by Beth Wiseman
“But they’ll do more chemotherapy, right? They can get the rest of it, ya?”
Jacob shrugged again. “Maybe.”
Annie found Jacob’s hand and held it tightly. “Why is this happening to both of our mudders, at the same time like this?”
“I don’t know.”
They held hands, watching the sunset, as Annie fought not to question the Lord’s will.
“I love you, Annie.” Jacob squeezed her hand.
“I love you too, Jacob.” She had no idea what the future held, but for now, it seemed like loving each other was the glue keeping them both sane.
“Mamm is going to tell Charlotte tomorrow. She takes things real hard. Charlotte’s a gut Christian and we all love her, but she isn’t the best at accepting everything as God’s will.”
Nor am I, Annie thought, when it came to her mother. Annie had already tried to envision a life without her mom, and the vision never fully developed. Baby Grace needed a mother. God was going to fix this. Mamm will wake up.
“Ya, Charlotte will take it hard,” Annie finally said.
“Do you think she will ever convert and marry Daniel?” Jacob turned to face her, the lines in his forehead deepening. When did he get those?
“I hope so. Daniel loves her, and I believe she loves him just as much.”
“Now isn’t the time for them to be making those kinds of decisions.” He shook his head.
“Or”—Annie took a deep breath—“maybe it is the right time for them to get married, so they can be there for each other, comforting one another the way husbands and wives do.”
Annie recalled the one time she and Jacob had broken the rules, God’s rules, and shared in a way that only married people should. They’d sworn not to let it happen again, but right now, Annie could recall the intimacy she’d felt with Jacob, the way they’d seemed as one. What an escape it would be, to fall into his arms and forget about everything for a while.
“But maybe they’d be getting married so they could”—Jacob raised one shoulder, then lowered it—“you know . . . comfort each other.”
Annie stayed quiet. She was pretty sure they weren’t talking about Daniel and Charlotte anymore. Jacob leaned over and kissed her in a way that would only lead to a place they’d vowed not to visit, but Annie allowed herself to feel all the passion that his lips offered.
“Let’s take a walk.” Jacob rose, still holding her hand, and guided her to her feet.
“It’s almost dark.” Annie started down the porch steps with him.
“We won’t be gone long.”
Annie opened her mouth to protest but didn’t.
Charlotte knocked on Lena and Amos’s door ten days after she’d had her surgery. They would just be finishing up with morning devotions since this was an off Sunday for worship service. She’d spoken with Lena several times and visited her twice, but Charlotte hadn’t seen her since she’d gotten home from the hospital two days ago.
When Buddy started barking, Charlotte smiled. Giving her precious Chihuahua to Amos might have been the most unselfish thing she’d ever done. Amos had taken to the dog while Charlotte was staying with them, and at the time Jacob had left home. Lena and Amos were both feeling the void. But it warmed her heart when the screen door opened and Buddy ran to her. She scooped him up and scratched behind his ears.
“Hey, Buddy.” Charlotte let him give her a big, wet kiss on the cheek before she looked up at Amos. “Am I too early? Hannah left a message for me last night that you and Lena wanted to talk to me. Is everything okay?”
Amos took a step backward, motioning for Charlotte to come in. Lena was still in her nightclothes, covered by her robe, and sitting on the couch. She had a scarf pulled around her head instead of a prayer covering.
“Forgive my disheveled look this morning.” Lena touched the top of her head, then folded her hands in her lap. “Are you hungry? Hannah brought over two loaves of fresh bread. I’m still moving slowly.”
“You know I’m not going to turn down bread.” Charlotte sat on the couch beside Lena. “But first, I want to know what’s going on.”
Amos shuffled in his socks across the room, opened his bedroom door, and disappeared with Buddy on his heels.
“They didn’t get all of the cancer, Charlotte.” Lena smiled a little, then reached for Charlotte’s hand. “And I need for you to be strong right now.”
Charlotte’s stomach twisted, like she’d been punched in the gut. “What?”
