“Of course not,” I shot back. “How could you even think such a thing?”
Gabe fisted his hand in the back of my T-shirt.
“You’re the one who mentioned it,” she pointed, seeming satisfied with herself. “And again, you won’t talk to me, so I have nothing better to do than assume the worst.”
I couldn’t take it any longer. Listening to her, I realized how much hell I’d put Gabe through with my obsessing over everything that could go wrong. Ignoring that we weren’t alone, I turned to Gabe and took his free hand in both of mine. “I’m sorry.”
I watched his Adam’s apple dip as tears formed along his lash line. There I went, botching things up again. I leaned in to kiss his cheek.
“Babe, don’t cry,” I whispered. “I’m still here. I’m not going anywhere. I’m only sorry if I ever drove you nuts thinking about everything that could go wrong. I love you.”
“You’re not that bad,” Gabe reassured me at the exact moment my mom finally snapped.
“You what?” she yelled. “How can you love him? You’re not even gay! I’d know if you were. What has he been doing to you since you moved down to Wilmington?”
Gabe opened his mouth to say something, but I elbowed him in the ribs hard enough he doubled over.
“Mom, he hasn’t been doing anything to me except showing me that I’m the center of his world.” Since the cat was officially out of the bag, I laced Gabe’s fingers with my own, resting them in plain sight on my knee. “We’ve been together since junior year, but it wasn’t until we moved out that we were able to actually be together.”
“That’s a lie!” Mom was pacing the room, Dad behind her, trying to get her to calm down. “I’m your mother. I would’ve known….”
You could practically see the moment the light bulb went off in her head. She whipped around to bury her finger in Dad’s chest. “You knew about this, didn’t you? When they went to New York at Christmas, you helped them, didn’t you? How long, Randall?”
Oh, she was working up a good head of steam. As I watched their interaction, I wished I’d gotten more of Dad’s levelheadedness and less of Mom’s doomsday obsessions. He guided her back to her chair, and Gabe’s parents excused themselves. I watched them walk to the sitting room adjacent to the kitchen, close enough to jump in if the need should arise.
“Yes, Dee, I knew they were seeing one another,” Dad admitted. “Gabe’s a good man and he treats Trevor right. That’s what you need to focus on right now.”
“But it’s unnatural,” she argued. That was the straw that broke this particular camel’s back. I lurched out of my chair and hovered over her. Yeah, I knew it was a bad way to de-escalate conflict, but I didn’t care. She was not going to talk about Gabe and me that way. Not now. Not ever. One good thing that’d come from the past twelve hours was I honestly believed we’d be okay. My mom may come around, she may not, but Gabe and I were not degenerates for loving one another, and we had enough family who accepted us as we were.
“Why Mom? How are Gabe and I disgusting to you? Is it because we’re two men? Would your opinion change if Gabe was the daughter of your best friend instead of the son?”
“It has nothing to do with whether he’s a man or a woman,” she countered, still breathing so hard I could see her nostrils expand on every exhale. “Gwen isn’t just my best friend, she’s my sister.”
“Your stepsister,” I clarified. Four little letters made all the difference in this situation. “This is why you didn’t know sooner. Gabe wanted to be honest with everyone, but I knew you’d act like this. I love you, but I also love him. You’re my family, but so is he. And I’m not going to break both of our hearts just because it makes you uncomfortable.”
“What about my heart?” she pleaded. I backed away slowly, needing the physical connection to Gabe so I wouldn’t crack under the pressure.
“Mom, I’m an adult. You need to remember that you raised me to be intelligent and independent. I was never going to be your baby boy forever.” Gabe squeezed my fingers, giving me the strength to continue. “Someday, I hope you’ll be able to be as happy for us as everyone else has been so far. I truly wish you’d see how happy I am, how lucky I am to have someone like Gabe in my life.”
“I don’t know if that’ll ever happen.” Mom stood from the table and walked out of the house without another word. We all stared at the back door, stunned by how poorly she’d taken the news.
