by Rosie Howard
‘It’s not exactly Starsky and Hutch, is it?’ she joked as Ben helped her down the stairs later.
‘More like Starsky and Crutch,’ agreed Ben. ‘What are you going to do if he makes a run for it?’
‘Scream like a girl and wait for you to rugby tackle him?’ suggested Maddy. ‘Or I could bash him over the head with this,’ she said, waving her crutch around.
‘Maybe not,’ said Ben, ducking. ‘More dignified to keep to the moral high ground. Plus, I’m not sure I want to be raising bail for you. Right,’ he said, peering through the glass panel of the door to the bar. ‘Customers are all gone; let’s go.’
‘Kevin,’ said Ben loudly, coming through the door and reaching back to move Maddy in behind him as he went. ‘A word.’
‘Busy,’ said Kevin, gesturing to the tables covered in empty glasses.
‘We’ll cash up, then, shall we?’ suggested Ben. ‘Share the load and all that?’
Kevin threw him an evil look. For a moment Maddy thought he was going to face Ben down and then, as she watched, his face suffused with rage.
‘You can’t prove anything,’ he said.
‘Interesting choice of words,’ said Ben. ‘Don’t remember mentioning that I needed to. Maddy?’ he added, gesturing towards the till. ‘Would you?’
‘I would,’ she said, pulling the till tray out onto the bar. Initially her hands were shaking but – as she worked her way through the familiar actions, printing off the till roll, scooping out the change and the notes, counting it out into piles – she became calmer.
Kevin, after staring furiously at her for several seconds, got on with gathering and washing the glasses, going on to restock the shelves as she finished.
‘It’s out,’ she said to Ben, as she finished, tipping the coins that made up the float back into their little sections in the tray.
‘That happens,’ said Kevin defensively. ‘You know it does.’
‘Not by this much.’
‘So I made a mistake,’ he said. ‘Gave the wrong change.’ He glared at Maddy, his hands tightening into fists.
‘No mistake,’ said Ben. ‘It’s over, Kevin.’
‘You’ve got no proof.’
‘Ah, but we have,’ said Ben. ‘All the proof we need,’ he added, pointing up at the camera over the door.
Kevin’s eyes went to where Ben was indicating. For the first time he noticed the adjustment and he scowled, his upper lip rising into a sneer.
‘What are you going to do?’ he said, shrugging almost casually and strolling towards them both. Ben, checking out Kevin’s clenched fists, took a step towards him simultaneously grasping Maddy by the shoulders and moving her aside.
‘Well,’ said Ben calmly. ‘That depends …’
The two men squared up to each other. Ben was taller, broader, and Kevin, his chin jutting, had to look up at him.
‘I could pay it back,’ said Kevin.
Ben tilted his head, pretending to consider. ‘That would be very nice,’ he said, as if Kevin was offering him a cup of tea and a slice of cake, ‘and if you want to avoid prison I should have thought that would be a very good idea indeed.’
‘You going to call the police?’
‘Er, well, I thought I might,’ said Ben, raising his shoulders and holding his hands out to the sides in mock surprise.
‘Fine,’ spat Kevin. ‘Put me in jail and see where that gets you,’ he sneered. ‘You’ll never see a penny of it if I’m inside, and you needn’t think I haven’t got mates,’ he added threateningly.
‘I would imagine the kind of mates you’ve got are already inside,’ said Ben. ‘And, as for the money, I’m not holding my breath anyhow,’ said Ben, ‘but – I’ll tell you what I’ll do for you,’ he said, as if he was proposing a compromise solution in a tricky business matter, ‘you walk out of that door and never come near this place ever again and I might just consider not handing over our evidence to the police. Of course, if there’s the slightest hint of trouble, either from you or from anyone in your delightful little circle of friends, we will ensure that charges are pressed for every theft, drug deal, pub fight and parking ticket you’ve ever swung. Do you understand?’
As Ben had been talking his voice had been dropping in volume and growing in intensity until his face was an inch from Kevin’s.
Recoiling, Kevin took a step back and then another.
‘You’ll be sorry for this,’ he hissed, looking away from Ben to Maddy who had been standing stock-still behind the bar.
