by Melissa West
He took a step back, shutting down. “You know I can’t offer you that.”
“Why? How do you know you can’t?”
“I’ve been honest from the beginning, and if you’re going to keep demanding things from me that I can’t give, then it’s best we end this now. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“But you are hurting me. You’re not even trying.”
“I am trying. It’s just not enough for you.”
“No, you’re letting your fear of failure control your life. You decide what kind of man you’re going to be. One day at a time, you decide your future. Whether or not you turn into your father is up to you.” And then with one long look at him, one last chance for him to ask me to stay, I walked away.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“Cameron,” Gayle said from the doorway to the break room. “We have a new client arriving in fifteen. Do you think you could sit in on the meeting?”
I nodded. “Sure.”
She smiled. “Fantastic. See you in there.”
It was Monday after Christmas break, and it had taken every ounce of my strength to go into the office. I brought the photo of Dad and me home and set it on my nightstand, needing him with me. His face, the person he’d been and the person he wanted me to be, was the only reason I managed to get out of bed.
It had been three days without a single word from Aidan, and though I’d broken down and sent him a text, he hadn’t replied. At this point, I had no idea what we were anymore, if anything at all.
The door to the break room opened, and I peered over to see Alexa rushing in. “Guess what?” she exclaimed.
I shook my head. “What?”
She pulled back, studying my face. “Why do you look so miserable?”
“What? Oh…I was disappointed to leave my family.”
She shrugged, and I realized she did that a lot. Like whatever I said wasn’t important enough to cause her more thought. It grated on my nerves, but I didn’t say anything. “Gayle just told me that she wasn’t hiring just yet, but as soon as a position opened up, it would be mine! Me. I can almost see the title behind my name now. And the money! Geez, I could really use the money.”
Not to disappoint her, but we lowly account managers didn’t make much money. Surely she didn’t expect some massive increase, right? By the look on her face, I’d say that was exactly what she expected. Sighing, I went to make my coffee when my phone buzzed with a text. I fumbled to check the call, only to find a new text from Mom.
I shoved my phone back into my pocket, wishing Aidan would respond with something, anything, so I wouldn’t feel so lost. “Are they expanding, then?” I asked Alexa, eager to talk about something to get my mind off Aidan. “I think I’m Gayle’s only account manager.”
“You are. Do you have any skeletons in your closet I can exploit?” She started laughing, and I glared at her. “I’m kidding. Well, I’m off to prove I rock. See you around.”
I stared after her, shaking my head. Aidan and I were over now, so I didn’t have any skeletons to worry about. Pushing out of the break room, I started down the hall, hopeful that I could make it to my cube without—
My thoughts cut short as my gaze locked on his. We were six feet from each other, no more, but never had I felt further away from him. His mouth opened, and then his gaze found the floor, and I knew without him having to say anything that we had passed into the awkward after zone. I was an idiot to text him and hope we could resolve things. Clearly, for him, we were already done.
“Cameron…”
“See you in the meeting.” I walked around him and sat down at my desk, my hands trembling. My phone buzzed again, and I prepared to quickly text Mom back that I’d call her later when my gaze locked on the text.
Aidan: I’m sorry.
I wanted to ask him for which part, but I was afraid that if I started the conversation I wouldn’t be able to stop without ending up in tears, and I refused to cry here. For now, I had to push this aside, ignore him, go back to the way things were before. But how could I go back?
I couldn’t.
Thankfully, the meeting with the new client went well, and the rest of the day breezed by, Aidan in and out of meetings all day, so I barely saw him, saving me from any more painful run-ins. It had gotten late fast, and, exhausted, I started for the elevator, finally comfortable enough to ride it again, when Aidan slipped in after me. “Wait.” He leaned into me as the elevator began to drop. “I didn’t want you to ride alone.”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you? Because I’m not. I thought about what you said all weekend. That I decide the man I want to be. And I don’t want to be the kind of man who hurts you, who walks away from you. I don’t want this to end. Anything is possible if we’re willing to fight for it. And I am, Cameron. You asked me to try. Now I’m asking you to do the same. I miss you. I—”
Before he could continue, I rose onto my toes and crushed my lips to his, unsure of anything else, but I couldn’t stay away from him another second. I missed him too much to stay away. His smell, his laugh, the feel of his warm body against mine. And before either of us could think better of it, the kiss turned frenzied, his hands in my hair, my body flush against his, all thought and reason gone except for us and this moment.
Which was why I didn’t hear the elevator ping open. Or the sound of someone clearing her throat from just outside its doors. We flew apart like two teenagers caught by their parents, smiles on our lips, until we caught sight of the person before us, and the smiles quickly turned to horror.
Alexa stood outside the elevator doors, her eyebrows drawn together in a glare, her arms crossed. “Well, I guess this explains why you’ve been doing so well,” she spit out. “It’s easy to succeed when you’re in bed with the boss.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. “No—it’s not—we’re not—”
“Save it,” she said, seething. “I’ve worked my ass off for a year now, only to be passed over again and again. And you? You come in here, win everyone over, and now I find out you’re screwing Aidan, too? I can’t even look at you. I’ll get my coat tomorrow.” She spun around and started for the main doors, me rushing after her.
