Grinding my teeth together, I got in the car and slouched as far from him as I could manage. Glaring twin holes into the side of his ugly bald head, I thought of ways to kill him. Each way more painful than the last…God, would this nightmare never end? Why, why, why did I have to stay with Rivin? He was more than horrible. He was rude, arrogant, and uncouth. He was a pig. He lacked any angelic traits whatsoever. I don’t know how he managed to become Primani in the first place. Since Killian left, Rivin was constantly needling me, trying to get a rise out of me, trying to push me to anger. I’d been mostly numb at first, ignoring him while I worried about Sean, but today he’d struck a nerve.
Dragging Dec into this was sick and twisted. He was my raw spot…I missed him as much today as I did months ago when he died. Time was definitely not healing this particular wound. He was the shining light of optimism that I was struggling to find right now. Killian said he gave them balance against the violence that seethed just under their skin. I could see his point, though I wasn’t feeling particularly violent at the moment. Mostly I was tired…I glanced at Rivin’s blunt fingers resting on the gearshift and re-thought that sentiment. Probably I could drum up some violence where he was concerned.
The sound of gravel crunching jerked me out of my thoughts. What the heck? Why are we stopping? We were parked in another part of the park we’d been sparring in a few minutes ago. The parking space was mostly packed gravel and there was a broken trailhead sign leaning in front of the bumper. The sign said the trail was closed and suggested that trespassing was discouraged.
“What are we doing now?”
Without bothering to answer me, Rivin slammed the door and popped the trunk. He lifted out a small backpack and slung it over his shoulder and made like a deer down the trail. Rolling my eyes, I got up and followed him. After crashing through the dead brush for several minutes, we came to clearing. He stopped and pulled out two large knives.
“Catch!” He threw the smaller of the two at my head. He casually palmed the other one.
Ducking out of the way, I stared at him like he’d lost his mind. The knife landed without a sound in the wet leaves behind me.
“Pick up the knife and get over here. You’re going to learn something today if it kills you.”
I was going to argue, but the gleam in his eyes made my abs clench up. He wasn’t kidding. He rocked back on his heels and and I felt my blood chill.
“I said pick it up. Are you fucking deaf?”
I picked up the knife and approached him warily. The strong urge to smack him was overridden by common sense. Hitting him out of anger wasn’t a good idea. For one thing, he’d probably hit me back and that would hurt. For another, I was trying to keep my emotions from dictating my actions. Killian had warned me that I would have to learn this sooner rather than later. Playing nice with others was encouraged by the angels. So unless I wanted to scatter him, I’d need to keep a leash on my emotions. Blowing him up wasn’t really an option anyway; there would be hell to pay for killing a Primani…not to mention my karma would nosedive into a death spiral.
But still…he was such an asshole. Did he really need all of his body parts?
Big, looooong, mental sigh.
My senses were twitching back to life and I gauged his mood. Waves of annoyance and frustration drifted towards me, but no animosity. Not completely reassured that he wasn’t going to kill me, I hovered just out of arms’ reach.
He lifted one eyebrow and sneered, “Better. Now watch.”
He balanced the blade and threw it gracefully at a tree across from us. It flew straight as an arrow and landed with a meaty thunk in the side of the tree. The impact rang like a bell. He gestured with his hand and the blade flew back to him.
“Your turn,” he ordered.
Okaaay…whatever. I’ll play your silly little games. I stared at the tree and lobbed the knife at it. The knife tumbled end over end and bounced off the ground about ten feet from the tree. Cringing at the results, I went to pick up the knife and turned around to see Rivin shaking his head.
He pointed to a spot next to him and said, “You suck. Come here.”
Count to ten. Count to ten.
“If you don’t dial down your shitty attitude, I’m going to stab you with this thing. I get it; you’re irritated with me. Fine. You’ve got my attention.”
“I don’t think I do.” With that, he grabbed me around the chest with one arm and dragged my head back to expose my neck with the other. The cold bite of steel pressed against my bare throat and I completely froze.