He pointed his finger at her. ‘You …’ he spat, his face contorted with hate. ‘You stuck-up bitch. This is down to you. Posh cow … you think you’re better than everyone, don’t you? I know what you are, even if you can’t remember,’ he sneered. ‘I know what you did.’ He paused. ‘What we did.’
He watched her face closely, for her reaction. ‘Yeah …’ he sneered again. ‘You weren’t a posh stuck-up cow then, were you?’ He gloated at the effect he was having on her. ‘I reckon we should do it again sometime, don’t you?’ He raised his eyebrows in query. ‘Maybe when you’re least expecting it, eh?’ She shook her head, trying to back away but the shelves were pressed up against her spine. ‘Yeah, let’s do that,’ he said. ‘You disappeared for a bit, didn’t you? Ran away. But I know where to find you now.’
She stared at him, frozen, her lips pressed into a thin white line, her pupils dilating with fear, until her eyes were like black pools. She saw Ben lurching towards Kevin, fist raised, and it broke the trance.
‘No,’ she shouted to Ben. ‘Don’t do it. Let him go …’ she gasped for breath. ‘Just … get him out of here.’ Turning away, she grabbed the money bag and till roll and walked, stiff-legged, her crutches wobbling unsteadily, to the office to put the money in the safe. Her heart was pounding so hard, her whole body was swaying with the impact of every beat.
When she came back in, Ben was alone. He reached up and shot the bolt in the door closed before walking towards her, arms held out to the sides.
‘You’re okay, Maddy,’ he said quietly, intently, meeting her eye and holding her gaze. ‘You’re fine.’
Maddy nodded, but she was gasping too much to speak.
‘This is just adrenaline,’ he went on, reaching her and grabbing her arms. ‘Just a physical reaction. That’s all it is.’
‘I know … I know …’ she sobbed. ‘I just … I can’t …’
‘Yes you can,’ said Ben. ‘Come here.’ He encircled her with his arms, tightening them around her as she tried to turn away, instead pulling her head against his shoulder. ‘Breathe with me,’ he went on. ‘Maddy!’ he said sharply, commanding her attention. ‘Breathe with me. Now.’
Feeling his chest rising and falling against her own, Maddy closed her eyes and tried to mirror him. In. Out. In. Out. Every third breath she took an additional gasp, the urge to pant for air was overwhelming.
‘There you go,’ said Ben steadily, after a few breaths. ‘You’re doing fine.’
It wasn’t true, but as the minutes passed, Maddy’s heart slowed. Gradually, though, violent trembling overtook her and her limbs seemed to turn to water.
In response, Ben turned her in his arms and lowered her gently to the floor, so she sat, with him behind her, leaning her back against his chest.
Slowly but surely the world returned and the panic receded. She could feel his body heat warming her icy limbs. She realised she was freezing even though she was simultaneously drenched in sweat.
‘Better?’ murmured Ben into her ear, at last.
Maddy nodded. ‘Just adrenaline, eh?’ she said shakily.
‘Uh-huh,’ he replied. ‘Oxytocin’s pretty much the direct antidote for it. It’s known colloquially as “the cuddle hormone”. My holding you like this has just made your body release enough of it to calm you down.’
‘Oh,’ said Maddy, straightening. She was thinking of Ben’s actions more as an emotional response than a chemical experiment. ‘Anyway, I’m fine now,’ she added
briskly. ‘It’s amazing what a bit of adrenaline can do to a girl – awful, really.’
‘Could have been worse,’ said Ben.
‘How?’
‘Incontinence,’ he said dryly.
‘Lovely,’ said Maddy. ‘You mean you go around hugging people – purely in a medical capacity, obviously – and in return they wee on you.’
‘Yep,’ said Ben, ‘and worse. Believe me, I’ve been there.’
‘Oh, I do,’ said Maddy, pushing herself up off the floor, awkwardly balancing on her good leg. ‘Anyhow, I really am fine now,’ she said, brushing herself off, and avoiding meeting his eye.
‘Thanks,’ she said.
‘You’re welcome.’
‘I thought you were going to hit him.’
‘So did I.’
Maddy noticed there was a muscle pulsing in his jaw.
‘He knows what happened,’ she whispered, a tear escaping from the corner of her eye. ‘And I don’t,’ she went on. ‘He knows. It was him.’ She swallowed. ‘And he knows where I am …’
‘No, he doesn’t,’ said Ben grimly. ‘Because you’re getting out of here. Tonight.’
