by AJ Matthews
With his face screwed up, he awkwardly shook her hand.
Of course he's confused.
You practically threw him down on your front porch and tried to have your way with him only hours ago.
Before things grew more awkward, she opened her door and climbed out, and then pulled Tyler out of the back. The two of them stepped back onto the sidewalk as Eric shifted the truck into gear and pulled away from the curb, waving goodbye to them in his rear view mirror.
Winn raised her hand and waved back. Although she needed to meet with Eric to select and train a dog for Tyler, some physical and emotional distance from the man was in order.
Which was madness. She’d gone a couple years now without anyone in her life, and was astonished how she’d allowed herself to fall so hard, so fast for this guy.
She barely knew him after all.
But what she did know seemed to be all she needed to know.
He was brave. Loyal. Considerate. Good with kids.
Especially good with Tyler.
Gorgeous to boot.
Damn.
I’m in so much trouble.
Chapter 6
Peering over a cardboard display of a new candy product she didn't need, Winn spotted Eric at the meat counter chatting with Joe the butcher. She hung back and ducked her head, convinced if he turned around she would have time to crouch so he wouldn’t catch her staring at him.
More like stalking him.
A couple of their encounters this past week were accidental. Like the one at the hardware store. She'd stopped in to pick up vacuum bags and found Eric at the counter talking to the owner.
She could’ve simply said, “Hey, what's up?”
But nooooo.
Instead she’d launched into a two-minute monolog detailing how she'd been vacuuming so much from all the dead grass and debris and salt Tyler had been tracking into the house that the vacuum bag filled quickly and she hadn’t realized she was out of replacements, and Anna was coming over tonight to hang out for a girls’ night in and she needed to clean and so here she was at the hardware store because she needed new bags and wasn't it funny he was here at the same time?
Idiot. She’d never had a stronger desire to face-palm herself.
When did she become a babbler around guys? Today, she’d done another thing she would never have done a year ago. She'd been headed out of town, to go to the supercenter twenty miles away for childproofing items Harvey's Hardware didn't carry, until she saw Eric's truck in the grocery store parking lot.
Though her mind screamed keep driving, her little hybrid must have been on auto-pilot as it pulled into a space at the side of the store.
She didn’t need anything from the market, but she picked up a hand basket anyway, selecting a few random items from various aisles until he came into view. His dark hair, mussed by the wind, stood in stark contrast to the sharp cut of his navy sport coat paired with a pair of gray dress pants. She’d only seen him in casual clothes, and while he looked amazing in his regular wear, this dressy look was woah. Her sharp intake of breath drew attention from the blue-haired Travis sisters who were scrutinizing the clearance rack of salad dressing and pasta sauce nearby.
“Oh, ow, stubbed my toe,” Winn explained, but the ladies were already ignoring her again, back to their important task. She settled next to the candy display and pretended to check prices on cat food as she periodically peered at Eric from about ten feet away.
“Hello there, Ms. Garringer! You have a cat?” It was Mr. Willard, from karaoke night at Charlie's.
Winn cringed. He was so loud.
Loud enough to draw the attention of everyone around them. Including Eric.
Winn wanted to make like a cat and slink down the aisle in the opposite direction to elude capture, but it was too late.
Eric nodded his farewell to the butcher and headed in her direction, smiling broadly as though he were in on a joke Winn may have well been the butt of. She was now between Eric approaching from the front, and Mr. Willard to the rear. The rock and the hard place, come to life.
She stiffened her spine and pasted on a smile as Eric approached.
He stopped, leaned over, and brushed a soft kiss on her cheek. The gentle graze of his lips was so electrifying, made her feel so raw, they might as well have both been naked and panting for one another on the cold vinyl floor.
Her face went up in flames, and her thighs quaked with desire.
While Eric seemed as calm and cool as could be, she was ready to pounce, pin him down like a mouse and...
“It's nice to see you again so soon,” Eric whispered into her ear, the warmth of his breath and the bright, fresh scent of his soap further eroding her sense of propriety. He pulled away before she kissed his cheek in return.
Disappointed was too mild a word to describe how she felt.
“Y-yes, wonderful to see you too.”
Dolt. Stop stuttering whenever you're around him.
Then Eric shot a glance at Mr. Willard, who stood there and followed their conversation.
“Hi, Willard. How are you? George,” Eric thumbed at the meat counter, “was telling me he got in an order of porterhouse steaks. Doesn't Velma love those?”
He raised his eyebrows, and Mr. Willard skittered off, stuttering, “H-have a lovely day, folks.”
With that, Eric glanced at her and laughed. “Funny how we run into each other so much these days, isn't it?”
Winn scoffed. “It's because we know each other now. We'd probably been in the same places a dozen times before we officially met, but didn't notice.”
“I would’ve noticed you.” His words echoed her true feelings, and her heart pounded erratically in her chest.
“Well, I should, uh, run. I have to head over to Liston, to the supercenter to pick up childproofing supplies. For the house.”
He pointed to her basket. “Couldn’t you get those things there? Probably for a little cheaper?”
