’t think he could hold out for a month of this treatment before he saw Gina again. In fact, only the thought of Gina kept him from going all the way at that moment. He put a hand against Lisa’s chest to forestall her. “We need to take things slowly. You’re vulnerable right now. I don’t want to take advantage of you when there’s no one else around.”
Her eyes were half-lidded. “Right. Let’s wait until after lights-out when everyone’s down here. I’ll scream as loud as I can. I want Xavier to know how that feels. I want to screw someone’s brains out in the room next door and then eat breakfast across from him, smiling. I want him to know exactly what he’s missing.”
Months of revenge sex? He considered this for a moment. As twisted as the idea sounded, part of him shouted at him to play along. No, he was looking for a wife to complete the triad. He needed to find out more about this woman before committing. “As a CU negative, I can’t pair bond.”
She played with his thin beard. “That’s actually a plus in your favor. Just friendly sex.”
Max stood up before his body could demand more. “Right. The secret I promised you. Step out into the hall with me.”
He held her hand as they walked into the inner corridor ring. Men and Saurians saw them step out. A guard raised an eyebrow as she rearranged herself and wiped lipstick off his face and neck. He shivered, remembering the kisses on his neck. After several people noticed them holding hands in the hallway, she asked, “Well?”
He tapped politely on his own door before placing his hand on the reader. When he led her back inside, she gasped at the restored sheets. Smiling, she asked, “How did you manage this?”
“I have a magic butler.”
“Do we all have one?” she asked like a little girl.
“Nope.”
“Not the Goat. He wasn’t hiding in the closet or anything?”
Max shook his head.
“Tell me!” she insisted. Lisa was so cute like this, he wanted to prolong the mystery.
“I’m going to make you guess. It’ll take days of interrogation. You’ll never squeeze it out of me.”
“Challenge accepted,” she said breathily.
****
Every moment Lisa wasn’t working, she offered to him, even if he just read while she worked her cryptogram puzzles in the same room. After their long talks and hours of handholding, he began to think she could be the one. She hung on his every w
ord and laughed at his every joke. They repeated the “butler experiment” on a daily basis, longer and with more variations—for the sake of science. She knew how to make men beg. He used her like the n/umb to drive away conscious thought. Each night, their good-bye lasted longer, and gradually more clothing decorated his floor.
Max held out for three weeks of intense questioning. Relentless, she broke him, and he spilled everything.
Sprawled naked beside him late the next morning, she speculated, “Jeeves sounds like a protospecies.”
“A what?”
“A species that might be intelligent or develop into a sentient, like the pandas. Let me comb through the Union records and see what I can find.”
Stroking her hair in the afterglow, he asked, “You have access to that?”
“Why wouldn’t I? Claremont was on the oligarch council’s alien affairs panel.”
The oligarchs of Earth and the University of Anodyne had vastly different goals for humanity. Had she slept with him to lure him to the dark side? Part of him felt used. No. He knew the slime bag she worked for, and Max had still courted her every night. He had no excuses. He covered for his lapse by kissing her lower back as she rolled out of the sheets.
“You didn’t know, and it bothers you,” she stated.
“How did you guess that? I’m not connected to the collective,” he said, exasperated.
“You’re very sweet and very predictable. Some of us have work to attend.” Slipping into clothes much faster than she had taken them off, she kissed his forehead.
“Are you going to question me about my dealings with other species?”
“Another debriefing?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows. “We can do that any time you like.”
He covered himself with the sheet. He hadn’t told her about the mission on Eden yet because he didn’t want her to view him as a killer.
Once she was gone, Jeeves shambled over the top of his food dish. He had the coloring of the blankets and the wrinkled aspect of a flattened Shar-Pei. In no way could he be called cute, if Jeeves could indeed be considered a he. Watching it eat was actually a little creepy. Max could hear crunching but not see a mouth or eyes. Where would he even attach a collar? “Sorry about that. I wasn’t planning on being in bed quite this long today. I’ll give you some privacy. Your back teeth are probably swimming, too.”