by DiAnn Mills
“Toss some of your good intentions James’s way. He’s really got it in for the guy,” Fred said.
Alarm propelled through her veins. The last thing she wanted was to see Ryan on the receiving end of one of James’s volatile outbursts. She’d heard about the foreman’s temper, even seen it in action when one of the servicemen neglected to complete a job to James’s satisfaction. “I hope James’s animosity is all talk.”
“Let’s pray so. I keep telling myself any man who’s a volunteer fireman and comes to a Bible study can overcome his dark side.” Fred scanned the parking lot one more time. “Ryan must have changed his mind. We best get inside before the service starts. I haven’t seen James and his family either.”
Alina admitted she wanted to go to church alone—without Ryan. A wicked thought, but the truth. Going through the box of keepsakes had left her feeling as though she’d been tackled by the old emotions. Sitting on the same pew with him would distract her from keeping her love for him separated from good sense—and the real reason for attending church. Worship needed her full attention.
“Are you coming?” Marta asked.
Alina swung a confused glance at Marta, then at Fred.
“Where?”
“Church. Are you all right?” Marta asked. “Sure. My mind was wandering.”
Fred chuckled, and it irritated Alina. It irritated her very much.
Once inside the small red-brick church, Alina settled into the pew beside Marta and Fred. She glanced around at the familiar surroundings: the stained-glass windows that had been there since the church was built in 1928, the cross suspended from the ceiling, the organ on one side and the piano on the other. Each item represented importance to the Sunday worship, but the most important ingredients were the worshipers and God.
Tears streamed down her face as fast as she could whisk them away. Marta placed her hand atop hers, but Alina dare not look her way.
“Things will work out.” Marta leaned toward her. “Fred has connections within the industry that can help you find another job.”
Alina nodded, afraid to speak for fear she’d dissolve into a pool of tears. Her sweet friend believed the emotion stemmed from the upheaval at Flash, and perhaps that was best for now. But Alina knew her tears came from her relationship with Ryan. God wanted her to state the truth, but she couldn’t do it—not now or ever. And the knowledge made her miserable. Granted, the situation at Flash had upset her, but she’d find another job. The circumstances between her and Ryan, though, wouldn’t have a good ending. Once they completed the transition, he’d go back to his world, and she’d stumble back to hers. All she’d have left was a dusty box of memorabilia and more regrets than she had before.
God, please help me be strong. I keep making one mistake after another, and I’m not glorifying You. Help me to be You when I deal with Ryan. Is it possible to be his friend and not feel this horrible ache in my heart? I’m sorry for my caustic words. I really need You to guide me through this.
Monday, 8:00 p.m.
Ryan sorted through the deluge of e-mail. One day of not checking his mailbox, and every member of Neon had to copy him on a post or request information. In addition, many of the personnel worked via e-mail on Sundays. Ryan vowed a long time ago to keep the Lord’s Day free from work. Sometimes he traveled on Sundays, but he made it a point to avoid working—not to be legalistic but to show reverence for the day. He’d been invited to attend church with Fred and his wife yesterday, but he attended a different one to avoid Alina. He hadn’t figured out if that decision was godly or not. When he’d thought about it long enough, he realized if his presence upset Alina, then it was best he stay away.
He continued to collect e-mails; the number pushed at the one hundred mark. Nice to be needed, but today the idea of hibernation has a lot of merit. This onslaught of messages must be why I haven’t dared take a vacation since I started working for Neon. Today’s meetings in Columbus had been routine except for a closed session with some of the top executives.
“We want to reiterate how much we want you as part of the team here in Columbus,” the chairman of the board said. “You have the communication skills necessary to head up a division that would act as a liaison between the needs of the acquired smaller companies and the parent company. You’re a great team player, an asset for any corporation. As a VP, you’d have very little travel and a substantial pay increase.”