I kept waiting for the guilt, the shame, the feeling that I’d disappointed her. Instead, I felt Dad’s strong arms around my chest. My boyfriend’s fingers still gripping mine tightly. And over Dad’s shoulder, Gwen and Joel with matching sad smiles on their faces. Maybe mom would come around, maybe she wouldn’t, but this was what family was supposed to be. These were the people I would always be able to count on to love me unconditionally.
“I’m proud of you, son,” Dad whispered. That’s when I lost it. Tears streamed down my face, some happy, others sad. “Give her some time and she will be too.”
“I hope you’re right, because I meant it when I said I can’t leave him.”
“And that’s how I know you two are going to last.” He turned and offered a hand to Gabe. “Take care of him. It’s going to be rough for a while.”
“Always.”
We left home that weekend knowing things had forever changed. Eventually, I hoped my mom would realize there were worse things in the world than me falling in love with Gabe, but that would be up to her. I couldn’t fight, not when I finally felt free for the first time since I realized I was attracted to him as something more than a friend. We’d been inseparable since birth, and God willing, we’d stay that way our entire lives.
Epilogue
Trevor
We’d officially made it through our first year of college. I was so damn proud of Gabe; he’d talked to his adviser when we got home from the big coming out weekend, dropped the class that made him miserable and was much happier for it. He’d spent his free time playing softball and helping the LGBTQ Alliance plan their kick-off activities for the next semester. In a lot of ways, he was a brand new man. Still the same guy I fell in love with, but a new and improved version.
Today, we were taking yet another step into the world of full-fledged adulthood. Jayden had offered us the empty room in his apartment for the summer. It was generous but also mutually beneficial because it meant his boyfriend, Levi, wouldn’t be a slave to the coffee shop that was his life. The decision to stay in Wilmington rather than head home hadn’t been well-received. Okay, so three-quarters of the parents were happy for us, proud of the young men we’d become, but my mom was still maintaining her icy silence when it came to Gabe and me as a couple.
We’d invited the parents down to see our new place, but so far, only Gabe’s parents had committed to making the trip. Dad wanted to visit, but he’d warned me that he’d come down on his own, when Mom wouldn’t feel pressured to join him. I worried about her because the way she’d been acting wasn’t normal; she’d been upset in the past, but never to this extent. She didn’t hold grudges, she held the people in her life close. Or she had until I’d shattered the dreams she’d had for her only child.
“Hey, you okay?” I leaned into Gabe’s embrace, realizing then that I’d been blankly staring at the stack of totes against the wall. Gabe kissed the side of my neck as his hand skimmed my bare chest. “Not having any second thoughts about staying down here this summer?”
It was still eerie how well Gabe could read my thoughts. He brushed it off as a benefit of having grown up together, but I believed it had more to do with the strength of our relationship. And we were stronger than ever, in part due to actually working on our relationship rather than taking one another for granted.
“No, it’s going to be a great summer,” I assured him. And it would be. We had a queen-size bed, we’d be living blocks from the beach, and we wouldn’t have to sneak around to keep the peace. Navigating my life as an out gay man in love w
asn’t always easy, but I understood now why Gabe had been so miserable hiding for me. I couldn’t do that to him—to us—ever again.
“Then why do you look upset? Talk to me, babe.” Gabe led me over to our chair and pulled me onto his lap. We looked ridiculous, but I didn’t care. I felt content in his arms.
“I hate that Mom’s still making this all about her,” I admitted.
“We knew it wasn’t going to be easy.” He reached up and ran his fingers through my messy curls. They drove me nuts, but every time Gabe told me how sexy he found the more unkempt look that’d been inspired by a lack of time to get a haircut, I held off on running to the barber. “At least she’s not giving you the silent treatment. She’ll come around.”
“I know you mean well, but I think it’s time to admit she might not. She might never accept the two of us for who we are.” I slumped back against my boyfriend’s chest and stared at the far wall. “The other parents all got over their hang-ups quickly. Hell, even Gran said she wasn’t surprised when she caught us kissing in her spare room. So why can’t Mom get over it?”