Patrick and Helen had already gone to bed. Ben had a brief and terse-sounding conversation on his mobile and then joined Maddy in her bedroom to help her finish her packing.
‘I can bring the rest of this stuff tomorrow,’ he said. ‘Just take what you need for tonight and for your meeting tomorrow.’
‘Yikes! My meeting. I’ve got nothing to wear.’
‘Serena will help.’
‘Is that where we’re going?’ asked Maddy.
‘It is,’ said Ben. ‘They’re waiting up for us.’
‘I can’t just leave Patrick and Helen on their own.’
‘’Course you can. They’re not children.’
Reluctantly, Maddy scribbled a note for them and left it on the kitchen table with the pepper pot on top of it.
‘What if he—? Do you think he’ll come and – I dunno – do something?’
‘I don’t even seriously think he’ll come back and do anything to you,’ said Ben, ‘let alone Patrick and Helen. He may be a despicable toerag, but he’s not as stupid as he looks. You just need to be out of here,’ he said. ‘Admit it, even the thought of Kevin coming back and challenging you is enough to cause harm, the state you’re in.’
‘No one’s ever been worried about my mental state before.’
‘Really? You surprise me. Now, come on …’ he added, grabbing her rucksack and holding out his arm.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
It was nearly one in the morning and, just as they drove out into the country, the street lights, all on timers, switched off behind them, making the town disappear into the night. It was like a ghost town, only real when they were in it, like Brigadoon.
‘Do you ever miss London?’ asked Ben. ‘The city that never sleeps and all that?’
‘I think that might be New York,’ said Maddy, yawning. ‘I do like the countryside; I like that it’s properly dark at night and that you can notice the seasons changing. In London, there’s such anonymity I sometimes I feel I might be invisible …’
‘Will you stay here?’
Maddy sat up straighter in her seat.
‘More and more, I think I would,’ she said. ‘But not with this awful thing …’ she gestured, remembering how she was half an hour before. She turned to look at him. ‘Would you like me to?’
Ben stared straight ahead at the road. ‘I would,’ he replied.
Serena and Giles were waiting for them. Before Ben had even switched off the engine they were out in the courtyard. Giles was fully dressed still, despite the late hour. Serena looked as if she had just got out of bed, with pyjamas, a fleece top and a pair of green wellies that she ditched in the porch as she led Maddy into the kitchen, clucking and fussing over her.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Maddy said.
‘Don’t you dare apologise,’ replied Serena. ‘I will not have you apologise for anything to do with that vile little creep,’ she went on, grabbing Maddy and pulling her into a fierce hug.
‘We’re on furniture-moving detail, old man,’ said Giles to Ben, who took the torch Giles was offering and made to follow him outside. Turning back to Serena, he said, ‘You need to try and get some food into her. Her blood sugar is probably on the floor after everything she’s been through.’
‘Cheese sandwich?’ she offered. Maddy shook her head. ‘Beans on toast? Bacon bap? Sausage roll? Chocolate cake? Come on, Ben’ll kill me …’ she pleaded. ‘I know!’ she exclaimed. ‘Hot chocolate and a piece of toast?’
‘Oh, go on, then. No toast, though, thanks.’
Relieved, Serena grabbed a little saucepan and filled it with milk.
‘It’s perfect that you’re here. We can run through the proposal again tomorrow – actually today – but I mean after we’ve slept,’ she said, glancing at the kitchen clock, ‘and then we can go to Brighton together.’
‘Are you nervous?’ asked Maddy.
‘Not remotely,’ said Serena. ‘And neither should you be.’
Maddy was draining the last of the hot chocolate when Ben and Giles came back.
‘Right, come on,’ said Ben, holding out his hand. ‘Your boudoir awaits.’
‘The Grainstore?’
‘Of course,’ said Serena. ‘I just hope it’s not too cold. We lit the woodburner as soon as Ben called.’
There was a fine drizzle falling as they made their way the few yards to the Grainstore by torchlight. The slick, rain-soaked cobbles made Maddy nervous and she was grateful for Ben’s arm around her waist, steadying her.
‘It’s fab,’ said Maddy, overtaken with the charm of the little space all over again as she ducked through the low doorway. With a table lamp on the floor by her improvised bed – the men had somehow dragged the mattress and bedding down from the mezzanine – and the flickering light from the woodburning stove, the room glowed with cosiness and warmth.