“I appreciate your offer, and I’ve been giving it a lot of thought,” Ryan said. He should have said he’d been praying about the offer, but he refrained.
“We need an answer by mid-April. Although we don’t want to look for another person to fill the position, we will need time if you choose not to accept the job.”
Stress and pressure. Just what he needed on top of everything else clouding his mind. “I understand. If I accept, what happens with the transition at Flash?”
“You’d finish that assignment before assuming your new duties.”
“You’ll have my decision, possibly sooner than your deadline.” Ryan weighed the pros and cons of the job. Mostly he came up with pros, and the cons were his insecurities about taking on more responsibilities. The bottom line was that God called the shots, and Ryan had no idea what He wanted.
He scrolled down through his e-mail, reading the messages that looked important, saving the others until later, and deleting the junk. His cell phone rang, and he snatched it up, eager for the diversion. Fred greeted him.
“Before I go to bed, I wanted to check in with you about our eight o’clock meeting,” Fred said.
“Is there a problem?”
“Possibly. Flash always has a Tuesday morning Bible study for those who want to participate. It’s at seven thirty and usually runs forty-five minutes.”
“Why don’t I join you?” Ryan chuckled. “After last Friday, being a part of a Bible study with the group who hates me might make the next three months a little easier.”
“That bad, huh? I got wind of a few of the remarks, and I handled them from my end.”
“Job security is a big issue, and I don’t blame them for feeling hostile. I’d feel the same way. Anxiety has a way of bringing out the worst in people. It’s the wanting to slit my throat that bothers me.” Instantly Ryan regretted his words. “Hey, Fred, forget I said anything about Friday. Those folks have every right to their opinions. And I’m serious about attending the Bible study, unless you think it might make the others feel uncomfortable.” Like Satan tuning in for tips on how to make a believer’s life miserable.
“Fine, Ryan. I think it’s a great idea. We’re discussing First John, chapter three, verses eleven through twenty-four.”
“Thanks. I’ll read it beforehand. Would it help if I brought bagels or a fruit platter?”
Fred laughed. “I have the food part covered. Seriously, is James or Alina giving you trouble? I’ve discussed the situation with both of them, but I can again.”
“Absolutely not. I’ve worked with men like James before. And I believe after the talk Alina and I had, we’ll be able to work together without any serious issues. Fred, this is my job. Trust me in that I can handle situations that arise from the buyout.”
“All right. But if anything comes up with any of my people, I’ll talk to them. What I hope they realize is that Neon is not the enemy. The flip side of this is I could have closed down the business, and none of them would have a job.”
“Unhappy employees happened to be my major in college.” Ryan pushed his “happy” voice. “The work will get done in the allotted time. I’m sure they’ll come to realize what you did is for their benefit as well as the customers’.”
“But I won’t have any of them causing problems on my watch. Good night, Ryan. See you in the morning.”
Once the phone lay on his desk next to his car keys, Ryan opened his Bible to 1 John. He well knew the passage—all about loving each other. “Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” He cringed. Some we
ll-meaning person could easily use this verse to criticize Ryan’s job of downsizing Flash Communications. He didn’t plan to attend the Bible study to gain support for the transition; he always needed a fresh word from God. Ryan wondered if Alina embraced Christianity and if she would be there. They had attended church together a few times but never discussed the importance of God in their lives. Never lived it either. Going to church was more of “the thing to do” than the meaning of life. Another regret.
Ryan closed his laptop with the realization that his presence in the morning could make matters worse. The last thing he wanted at a Bible study was to open a can of VWMD—verbal weapons of mass destruction. So dare he go, or should he have his own quiet time with the Lord?
Tuesday, 8:15 a.m.
One more time Alina attempted to concentrate on Deidre’s reflections on what it meant to love everyone despite your feelings about their actions and behavior. Alina’s thoughts focused on Ryan, the same place they’d been since Friday. The Bible study this morning seemed to be directed at her. She’d treated him shamefully the last time they were together, and she needed to make amends with a sincere heart. An apology made for selfish reasons disappointed God.
