by Carol Voss
Her father narrowed his eyes. “Is that what you think you’re doing, Lissa? Why you’re not cashing our checks?”
“Yes, it is. I’ve asked you before to please instruct your accountant to stop sending them.”
“I hope you’re wise enough to stash them away for a time when you need them.”
“Actually, I tear them up.”
He shook his head. “You’re as bad as your grandmother about accepting help.”
That got her attention. “Thank you.” She narrowed her eyes. “I suppose you wanted her to move to Washington, too.”
“She wouldn’t even consider it. Wouldn’t take a dime, even sold her cottage to Zebadiah Krentz to pay off a loan. Her records showed she finished buying it back about a year before she died.”
Zebadiah? He’d said he and Gram had helped each other when they’d gotten in trouble. Is that what he meant?
“I wanted to make her life better,” her father said sadly.
“But it wasn’t the independent life she wanted, Daddy. Can’t you understand that?”
“You talk a good game about being your own woman like your grandmother. But you’re kidding yourself. In her case, that apparently didn’t apply to Zebadiah. With you, it doesn’t appear to apply to Ben. Haven’t you been relying on him ever since you came to Rainbow Lake?”
She stared at her father. Had she been fooling herself to think she was learning to stand on her own? Wasn’t relying on Ben exactly what she’d been doing ever since she moved here? Even moving back to the cottage, she’d known he would be right next door if she needed him. She shot Ben a questioning look.
He met her gaze. “You haven’t been relying on me or anybody else to make your decisions or run your life.”
She frowned. Confused. Unsure.
“You haven’t.” He turned to her father. “The only thing I did was to give her and the boys a place to live while the cottage was being repaired and winterized.”
She shook her head. “I’ve relied on you for a lot more than that,” she said sadly. “If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t need your reassurance.”
* * *
Coop flinched at the certainty in her voice, not even sure what it meant. Or how to answer her. “Alyssa?”
She pressed her fingers to her forehead and shook her head.
He did his best to understand what was happening. What had he missed? She’d been as glad to see him as he was to see her when he’d arrived. He was sure of it. She’d included him and Hope as if they were part of the family, even with Hope’s attitude. She’d even invited him to stay to visit with her parents as if she wasn’t any more ready for him to leave than he was.
Then what was going on? One remark from her father about her not standing on her own as she claimed, and suddenly, she was shutting down? Leaving him on the outside looking in? He didn’t get it.
He’d been living an independent life for longer than he cared to remember. It was definitely overrated. He liked relying on her. Loved knowing she relied on him for a few things. At least, she had when she’d lived in his house.
But she didn’t live at his place anymore, did she? He was on her turf now, knee-deep in her relationship with her parents. A relationship she’d told him about, and he’d thought he understood.
Obviously, he’d been wrong. He needed to get out of here so she could deal with them. He stood. “I need to check on Hope.” Striding across the room, he grabbed his jacket from the coat tree and walked out the door.
Fresh, cold air slapping him in the face, he jogged for home.
An enthusiastic Digger greeted him, but the rest of the house was quiet. He walked upstairs, knocked on Hope’s closed door.
“What?”
He opened her door. “You okay?”
“I guess so.” Lying on her bed, she looked up from her book. “What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“You look upset.”
He shook his head, unwilling to admit his concerns to his daughter. They’d probably make her happy. It wasn’t as if he didn’t bring his own problems into the mix with Alyssa, was it? “Tired, that’s all. Probably too much turkey.” Realizing he was exhausted, he turned and left.
A few minutes later, he lay across his bed, his arm flung over his eyes, trying to stop the flurry of thoughts and fears badgering him. Would Hope ever open her mind to Alyssa? And even if she did, would Alyssa someday need him like he needed her? Would she ever let him protect her and take care of her?
Sure, she’d refused the job offer in Washington the senator brought with him. But Coop had seen the excitement in her eyes when her father brought it up. The same excitement he’d seen when she’d told him about her work in Madison with her state senator husband.
A woman like Alyssa could do anything she wanted. Anywhere in the world. Nobody knew better than he did how talented she was. Did he really expect her to choose to permanently settle down in northern Wisconsin?
He’d made that choice, and he’d never regretted the way things were turning out. Well, except for never dating. But he hadn’t really wanted to date...until now. The toughest thing to swallow was that in the grand scheme of things, Alyssa didn’t need him. Didn’t want to need him.
Digger started barking and raced down the stairs.
He doubted Hope would trouble herself to see what the dog was barking about. He dragged himself off the bed and strode to find out what was going on. Halfway across the kitchen, he spied Digger standing at the back door, wagging his tail and most of his body as if waiting to greet one of his best friends in the world.
“Sit, Dig.” Coop opened the door.
Alyssa stood on the step, looking unsure and worried.
He had no idea why she was here, but he didn’t care. He’d never been more glad to see anybody in his entire life. “Well, hello.”