‘I didn’t want you having to use the sofa bed; it’s a bit small,’ said Serena. ‘Especially if there’s two of you,’ she added naughtily.
Maddy gave her a sideways look and didn’t dare glance at Ben.
‘Righto,’ said Giles, rubbing his hands together. ‘That’s you sorted, then.’ He reached for Serena and shepherded her away. ‘Come on, old thing, time for your beauty sleep.’
‘Are you staying?’ Maddy asked Ben.
He yawned and rubbed his face. ‘I should get back, really,’ he said. ‘But I’ll admit, I’m bushed. Would you mind?’ he said gesturing to the sofa.
‘Of course I wouldn’t,’ said Maddy. ‘Although I’d be insulted if you didn’t just lie next to me here, like Serena suggested,’ she said. ‘No funny business, mind.’
‘Definitely no funny business,’ agreed Ben, with a little too much emphasis for Maddy’s liking.
Within minutes they were respectively in the bed and on the bed, Ben insisting he was perfectly happy fully clothed with one of the Bespoke Consortium blankets over him.
The glow of the fire made an outline of Ben’s profile. Maddy lay gazing at it, tracing the strong jaw and full lips with her eyes.
‘I’m so relieved we’ve nailed the pub losses,’ she said at last.
‘Me too,’ smiled Ben. ‘Although I don’t think we should count our chickens … I don’t trust that Dennis as far as I can chuck him.’
‘I think dwarf-chucking’s outlawed nowadays.’ Maddy sighed, feeling the tension drain out of her, replaced by a gentle but mammoth wave of fatigue.
Yet again, she felt tears spring to her eyes.
‘Maddy?’
‘I’m fine,’ she said, but her voice cracked on a sob. ‘Oh bugger, I wish this would stop happening,’ she muttered, dashing her forearm over her eyes.
‘What is it?’
‘Dunno … relief?’
‘Okay.’
‘Yeah?’ said Maddy, turning her head to look at him.
&nbs
p; ‘Sure,’ he said. ‘Think about it, all these problems … we’re nailing them one by one, aren’t we? Patrick’s improving, he’s getting on with your mum, the pub looks like it can climb out of its financial pit, your cast is coming off soon and tomorrow your funding for the professional part of your whole new life down here is going to be one step closer to dropping into place. All sounds pretty good to me.’
They lay in companionable silence, watching the reflected light from the flames flickering on the vaulted ceiling above them.
‘Sleepy?’ asked Ben.
‘Not really. I think my oxytocin levels are falling a bit low again.’
He leant over her and pulled her onto his chest.
Looking up at him, Maddy gazed at his lips, just inches from her own but he pulled his head back and turned away. To take the sting out of the rejection he curled his arm around her more firmly and gave her a hug. ‘You have no idea,’ he said in a low voice, ‘how much I would like to …’
‘I wouldn’t mind,’ pleaded Maddy, propping herself on one elbow so she could slide a hand between the buttons on his shirt. Mm, his chest was so warm and firm, with exactly the right amount of hair, she thought.
In response, Ben took hold of her hand, removing it gently but determinedly from his chest and holding it in his own. ‘We can’t,’ he said. ‘Believe me.’
Maddy groaned, but desisted. There was only so much rejection a girl could take.
‘Are you going to go to sleep?’ he murmured after a minute or so.
‘Nope,’ said Maddy, but with his body warmth and his heartbeat thudding slow and regular in her ear, her eyelids quickly drooped.
Alone at last, Ben sighed. It wasn’t getting any easier keeping her at arm’s length. In any other circumstance he would just stay away altogether – give himself time to get his head straight – but with Maddy in the state she was in he dared not. His mission, his promise to Patrick, his need to protect his own flesh and blood meant he was in it up to his neck and the sooner he could persuade her to accept help from Duncan the better. That said, the escalation in her distress worried him; the flashback and then tonight’s panic attack – both involving Kevin – made him wonder just what the hell had happened that night. Perhaps his and Duncan’s plan to unveil her memories, far from resolving her fears, might lead to more harm than good. Was Kevin telling the truth or were his comments tonight just the cruel taunts of a creep lashing out in revenge because he’d been caught out?