by Aileen Fish
“I have to do chores before I can play video games.”
“Does that make you do it faster?”
“No.” He hung his head. “I kinda do them slow.”
“You seem to like chores here.”
“This is different. This is fun. I like feeding the horses.”
“Don’t forget, the other part of that is cleaning the stalls.”
“You have guys to do that.”
“A cowboy takes care of his horse. Feeds him twice a day, mucks his stall, grooms him, maintains the riding gear…it’s a lot of work.” Chase had done it so long he didn’t notice the work. This was life.
“Yeah, well, I don’t have a horse, so…”
“Next time you come, you can take care of Shrek there.” He pointed to the last stall where his elderly pony watched them over his stall door.”
“Really? He’d be my horse?”
“Well, my nieces and nephews ride him too, when they visit. And someone would have to take care of him when you aren’t here.”
“Why can’t I live here?”
Chase’s heart swelled. He’d love for that to happen, although he knew better than to encourage Jayden. “There’s a lot of stuff your mom and I have to work out before we decide something like that.”
“But you like each other. It’d be great if we lived here.”
“We’ll keep talking about it and let you know what we decide, how’s that?”
“’Kay.”
Entering the stall belonging to one of his injured horses, Chase bent down to examine the bandages on its leg. He’d pulled a ligament in his foreleg and it appeared to be healing well. As Chase rose, he heard the old tractor start up outside. “What the—?” No one should be using it today.
Checking the walkway between the stalls, he realized Jayden was nowhere to be seen. Swearing, Chase ran toward the tractor, imagining all the horrible things that could happen to the boy. His own brother had broken his leg as a kid when he fell off the tractor. Mom was so upset she wouldn’t let any children ride even while seated on an adult’s lap.
Rounding the corner of the barn, he saw Jayden in the seat, holding the steering wheel, moving as if he were driving. “Turn it off! Get off of there!”
When he reached the tractor, he grabbed Jayden by the arms and swung him down, then turned it off. Holding the boy’s upper arms, he yelled. “Don’t you realize you could be hurt, or even killed, on that thing? It’s not like your video games.
Tears welled in Jayden’s eyes, but terror still coursed through Chase’s nerves. “You can’t wander around alone here. It’s not safe. Don’t do it!”
Hope came running from the house in her socks, without a coat. “What happened? Chase?” She lifted her son while examining him.
“He started up the tractor. I was in the barn and he wandered off.” Guilt kept his voice tense. His chest was so tight he could barely breathe.
“Why weren’t you watching him?”
“I was, then I bent down to do something and when I stood up, he was gone.”
Jayden was sniffling, and Hope hugged him tightly. “It’s okay, honey. Let’s go inside.”
Chase followed, frustration with himself nearly suffocating him. He’d let her down, let himself down, and they were so lucky nothing serious happened.
She continued upstairs to Jayden’s room and took off his coat and knit cap. “Are you sure you aren’t hurt?”
“No. He just yanked me down, then yelled at me.”
Glaring over her shoulder at Chase, she said, “I heard. That’s why I came to see what was going on.” She stood, still shooting mental daggers at him.
He followed her into the hallway.
“We need to talk,” she snapped.
“Yeah, we do. Come into my room.” He closed the door behind them to keep Jayden from hearing everything.
“What were you doing? You made him cry.” While her words were spoken sharply, she didn’t yell. He fully understood her anger.
“I was keeping him from getting hurt, or killed.”
“He was sitting on the tractor. How badly could he injure himself?”
“What if he put it in gear? What if I wasn’t so close by? He’s big enough to reach the pedals, so who knows what could happen? He could fall off and get run over. If he went toward the gulley, he could roll over and break his neck.” Visions of more possibilities filled his head, making it hard to focus.
“You couldn’t talk to him and explained the situation to him?”
“I was scared. I was terrified. I care about that kid, Hope. I don’t want anything to happen to him.”
Added to that was the guilt he felt that the boy had gotten out of sight so quickly. Chase was used to working around his brothers’ kids, and they knew better than to do something like that. They’d been exposed a lot younger, so by the time they were his age, it was habit. Chase knew he’d treated Jayden as though he was familiar with the dangers, so anything that happened would have been his fault.
No matter how much the boy understood, the blame was all on Chase. He’d screwed up his job of keeping Jayden safe. Thank goodness nothing had happened, or he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself.
Forgiving himself would be hard enough as it was.
“I’m getting a cup of coffee. Do you want one?”
“No.” Her voice was strained. “I’m going to sit with my son.”
With that, she shut an invisible door between Chase and her little family. He was an outsider again, left to watch them from a distance.
He turned away and walked slowly downstairs to the kitchen. He didn’t know how to fix this, but he’d try everything he could think of to make it work.
Chapter Twelve
Relieved that it was time to pack for home, Hope’s thoughts tumbled and bounced. Jayden was his old grumpy self. She prayed he’d cheer up again after Chase’s scolding faded from his mind.