“I don’t know, babe.” He kissed the side of my head and pushed me out of his lap. “Right now, we need to get our shit loaded and check out. My dad texted that he and Mom are waiting downstairs with the truck. We can talk more about this later tonight.”
“No need. I can’t keep letting her issues bring me down.”
The next thirty minutes were a whirlwind of activity. Seth and his friend—just a friend—Jesse, Jayden, and Gabe’s parents helped us clear out our room. We offered to stay and help Seth when his parents showed up to help him move, but he insisted we get settled into our new place.
He’d come out of his shell this semester, but today, he was closed up tight. His arms hung limp at his sides and he couldn’t make eye contact when Gabe talked to him, making Seth promise to call if he needed anything over the summer. With a final round of hugs and a confirmation from Gwen that their entire family was there if Seth’s family got to be too much, we said goodbye.
Gabe was quiet all the way across town, twisting the steering wheel in his grip, gritting his teeth. For as much as Seth annoyed him at the start of the school year, the two of them had grown close. Now, it was my turn to reassure him. “He’ll be fine.”
“I hope you’re right. I hate the way he looks every time he comes back from seeing them. They’re toxic, but he keeps going back for more. I don’t see how he can let them tear him apart like they do.”
“Because they’re still his family,” I explained. Gabe wasn’t imagining the way Seth’s personality dimmed with every visit to his family. No matter how shitty my mom’s behavior might be, I considered it a blessing that she chose silence over belittling insults.
“I know, I just… I wish there was something we could do for him. A way to make him see what they’re doing.”
I was about to reassure Gabe that his friend would eventually break free from the death grip of his family, but I was stunned stupid by the sight waiting at the curb in front of our new home. “Holy shit, she came.”
Gabe glanced my way and smiled. “Yeah, she called me last night and asked for the address. I told you she’d wake up when she was ready.”
“You knew? And you didn’t tell me?” I smacked his arm, pissed that he hadn’t said anything. He knew how hard it’d been knowing she refused to see our first place.
Before Gabe even had the Jeep parked along the curb behind my mom’s sedan, I was out of the vehicle, hugging Mom so tightly I lifted her off the ground. “It’s so good to see you! Thank you.”
“I’m so sorry, honey,” she apologized. “I’ve been selfish and unfair to you. I promise, I’m going to work on overcoming my issues, because you and Gabe don’t deserve the way I’ve acted towards you.”
I wanted to tell her it didn’t matter, that she was forgiven, but a petty sliver of my brain kept the words from forming. I was still angry with her, disappointed by how easily she’d shut me out. It’d take time to trust she wouldn’t freeze me out again. But voicing those opinions would undo the progress we’d made with today’s appearance. “It means a lot to hear you say that.”
Dad appeared from inside the house, making me wonder if everyone in my life knew about this surprise. He hugged me, thumping me on the back. “Proud of you, son. We both are.”
“Thanks.” I was having a hard time reining in my emotions. Today, life was damn near perfect. I had the man I loved, both of my parents, my bonus parents, and Jayden, who’d become a good friend to both of us over the spring.
I reached out to stop Gabe as he passed me with an armload of clothes. With everyone watching, I draped my arms over his shoulders and kissed the hell out of him.
“What was that for?” he asked when I broke the kiss, his lips swollen and glistening. “Don’t get me wrong, it was hot, but not really the best idea to get me hard when our moms are right over there.”
“Then I guess it’s a good thing the clothes will cover that particular problem.” I laughed, the sound carefree in a way it hadn’t been in a long time. “Just wanted to tell you I love you. There’s no one else I’d rather go through life with.”
“Right back at ya. Of all the cribs you could’ve landed in, I’m glad you wound up in mine,” he teased. With a wink, he disappeared into the house, leaving me in the front lawn, smiling like an idiot. Life was damn good, indeed.
Kindred Spirits
Coming Early 2018
Somewhere beneath layers of spit up and other bodily fluids I’d prefer to not think about, I could still see traces of the first man I’d ever loved. Sadly, the sentiment had never been reciprocated, but against all odds, Grady and I had become and remained best friends. He was the one who convinced me it wasn’t necessary to be in a committed relationship to enjoy sex. And now, he sat across the living room from me, his newborn son cradled in his arms, his beautiful wife in the kitchen working on dinner. Yes, the former self-professed lone wolf had become the picture perfect family man.
