When they finally broke the connection, a tear had fallen from his eye, dampening his cheek. Tarah touched her lips to the moisture, wiping it away with the tip of her tongue. She pressed her cheek to his, her skin warming his skin, then wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.
There was something about Nicholas that moved her spirit like no other man had before him. She didn’t have the words to describe what she was feeling for him, only that she had never before experienced the emotion that consumed her when he was in her head and heart. She wasn’t ready to put a real label on what they were sharing, and she definitely wasn’t ready to think about ever letting it go.
Minutes later she kicked off her shoes and crawled into the bed beside him. They held each other, trading easy caresses. As they talked, the conversation wafting from serious to silly and back again, laughter bubbled over. Tarah found that plotting and planning were a mutual give-and-take and a moment of self-discovery for them both. Hours later, when the late night nurse came to check on her patient, Tarah stirred, but Nicholas slept soundly by her side, still holding her hand tightly.
Chapter 9
Tarah and Nicholas had settled into a comfortable routine with each other. For her, the hospital, her studies and her patients consumed a sizeable amount of her time. For him there was occupational therapy, psychotherapy and his personal favorite, robotic walking therapy with an exoskeleton robot that moved his legs.
In the evenings, or sometimes in the morning, depending on Tarah’s schedule, they would enjoy the luxury of each other’s company. They were discovering the music each other liked, an eclectic mix of his favorites and hers played daily throughout the home. Scrambled eggs and chopped salad had become a staple in their diets, the only things Tarah could cook well. Often they were supplemented by the gourmet meals Nicholas had delivered from a local food service and the fast food Tarah insisted on.
They both had a growing collection of books that they read voraciously. Tarah’s were usually medical journals and science studies. Nicholas had grown fond of mysteries and suspense thrillers. They had also encouraged each other to read at least two passages from the Bible daily before they fell asleep each night.
They played cards and board games, and when they had no need for distractions, they simply relaxed in the quiet, listening to each other breathe. Although figuring out how he could be the best man he could be without the use of his legs was daunting, Nicholas appreciated Tarah being there to encourage him.
She tossed him a look from her seat at the dining room table. “What are we eating?” she asked, pushing the food on her plate with her fork.
“It’s a couscous and arugula salad.”
“Why are we eating this again?”
“It’s been proven that an organic diet aids in cellular regeneration. So we’re eating it because it’s good for the both of us.”
Tarah stared at him blankly, batting her eyelids over and over again. “It tastes like dirt.”
“It does not taste like dirt.”
“Actually dirt would probably taste better than this.” She pushed her plate aside. “I’m going to order some burgers,” she said as she stood up. “And fries.”
“I’ll take a chocolate milk shake with mine,” Nicholas said as he pushed his own plate away.
Tarah laughed. “I thought you wanted to eat the dirt.”
“I wanted to eat healthy.”
“Trust me,” Tarah said, her tone facetious, “clean eating is really overrated.”
Nicholas laughed with her. “I cannot believe you just lied to me!”
“That was not a lie. A little fib, maybe.”
“Did I tell you I hired a trainer?” Nicholas asked after Tarah had called for delivery from a local burger joint.
She sat back down in her seat, pulling one leg up beneath her bottom. “What do you need a trainer for?”
“I plan to compete in next year’s Paralympics. It’s a paratriathlon that includes a seven-hundred-fifty-meter swim, a twenty-kilometer ride on a hand cycle and a five-kilometer race in a wheelchair. And I plan to win.”
Tarah reflected on his statement for a minute. Nicholas had made incredible strides since being released from the hospital. He’d regained his upper body strength, enabling him to push and maneuver his own wheelchair. Everyday activities were no longer a challenge. He dressed and bathed himself, got in and out of the car with no help and was determined not to be dependent on anyone if he didn’t need to be. His swim, run, race thing would be a piece of cake.
She tossed him a nod of her head. “I’ll be at the finish line to cheer you on, but I really don’t know why you like to do things that make you sweat!”
He laughed. “Sweating is good for you. It cleans out your pores.”
Tarah’s expression was smug as she turned her attention to the sound of the doorbell ringing. “Real food!” she exclaimed as she rushed to answer the door.
“Look who I found,” she said minutes later as Nathaniel followed her into the room, carrying their bag of burgers and fries.
“What’s up?” he said to his twin as he dropped the delivery onto the table.
Nicholas bumped fists with Nathaniel. “Tarah was just telling me how much she isn’t enjoying our organic diet.”
Nathaniel pulled a fork full of his brother’s couscous to his lips. He grimaced. “Yuck! I’d say she’s probably made her point.”
Nicholas shrugged. “What’s going on with you?”
“I’m heading back to California,” Nathaniel said. He shifted his eyes toward Tarah, then back to his brother.
Tarah grabbed her burger and fries. “I’ve got some calls to make,” she said. “I’ll give you two some privacy.”
“You don’t have to go,” Nicholas said.
Nathaniel nodded his agreement. “Don’t go on my account, Tarah.”
She shook her head. “It’s all good. You two talk. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Nathaniel took a seat as Tarah made her exit. He and Nicholas were alone together.