This was a normal stage of expanding the family, she told herself. There would be rough patches between Chase and Jayden while they figured out their roles and boundaries. No matter who she was involved with, there would be power struggles.
She started in Jayden’s room, folding his clothes and neatly stacking them in the suitcase. He sat on his bed playing video games, ignoring her presence.
“You need to apologize for playing on his tractor.”
Silence.
“Jayden!”
He glanced up, his expression somewhere between a smirk and a grimace. “What?”
“You heard me. Before we leave you have to tell Chase you’re sorry.”
Her son went back to his game.
“Put the tablet down,” she ordered, keeping her anger hidden as well as she could. “Talk to me.”
Tossing it on the mattress, he huffed and folded his arms. “What?” he repeated.
“You know what. You know better than to do what you did. Chase is trying hard to make you comfortable here, make you feel like you fit in.”
“I didn’t ask him to.”
“No, I did. You’re both very important to me. I want us all to be happy.”
He grunted.
“I can’t force you to be happy. You have to let yourself have fun.”
“Driving the tractor would have been fun.”
“Eating an entire chocolate cake would be fun, too, and you know better than to do that.”
He grinned, then tried to frown, scrunching up his entire face like he was sucking a lemon. “That’d make me sick.”
“Yeah, and you could be hurt here doing lots of things you’re smart enough to know better. Do I have to tell you not to jump off the roof? Not to play with snakes? You’re a smart boy when you want to be.”
He grunted again.
“Chase and I love each other, and we love you. We all have to make adjustments to allow this situation to work. Do you understand?”
“Yeah.”
“All right, then. Go on down and tell Chase you’re sorry for what you did.”
Hope shook her head. She thought she’d known what sort of problems would arise when she allowed Chase and Jayden to know each other. Dangers on the ranch hadn’t occurred to her. While Chase had said he could move to Missouri, she knew that would tear him up inside. He belonged here in White Oak. She just needed to figure out where she and Jayden belonged.
****
The car ride to the airport was quiet. Chase tried to engage Jayden in conversation by asking him how he’d enjoyed the weekend, but the boy never looked up from his game. Hope offered apologetic smiles, so he gave up trying.
He spoke to her instead. “I had fun. I’m glad you came. Are you?”
She nodded. “You have a beautiful home.”
“That’s it? You love me for my house?” He winked, then turned back to watch the road.
“Yeah, you figured it out. Give me a wrap-around porch and a great view and I’ll follow you anywhere.”
Hope’s expression was stiff, almost forced, her smile weak. He guessed she wouldn’t say what she was thinking while Jayden was in earshot. She couldn’t still be angry he yelled at her son, could she? He might have reacted a bit more strongly than he needed to—he was scared. Truly terrified at all the horrible things that could have happened. Yeah, he needed to work on reacting more calmly, although he’d have done the same no matter whose child was sitting on that tractor with the engine running.
A seed of worry germinated in his gut that she would base their future on one incident. When she called that night to say they’d arrived home, he’d discuss it with her.
That’s what he told himself on the ride to the airport, as he carried their bags to check in, and again while he waited with them at the security screening area. Her hug hadn’t changed, still warm and loving, if a bit longer than normal, and her kiss was expectedly brief for the location, yet he still sensed a change.
“Have a safe flight. I love you,” he said when they parted. “Hey, Jayden, I’m glad you came to the ranch.”
The boy ran to hug him, then returned to his mom. That had to be a good sign. Jayden liked him, even after being chewed out.
Yet Chase couldn’t turn off the repeated warning in his head that their relationship had hit a rock, and he wasn’t sure he could bail water fast enough to save it.
Receiving a text from Hope when their plane landed, instead of a phone call, he knew thing were bad. He’d call her tomorrow and try to find out what was wrong.
Chapter Thirteen
Hope didn’t call during her lunch break Monday, and she didn’t answer his texts until she got home. Chase gave her time to cook dinner and take care of Jayden before he called. That was the longest two hours of his life. No matter how many bales of hay he loaded on the flatbed for the next day, he couldn’t burn off the itch of worry.
At six o’clock exactly, eight her time, he picked up his phone—for the third time in the last fifteen minutes. This time he allowed himself to dial. “Hey, how was your day?” he asked when Hope answered.
“Good. The usual. Jayden got a warning in class for talking.”
“That’s good though, isn’t it?” Chase let go of some tension. “He had so much fun he couldn’t wait to tell his friends.”
“I wish that was it. No, he was being mean again.”
His jaw clenched. His greatest wish was for the boy to thrive with the change. “Maybe he’s just tired. That was a rushed visit. You can come out for spring break, and he’ll feel more relaxed the second time.”
“I hope that’s all it is.” Her sigh filled the silence that followed.
His heart rate increased. She couldn’t give up so soon. “I’ll fly out there instead. He didn’t have any problems after my visits, did he?”
“No, but that was less of a disruption to his routine. I can’t make any decisions now. We’ll just have to wait and see.”
He heard the exhaustion in her voice. He couldn’t expect her to travel back and forth with all she had on her plate. “I’ll come there next time. It’ll be easier.”