“Mei maedel. The cancer had already spread when they did the mastectomy. The doctors had hoped that wouldn’t be the case, but alas . . .” Lena looked down for a few moments before she reconnected with Charlotte’s gaze. “All hope is not lost, but it isn’t gut either.”
Charlotte’s bottom lip trembled, and she wanted to be strong for Lena, but she couldn’t imagine her life without her in it. “Then you fight. You do everything the doctor says. If the chemo makes you sick again, Hannah and I can switch out taking care of you. I’ll—I’ll cook or have meals brought in or . . .” She took a long, deep breath. “I’ll do whatever you need me to. What should I do?” A tear trickled down Charlotte’s cheek.
Lena smiled. “Pray.”
“Of course. Of course I’ll be praying.”
“But, my sweet girl, you must also understand that whatever happens is God’s will.”
Charlotte opened her mouth to speak, but Lena raised a finger to silence her.
“Nee, Charlotte. I want you to listen to me. You tend to get angry with God if prayers aren’t answered the way you see fit. But that isn’t our way, and it shouldn’t be your way either.”
“This is so messed up,” Charlotte said through her tears, knowing she sounded like Andrea. “Just messed up. And there isn’t anything you can say that will make me not beg God to heal you completely.”
Lena chuckled. “I would never ask you not to pray to God for my well-being, but I will ask you to accept my destiny, either way.”
“I can’t believe this is happening. I thought for sure you were out of the woods.” She searched Lena’s eyes. “Did you already know when you went into surgery?” Charlotte recalled Lena’s instructions about not keeping her alive on machines.
“No one had told me the cancer was still there. They didn’t know. But in my heart, I had a feeling.”
Charlotte wiped her eyes. “So, what next? More chemo? Another surgery?”
“Nee. My body has put up a gut fight, but it’s had enough. I am going to try some alternative, holistic healing methods, along with homeopathy. I’ve joined a group, mostly Englisch, who have chosen this route as their treatment.”
“No.” Charlotte shook her head. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t try those things, too, but you need to utilize modern technology, Lena. I feel strongly that—”
“It’s not your decision.” Lena cut Charlotte off as she raised her chin. “I need you to accept my choice of treatment.”
“That’s not a treatment. Or it shouldn’t be considered as your exclusive treatment. It’s not enough.” Charlotte’s voice hitched as she sniffled. “Please, Lena.”
Lena adjusted the scarf on her head, letting go of Charlotte’s hand, which felt symbolically awful. “If God chooses to heal me, it won’t matter what regimen I choose. I’m putting my faith in Him, and only He knows what is best for me.”
Charlotte hung her head as she thought about Daniel’s mother being kept alive by machines in the hospital. “I’ll respect your wishes, Lena.” She straightened and forced a small smile. “But I really need you to be okay.”
“I am okay. Hannah and Jacob support my decision, even though I know that, like you, they’d prefer I utilize everything the doctors have to offer.” She shook her head. “I’m so tired.”
Charlotte glanced around the room and leaned her ear toward the kitchen. All quiet. “Where is Jacob?”
Lena rolled her eyes. “In bed. Apparently, life in the city has left him with some bad habits, like staying up l
ate and sleeping in.” She twisted to face Charlotte and flinched. “Amos isn’t happy with me. That’s why he vanished to the bedroom. He doesn’t like to hear that I’ve chosen not to endure more treatments.”
Charlotte fought the urge to try to reason with Lena again, but as she winced again, just from a slight movement, Charlotte suspected maybe Lena had been downplaying her pain. Charlotte recalled the time Lena had spent with her in Houston and the toll the chemotherapy had taken on the woman.
“He loves you. That’s why he wants you to fight.”
Lena held on to Charlotte’s hand again, and she felt infused with strength, if only momentarily.
“I know. But the fight in me is over,” Lena said. “God has always been at the helm, and He will guide my way. Now, how about a buttered slice of bread?”
Charlotte had lost her appetite, but she wasn’t about to let Lena down. As they made their way to the kitchen, Charlotte asked, “Are you afraid of dying?”
Lena smiled, a genuine, real smile. “Ach, nee. Of course not. I will be sad to be separated from Amos, mei kinner, and you.” She shrugged. “But it’s just temporary.”