Growling against my ear, he said tightly, “Unacceptable. You are now dead.” Tossing the knife to the grass, he squeezed me harder and said, “You better wake up, baby doll. Your life expectancy is getting shorter every day.”
I twisted around to get free but he only tightened his grip. His heart beat steadily under my shoulder and he was as immovable as stone and hot as a kiln. Even though my breath was still coming in puffs of white, I started to sweat through my t-shirt. Holding me easily, he waited for me to come to a decision.
“Rivin, let me go. I get it. You’re right. I’m not focused and I need to be.”
He didn’t let me go, but chuckled in a yeah-right kind of way and said, “Uh-huh. You’ve had a sudden change of heart? Sure, love. I’ll buy that. I’m going to let you go. But here’s the rules. From now on, you will focus on training like your life depends on it. You will practice everything that you’ve learned from Sean until you can kill in your sleep. And, you will damn well learn how to throw a bloody knife so you can save my ass the next time I’ve got a demon stuck on my chest like a bloody fucking hood ornament. Now, is that all clear to you?”
As I stood there thinking about his words, Mother Nature unleashed more cold rain. It poured down on us, sending wisps of steam off of his arms. My hair hung in my eyes and I blinked the freezing water away. I looked around at the dead foliage of late fall. How had I lost track of time so completely? Somehow time had marched on, even though I’d checked out. I’d spent so much time staring off into space and searching for answers that I’d missed an entire month. It was time to get my shit together and get back on track. We had things to do and I knew the clock was ticking.
There was only so much time in a day.
Eventually, well, you just ran out of time.
Later that night, Rivin interrupted my attempt to make a proper English steak and kidney (minus the kidney ‘cuz that’s just gross) pie. I was studying the recipe on the laptop and savoring a Guinness when he barged into the closet-sized kitchen. His massive shoulders touched the doorframe and he turned to come into the room.
“What are you doing to that poor hunk of cow?” He reached over and drained the rest of my Guinness.
“I’m trying to make dinner, but the cow’s defeating me. I’d rather just drink another Guinness and eat some popcorn. Sadly, we’re out of popcorn.”
“I’d rather just drink more Guinness if it’s all the same to you.” Grabbing my hand, he pulled me away from the counter and towed me towards the front door. “Let’s just go out. The bloody walls are closing in on me. I need a diversion.”
Aka ‘a woman.’ TMI. Really, really, TMI.
“Okay, can I put some shoes on first?” I took his hesitation for a yes and bolted upstairs to change into warmer clothes. Snow was falling over the city and shoes were called for.
He whistled at me when I ran back downstairs. Taking in the tight jeans and soft purple sweater, his eyes glowed with lust.
“Stop leering at me! I’m so not sleeping with you.” I pulled on boots and shrugged into my black leather trench coat.
Still leering, he followed me out with his hand on my lower back. Against my better judgment, we took the McLaren. Fresh snow and expensive sports cars don’t mix…Killian was not going to like it if his baby got hurt…
I would totally blame Rivin. Yep, all his fault.
The pub was packed with after-work twenty-something’s. No one paid any at
tention to me when I slipped inside. I felt a little invisible, but that was a good thing. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with drama. I just wanted a Guinness and warm air. Rivin, on the other hand, knew everyone within earshot and stopped to speak to a dozen people before we ended up at the bar. He was dressed in his usual not-so-baggy jeans and leather biker jacket. His earring was a cross tonight and I knew it matched the one he wore around his neck.
“Here you go, love.” He sat a foamy Guinness in front of me. “Mind if I make me rounds? I’ve got some old friends to see.” His voice was light but his eyes had a strange sadness to them.
Surprising us both, I reached out and laid my hand on his arm. “What’s wrong?”
His eyes immediately changed from sad to lusty. With a forced leer, he laid his palm across my hand and rubbed it suggestively. “Nothing now, sweetheart. Shall we leave?”
I snatched my hand back and shook my head. Idiot. Pig. “Go play. I’m still not sleeping with you.” Geez.