Winn glanced at the razors, nail polish, and pantyhose she'd absently picked up. Warmth crept into her cheeks. “Yes, well, I like to shop locally when I can!”
The faux-cheerful tone of her voice was a total giveaway she was lying.
This was definitely another “face-palm” moment.
Eric stared at her wordlessly. It was time to retreat. She backed away, waving tentatively before turning around and walking briskly to the registers at the store's entrance.
Winn returned the gum-smacking cashier's greeting with a nod, whipping out a twenty-dollar bill and stuffing her change in her purse as she darted to her car.
“Seriously?” she mumbled, throwing the plastic bag into the passenger seat with so much force it bounced and landed on the floor instead.
Stuttering. Staring. Stalking.
She had it bad and was afraid it wouldn’t improve as long as she needed to spend any significant amount of time with him.
Which reminded her of the appointment to meet him at his place in a few days to pick a breed so Eric could obtain the dog and begin training.
Nothing was going according to plan. She was so out of control of her emotions. She hated he made her feel this way.
Well, she didn't hate how he made her feel desirable. Beautiful.
She did hate how he made her want to be impetuous.
She didn't know what to make about the fact he made her feel worthy.
Deserving of a good life, a happy one filled with love and laughter.
But how could she be, when she still blamed herself for the accident?
***
A few days later, Eric opened the door and found Winn plucking with her thick hair and tugging at the hem of her bright green parka.
Good. She looked as nervous as he actually was.
He'd seen her a few times in the past week, peering around corners or over stacks of boxes, and it was adorable.
Not to mention right on par with his own behavior.
He'd driven by her house a few times, spotting her c
ar in the driveway, but he always stopped short of checking on her.
That could give the impression he cared.
He did care—but didn't want to admit it to anyone else.
He certainly hadn’t mentioned it to Winn’s brother when he called out of the blue on the premise of learning more about the dogs, though Eric got the impression he was checking up on this new guy who’d sauntered into his family’s life.
But he had confessed to Tony and Anna. Winn still hadn’t decorated, so he’d enlisted their help with putting up lights and wreaths and garland outside while Winn was at his place for this meeting.
“Thanks for coming by.” Eric smiled, and she responded with a dazzling grin of her own.
“I'll take any excuse to play with dogs.” Her melodious laugh was accompanied by a whoosh of steam as she exhaled.
Eric grabbed his coat from the stand inside the door and joined her on the porch.
Winn's cheeks were flushed pink from the strong wind, lending a pretty blush to her fair, freckled skin. Her hair, damp from the falling sleet, stuck to her face. Like the strands were begging him to brush them away.
Touching her was such a bad idea because it made him want to do more.
So much more.
“This way?” She pointed to the converted barn serving as a kennel for the dogs he was already training.
“Yep, let’s go.”
He led her across the wide expanse of yard to the barn, their feet crunching on the grass weighed down by the sleet. Winn glanced up at the sky and pulled her coat tight to her body, arms crossed.
As they entered the heated building, she scanned the kennels, bending to pet each dog as it approached the bars. Her laugh rang out as the black lab, Colt, rolled over on his back and wiggled around as she stroked the underside of his chin.
“These babies over here—” Eric tapped on the wall to the right. “—are service dogs. On the other side are the working dogs.”
“Oh, what's the difference?” Her genuine interest pleased him. No one in town had inquired much about his work.
Probably because he refused to talk about his time in the Army, when he'd first worked with dogs.
“Come on, I'll show you.” He took her by the hand, pulling her to the back door of the building.
As a gust of icy windy blew open the door, Winn's bright blue eyes focused first on the obstacle course of ramps, ladders and barrels used to improve the working dogs' agility, then widened as her gaze alighted on the pile of junk about twenty yards away.
“Wow, you should call somebody to haul that to the dump!”
“I would, except we need the rubble, the concrete blocks and wood and metal, to train the working dogs. They work in bomb detection, drug detection, search and rescue, and...” He swallowed, closing his eyes as images of his own experience with dogs and piles of rubble after bomb blasts clouded his head. “As cadaver dogs.”
“Oh.” The sadness in her eyes matched the somber note in her voice.
“Any idea what kind of dog you'd like?” He wanted to change the subject of dead people about as much as she seemed to want to.
“I watched the videos you sent and read all the guidebooks. It seems like so many breeds could function as autism service dogs. But...” She wrinkled her nose and looked to the ground.
When she glanced back up, her bottom lip caught between her teeth, Eric groaned inwardly as he battled the urge to nip at the soft flesh himself. Instead, he encouraged her to finish. “What?”
“I can't shake the image of that day at school, when Tyler smiled. That was all Tuck’s doing, which makes me partial to German shepherds.”
He laughed. “Excellent choice. You do know about the shedding, right?”
“What about it?” Worry lines etched her forehead.
“They shed once a year, for three-hundred-sixty-five days at a time. You may want to stock up on vacuum bags.”
Winn moaned and hid her face, apparently mortified by her behavior at the hardware store. Eric found it delightful.
She had no clue how cute she was.
He wanted to press her up against the side of the barn and show her.