“Let’s talk about it later. I need to go to bed now.”
“Okay. Sleep well. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Chase sat thumbing through the photos on his phone, reliving all the good moments of their weekend. Jayden nearly glowed with happiness, and Hope looked so relaxed, peaceful. They belonged on the ranch. Hope would come to see that, eventually.
She had to.
****
By Wednesday, Hope’s uncertainty hadn’t left her. No, that wasn’t right. The uncertainty she felt now was from wondering how she’d survive without Chase in her life.
Jayden was getting worse, not better. Principal Jennings had spoken to her once already, and she convinced him time would calm things down. Yet she wasn’t positive it would.
Perceptive as always, Marni mentioned it at lunch. “You miss him.”
“Yeah, I do.” Hope toyed with her container of leftovers having no appetite.
“You’ll see him in a few weeks, right?”
“I don’t know.”
Her friend’s eyes widened. “Did he say something?”
“He’s said a lot, all good. If we won’t go to his place during spring break, he’ll come here. I just don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“Why? I thought Jayden had fun. I know you did.”
Hope sighed, feeling the memory of his arms around her while they gazed over the valley. He’d shown her his private spot, his favorite place on the ranch. He was so open, so willing to try to put in the effort. She’d never met a man who’d work that hard to keep her happy.
Only he wasn’t desperate about it. He wasn’t coddling her; there was no weakness in his need to please. He didn’t do it so she’d like him. Being that way was a part of his makeup. She’d noticed that from the start.
She sighed. “He’s such a good guy.”
“Don’t you dare do that.” Marni pointed with her fork. “There’s no but you can add, and don’t even try to convince me you don’t deserve him.”
“I know. That’s all there is—he’s a good guy. And I love him. And I don’t think that’s enough.”
“Don’t go blaming Jayden, either.”
“I’d never do that. What he’s dealing with emotionally exists, though, as much so as a physical problem. If he was allergic to sagebrush, I wouldn’t make him move where he’s surrounded by it.”
“No, you’d talk to a doctor and get antihistamine so he could explore and play.”
“There’s no medicine I can give him to adjust to lifestyle changes. To not take it personally when I break up with someone.”
“So you’ve decided Chase isn’t a permanent thing. You’re already expecting it to end.”
Hope laughed softly. “He said the same thing to me, once.” She was so tired. She hadn’t slept well the last two nights, and Sunday’s good rest was only because of all the travel. She’d told Chase she needed time. Jayden needed time.
And in the meantime, they shouldn’t see Chase. Doing so would only make everything harder.
Chapter Fourteen
For the last few nights, Chase had gotten texts from Hope pleading for no phone calls. She had various excuses, none of which held weight. The longer she took to respond to a text, the more he feared they were about to split.
On Friday night he called, uncertain whether she’d answer. “Hey, hon’,” he said.
“Hi. I apologize for not being around much. It’s been a long week.” She sounded tired, and he felt guilty for thinking she was avoiding him.
“Trouble at work?”
“Oh, no. That job’s always same ol’.”
“Jayden.”
“Yeah. He’s not as bad as before, although he’s accelerating, his counselor says. There’s one boy he just doesn’t get along with and it’s worse this week.”
“I
’m sorry. I honestly hoped coming here was good for him.”
“Me, too. Being an eight-year-old boy, he won’t talk about it even if he understood what he felt. Chase, I’m afraid to have you come out. What if he feels rejected each time you go home? That isn’t good for him.”
“Then I won’t go home. I’ll move there. Or you can move here at the end of the school year.”
“I don’t know. The what ifs are too big, and could affect the rest of his life.”
“Yeah, they’re big. What if he loves having me around? What if he discovers he wants to learn to rope, or barrel race, or even ride a bull?”
She chuckled, and he let out his breath. “You were doing so well until that last one.”
“See, we all will have to adjust to new situations. We’ll work through it together. Give us a chance, Hope.”
“I need more time. I need to think.”
Pressing her further would only make matters worse. He was experienced with women enough to know that, and he wasn’t going to sit back and let her walk away. “Yes, think about it. Talk to his counselor, or your mom, or both. Talk to Marni—”
“She’s on your side.”
“Well then, forget all those others and stick with Marni. Tell her she’s my new BFF.”
“She’ll love that.” The tension left Hope’s voice. “I need to go, now. It’s time for Jayden’s bath.”
Chase stared at the phone for a while after they disconnected. He wished he could make her see life through his eyes. See how beautiful things could be. He couldn’t guarantee the results though, and that’s what held Hope back.
There had to be a way for her to trust in their future. He must show her they’d be happy together.
****
When he parked his rental car in front of Hope’s house Saturday afternoon, he was pleased to see Hope’s car in the driveway. He could check the first item off the list of things that needed to go right for a successful outcome.
“Hi,” she said when she opened the door after he knocked, her eyes brightening with surprise and happiness.
Check two.
“Hi. We need to talk.”
“And you couldn’t pick up the phone?” She stepped back. “Come in.”