Charlotte nodded. And she thought about Andrea. “My sister doesn’t believe in heaven or hell. She believes in God but not an afterlife.”
Lena moved slowly as she took a loaf of bread from the stove top to the kitchen table, then she pulled a tub of butter from the refrigerator. She waited until they were both seated and said the blessing. “It’s like cake and icing.” Lena smiled, even though Charlotte wasn’t following. “One isn’t complete without the other. The cake is the foundation for the icing, such as believing in God is the foundation for heaven. Maybe Andrea can only imagine the icing, but she hasn’t had a taste of it, to understand and appreciate how it complements the cake.”
Lena had a way of turning most conversations into something about food. It was a quirky, loveable trait, but Charlotte was sure Andrea wouldn’t accept that explanation about heaven.
“I don’t think Andrea would understand that analogy.” Charlotte took a big bite of the bread, allowing the melted butter to rest on her tongue before she swallowed. “I’m not even sure I do.”
Lena swiped butter onto her own slice of bread. “You must show her heaven, give her a taste of it.”
“How can I do that?”
Lena smiled again. “Show her the icing.”
“How can I do that? I haven’t seen heaven.” Charlotte took another bite of warm bread.
“Then how do you know it exists?”
Charlotte stared at Lena, who was still slowly spreading butter on her piece of bread. “Because I just know. I feel it.”
Lena laid her knife down and picked up her slice of bread. “Then you must show her how to feel it too.”
How could anyone do that? She stared at the woman who had been more of a mother to her than anyone in her life. What am I going to do without you?
Thirteen
One thing about the Amish folks—they knew how to cook. Andrea snacked on the last of the cold turkey left over from the day before. Thanksgiving had come and gone without much ado. Charlotte’s core group of friends had chosen to celebrate quietly since two of the matriarchs had serious health issues. But her friend Hannah had brought leftovers late yesterday afternoon. Lack of holiday flair might have been a disappointment to some, but Andrea couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a true Thanksgiving dinner, complete with turkey, cornbread dressing, and cranberry sauce. Sitting around in sweatpants with her daughter and sister, quietly enjoying the meal in front of a roaring fire, had been heavenly.
She put another log on the fire. It had warmed up to almost fifty, but there was a nip in the air, and something about having a fire made things feel even more homey.
Her phone dinged with Black Friday e-mail sales, and as she finished making two pairs of earrings, she fantasized about what it might be like to sell her jewelry someday.
Charlotte had chosen to go to work on a day that was a holiday for most people, but she’d said that the newspaper had to go to print, holiday or not.
Andrea glanced around the living room. A bit of a mess. Bella’s few toys were in the middle of the floor, Andrea’s lunch dishes were on the coffee table, and a soiled diaper that needed to be thrown away lay on the floor. Up to now she hadn’t felt the need to contribute much. A free place to stay and meals from a sister who owed her something.
But Charlotte had surprised her. Almost everyone in Andrea’s life had let her down in one way or another, but Charlotte was housing her and Bella and feeding them. For free.
Charlotte wouldn’t be home from work for a couple of hours. A speckled flurry of dust motes floated atop the sun rays that lit the room. Bella was napping since she’d gotten up super early this morning, so Andrea picked up her lunch dishes and carried them to the kitchen, along with the dirty diaper, which she pitched into the trash can. She found a sweeper in the mudroom, along with some other cleaning supplies.
After an hour of sprucing up the place, she wiped her hands on her jeans and inspected her work, proud of the effort. A search in the kitchen led to finding a pound of hamburger meat, some noodles, and a can of cream of mushroom soup. Andrea wasn’t much of a cook, but a combo of those three ingredients could make dinner.
She cooked the noodles in a pot on the stove, seared the hamburger meat, then combined both with the soup and set the burner to Warm. Maybe someday she’d make money selling her jewelry and she could buy her sister a stove that actually had an oven. As she inspected her efforts, she heard a car coming up the driveway, and when she peered out the kitchen window, she recognized the vehicle right away. Her heart thumped as she crossed into the living room to the front door.
