by Kara Dalkey
"I know that," snapped Goranu. "Do you want to hear the dream or not?"
"Your pardon," I said. "Please, go on."
"The first one was a skinny fellow. Looked like he had been starving awhile. He came down a mountain and smiled at me and said I shouldn't be upset at failing to achieve enlightenment."
"Ah! That would be Sakyamuni," I said. "He tried fasting to find the path, but it failed. He found another way to enlightenment later."
"He told me that, in a previous life, I was a monk who had fallen away from proper behavior. That was why I was reborn a tengu. Can you imagine? Me… a monk! What greater insult could he give me?" Goranu crossed his arms on his chest and scowled at the waterfalls.
"I can imagine it," I said, but too softly for him to hear.
"Then he left, and another spirit arrived, riding a lion and holding a scroll in one hand and a sword in the other. A plump, pretty fellow like some of your noblemen at Court."
"Ah, that would be Monju-bosatsu. He is a spirit of great learning and knowledge."
"Yes, well, this fellow said that I was being a fool and that my feet would never find the Path, because I was heading the wrong direction and my motives were not pure. Can you imagine that? A nobleman saying my thoughts weren't pure!"
"Yes," I whispered. "I can imagine it."
"The third spirit," Goranu went on, "was the biggest show- off of all. He came in sitting on a lotus blossom, on top of a four-headed white elephant."
"Fugen-bosatsu," I said, nodding. "He governs long life and compassion."
"Whatever. He, at least, spoke to me with a bit of kindness and told me all was not lost. He said there was a way to achieve what I wished without killing myself over it. Then he left before telling me what that way might be!"
"Such is the nature of dreams," I said. "But what is it you wish?"
He stared at me intently. "I have told you what I wish. Two years ago, remember?"
I looked down at the floor and saw the wood grain waver. "Yes, I believe I do remember."
"I told you I wanted to marry you. But… it is forbidden in tengu culture for us to marry mortals."
I felt as unsettled as the waters beneath the cataracts in the gorge. The thought of marriage to Goranu was bizarre, and yet… pleasant. But many people think of tengu as demons. I said softly, "In mortal custom, also, it would be forbidden."
"So. In our present lives it cannot be. But I was hoping if I could die and be reborn a mortal, there might be a chance. Our lives are so entwined that surely we will meet again in another, future life, I thought. Alas, the bosatsu say that my hopes are foolish. I am just a silly tengu after all."
I did not know what to say, so I did not respond.
His gaze upon me changed. "It is not impossible, not unknown, that a tengu might… love a mortal. Even create a child by one…" He swiftly looked away. "But that would shame you. And I could not do that."
I pulled my kimonos tighter around me, as if to hold in my feelings, as a gardener will build a rock wall beside a spring stream to keep the rising waters from invading the flower beds.
Part of me wanted Goranu to stop speaking of such forbidden things. Another part wanted to hear of nothing else.
"Besides," Goranu continued in a forced hearty tone, "it is intended that you marry an eleven-year-old cousin of the Emperor. Surely the affections of a tengu pale in comparison."
I slapped the floor of the pavilion with the heel of my hand. "Stop that! I will not marry Prince Komakai! Not if… I can avoid it." I ran my fingers over the wood grain of the floor planks. How real it seemed for an illusion. "Besides," I went on, "if I disappoint Lord Chomigoto, I will be going to the Hall of Death very soon anyway."
"Lord Chomigoto!" said Goranu, sitting up suddenly. "Old Blowhard the ghost? What has he to do with you?"
"Do you not remember? Wasn't it he who sent you to the shrine in the forest where you found Amaiko and me?"
Goranu scratched his chin. "Let me see. I don't remember talking to him that night. I do remember something in the wind, but nobody sent us to the shrine. We tengu would never follow orders from a ghost, especially a priest-king ghost."
So. Suzume was at least partly right. "But Lord Chomigoto is the kami of the shrine! My promise to repair it was made to him."
"He is the kami of that shrine? Oh no!" Goranu doubled over with laughter, holding his stomach.
