by Hazel Kelly
“She doesn’t mean it like that,” Austin said. “She means if you’re tired, you don’t have to stay.”
“I know,” I said. “I just- I promised I’d stay until you guys got here.”
“Right,” Austin said. “I forgot to thank y-”
“I can’t believe they’re here already,” Karen said, looking down the hall.
“Are those your parents?” I asked no one in particular.
“Yeah,” Austin said. “I know Wyatt told me not to call them, but Karen said he was in no position to be making decisions and didn’t know what was good for him.
Karen smiled. “That’s exactly what I said.”
And suddenly my heart was beating in my temples. “I guess I should get going then.”
Chapter 15: Wyatt
She still hadn’t woken up.
I usually loved when she slept like this, when her breathing was steady and I could pretend she was having sweet dreams.
But at that moment, I would’ve given anything for her to wake up and try out a naughty new word she learned at camp or tell me about the kids that didn’t know how to use the keyboard pedals. I wouldn’t even defend them when she joked about the empty space between their ears. I’d just sit quietly and let her lay into them as much as she wanted.
“Mr. Jones.” It was half a greeting and half an expression of surprise.
I looked at the doctor, comforted by the fact that some of his hairs were gray.
“I was just going to take Sophie up to the fifth floor.”
“Why? What’s on the fifth floor that you don’t have here?” I stood up, letting my eyes linger over her pillow. Was it too stuffed for her little head? I didn’t want her to wake up with a stiff neck.
“We just have to take some bloods and change some of her bags.”
I looked at the bags. “Okay,” I said, trying to figure out how I would push one end of the bed while managing all the things hooked up to her.
“I’m afraid you can’t come.”
“I promise you won’t even notice me.”
“We’ll update you as soon as there’s a change,” he said, ignoring my previous comment.
“And if there isn’t one?”
“We can update you either way,” he said. “Would you like me to escort you back to the waiting room?”
“No. I can find it, thanks. If you could stay here with Sophie, though, I’d rather she wasn’t alone.”
“Of course.”
I looked back at the horrible plastic thing covering her little nose and mouth and then turned back to the doctor. “Can she hear me?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “Maybe.”
I nodded. It was better than telling me no- kinder- though he was probably just being honest.
I turned back and squatted down beside my daughter’s bed, scooping her lifeless little hand up in my palm. “I’m just going down the hall, Sophie, but my friend Dr.-” I turned and looked at his name tag. “Dr. Crawford is going to take excellent care of you. And as soon as you wake up, we can get out of here. And we can go wherever you want and do whatever you want there and eat whatever you feel like on the way. I promise.”
I rubbed the top of her hand with my thumb. It was still smooth as baby skin, unlike the pads of her fingers which were craggy and rough from whatever the hell she’d been doing at camp the last few weeks.
God I was going crazy. Why was this so hard? Could I be handling it better? Should I physically force the doctor to let me stay by her side? Or was me being out of the way really the best thing for everybody? For Sophie?
“I assure you she’s in good hands,” the doctor said, still standing at the foot of the bed and looking at her like a patient.
I leaned forward and kissed her forehead for much longer than she ever would’ve let me if she were awake. “Please make sure somebody is with her at all times,” I said, straightening back up.
Dr. Crawford nodded. “Unfortunately, Sophie’s condition demands that she be constantly monitored so you have nothing to worry about.”
“What do you mean unfortunately?”
“I mean it would be better if her situation weren’t so precarious. Then we could give you more privacy and allow you to spend more time with her.” He clasped his hands in front of him. “But at this time, she requires constant medical supervision.”
I didn’t know if I should be happy or upset.
So I looked at Sophie one more time, smiled at the doctor as best I could, and walked away, trying to swallow the lump in my throat as I made my way back to Addison in the waiting room. How long had I left her by herself? I’m sure she was fine on her own, but I hoped she knew I wasn’t trying to be rude. I shook my head as I pushed open the grey double doors.
When I lifted my eyes, all I could see was family.
Austin was the first out of his chair and his arms were around me in a second, squeezing me so hard my eyes nearly popped out of my head.
I slapped a flat palm on his back. “Thanks for coming,” I said, looking over his shoulder.
I could see Gigi, Karen, and both my parents sitting at the end of the row of chairs. My mom was rubbing cream into her hands and my dad was pouring eye drops all over his cheeks.
“I told you not to tell them yet,” I said, taking a step back.
Austin shrugged. “I was worried we wouldn’t get here fast enough, and I didn’t want you to be alone.”
Suddenly I was hugging Karen. “Thanks for coming,” I said. Then I turned back to Austin. “I wasn’t alone. Addison’s here.” Was here? Where was she?
Karen returned to Gigi’s side as it was her turn in travel size Connect Four.
I looked around for Addison as my parents pulled me into a double hug. My dad looked like he’d been crying for ages from his misfired eye drops, which was nothing new.