* * *
Seeing Ben set off a zillion butterflies inside Alyssa. She desperately wanted to throw her arms around his neck and hug him. But she wasn’t here for a hug. “Funny how much I’ve missed that noisy dog.”
“Come in.”
“Can we take Digger for a walk instead?”
“Hope’s in her room.”
Where Hope was didn’t matter at the moment. Alyssa couldn’t be in an enclosed space with him. She needed to think straight. “I need some fresh air, okay?”
“Sure.” Ben grabbed his jacket off its hook, held the door to allow the dog outside and followed.
Digger wriggled himself practically inside out for her attention.
“Good boy.” She knelt in the snow to pet him and scratch behind his ears where he especially loved it.
“Fortunate dog,” Ben murmured.
She pretended not to hear. With a final pat, she stood and Digger bounded off.
Ben started to reach for her, then changed his mind.
In his arms was exactly where she wanted to be. But a shiver reminded her why she was here.
“Cold?”
“A little. Let’s walk to stay warm.”
He fell into step beside her, their breaths sending steam into the dusk. “What’s bothering you?”
“My feelings for you,” she said honestly.
“Oh?” He shot her a sideways look. “Not in a good way, if I read you right.”
“Maybe too good.”
He tossed her a narrow look. “Your parents don’t approve?”
“They think you’re great. But Hope is still very unhappy, isn’t she? She may never accept me.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s possible.”
He squinted. “I don’t want to tell her how to feel, so I’m giving her some time to work through her feelings by herself.”
“That’s so wise, Ben.”
<
br /> “I hope so. She’s usually fair. I want to believe she’ll revert to that.”
“Hope’s not the only problem. I told you what happened when I was about to graduate from law school and move to New York on my own.”
“You were inexperienced and terrified of launching out on your own. Not sure how that relates to now.”
“I lean on you too much, whether you think so or not.”
He gave his head a shake. “Not nearly enough, in my opinion.”
“You know how important this is to me.”
“I’m sorry. But what makes you think you aren’t standing on your own? You’ve been through a lot—survived your husband’s death, even gone through pregnancy and childbirth without his support. And here you are, making a new life for yourself and your boys. How much more do you need to do?”
“I survived my husband’s death, but the possibility of losing someone else—”
“You’re not going to lose anybody.”
“You don’t know that and neither do I. I do know I have to learn to take care of myself and my boys to be strong enough to survive no matter what happens. I will not be in the weak, devastating place I was after Cam’s death. Not ever again.”
He reached out and clasped her hand. “Take the time you need to completely heal. I don’t care how long it takes. Don’t you think I want what’s best for you?”
“I do. It’s just that...things have developed so quickly between us, I’m not sure how to slow them down.”
He frowned. “We don’t see each other every day now that you’re living in your own place.”
She held on to his hand like a lifeline. “That doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you every day.”
He squeezed her hand. “I was afraid I might be the only one who felt that way.”
She wanted so badly to step into his arms. But how would that help? Oh, she was so confused.
“Just tell me what I can do to help, and I’ll do it.”
Leave it to Ben to want to help. “I’m sorry, but you can’t help. Nobody can. I need to do this for myself.” With heaviness weighing her down, she twisted her hand out of his grasp. “Please, leave me alone.” Unable to look at the shock in his eyes, she turned away and ran all the way back to her cottage, Digger close on her heels.
Chapter Fifteen
Alyssa looked at her image in the mirror and groaned. She looked almost as bad as she felt. Not that she was surprised after crying into her pillow half the night and dozing in fits and starts the other half.
Nothing could erase the look on Ben’s face when she’d told him to leave her alone. His hurt had registered as deeply inside her as her own. Sighing, she splashed cold water on her face in an attempt to repair the damage.
Going it alone was the only way. She couldn’t go on leaning on him or anybody else. Reaching for the towel, she pressed it to her face to absorb the water. And to muffle the sob that suddenly burst from her.
That afternoon, she took a quick break from working with Reclamation Committee members to ready the fellowship room for tomorrow’s fund-raiser. She stopped in the restroom to add more concealer to disguise the dark circles under her eyes. Couldn’t have everybody asking her what was wrong, could she?
Returning to the fellowship room, she walked past Pastor Nick’s office, the rumble of male voices coming through the closed door. Was he talking to the owner of the faded blue car she’d spotted in the parking lot?
The door opened.
She hurried to allow the man to walk out of the office. “Zebadiah?”
Zebadiah Krentz, spiffed up in his Sunday best, stepped into the hall. “Hello there, missy.”
Her overloaded mind stuttered to function. What was the reclusive old man doing here?
Pastor Nick stood in the doorway.
“Don’t look so surprised,” Zebadiah said. “You’re the reason I’m here.”
She had no idea what he was talking about. “Excuse me?”