"Did you not know that?"
"I'm a tengu! We don't pay attention to shrines."
"But you know who Lord Chomigoto is."
"Of course! He wanders our mountain forests and tries to talk to us and order us around. We tengu always just laugh at him."
"So is it not true that a village of his worshipers was destroyed by Lord Tsubushima's clan? Or that Lord Chomigoto's tomb was robbed?"
"Oh yes. All that happened."
"You tengu did nothing to stop the massacre of the village?"
"The horrible things mortals do to one another are none of our affair."
"I see." I paused to consider this a moment. "Then I suppose you would not know or care if Lord Chomigoto would have an association with Lord Emma-O."
"Oh, he almost certainly does. Old Blowhard told us that he begged Emma-O to let him return to this world to seek vengeance or redress or something."
"Oh." My heart sank. "Then he will be able to send Lord Emma-O's demons to fetch me when I fail to do all he has asked."
"He what?" Goranu leaped to his feet.
"Lord Chomigoto has demanded that I not only repair his shrine but must make it the greatest the world has ever seen. And that I have the treasures of his tomb restored. And that I gather the descendants of his followers so that he may be venerated once more. He says I must do this because I am descended from the Nakatomi clan, who helped the Yamato overthrow his clan centuries ago."
"That stinking, arrogant, overbearing shade! How dare he! If there is anything a tengu cannot stand it's an arrogant priest, even if he was a king!"
"Then," I said, hope rising once more, "you will help me rebuild the shrine?"
"No. Never. That would only puff him up and make him even more overbearing."
I buried my face in my hands. "Then what am I to do? You were my last hope, Goranu."
He came over and sat down beside me. "So, so. Stop that now. We will not let Old Blowhard do anything to you. But first you must stop thinking like a silly human, being in awe of anyone with noble title or riches. You must start thinking like a tengu. You agree that his demands on you are unjust, don't you?"
"Well, yes."
"Then you must not obey him. But do so in a way that shows Old Blowhard just how foolish he really is. That will be justice."
"I do not know how to conceive of such a plan," I said.
"But we tengu excel in such thinking. That is why you must think like us in order to succeed in this."
"But what if Lord Chomigoto realizes he is being tricked and sends Lord Emma-O's demons after me?"
"What if he does?" asked Goranu with a shrug.
"But then I am as lost as I am now, or worse! Why do you not understand this, Goranu?"
Goranu sighed, jumped to his feet, and began to pace the pavilion. "It must be the way you noble girls are raised. Surrounded by walls all the time. So an obstacle rises before you, and all you see is a wall!" He gestured gracefully, and a wood-and-paper wall appeared between us. "To a well-bred noble girl," Goranu continued from the other side, "a wall such as this is impassable. But to creatures like me"-he punched with his fists again and again until the wall was only splintered wood and shredded paper-"there is always a way through." Smiling, he stepped through the hole he had made and bowed to me.
"I should prefer a not so violent solution," I said.
Goranu rolled his eyes. "This was just an example, you silly human! I could have used the ocean and swimming, or a mountain range and flying. My point is that if you respect your obstacle too much, if you give it too much power, here in your min
d, you will never overcome it. But if you can see a thing as it really is, learn its nature, then there are always solutions. There is always a way around trouble. Remember that."
It was frightening to realize that there were aspects of the world I could not see because I was not prepared to see them. "But does it matter, if, as we are taught, all the world is illusion?"
Goranu came back and crouched down beside me. "We tengu have learned that for you mortals, much of the illusion is happening up here." He placed his fingertips lightly on my forehead.
"Then how can I see through such illusion?" I asked, wishing, strangely, that he could leave his hand there forever.
Goranu straightened up and looked down at me. "I see I must train you in Tengu-Do, the Way of the Tengu. We tengu are good at teaching warriors, though I must train you in thinking rather than in swordsmanship. You must learn how to fight with your mind. That is the only way you will defeat Old Blowhard and take control of your life again."