This buyout wasn’t Ryan’s fault, and she had no right to blame him. He’d been right; if he’d been a stranger, she wouldn’t have been rude and uncooperative. The details of the buyout had been decided long before Ryan came into the picture. At least this way, some of the employees would still have jobs, and the customers would receive exceptional service. She should be thankful for this decision—but it was one of the most difficult things she’d ever attempted.
Alina blinked several times in an effort to stay alert. Today she’d be working alongside Ryan. Today she hoped to have a new attitude. Today she’d feel all the tension of working with a man she once loved. The mere thought of those feelings gripped her heart. She reached for a cup of coffee in the hope that her brain would jump into overdrive. The merger and the three-month transition would be a whole lot easier if Ryan weren’t in the picture. One look at him or the sound of his voice brought back the longing she thought she’d buried.
God, is there a good reason for this? I’m trying not to be selfish, cynical, and all those other things that take root in me. I want to honor You with all of me. Oh, Father, just seeing Ryan fills me with misery and thoughts of what I abandoned. I don’t understand my own heart, but I know You do.
“I think too many of us fall under the category of loving with words and tongue and not in actions and truth,” Deidre said. “When I read this last night, I thought of Ryan Erikson. I realized I’d been rude when I should have offered friendship and respect for his position.” She pointed to Ryan. “Now here he is in our Bible study. And while I’m on a roll, I could have been much more encouraging to Fred. This merger is no one’s fault. We’ve always said the customer comes first, and Neon will make sure their needs are met. So I want to say I’m sorry to both of these men for not living my faith. I wish everyone at Flash were here this morning so I could express my regrets. We’ve often spoken of how many need the Lord, and then we crawl into our own selfish worlds and do nothing to mirror the Lord. I pledge to show in my actions not only the love of Jesus, but loyalty to Flash and Neon.”
The only sound in the boardroom came from the hum of the furnace.
Why couldn’t I be transparent and state those godly things? Alina smiled at Deidre. She wanted to speak up and say how much she appreciated her dear friend, but the words refused to come. Perhaps Alina feared turning into a blubbering idiot.
“Thank you.” Fred cleared his throat and coughed. He reached for his coffee. Deidre’s candid statement had affected them all.
Ryan must have sensed everyone’s attention on him. He nodded, stared down at the table, then fixed his gaze on Deidre. “I’ve worked through many buyouts and transition periods. Some have been smooth and pleasant. Others have been difficult. But I’ve never had a company allow me to attend a Bible study nor had anyone admit they harbored ill feelings and apologize in front of others. I appreciate your faith and your willingness to work through a situation in which you have no idea whether you will have a position at the end of three months. That takes guts and deep faith. Thank you, Deidre.” He sat back in his chair and reached for a cinnamon roll. “I offered to bring bagels or a fruit platter this morning, but Fred was afraid I’d dip them in arsenic.”
“Might eliminate a lot of headaches for you,” Fred said with a grin.
Laughter rose, breaking the awkwardness. Alina wished she had Deidre’s humility, Ryan’s ability to lighten situations with a heavy dose of humor, and Fred’s interest in others. Later she’d tell them how their words had touched her. Perhaps someday Alina could be a light instead of a candlesnuffer. She turned toward Ryan and trembled. Meeting his gaze, she mustered a smile. Did he have any idea how difficult her gesture of peace was? She committed to living her faith and exhibiting professionalism despite the fact she hadn’t stopped loving Ryan Erikson. The truth held such pain that she felt physically ill. No one could ever learn the truth, most of all Ryan.
After the Bible study, Deidre, Ryan, Fred, and Alina discussed the goals and responsibilities for the transition team.
“The majority of the work will fall on Alina and Ryan,” Fred said. “Deidre, you’ll assist in however the two need your help. I’ll continue to run Flash while feeding needed info to Ryan and Alina.”