“You been stopping with your boys and that nice boyfriend of yours...bringing all that sunshine with you...even sent Joseph over with Thanksgiving turkey yesterday, didn’t you?”
Her mind stopped on “boyfriend.” She did her best to catch up. “I told you I’d send my father over with turkey dinner for you. Why didn’t you let him in?”
“Habit, I suppose. Told you I never liked people much.”
“But you said you wanted to see him.”
“Why didn’t you come with him?”
“I was busy. And you said you wanted to see my father.”
“Well, I changed my mind.”
“Why?”
“Too much water under the bridge since I knew him, that’s all.”
“Hmm. I just found out you bought Gram’s cottage and let her pay the money back over the years. Were you worried my father would want to talk to you about that?”
He narrowed his eyes. “Can’t say as I was worried.”
“But you didn’t want to talk about it.”
“Still don’t. That was between your grandmother and me.”
“Thank you for making it possible for her to live her life the way she wanted to.”
“Selfish on my part. I looked forward to her summers at Rainbow Lake as much as she did.”
“She left the cottage to me.”
“She told me.”
Alyssa smiled. “Well, my father’s staying with me, in case you still want to see him.”
“You come with him next time.” He looked back at Pastor Nick, a smile flashing deep in his beard. “Isn’t she something? A lot like her gramma Emma.”
Tears stung Alyssa’s eyes. True or not, he couldn’t give her a higher compliment.
Pastor Nick smiled his best pastor smile.
“Can’t forget my coat.” Zebadiah shuffled toward the coatrack. “It’s cold out there.”
“Can you come in for a minute, Alyssa?” Pastor Nick asked.
Gathering what few wits she could, she stepped into his office.
“That was a nice surprise.” Pastor Nick quickly put away communion things from his desk that he’d undoubtedly been using for Zebadiah. “Thank you for your compassion and concern for Zebadiah. I couldn’t ask for better results.”
“I certainly don’t deserve any credit. He and his wife were good friends to my gram and gramps, which makes Zebadiah pretty special to me. Besides, I like him. So does Joey.”
He studied her for a moment. “You are already becoming such a vibrant part of our church community. I’m happy you’ve been attending Sunday services. Are you considering becoming a member here?”
She was surprised by his question, but she liked the idea. “What would I need to do?”
“Meet with me when you have time, and we’ll talk about it.”
“I will.”
“By the way...” The pastor’s mouth played with a smile. “‘Boyfriend’? Did he mean Ben?”
A flush crept up her neck. “Ben went with me to look at Zebadiah’s worn-out generator. Apparently, Zebadiah drew the wrong conclusion.”
“Or the right one.”
She shook her head, the flush heating her face. She didn’t know what to say. Only that she wasn’t about to try to explain her situation with Ben to Pastor Nick. “Lots to do.” With that, she turned and fled his office.
* * *
That evening Coop worked on his computer at the kitchen island, struggling to outline a rough draft of the article he needed to write about the fund-raiser. He could fill in the details when it was over.
But he couldn’t focus. Couldn’t get his mind off Alyssa. He wanted to go over there and insist she listen to reason. Did she see what they could have together? Understand what she was throwing away?
He still heard the plea in her voice. Please, leave me alone. He shook his head. A lot of good going over there would do. He stared unseeingly at the computer screen, trying to wrap his mind around a loss he couldn’t accept.
Hope wandered into the kitchen, looking a little lost herself. Without a word, she walked over and draped her arm around his neck like she used to.
He turned on his stool and put his arms around her.
She hugged him back.
What was going on with her? “Love you, kiddo.”
“Me, too, you.” When she withdrew, she looked at him as if she wanted to say something, then walked away instead. “I’m going to toast a bagel. Want one?”
She sounded more like herself than she had in days. “Sure. Thanks.”
She popped bagel halves into the toaster, then planted herself directly across the island from him. “I’m sorry for my bad attitude.”
“Apology accepted.” He blew out a breath of relief, but she knew it would take more than an apology to him to get her off the hook. She needed to apologize to Alyssa. He couldn’t back down on that.
She stared at the countertop. “I’m sorry I was rude to Alyssa. I mean, you aren’t rude to my friends, and I shouldn’t be rude to yours.”
He shut his eyes against her approval of Alyssa as his “friend.” She was so much more than that.
“I don’t want to lose you, Dad.”
He met her eyes. “That’s never going to happen. You’re my daughter. We’re in this together.”
“I guess I forgot that for a while when it wasn’t just you and me anymore.”
He rubbed his forehead. “It will always be you and me, Hope. That will never change. Don’t you know that?”
She gave him a skeptical look. “If you and Alyssa start seeing each other, things will change. You might even get married, right?”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“Because of me.” She frowned. “I want you to be happy, Dad. Even I can see she makes you happy. You were right. She has been trying to be my friend. I acted mean, and I’m sorry.”
“I’m glad you figured that out.”