EYES AND EARS
A face stares back from the rain puddle. Who is it? The eyes are shadowed…
When Goranu and I returned to the tengu village, we found Suzume and Kuroihane seated on a log bench, as far from each other as possible. But they kept stealing sidelong glances at one another. Though I could not be certain, I had the feeling that they had been flirting.
"Suzume-san," Goranu said.
She looked up quickly, startled, as if distracted from a thought. "Hai?"
"Since you are here and we must do something with you, you will come and learn Tengu-Do with your Great Lady Mitsuko."
Kuroihane's eyes widened. "Please, Highness, reconsider. This mortal thinks too much like a tengu already."
"Then she may serve as an example to her lady. Come along."
I did not like the idea of Suzume being an example to me in any way, although I had to admit she had been right about some things. "Where are we going?" I asked.
"Another land of illusion, Mitsu-chan, though far different from, and less romantic than, the last." Taking me by one hand and Suzume by the other, Goranu led us to…
I am not permitted to say, exactly, for the tengu like to keep their secrets. But I will describe some things.
There is a grotto, I cannot tell you where, in which the tengu find it easier to do their illusions. It is a large, deep cave, full of glistening rocks and crystal that reflected our torchlight in confusing ways. Even our shadows could not stand still.
Goranu jumped to the top of a large boulder and sat himself upon it, as if he were an incongruous long-nosed, black-robed Buddha. "Now listen well, children, as I reveal to you some of the Way of the Tengu. This must be the short lesson, though, as it usually takes years to teach a mortal what we know.
"There are two rules that Lady Mitsuko must take to heart if she is to overcome her problems. First, take nothing seriously. Second, all things are changeable. Third, there is more and less to everything you see."
Suzume pointed an accusing finger at him. "You said there are two rules, yet you have mentioned three."
"Did I not say all things are changeable? And you should take nothing seriously, not even me. I am just a silly tengu, after all."
I paced back and forth, feeling impatient. "What do these rules have to do with my discharging my debt to Lord Chomigoto?"
Goranu rolled his eyes and shook his head. "You are looking to the way of the warrior, for a sword to cut through your problems. I am offering the way of the magician, to transform your situation so that there is no problem. Just as the swordsman needs to train his arm, the sorcerer must train his mind. Stop pacing like that-you are like a monkey in a cage, and that is more true than you know."
I sat rather ungracefully beside Suzume, in front of Goranu. "What are you talking about? What is true about me and caged monkeys?"
"The world you nobles have created for yourselves-Above the Clouds, as you put it-that is your cage. It is a very pretty cage, to be sure, but it binds you as tightly as ropes. Now I will tell you something that mortals, particularly noble ones, find terrifying. This cage is an illusion. Who you are, what you are, are illusions, and therefore changeable."
I frowned at him. "That is nonsense. I know very well who I am. I am the fourth daughter of my father's branch of the Fujiwara clan."
Goranu shrugged. "An accident of birth. You could have been born a rice cake girl like your servant here, or a farmer, or a bandit. Who would you have been then? What if you had never had nice clothes to wear, never learned to read and write? Wouldn't you be different?"
I blinked. "That makes no sense. I am not those things. I am Fujiwara."
"But should the fortunes of the Fujiwara fall, being a Fujiwara would not mean the same thing at all. You see? All is changeable. It need not be the way it is."
I shook my head. "I do not understand. Not everything is changeable. A person is man or woman, child or adult, noble- born or lowly."
"Oh, some things may be with you from birth: whether you are strong or sickly, shy or bold, quick or slow, cheerful or sullen. But much more is changeable than you know, if one has the will and the way."
Goranu was right; this philosophy was very disturbing if true.
Stubbornly, I said, "From what you say, I should be able to change shape just like you, and I cannot."
Goranu hopped off his rock. "Unlike us tengu, mortals must do their changing in their minds. Sometimes this is reflected in outward appearance, sometimes not. Surely you have seen a Noh play in which actors portray people they are not. Men pretend to be women, and adults pretend to be children."