“Alexa, listen. Stop. Stop!”
But she was already outside, grabbing a cab, and then gone. Finally she had the juice she needed to get someone fired. I just never thought that someone would be me.
…
“Stop worrying,” Aidan said.
“I’m not worrying.”
“Then why won’t you look at me?”
I glanced up at him from where I sat on the floor of his apartment, a makeshift plate of Chinese takeout on the coffee table in front of me. The smells, which had always made my stomach rumble in delight, were now nauseating. How could I eat right now?
“How are you eating?” I asked, unable to hide the bite in my tone.
“Easy.” Aidan lifted his chopsticks slowly to his mouth, making a show of chewing. “Like this. The question is, why aren’t you?”
I jumped to my feet, my frustration bubbling over. “Alexa knows! She knows. And now I’m going to be fired and you’re going to be fired and we’re going to be unable to get new jobs at agencies because of our non-competes and— Oh my God. You’re going to have to go work for your dad, and—”
Aidan was to me now, taking my hands in his. “Shh. Calm down.” He kissed my lips easily and then leaned down so we were eye to eye. “I won’t work for my dad no matter what. But it doesn’t matter, because we aren’t going to be fired. Alexa won’t say anything. You can talk to her tomorrow. Explain. She’s supposed to be your friend. She’ll understand.”
I shook my head. “You heard her. She’s angry. And she’s been talking about getting an AM fired for weeks now.”
He opened his mouth, and then his expression softened. “Then so be it.”
My eyes snapped up. “What did you say?”
“You’re more important to me than the job. If she tells the partners a
nd they decide to act, then okay. I can deal with that. I can find another job.” He leaned into me, his forehead pressed against mine. “I can’t find another you.”
“I hate when you say things like that.”
He gently touched my lips with his. “You love it. I want to be with you, openly. If there are consequences, so be it.”
A smile tugged at my lips. “Openly?”
Aidan walked over to the kitchen counter and pulled something out of the basket he kept there, then returned and held out his palm to reveal a silver key. “I’ve been thinking all weekend long, I barely slept, and it occurred to me that I’m doing the one thing I promised myself I would never do—I’m letting my father control me. In an indirect way, but I’ve been so afraid that I’d become him that I shut down things I want in my life to prevent it from happening. But I’m not afraid anymore. Of him or of losing my job. The only thing I’m afraid of losing…is you.”
My smile widened, unable to be contained now. “And that’s…?”
“A key to my apartment. Take it or don’t, the choice is yours, but it’s an open invitation. I’m serious about us and our future. I want you and only you, Cameron. Tell me you want this, too.”
I crushed my lips to his in answer, relief pouring out of me. Maybe everything would be okay. Maybe Alexa wouldn’t say anything, and Aidan could talk to the partners. Maybe they wouldn’t care.
Pulling away, I kissed him softly once more, then asked, “You really don’t think she’ll say anything?”
He nuzzled his nose against my neck, breathing me in. “I promise you, there’s nothing to worry about.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
There are moments in life that seem to play out in song. You can hear the drumbeats when something exciting is about to happen. The slow song when you finally make eye contact with the guy of your dreams. And the horror music when you’re walking to your doom.
I should have called in sick. Should have claimed to have the flu or pneumonia or the freaking West Nile virus. Instead, I took Alexa’s smiley face reply to my text as a sign that everything was fine. But no, the little yellow emoticon wasn’t smiling at me—he was laughing the wicked laugh of the evil. Evil who went by the name Alexa.
The office was too quiet, every head down, every set of eyes on their work. I’d never heard the office so quiet in all the time I’d worked there. Then my gaze shifted to the front desk, curious if Alexa had the nerve to show her face, but her chair sat empty, her computer screen dark. My heart sped up as I took a few steps toward the main hall, and then my eyes locked on Aidan’s office. The always-lit, always-open office. But now, the blinds were closed, the room dark. I stared at it, unable to believe this was happening, and then I heard my name called from my left, and I peered over to see Gayle watching me, her expression unreadable.
“Cameron, can I see you in my office, please?”
And there went my stomach. So this was what it felt like to be fired. Through all this, I knew the risk, but deep down I never thought anything would actually happen. I thought I was safe, that Aidan would somehow protect me, like he said. But how could he protect me when he was as much at risk, maybe even more?
I swallowed hard and said, “Of course,” before following Gayle to her office. She closed the door behind me and went around to her desk, her eyes on anything but me. That fact alone said enough.
“I trust you know why I asked you here,” she said, her focus now on me.
I knew exactly why I was there, but I wasn’t stupid enough to hang myself. “I’m sorry, Gayle, I don’t.”
The clock on her desk seemed to tick louder with each passing second, wearing me down. I wondered if Aidan was in a similar meeting with the partners. If he were getting fired this second, or maybe they just planned to fire me, though surely that wasn’t legal. I’d never sue, of course, but they didn’t know that and—
“Cameron.”