He always complained that his eyes were dry in crowded places. The mall, the movie theater, anywhere that a lot of air seemed to be enclosed in a large space was a potential dry eye danger zone. He stepped back after a single pat on the back while my mom rubbed my back a bit longer.
“So how is she?” Austin said, digging his hands into his pockets.
I shook my head. “She’s sort of sleeping.”
Everyone raised their eyebrows, including Gigi who seemed reluctant to peel her eyes off her game.
“In a coma kind of way,” I said.
“Jesus.” My mom covered her mouth with her thin skinned hands.
“What’s the prognosis?” My dad said, blinking like some kind of idiot.
“They’re taking her upstairs to run some tests. They’re going to keep me posted.” I pulled my shirt forward so the soft collar would cover the back of my cold neck. “My understanding is that the sooner she wakes up the better.”
“Did you tell her I brought Connect Four?” Gigi asked.
“No, I didn’t Gigi, but I’ll tell her as soon as I see her again.”
Gigi nodded once, approving of our arrangement.
“Come on,” Austin said, putting a hand on my shoulder. “Let’s get some fresh air.”
My immediate panic at stepping out was instantly assuaged by Karen, who gave me a look so knowing there was no doubt in my mind she would tackle any nurse she suspected of harboring critical information.
I nodded at Austin and headed down the hall. It felt good to stretch my legs, to have a chance to prepare myself for a long afternoon with my folks. “I hope it didn’t cost too much for you guys to get out here on such short notice,” I said. “You know I’m happy to cover your costs-”
“Don’t be silly,” Austin said. “If anything I should be kissing you right now. Gigi got to do her last dance this morning and we didn’t have to wait around for the big girls’ grand finale which wouldn’t have been happening for another seven hours. So trust me, I’ve never been so happy to race to your side.”
“Where’s Addison?” I asked.
“The Cherise lookalike?” he asked, pushing op
en the door to the front entrance.
The fresh air felt wet as it hit my face. Maybe my dad was right about the air being dry in there. “You remember Cherise?”
“You used to go on about her enough,” he said. “And you always did have a thing for redheads.”
I squinted, trying to decide if I agreed.
“Not that you’ve ever discriminated.”
I rolled my eyes. “There aren’t enough of them as far as I’m concerned.”
“Redheads or women in general?”
“So is she around or-?”
“I told her she was free to go.”
“You did?”
“When the folks showed up, it seemed like a big ask to have her hang around,” he said. “Plus, I only asked her to stay until we arrived.”
“So she just left?”
“She said to please say goodbye and that she would keep her fingers crossed for Sophie.”
I nodded, trying to decide how I felt about the fact that she fucked off. “I suppose the only reason she was here in the first place was because I basically kidnapped her.”
“She did seem really concerned about you and Sophie both,” he said. “But I felt like she should go in case you didn’t want your first date to be a day at the hospital.”
“It wasn’t our first date.”
“What was it?” he asked. “Your second?”
I ran a hand over my head. “Did you pay for her cab?”
“No. She said she’d make her own way back and that she’d catch up with you later.”
“She said that?”
He nodded.
“Like she definitely wants to see me again?”
“I’d say so,” Austin said. “It’s been ages since I tried to read a single woman’s body language, but she seemed genuine enough.”
“Right.”
“And slightly overwhelmed by the family.”
“Since before or after mom showed up?”
“We’ll, she didn’t seem particularly comfortable when Karen and Gigi and I arrived, but when mom started asking her questions about how she knew you and tried to touch her hair-”
“Jesus. I hope you guys didn’t scare her off.”
Austin shrugged.
But what I meant was that I hoped I hadn’t.
Chapter 16: Addison
I hoped I hadn’t visibly freaked out.
I mean, I probably could’ve managed one more game of Connect Four, but with every passing minute, I felt like the current of family time might sweep me away. And then when his Mom started asking how long Wyatt and I had known each other, I just didn’t feel like I could cope with my anxiety anymore.
I squeezed my eyes shut. The sunshine was warm on my forearm through the taxi window. I probably should’ve scooted over to the other side so I wouldn’t get too hot, but I didn’t want to catch the driver’s eye in the rearview mirror like I always did when I sat on that side.
I shook my head.
Maybe I shouldn’t have left.
But it’s not like I had a choice.
Once his family arrived, he didn’t need me anymore. It was just a fluke that I was even there in the first place, and the last thing Wyatt needed was one more thing to worry about. Not that I wouldn’t have tried to be helpful. At the very least, I suppose I could’ve gotten more snacks for his family.
But was it really appropriate for me to stay there and chat with his parents after only knowing him for a few days?
Probably not. Exchanging pleasantries with a stranger sounds like the last thing a person in that situation would want to do.
Plus, what if she woke up?
It might be confusing for her if I was there, mixed in with everybody. After all, Wyatt never even had any intention of introducing us at all.
Which was bittersweet.
Cause on one hand, I didn’t need any children introduced into my life. Not to sound cold, but children were the opposite of productivity. They were the ultimate time suck, impossibly dependent, and completely unpredictable.