"I understand!" said Suzume, jumping up. "It is like being a child and pretending things. My brother and I would play at being great warriors or pirates or the Emperor and Empress. Didn't you ever do that, Great Lady?"
I stared at her, shocked. "I would never pretend to be the Empress! Nor would I want to be a pirate or other lowly person."
She, in turn, seemed astonished at me. "You never pretended anything?"
"Well, perhaps when I was very, very young. I remember pretending to be a butterfly. But that was childish foolishness."
Goranu shook his head. "Don't you remember when you pretended to be a bosatsu to trick the monks of Mount Hiei into properly burying your brother-in-law?"
"That was your idea, and Dento's," I grumped. "I would never have thought of such a thing."
"But you were a very willing participant. I would even dare say you enjoyed it. I thought it was very charming of you."
I confess I blushed and hid my face in my sleeves. "I only did it to help Yugiri."
"Hah. You showed great wisdom then. But now you pretend you have forgotten."
Crossing my arms within my sleeves, I complained, "But I cannot play pretend on my own. I am not a child, and I am not an actor."
"All mortals are actors," said Goranu, "whether they know it or not." He flung his arms wide. "All life is a big Noh play. Hmm. I like that. I must remember that phrase."
"Goranu-"
"Very well, very well. The nub of the matter is this: Sometimes it is useful to be what people expect you to be, but often it can be useful to be someone else-that is, to take on someone else's qualities. Just as I am trying to help you do now. I cannot give you black feathers and wings and a beak. But you might find thinking like a tengu useful. To solve a problem, sometimes you must ignore what you see and what you know and instead choose what will lead to what you want."
I gave him a blank stare. "You are confusing me."
"Argh!" He put his hands to his head in frustration. "Very well. It is time for an example." He did some very complicated gesture, and the three of us were standing on a seashore. I could even smell the salty water and hear the cries of gulls.
Goranu had changed to old-man form, with the shaved head and gray robes of a monk. "Now, you are a fisherman, and I have come from the local temple to beg your catch as a donation. But you need your fish to feed your family. How do you deny me?"
"What?" I said, distracted by the illusion. "But I am not a fisherman."
"I understand! Let me try!" cried Suzume.
"Very well." Goranu turned to her, and his manner changed. He bowed and smiled, his old eyes crinkling. "Good mister fisherman, your family has always been generous to us. Surely, your goodness will bring you great karma. How many baskets full of fish will you be sending to the temple?"
A mischievous expression crossed Suzume's face, and she bowed back to him. "Oh, Good Holy Sir, I am so glad you have come. We have caught very few fish these past days, and I am wondering if our nets are cursed. Won't you say a blessing or two over them while you are here? Surely, I could not insult your temple by sending our poor catch to you."
"Ai, Kuroihane was right. You do already think like us," Goranu muttered under his breath. Then, aloud, he said, "Good fisherman, I am so sorry to hear of your poor catch, and naturally I will bless your nets. But we are very low on food at the temple, and I assure you what few fish you can send us will be greatly appreciated."
Suzume paused, chin in hand, for a moment. Then she said, "Ah!" and bowed again. "Good Holy Sir, I am so glad that we may give these fish to you, for I fear they may be cursed as well. Already two people who have eaten them have fallen sick. But surely the fish will not harm such holy folk as you, and, of course, you have a healer or two at the temple who can handle such matters. Please, take our stinking, unwholesome fish, for who can make better use of them than you?"
"Er, thank you all the same," said Goranu, backing away, "but I would not think to take from you what few fish you have caught. Perhaps some other time."
"Aha!" cried Suzume. "I won!"
"Yes," said Goranu. "But you should not say so while the monk can still hear you. That was excellent, Suzume. You are taking to this very well."
I was annoyed that Suzume seemed to be doing better than I and winning Goranu's approval. "But you are just teaching her to lie!"
"Well, what would you have done?" demanded Suzume.
"I would have given up the fish," I said. "Monks are holy men, and to deny what they ask for brings bad fortune."