The kiss on the cheek at the store had ignited a desire he couldn't brush aside, no matter how hard he tried. Instead of acting on his impulse, he led them back inside the kennel.
Winn glanced at her watch. “I should be going. Tyler will be home in a bit and I need to be there to meet the bus.”
Eric pulled out his phone, and couldn’t believe the time. The hour had passed so quickly. “Right, of course. I’ll walk you to your car.”
As they exited the front entrance of the barn, they were pelted with freezing rain, which was falling in steady sheets now.
“Crap,” Winn muttered.
“Is everything okay?”
“Oh, nothing. I just… hate driving—” She held out her hand. “—in this.”
“I can take you home, if you'd prefer not to drive.”
She shook her head, loose curls bobbing with the motion. “No, no. I can do it. I don't like to do it, but thanks.”
“At least let me follow you home.”
Winn’s mouth pursed, as though considering his offer. She nodded in agreement, and he walked her to her car and then jumped in his truck to follow. He hadn’t planned on being there for her reaction so that would be a bonus. They couldn't get back to her house fast enough.
***
Winn drove home slowly, maneuvering her car around the winding country roads with care. When her tires slid on the slick pavement, her heart lodged in her throat. She wiped one sweaty palm on her coat, then the other. When headlights appeared in the opposite direction, Winn tamped down a wave of nausea and slowed to a crawl to avoid slipping into the lane. She turned the heater in the car off as nervous sweat trickled between her shoulder blades.
Some day she would overcome her fear of driving in wintery weather.
Some day she would forgive herself for Gus's debilitating injuries.
That day was not now. By next Christmas, hopefully, or the one after.
As she pulled into the long driveway, an odd glow emanated from the front porch. On closer inspection, drapes of greenery and ribbons adorned the front porch, a wreath hung on the door, and another truck sat on the other side of the circular drive, idling.
What. The. Hell?
The car jerked as she slammed it into park. Eric parked right behind her, smiling as he joined her when she stomped up the steps.
Anna and Tony exited from the other truck as Eric bent over to pick up a box from the porch floor.
Winn glared at Eric, and his face fell.
“Who did this?” she gritted through clenched teeth.
“I...”
“You what? Thought I wanted this? You had no right!”
She unlocked the front door and yanked it open, leaving Eric to catch the slamming screen door behind her.
Memories from Christmases past threatened to crush her under their agonizing weight. Happy holiday memories—her first bike, Gus's Nintendo, and Mom's delicious Christmas breakfast, captured like photos in her mind. Tyler wouldn’t have those same memories this year with his dad, and it was her fault.
Winn grabbed a trash bag from under the kitchen sink and rushed back to the porch. Eric dropped the box he was holding on the entryway floor and moved back to her side as she pulled handfuls of garland and pine cones from the railings.
He wrapped his hand around her wrist. “I'm sorry, I thought...”
“You thought what? Clearly, you gave this no consideration. This is my home, not yours.” She jerked her wrists, and he loosened his grip. His shoulders slumped, and Winn felt guilty for her hysterics.
Her moment of weakness flitted away as quickly as it had appeared.
“Leave. Now.” When he took another step toward her, Winn threw up her hands and ground out, “Go!”
Eric took a few steps back, and then turned, shoulders slumping as he slinked from the por
ch like a chastised puppy.
Anna shot Tony a sideways glance, and he followed Eric to his truck, leaving with his friend.
Once the men were gone, Winn dropped the trash bag and darted inside. She collapsed on the sofa and allowed herself to release all the anger and sadness building over the past few minutes. Over the last few months, actually. She sobbed and clapped her hand over her mouth.
Anna came inside and sat next to Winn, draping a comforting arm around her shoulder. She relaxed into the other woman’s embrace and let the tears flow unchecked. Gasping for air, her cries subsided, and Anna moved to grab tissues from the end table. Winn yanked a sheet from the box and dabbed at her running mascara and blew her stuffy nose.
“I-I'm sorry for my outburst, Anna. I can't bear to look at the decorations. It reminds me so much of… You know what happened to my brother last Christmas, right?”
“No, I don’t, and you don’t have to tell me. Wow. I’m so sorry. This was so insensitive of us.”
“I don't blame you, Anna. This was his idea, right?”
Anna nodded.
“Of course, none of you know what really happened. Still, he had no business doing this.”
“Sweetie, you need to talk to Eric.”
Winn shook her head vehemently as another gasping sob erupted from her chest.
The brightly colored box Eric carried from the porch was a Christmas train set. He remembered Tyler loved trains.
Crap.
How thoughtful. Winn’s heart softened.
“He has his reasons for wanting to decorate. You should let him explain.”
Had she overreacted? Eric’s crestfallen expression told her he’d expected her response to be much different. He had no clue about how she'd distanced herself from the holiday to ward off the haunting memories. She needed to explain—and apologize for being a major bitch.
Winn didn’t have many friends, but she’d grown close to Anna over the last couple weeks, and the handful of times Anna had been at the house, Tyler seemed to like her too. “Anna, would you be able to stay a little while longer? Tyler will be home from school soon, and I need to go make an apology.”