“Why are you leaving?” Nicholas asked, turning his eyes on his brother.
“It’s time. I need to get back to my practice. So I’ll be here until the end of the week, and then I’ll be flying back home this weekend. Besides, you’re doing just fine without me, so there really isn’t any reason for me to stay longer.”
Nicholas nodded. “I am doing well. In fact, I was just telling Tarah I think I’m going to train for the Paralympics.”
His brother’s eyes widened. “That’s an impressive undertaking.”
“It’ll give me something to do.”
“How are things with you and Tarah?” Nathaniel asked, tossing a quick look over his shoulder toward the door.
His brother smiled. “We’re good, but since you asked...” He rolled himself to his brother’s side, leaning in to whisper, the gesture conspiratorial. “What can you tell me about sex?”
Nathaniel grinned. “Didn’t Noah have that talk with you when we were ten?”
Nicholas gave his brother a look, not at all amused. “That’s not what I mean.” This time he glanced toward the door, dropping his own voice another octave. “I had an erection yesterday. It lasted only about ten seconds but...well...” He was suddenly embarrassed, color flooding his face. “I didn’t think that it would ever work again.”
Nathaniel nodded. “Obviously I can’t say for certain if you can or can’t, but I know that in your situation, an erection is a good sign.”
Nicholas grinned. Despite things going well between Tarah and him, he’d been keeping her at arm’s length, questioning whether or not he would ever be able to have a romantic relationship with any woman. But Tarah excited him. Everything in his head and his heart still worked just fine. She tended to be overly affectionat
e, and he’d been surprised by the rise of nature that pressed taut in his pants when she’d hugged him goodbye the day before. It had been the first time his body had reacted since his accident, and it had also been the last, with nothing else happening since.
Nathaniel leaned in to whisper with him. “You need to talk to your doctors. If you’re feeling some sensation, that’s a very good sign, and there are things they can do to encourage that. If you’re getting an erection but you’re not able to maintain it, there are sexual enhancement pills that might work for you.”
“You mean Viagra?”
“That’s one of them. “Have a conversation with your urologist and see what he says. He’ll probably have to run some more tests, but I’m sure they’ll be well worth it in the end.”
Anxiety and frustration about whether or not he could still do it had been plaguing Nicholas for weeks. He’d actually worried that sexual pleasure was a thing of the past, that he might not ever father children or that Tarah would find him undesirable and less of a man. His brother’s advice had him hopeful.
Tarah interrupted the moment as she reentered the room. She eyed the two of them, a wry smirk pulling at her mouth. Curiosity danced in her gaze. “What are you two whispering about?”
“We are not whispering,” Nicholas quipped. His face flushed with color, embarrassment tinting his cheeks a deep shade of ruby red. “Why are you being so nosy? I can’t believe you’re out there in the hallway eavesdropping!”
Tarah stared at him, her hands clutching her hips. “Don’t get it twisted, Nicholas Stallion! I don’t eavesdrop! And I don’t appreciate you getting snippy with me just because you sprouted a boner and didn’t know what to do with it!” A bright smile filled her beautiful face.
Nicholas’s mouth lifted in a slow grin, his eyes locking tight with hers. “I’ll have you know, Tarah Boudreaux, that knowing what to do is hardly my problem, so get your facts straight.”
Tarah smirked, returning the look he was giving her with a narrowed gaze. “Then it sounds to me like there’s something you and I need to be talking about.”
Nathaniel choked back laughter, amusement dancing a mean two-step between the three of them. He suddenly rose from his seat. “On that note, I think I’ll say goodbye.”
* * *
Nathaniel had been gone for over an hour, and Nicholas and Tarah hadn’t spoken to each other. It felt as if a wall of tension had risen thick and full between them.
Tarah had walked out onto the patio as Nicholas had finished his burger and fries. After clearing away his own dishes, he joined her, wheeling himself out to the pool. Tarah tossed him a look and a smile.
“I really didn’t mean to eavesdrop on the conversation you were having with your brother,” she said, contrition painting her expression.
He shrugged. “Yes, you did! But it’s no big deal.”
Tarah laughed. “Well, maybe I did. I was headed back to the dining room and, well...you know the rest.”
Nicholas laughed with her. “So are you ready to talk?” he finally asked, his expression turning somber.
There was a moment of hesitation. “What I really want to do is dance!” she exclaimed as she threw her arms out to her sides and spun around in a circle.
She was wearing a floral print sundress that billowed around her petite frame. Her feet were bare, and Nicholas realized that it was one of the few times he had seen her in something other than her hospital scrubs. She looked comfortable and happy, her face glowing with sheer joy.
Nicholas stared at her, and then he nodded. He gestured for her to follow as he rolled himself back into the house. Minutes later, an old R & B song echoed out of the speakers.
Tarah stood watching as Nicholas wheeled back to her side, holding out his hand. Confusion washed over her expression as she slid her palm against his. And then he pulled her down onto his lap, moving her to laugh with abandonment as she settled against him. As she wrapped both arms around his shoulders, he nuzzled his face into her neck, one hand spinning the wheelchair in a slow circle as the other held her close against him.