“I know Jen’s a good cook, but why are you really here?” Grady asked.
I took a long draw from my beer, setting it carefully on a coaster. No water rings on Jen’s furniture. Just another way Grady’s life had shifted over the past year. I’d give my left nut for what they shared, but wouldn’t, because that meant trusting someone with both my secrets and my heart. Some risks in life weren’t worth the casualties.
“Talked to my dad last weekend,” I said, as though that should’ve been enough explanation as to why I’d made the ninety mile drive to see him.
“And?” Grady shifted in his chair, little Pax nestling deeper into the safety of his father’s embrace. How pathetic was I that I was jealous of a tiny human incapable of voicing his needs beyond random grunts and cries? I longed for the innocence of believing everyone in the world lived to protect you, that they’d always be there for you. I prayed that little boy never knew the harsh realities of the world he’d been born into.
“He’s getting out soon.” This wasn’t a shock to Grady. He’d been there the day my dad was sentenced to nine years in prison for his role in a Ponzi scheme. The same scheme, in fact, that’d robbed the Walsh family of a significant portion of their wealth. Like I said, our friendship was one that defied the odds.
“And? Seriously, so far you haven’t given me the slightest hint as to why you’re here.” Pax squawked and Jen snuck into the room to whisk him away. “Is he anxious to be a free man?”
I shrugged, not wanting to admit to Grady that we were both worried about how he’d fare on the outside. It didn’t matter that he’d maintained his innocence the entire time he was behind bars; a jury of his peers had found him guilty of the crimes. The job prospects for someone in his shoes weren’t exactly great, which was why he’d made the request he had last weekend.
“He wants me to drive down to North Carolina to see his brother.” The same brother who hadn’t once reached out to him since their parents ha
d shunned Dad for knocking up the whore from the wrong side of the tracks. They weren’t wrong to tell him she’d never amount to anything, but he’d busted his ass to prove them wrong about how she’d pull him under. The egg donor skipped out days before my sixth birthday, leaving Dad a single parent trying to work his way through school. He called on the help of his friends, bartered for babysitting services, and graduated with honors. Worked his way from the ground floor to a senior investment advisor position. Life was great, until the day it all went to shit.
The man I’d put on a pedestal, the only person I relied on and trusted with my life, was ripped away from me, arrested for orchestrating a scheme to bilk investors out of millions of dollars. I sat helpless as everything he’d worked to provide for us was stripped away. Learned the shame of walking into the mall, having my credit card declined, and later finding out it was because the authorities had seized everything. I spent my sixteenth birthday in an even darker place than the one a decade earlier. I was completely alone, had recently come to understand trusting anyone to be there was a recipe for disaster, and had nothing to my name. From that moment on, I’d vowed to keep the world at a safe distance, but now Dad had asked me to reach out to his brother, see if it’d be possible for him to move down there and start his life over. He was counting on me and I wasn’t going to fail him the way I had when I hadn’t stopped the courts from taking the house, cars, and everything inside.
“Probably not a bad plan,” Grady said, excusing himself to grab a beer now that he was off kid duty. He sat back in the leather chair and rested his heels on the coffee table. “Staying around here probably isn’t the best idea for him. Maybe a quiet life in the country is just what he needs.”
I gaped at my friend, wondering how in the hell I’d gotten so lucky. He’d approached me following the sentencing and I’d squared my shoulders as I stalked away from him. I knew who he was, knew that I was the piece of shit kid whose father was nothing more than a thief. I’d heard it all before and wasn’t interested in hearing it from him, too. When he’d invited me to a diner around the corner, I convinced myself it was so he could kick my ass away from the reporters waiting outside the courthouse. When he told me nothing my father did changed who I was, I tripped over my own feet. It took some time, but he eventually agreed with my insistence that Dad hadn’t done the things he’d been accused of.
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