“Hey,” she said through the screen. “You’re a sight for sore eyes.”
Blake was dressed in a nice pair of khaki slacks and a long sleeve white shirt. “I’ve missed you.” He smiled. “And Bella.”
Andrea suspected he might have missed Bella more than her, but she’d missed him too. She pushed the screen door open and stepped aside so he could come in.
“It smells like lemon in here.” Blake glanced around the modest living room.
“I’ve been cleaning”—she folded her arms across her chest—“and cooking.” She nodded toward the kitchen.
Blake gasped as he brought a hand to his broad chest. “Be still my heart. Andrea cooks?”
She chuckled. “I didn’t say it was chef worthy, but it’s a meal.”
“Where’s Bella?”
“Sleeping on Charlotte’s bed.” Andrea eyed him up and down. “You’ve lost weight.”
“No job equates to no money, and the food stamps were in your name.” Blake shrugged. “But I get by.”
Andrea bit her bottom lip and glanced in the direction of the kitchen. “Do you want something to eat?”
“Nah. I just came to check on you and Bella. Things ended kinda . . . badly between us.”
Andrea’s heart leapt a little. “Yeah, I wish they hadn’t gone that way.”
Blake grinned, raising an eyebrow. “You did sort of steal my car.”
“Borrowed.”
“Hey, can I go take a peek at Bella?”
“Yeah, but try not to wake her.” She pointed to the closed door that led to her sister’s bedroom.
“Thanks.” Blake eased the door open and closed it gently behind him.
Andrea sat on the couch. Would she and Blake try to work things out? Part of her wanted to, but as she considered the changes she’d made in her life, she thought better of it. For the first time ever, she felt like she had a family, even if it was a sister she was still getting to know.
After a few minutes, she was hoping Blake hadn’t awoken Bella, who napped better at Charlotte’s house. She glanced at the time on her phone. Charlotte would be home in about thirty minutes, and Andrea wasn’t sure how her sister would feel about Blake being here.
The door to the bedroom opened slowly.
“Still sound asleep?” Andrea smiled, wishing she’d done more with her hair today. Like washed it.
“Yeah. I was just watching her sleep.” He sighed. “I really do miss you two.”
Andrea was tempted to ask him to stay for a little while, maybe even stay for dinner, but Charlotte was usually tired when she got home from work, and Andrea didn’t want to mess up the surprise dinner and clean house by adding Blake to the mix. She stood.
“Thanks for stopping by, but we’re really okay.” She tucked her hair behind her ears, then hung her thumbs in the back pockets of her jeans.
“I was in the neighborhood,” he said with a shrug. “Text if you wanna do something sometime.”
Andrea nodded. “Will do.” Maybe.
Charlotte heaved her purse up on her shoulder with two plastic bags of groceries hanging from her wrists. Not much, but it would get them by for a few days until she had time to do normal grocery shopping.
She opened the screen, then the wooden door. Her purse and both bags of groceries slid down to the floor as she breathed in the smell of food. Her gaze darted around her clean living room, then landed on Bella, who appeared to have on clean clothes and a precious little pink bow holding her hair on her head, and a lavender candle flickered on the fireplace mantel. Andrea was sitting by Bella on the floor, grinning.
“Excuse me, ma’am . . . do I have the right house?” Charlotte smiled as she reloaded the two bags of groceries on her arm before tossing her purse on the couch.
Andrea stood and took a bow. “Good evening. Dinner is served.”
Charlotte allowed a warm glow to suffuse her senses for a few seconds. There’d been so much unsettling news lately, and her appreciation for her sister’s efforts ran deep. Without giving it much thought, she walked to Andrea and pulled her into a one-armed hug as the groceries weighed down her other arm. She kissed her on the cheek. “Thank you.”
“It’s nothing fancy.”
Charlotte bent at the waist and cupped Bella’s chin. “And look how pretty you look, baby girl.” Then she straightened and turned to Andrea again. “I bet whatever you made is great.” She sniffed the air. “Goodness me, I might be in heaven because I think I smell cleaning solution too.” She winked at Andrea before she walked to the kitchen and set the bags on the table, which was already set.