When he left, I sipped the liquid joy in my glass and looked around the pub. Like any typical English pub, it was a homey place to hang out and we’d been coming in at least once a week. I recognized people here and there. One or two even waved at me. With a tight smile that didn’t invite company, I lifted a hand to be polite. After assuring myself that it was demon free, I turned my back on the pub and doodled on a napkin while I let my mind wander, as it always did these days, to Sean.
Yesterday had sucked.
Of course it was freakin’ raining when I woke up at the crack of dawn. Domino took one look at the pouring rain and sighed with her own doggy frustration.
Does it ever stop?
Feeling the same way, I stood in the doorway cursing the endless rain. Later in the morning, it slowed to a few scattered drops so I jumped in the beater and drove to the cemetery, er, Stone Garden. Despite our other mission taskings and daily training, I tried to keep my promise; I tried to come every day. Domino always wanted to go too, so the two of us showed up to keep him company.
The sense of unreality struck me between the eyes every time I came here. The churchyard was identical to the one I’d seen in my dreams. Wrought iron fences surrounded it, and the tiny stone church stirred with an ancient power, though it looked like no one had used it in two centuries. The rose bushes were browning in the chilliness of fall and the leaves had fallen from the huge trees. The lack of softening foliage made the stone angels stand in sharp relief. My heart ached every time I counted them.
Seventeen stone angels…once real angels, living, breathing, warm beings.
They had lived lives like Sean. Maybe they had mates and children some place. Had they ever known love? What were their crimes? What were their stories?
Each day I wandered through the garden, murmuring a prayer for their comfort. I touched the hem of the robes as I passed each one. I don’t know what compelled me to offer the words, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. I stared at their faces and searched their eyes for expression. None of them blinked at me.
They’d been here too long. Even their eyes were stone.
I stopped next to an angel whose plaque stated his name was Gabriel. Waves of sadness shimmered like oil on water. He was one of five who I could sense emotions from. The others were simply stone; their eyes no longer tracking or, thank God, crying.
“Hey Gabriel,” I murmured gazing up into his face. “That’s not your real name, is it? He turned you, didn’t he? Gabriel.”
I didn’t expect an answer, but the tears that ran from his eyes made me feel insignificant. He was too tall for me to reach but I patted the stone robes and said with tears in my own eyes, “I’m so sorry for you…I wish I could make it better.”
Turning away, I spotted Domino. Of course she’d found Sean and perched in front of him, guarding him, protecting him. Her back was ramrod straight, ears perked and alert. She thumped her tail when I approached them. I had to stand back in order to see into his eyes. Some days he looked at me. Some days he closed them as if asleep. Today, he looked at me and then closed his eyes. Biting my lip, I sat on the base of the statue and leaned against him. No tears today though. I was empty. Instead, I leaned against him and closed my eyes. Using my own powers to stay warm, I was cozy in the chilly air.
I brought his face to my mind and mentally traced it so I would never forget it. I pictured him a thousand different ways…but his expression just as he kissed me was the one that I stared at the most. His expression was always peaceful and warm when he kissed me…He was at his most human…and vulnerable. I didn’t want to kiss him again, but I really wanted to see his face looking that happy. It wiped out the many times I’d seen him furious or in agony, or desperately sad.
“Do you know Rivin? I want to kill him almost every day. He’s waiting for me now. He’s like a damn watchdog. Killian seems to think I need protecting. I don’t know why. I haven’t seen a demon since we got here. I friggin’ hate England.”
Silence.
“I’ll take that as a no. And I’ll add that you don’t think I need protecting. And you don’t think Rivin is a suitable bodyguard. I’ll pass that on to Killian the next time I see him. Whenever that might be. Jordan’s making him crazy.”
Something made me look up to see his eyes were open. They weren’t exactly happy, but they weren’t closed any longer.
“There you are--”
“Mica! It’s time to go,” Rivin’s loud voice boomed around me as he marched over and took Domino’s leash. He glanced at Sean and started to reach out to him. Hissing in frustration, he dropped his hand and steered me away.
“Hey! Stop manhandling me, you idiot! I’m not done yet!”