On the other hand, the fact that he could so easily not tell me about something so important to him hurt a little. It’s not like I was confused about our relationship. I get that it was just a bit of fun, but I thought we had a connection. Or at least, being around Wyatt was the first time in a long time I had any feelings apart from stress and anxiety.
And surely our connection was strong enough that he should’ve mentioned he had a kid. Most people wouldn’t shut up about their kids. So why did he keep her existence a secret? Who was he really trying to protect?
I watched the yellow pine tree swing back and forth under the rear view mirror. The furry faced driver had pulled it just far enough out of its plastic wrapping to make the cab smell rank, but not so far out that all the rank hit me at once.
To be honest, I actually preferred the smell of the hospital. Or the comforting smell of stale grease in the cafeteria. Anything was better than that rank yellow tree.
And then the same thought I’d been pushing out of my head all day weaseled its way in again.
What if she didn’t wake up?
Was that a possibility? What if he had to decide whether to keep her on life support, and I just left without saying goodbye? Okay, obviously my disappearing would go completely unnoticed in contrast to something so traumatic, but how long could they keep her like that?
Was she experiencing brain damage right now? While I was worried about what Karen thought of the fact that she had to pick nature out of my hair?
I let my head fall back.
How could I have been so cool under pressure this morning and then fucked up so badly this afternoon? But I couldn’t have stayed, shouldn’t have. I tried to wrack my brain for whether Wyatt had said anything that might make me think he had a preference.
But he didn’t really.
I don’t know if he had a single thought about anything besides Sophie after he got the call this morning.
I know it was inappropriate to spend any energy on anything besides hoping Sophie would wake up, but I couldn’t help spending a little on the hope that I would see him again.
Obviously, if something bad happened to his daughter, I probably wouldn’t. In that case, he’d likely try and forget my face entirely. After all, I’d be that woman he met the week his daughter died.
I sighed.
That’s not what I wanted to be to him. Not at all. Not that I was sure what I wanted. It’s not like we could date. I was so busy I had to schedule showers lately. I couldn’t make time for him once I got back to real life.
Besides, if he was going to take dating someone seriously, it would have to be someone who could handle sharing him with his kid, and I had no reason to believe I could be that person.
But I couldn’t shake the feeling that I should still be there, even though I was totally unprepared to stay in that situation. I mean, they were a real family. His mom licked her fingers enough to fix everyone’s hair besides mine and Karen’s, and I think if Karen hadn’t karate blocked her wet thumb, she might’ve gotten to all of us.
Meanwhile, Gigi was asking all these questions about the hospital and how long we’d have to be there and what scrubs were made of and whether it was safe to drink out of the water cooler and why would someone design paper cups with a pointy bottom that couldn’t be set down on the table and basically, I thought my head was going to explode.
Austin seemed cool, though.
At least he wasn’t trying to get fucked up on eye drops like Wyatt’s dad.
But I kind of liked that they were quirky. Except Karen. She wasn’t quirky. She was about as put together as anyone I’d ever met. If anything, she was the one that I thought could carry the torch for me when I left since she seemed like she’d be pretty hard to rattle.
Then again, she was probably just calm from the relief of knowing it wasn’t her little girl in the emergency room strapped up to the humming equipment with plastic tubes sticking in every orifice.
Poor Wyatt.
And poor Sophie.
“It’s a left up here,” I said, eager to get back to the house and knowing I didn’t have enough money on me to risk a single wrong turn.
And yet knowing I was almost back to the cabin was as wonderful as it was depressing.
It was wonderful because I was exhausted. Last night had been the most exciting night of my life. Holly wouldn’t even believe all the things I’d gotten into.
At the same time, it was depressing because I knew I couldn’t look forward to day dreaming about where Wyatt was and what he was doing like I had the day before.
Because today I knew exactly where he was.
And not only was he in a place where he didn’t want to be, but he definitely wasn’t thinking of me.
If only I hadn’t panicked like that when his family arrived.
If only I hadn’t left without saying goodbye.
I hoped he wouldn’t think I left because I didn’t care about his daughter.
Because in my own weird way, I definitely did.
And what’s more, seeing how much he cared about her made me feel more strongly about him, too.
For whatever that was worth.
“It’s the driveway after this one,” I said, wondering if I should’ve gotten dropped off at a different house in case the driver came back to kill me later.
But I was too tired to humor my paranoia for a change.
So I just paid him what he asked and got out.
And as I turned the handle on the front door, I couldn’t shake the familiar feeling that I wasn’t supposed to be there.
But this time, it wasn’t work where I wanted to be.
Chapter 17: Wyatt
“Did she seem okay?” I asked as we went back inside.
“Addison?” Austin asked, checking his watch while I held the door for him.
“Yeah.”
He shrugged. “She seemed about as okay as you’d expect considering the circumstances.”
I stepped around an abandoned wheelchair. “You didn’t happen to get her number did you?”