They danced. Their sensual connection was magnetic as he glided her around the room, his fingers trailing a slow path across her bare arms and shoulders. Tarah’s eyes were closed as he pressed a line of damp kisses against her neck, his warm breath blowing along the line of her profile to the indentation of her dimples and up to the curve of her earlobe. He plunged his tongue into her ear and she gasped loudly, heat sweeping deeply into the pit of her abdomen.
“You’re a tease,” she whispered, her voice coming in short gasps.
“Am I?” Nicholas whispered back.
Tarah nodded as she pressed her palm against his chest, her fingertips igniting a wave of heat between them.
“I really want to make love to you, Tarah,” he said. “You don’t know how much I wish I could make that happen.”
“You will,” she said softly. “It will happen when it’s supposed to.”
“What if it doesn’t? What if I never regain any functionality?”
“Nicholas, the act itself is only one third of the pleasure. One third is the experimenting, trying new things, the excitement and anticipation over what something might feel like. And the final third is knowing that your partner loves you enough and cares enough about you to want to try those new things with you.”
“So, do you think about it? Do you think about what you’re missing? Or that you may never have children with me? Does it ever cross your mind?”
Tarah pressed her forehead to his. “I do think about making love to you. I fantasize about it all the time. Every time we touch. When you make me laugh. When we fall asleep at night, I imagine what it will be like to feel you inside me. Thinking about you like that excites me. It gives me hope about what we might one day share. But I don’t worry about it never happening because I know that it will, in some form or fashion. You are worrying for no reason at all.”
“You don’t worry enough! We’re talking about your future, Tarah.”
“No, we’re talking about our future. Neither one of us is in this alone, Nicholas. We’re in this together. At some point you really need to trust that.”
Nicholas wrapped both arms around her and hugged her tightly. His hands fanned the length of her spine. Hearing her words was one thing, but believing them was something else altogether. But he did trust her. And he desperately wanted to believe that she was right.
As if she could read his mind, Tarah stared into his eyes, seeming to fall hard into the look he was giving her. Tarah kissed him then, her mouth claiming his possessively. Her tongue teased the curve of his full lips, peeking past the line of his teeth to play a game of give-and-take with his tongue. Kissing Tarah had become his favorite thing to do, and each and every time felt like the very first time.
It was an old school love song that played sweetly in the background. The sound was sexy and teasing, an electric guitar and a deep bass complementing the melody. Nicholas resumed their dance, Tarah cradled tight against his lap as he inched his chair around the room. He became lost in the moment, a mile-long playlist teasing his senses as a full moon rose high in the late night sky.
* * *
It had been a long workday. When Tarah finally found her way back home, she expected to find Nicholas sound asleep. She was surprised when he called her name as she tiptoed through the door, kicking off her rubber-soled heels in the foyer.
“Hey, what are you doing up? It’s so late, I just knew you were going to be asleep!”
He smiled as she moved to his side to kiss his cheek. “I was waiting for you. How was your day?” Nicholas asked.
She pulled a chair up to him and sat down, then kicked her legs out and twisted her ankles from side to side. “I had only three surgeries today, but I don’t think I had a chance to sit down once.”
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“Did you eat? I saved you some dinner.”
She nodded. “I grabbed an egg roll and a container of egg drop soup from the Asian market by the hospital. I’m good.” She grinned, her snow-white teeth shining bright. “What did you eat?”
“I actually cooked. I grilled pork chops and made a salad.”
“You cooked? I’m impressed! If I’d known that, I would have waited until I got home to eat.”
“I packed the leftovers for your lunch tomorrow, so you’ll get to taste just how good my meal was.”
“I’m impressed again. You’re becoming quite the homemaker.”
Emotion seemed to drain from Nicholas’s face as he pondered her comment. He lifted his eyes to hers, the connection seeming to transfer the feelings.
“I’m sorry,” Tarah said softly. “I didn’t mean that as an insult.”
Nicholas chuckled softly. “I wasn’t insulted. This just wasn’t the plan I’d imagined for myself.”
“I did. For me, I mean. I always knew I’d be a big-time surgeon, and every night I’d come home to the hubby and kids. Dinner would be on the table and the laundry would be done. After homework, bedtime stories and prayers, my favorite guy and I would sit back, relax and trade war stories.”
He laughed. “War stories? Really?”
“Yeah, how he and the science teacher went toe-to-toe about Junior’s classroom behavior and the tea party my Mini-Me made him sit through when he wanted to watch the game on television. And I’d tell him about a patient who thought I was a nurse and not the surgeon and the doctor who underestimated my surgical skills and had to be schooled. Every day we’d have stories to share so that neither one of us would feel like we were missing anything.”
He grinned. “I’m impressed with that vivid imagination of yours. You have it all figured out.”
“I did. And now that I know who my partner in crime is going to be, it adds a whole new dimension to what I’ve been imagining.” She slid her fingers between his, interlocking their hands together. The skin on his palm had begun to thicken, calluses growing from the work he was putting in with this wheelchair.
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