Without breaking his stride, he snapped, “Yes, you are. You’re making him mental. Give him some time for Christ’s sake.”
Digging in my heels, I said, “What are you talking about? How do you know? You can’t possibly know what he’s thinking!”
With a grim smile, he said, “Oh, yes I can. He’s thinking about how he wants to stop hurting you. He’s thinking about how much his fingers are bleeding. He’s thinking about how Aisling is lost while he’s trapped here. At no point is he thinking about how much he wants you to visit!”
Whipping around to break loose, I ran back to Sean. His eyes stayed closed. “Is it true? Sean, is it really true? I’m hurting you? You don’t want me to be here?”
Silence.
Of course there’d be no answer.
His eyes stayed closed; that was answer enough.
Straightening my shoulders, I said, “Fine. I guess Rivin’s right. I’ll leave you alone then. But Sean, this is your choice, not mine. I love you; I don’t want to hurt you.”
Tears ran from his eyes and he blinked at me. “Good-bye,” I whispered.
“Hey, darlin’, can I get you another Guinness?”
Startled from my memory, I dabbed at the tear hanging on my lashes. He cleared his throat and I blinked and looked up. Blond curls, blue eyes, dimpled cheeks…I blinked again and the dimples vanished. He was just another handsome face…nothing special.
“Sure. Bring me a Guinness and a shot of Jim Beam.”
He frowned slightly and said, “Are you sure about that, love? You don’t want to make yourself sick, now do you?”
“I’m not a child. Just bring me the drinks.” My mood was rapidly heading south.
“Are you gettin’ all soft for me, love? I’ll be ready to go when you are.” Rivin tapped his fingers on my wrist sending tiny sparks of electricity dancing through my arm.
Yanking my wrist back, I hissed, “Are you drunk? Stop touching me!”
The bartender chose that moment to set a stack of coasters in front of me. His eyes zeroed in on Rivin’s hand lying over my wrist. One blond eyebrow lifted in question.
I lowered my voice and warned Rivin, “If you want to keep your hand attached to your wrist, keep it off of me. Are we clear on that?”
His eyes blazed with anger and his mouth twisted
into a mocking sneer. “I was just having a bit of a joke here. But don’t worry love, you’re the last bitch I’d put my hands on.” He raked me with his eyes, tossed me the keys and snapped, “I won’t be home tonight. Do try to stay alive.”
He sauntered off to a booth full of women who welcomed him with plenty of cleavage and laughter. As I stared with disapproval, he lifted a shot in a toast and swallowed it. The delicate cross glinted as he turned his face to the woman closest to him. He kissed her without any regard for the crowd. When she responded with interest, he clutched her head in his hands and leaned her over backwards in the booth.
“You’re better off without him, sweetheart.” The bartender was back.
I slammed my own shot and sipped the Guinness. I shuddered at the thought of Rivin’s tongue down my throat. Blah! Ewww! Gross!
I shuddered again, the booze sloshing in protest. “God, I’d never be with him. He’s…uncouth.”
“Uncouth? Well, okay, I guess that’s a good description. Do you want to talk about it?”
His eyes were green and warm as he sent out gentle vibes. His emotions were serene, calm. Automatically I glanced at his hands. His hands were beautifully shaped with elegant long fingers; a light sprinkling of fine golden hairs just noticeable at the wrist. A narrow tan line surrounded one wrist.
A tan line?
“I have to go.” I threw money on the bar and rushed outside.
I’m losing it. That is not Declan! Every blond bartender in the U.K. cannot be Declan. I don’t care how much his hands look the same. Millions of men have hands. It doesn’t mean anything. Dec is gone! Desperate to get home before I lost it in front of the pub, I dug through my purse for the car keys. When I looked up, I was confused. How did I get back here? It was very dark except for the light from the snow. Shit! I turned to backtrack and stopped dead. Two men stood in the entrance to the narrow service area. The smell of cigarette smoke drifted with the snow. One of them took a long drag and tossed the cigarette to the ground.
The Lost Soul Trilogy (Primani Book 5) Page 89