“Neon uses software technology that will allow integration of your files in a relatively easy manner,” Ryan said. “I suspect we’ll have everything converted to the new system in about six weeks. Once we make the switch, I’ll need everyone on staff for the next six weeks to make sure the transition goes smoothly. Hitches are bound to occur, and these need to be worked out before I make my full report to my boss in Columbus.”
“When will employee evaluations take place?” Alina asked, and Fred stiffened. “It’s all right, Fred. I’m only asking for my own information—so I can plan.” She shook her head. “I intend to do what I can for you. I apologize for my actions last week.”
He offered a faint smile. “Glad to hear that. You’re a pivotal person in this process. I need your expertise.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“That’s all I ask.”
But I won’t have a job. And I don’t feel like being nice. This may be the best solution for Flash, but I don’t see why God couldn’t have done something different with me.
six
Tuesday, 12:15 p.m.
By lunchtime, Ryan and Alina had settled into somewhat of a working relationship. Their conversation teetered on the fence between formal and rehearsed. A wall, built from the rubble of miscommunication six years ago, seemed to stand between them. It left him frustrated, and yet he couldn’t do a thing about it. The whole matter hammered into his control-oriented temperament. After Fred disappeared into his office and Deidre went to work at her desk outside Alina’s door, Ryan could have split the tension in the room with an ax. Unfortunately, he was as much to blame as Alina.
He powered up his laptop and logged on to Neon’s site, while the past stayed on the forefront of his mind. He wanted to talk about it, but instead he talked about software programs and what needed to be done first. They avoided eye contact, and their words sounded like verbiage from an employee manual. Conversation topics that centered on business emptied from his mind; he could only concentrate on the task at hand. He decided to focus on work and not on the woman beside him who smelled faintly of an exotic flower and looked entirely too appealing dressed in a spring green pantsuit.
Ryan cleared his throat, but words failed him—Ryan Erikson, the communications major who traveled around the country bridging the gap between small companies and Neon Interchange. What a joke—and one he planned to keep to himself.
Suddenly the date occurred to him. “It’s Saint Patrick’s Day,” he said.
She lifted her head from the mound of files on her desk.
“Your green suit.”
She laughed just like she used to when they teased each other. Now, as then, it reminded him of a little girl running breathlessly in the wind. Odd, how he still felt the same analogy, the same lift in his spirit.
“Most of the women here today are wearing something green,” she said.
“Guess none of them wanted to be pinched,” he said. She lifted a brow, and immediately he realized what he’d said. Great going. First he couldn’t think of the right thing to say, and now he’d made an inappropriate comment. All I need is a harassment suit. “Oh, that came out all wrong. I’m sorry.”
Again she laughed. “You aren’t wearing green, but I’ll pass on the pinching.”
“Nice of you to give me one concession. I’ll hide in here for the rest of the day in case someone else notices.”
“You’ll get hungry.” She pointed to her watch. “It’s twelve thirty.”
“I need a bodyguard.”
“Sorry, the only one we have is the foreman.”
Ryan winced. “And he hasn’t decided if he likes me or not.” Actually, James evidently had decided, but Ryan refused to bring up the subject.
“I imagine he’s out looking for a pot of gold.”
He could read a whole lot into her statement with the job situation there at Flash, but he chose to ignore it. “What about you? I’ll spring for lunch, if you promise to keep the leprechauns away.”
She hesitated, and he sensed the bantering had ended. “Is that such a good idea?”
“It’s business, Alina, unless you’ve made other arrangements.”
“Deidre and I have plans.” She moistened her lips. Ryan inwardly smiled. Alina’s gesture had not changed; he’d succeeded in triggering her nervous button. The realization gave him no satisfaction.
“I see.” He forced a smile. “I’ll see if Fred is in the mood to play bodyguard. What about dinner? I’ll still need someone to protect me.”