I glanced up, my hands shaking. What would my father say if he saw me now? Would he tell me to be honest? Would he tell me to be strong? “Yes?”
“Can you tell me what happened? Or rather, how it happened?” When I didn’t immediately respond, she added, “I know about you and Aidan. He’s in with the partners now.”
My heart dropped into my stomach. There it was. The elephant in the room. And while a huge part of me was afraid, another part was relieved. I’d been carrying this secret for months now, petrified someone would find out. Until that moment, I never realized how much it weighed me down.
I met her gaze. “It started the Saturday before my first day.” And then I told her everything, leaving out the personal details that were no one’s business, but recounting the slow build of our relationship. More than once I found myself fighting a smile despite the situation. Aidan was a part of me now, and nothing that happened here would change that fact. I didn’t regret him. I didn’t regret us.
Gayle waited until I finished, then leaned back in her chair, her fingers drumming against her desk. “So, what you’re telling me is that this relationship has been mutual from the beginning? At no point did you feel pressured to enter into this arrangement? You never felt your job was in jeopardy?”
My eyes widened as I realized what she was suggesting. “No. Never. Aidan spent the holidays with me and my family. This isn’t an office fling. It’s…I…” I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that I loved him. Not because the words weren’t true, but because I wanted him to be the first one to hear them.
She sighed. “Oh, Cameron. I was hoping you would tell me it was just a fling. That would make our decision easier.”
“Decision?” Fear crept up my back once again.
“Our informant—”
“Alexa.”
Gayle hesitated, but eventually nodded. “Alexa. She’s claiming that Aidan showed you preferential treatment because of your relationship. She’s demanding your job.”
“What? He would never, and you know how hard I worked on the Blast account. Aidan had nothing to do with my success here.” Did he? I thought through my time with Sanderson-Lowe. Aidan and I worked as a team, sure, but he didn’t give me handouts. He didn’t help me with my work.
“I believe you. I do. But her story is convincing. If you agreed to stop seeing each other, I could have you transferred to a different division to avoid any further conflict, but I’m guessing that isn’t an option?” When I didn’t reply, she sighed heavily. “I’m not sure what the partners will decide, but I feel it’s best for you to take the rest of the day off. I’ll let you know as soon as I hear something.”
Disbelief coursed through me, numbing my insides. This wasn’t happening. I’d worked too hard to get this job to see it pulled out from under me so quickly. “So, that’s it then? I’m…fired?” Tears brimmed in my eyes, and I blinked hard to push them away.
Gayle’s face fell. “I’ll do all I can.”
…
Four hours passed with nothing—no calls from Gayle, no emails. No hints at what was happening. And no Aidan.
I had hoped he would send me something, anything, to tell me everything would be okay, but my phone sat silent on the end table of my apartment. My mind drifted back to my graduation day at NYU, how certain I was of my life.
But then I met Aidan, and began working, and somehow my ideals shifted. I still longed for that rush of success, but that was no longer the only rush in my life. Aidan made me feel things I hadn’t felt in a long time, maybe ever. And with that small crack in my structured thinking, I began to see other things differently, too. My mom loved me, Eric loved me, and my family, while a shade past crazy, absolutely loved me. And I loved them. I wasn’t sure if I would ever move home, but I was proud of my upbringing. Without it, I wouldn’t be the Cameron I was today.
Now I paced my apartment, and everything had somehow flipped. I still wanted to be successful, but I now understood that my career wouldn’t be defined by my first job, but the experiences over the course of my lifetime. This moment did n
ot make or break where I would be in thirty years. But there was only one Aidan Truitt, and I loved him. I couldn’t imagine walking away from him. Not now.
I had just decided to send him a text, my nerves unable to wait another second, when a soft tap sounded from my door. Reaching the door in three long steps, I yanked it open, already knowing who I’d find on the other side.
Aidan stared at me without moving for several seconds, his face etched with exhaustion and worry. I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes, breathing him in.
“How bad is it?” I asked, unsure if I really wanted to know, but I was an adult now, and adults were forced to endure even when they wanted to hide.
He kissed my cheek and then pulled away from me. “Let’s talk.”
A chill moved through me as I searched his face for a deeper meaning. “Talk?”
Aidan opened his mouth, then closed it back and looked away. “Yeah, we need to talk.”
I stepped back so he could enter and followed him over to my couch, simultaneously wishing he’d spill whatever he needed to say and then wishing he’d keep it to himself. The tension was too much.
“Do you want something to drink?” I asked.
His hollow eyes penetrated through me. “No, I don’t want a drink. I want you. I’ve thought about everything, my father, my job, and I want you. And I have to know, I need to know, how much you want me back. How much does this mean to you?”
Fear ripped through me as I thought of how hard I’d worked all these years, and now, less than a year into my career, everything was falling apart. I thought of my family, how much they liked Aidan, how in every text or call with Mom since Christmas she asked about him.
But at the end of the day, I wanted Aidan more. People didn’t end their lives and look at their first job as a benchmark on their life’s success. They looked at the people around them, and I wanted him to be my person. The one there until the end.